Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives - Family (76)

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Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:07pm On Mar 18, 2015

xklassic:
God bless the originator of this thread, as well as the ladies contributing positively.
My cousin has been dating this guy for a year and six months.
They are love and respect each other.
Last week the guy told my cousin that he has a 4 year old daughter. He got his uni gf pregnant , she had the baby. After weaning the baby, his family collected the girl from her , and she left the country.
My cousin's fear is that, the lady might come back and cause problem between her and the guy. The guy said his reason for not marrying the baby mama is that he was unemployed and the lady is materialistic. He loves my cousin so much. My cousin is willing to accept the daughter as her own, but her fear is that the lady might come back and want to come back to the guy's life.
Pls mamas, should she go ahead and settle down with him despite this, or wait for sometime to make sure the lady won't come back to ferment trouble.
P.S He is making plans to pay her dowry this easter.

It is her choice really
Let her do what makes her comfortable.
If you marry a baby daddy or a divorcee,a widow or widower ,you are going into the union with some fair amount of baggage and as long as she is aware and prepared to handle the complexity that comes with such,she should be ok

I wonder why a woman will be alive and allow the family of a man who didn't pay a dime on her head to collect a baby she carried in her womb
Amubeghi that man IMHO

2 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by veave(f): 11:06pm On Mar 18, 2015

gleatz:

Veave darling, its well with your soul. Just do the much you can @ a particular time, dnt sweat it, ok.
It will end in praise, I trust God for a miracle. God is ur muscle babe.

Thanks dearie.

1 Like

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Ngokafor(f): 11:24pm On Mar 18, 2015

...What an interesting thread..i don read tire.

...agreed and disagreed with some comments but all in all its been quite educating to say the least..

..@babyosisi and all who contributed meaningfully and maturely..una well-done..

2 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:52pm On Mar 18, 2015

veave:
Please guys pray for me. I'm almost getting depressed

I've been on this thing on my project for weeks now and am not getting any headway.

Sorry dear. kiss

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by veave(f): 1:48am On Mar 19, 2015

Herzumpther:
Sorry dear.

Okay. Thank you...

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by justi4jesu(f): 3:17am On Mar 19, 2015

dinachi:

You are the troll is after all this you still fall for the OP scam. A word is enough for the wise.

3 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by prissyluv(f): 11:53am On Mar 19, 2015

Wow. I am still learning day by day from this thread. Thanks to our amiable contributors and initiator of this thread,Aunty babyosisi. Una well done ooo!

My friend/sis is in need. There is this guy who loves her and ready to marry her once she says yes but the problem is that the man converse mostly in their dialect. Sometime last year,she told him that she will like them to be talking more with English,he obliged but when he speaks,sometimes he mixes some tenses up. She said they hardly have a lenghty conversation in English.This alone is putting her off. The guy is a graduate.

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 12:15pm On Mar 19, 2015

prissyluv:
Wow. I am still learning day by day from this thread. Thanks to our amiable contributors and initiator of this thread,Aunty babyosisi. Una well done ooo!

My friend/sis is in need. There is this guy who loves her and ready to marry her once she says yes but the problem is that the man converse mostly in their dialect. Sometime last year,she told him that she will like them to be talking more with English,he obliged but when he speaks,sometimes he mixes some tenses up. She said they hardly have a lenghty conversation in English.This alone is putting her off. The guy is a graduate.

This sounds kinda funny to me. Should that even be a problem at all since they are of the same tribe? What's her reason for preferring a conversation in English to a conversation in their dialect?

3 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by prissyluv(f): 12:26pm On Mar 19, 2015

delightful1:

This sounds kinda funny to me. Should that even be a problem at all since they are of the same tribe? What's her reason for preferring a conversation in English to a conversation in their dialect?

She has the fear that he is not so good in English speaking. Can such people hold talks in public forum without embarrassing you? In a gathering of friends,wont he speak something that will make you bow your head...?

2 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by kenny987(f): 12:29pm On Mar 19, 2015

ichidodo:
To be honest i really do want to take the plunge but the fear her baggage could bring mi to economic ruin remains very palpable...i do not want to lose my freedom,privacy and creature comforts to her family just because of 'love' all i'm saying is, i really do deserve a good headstart in this marriage thing instead of running at a disadvantage at the very least i deserve time maybe four years or less to watch her approach....The best we can do right now is wait till after Nysc as many things may happen btw now and then...Maybe friendzone this and see what comes around the river bend for her...A new guy?..A job?.

Some have 'accused' you of being mechanical but honestly, I think it's a straightforward and forthright way of doing things. That way, everyone knows what's what and then all d romance and fun can and will happen because a good foundation has been laid and there's a goal to work towards. At 26, unless she's particularly slow, then she already knows what she wants and she has said as much. If it causes u sleepless nights and nightmares then do yourself a favour and take a bow now. If the impending baggage you see from her family will cause difficulties for you and potential wahala all around then as igbos will say, "were ire guo eze gi onu=Use your tongue to count your teeth". When you count finish, if e pass your power...do the needful. In other words look before you leap and don't 'overlook'!

You'd think having had a hard life, father dying early and all, she'd be eager to gain some financial independence but what do I know? To each his own.

3 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by ichidodo: 1:29pm On Mar 19, 2015

kenny987:

Some have 'accused' you of being mechanical but honestly, I think it's a straightforward and forthright way of doing things. That way, everyone knows what's what and then all d romance and fun can and will happen because a good foundation has been laid and there's a goal to work towards. At 26, unless she's particularly slow, then she already knows what she wants and she has said as much. If it causes u sleepless nights and nightmares then do yourself a favour and take a bow now. If the impending baggage you see from her family will cause difficulties for you and potential wahala all around then as igbos will say, "were ire guo eze gi onu=Use your tongue to count your teeth". When you count finish, if e pass your power...do the needful. In other words look before you leap and don't 'overlook'!

You'd think having had a hard life, father dying early and all, she'd be eager to gain some financial independence but what do I know? To each his own.

Much appreciated, ma'am.

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by xklassic: 1:38pm On Mar 19, 2015

babyosisi:

It is her choice really
Let her do what makes her comfortable.
If you marry a baby daddy or a divorcee,a widow or widower ,you are going into the union with some fair amount of baggage and as long as she is aware and prepared to handle the complexity that comes with such,she should be ok

I wonder why a woman will be alive and allow the family of a man who didn't pay a dime on her head to collect a baby she carried in her womb
Amubeghi that man IMHO

. According to the man, he said, she gave up the baby willingly so as to finish up her studies.

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:55pm On Mar 19, 2015

ichidodo... after 11 years you're still finding it hard making a decision? Hasn't she been like this all these yl or you held on thinking she would change or what??

11years is too much time already, please make your decision quick so that no much time will be wasted again... The 4year plan thing though. .. why didn't you do it all along? why now?? Someone you have been with for 11years.. 11years is more than enough time to know the person well and make your decision. . If 11years yielded nothing, I really don't see 4years making any difference...

All the best...

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Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by urchbarbie(f): 2:02pm On Mar 19, 2015

Gbam! U hit nail on d head.
The lady wld just create a thread on nl 'help we dated for 11yrs and broke up cos of his 4 yrs plan........now am 30. What do i do?'
thats the latest trend on nl. Threads and its replies

MarvellousGod:
ichidodo... after 11 years you're still finding it hard making a decision? Hasn't she been like this all these yl or you held on thinking she would change or what??

11years is too much time already, please make your decision quick so that no much time will be wasted again... The 4year plan thing though. .. why didn't you do it all along? why now?? Someone you have been with for 11years.. 11years is more than enough time to know the person well and make your decision. . If 11years yielded nothing, I really don't see 4years making any difference...

All the best...

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by thorpido(m): 2:50pm On Mar 19, 2015

@ichidodo,if you're not a preacher hoping to marry this lady who wants to be a 'preacher's wife',then i guess both of you are not meant for each other.At 26yrs,she's not too young to know what she wants and she seems to have settled with the position of being a man's supporter.
It's obviously not what you want from what you have written.You want a lady that is also career driven.Both of you don't seem to fit each other.

I would say you both have conversations concerning this(i know she's been evasive) and see how it works out.It doesn't need a 4yr plan.You both should have reached a decision in the next couple of weeks.

4 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by kputus: 3:09pm On Mar 19, 2015

ichidodo:
hmmm...i never thought of that before,it could work only if she's the hustling type,she once disclosed during our off days that her vision in her life was to be a preacher's wife...preacher's wife?!?!...That should give you a psycho-analytical sneak peek of what i'm working with. I just felt the need to jolt her senses with my four year program, if she is my type (patient,loyal, hardworking with a keen eye to see and harness potentials) then she shouldnt have any problems with my terms and i wouldn't mind her baggage....give and take.

The baggage is suppose to motivate her to work or do a business so as to be financially independent and not be a financial burden to someone. Btw are you a minister or intending to be one?

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by ichidodo: 3:13pm On Mar 19, 2015

MarvellousGod:
ichidodo... after 11 years you're still finding it hard making a decision? Hasn't she been like this all these yl or you held on thinking she would change or what??

11years is too much time already, please make your decision quick so that no much time will be wasted again... The 4year plan thing though. .. why didn't you do it all along? why now?? Someone you have been with for 11years.. 11years is more than enough time to know the person well and make your decision. . If 11years yielded nothing, I really don't see 4years making any difference...

All the best...

MarvellousGod:
ichidodo... after 11 years you're still finding it hard making a decision? Hasn't she been like this all these yl or you held on thinking she would change or what??

11years is too much time already, please make your decision quick so that no much time will be wasted again... The 4year plan thing though. .. why didn't you do it all along? why now?? Someone you have been with for 11years.. 11years is more than enough time to know the person well and make your decision. . Ifπ 11years yielded nothing, I really don't see 4years making any difference...

All the best...

C'mon..I also have something to lose as per 11 years down the drain...is it not my 11 years too? And remember we've had prolonged intervals of separations so it isn't a continous 11 year relationship therefore she must have had her fair share of side affairs. Look, i just don't want to make any situation worse than it needs to be.Besides, i'm just putting down a game plan, a road map to something beautiful for the team here.All we need is a bit of faith,dedication and comittment to each other but if she's all about herself,her age,her time and not 'we' then she's not worth the trouble how much less the marriage.Let mi ask, what is wrong if a lady gets to 30?,I mean what if she leaves mi and maybe due to relationship misfortunes gets to 30,what next?...heavens won't fall,i know it won't

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by ichidodo: 3:24pm On Mar 19, 2015

kputus:

The baggage is suppose to motivate her to work or do a business so as to be financially independent and not be a financial burden to someone. Btw are you a minister or intending to be one?

Not cut out for that kind of thing...she just got caught up in some brainwashings by one firebrand student fellowship pastor at Uni who eventually sought to take advantage of her vulnerability. I blame her somewhat primitive mindset which you aptly connoted on that particular episode..

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:00pm On Mar 19, 2015

veave:

Okay. Thank you...

Please remind me
Are you engaged to a Yoruba man and your parents said no?

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:08pm On Mar 19, 2015

prissyluv:
Wow. I am still learning day by day from this thread. Thanks to our amiable contributors and initiator of this thread,Aunty babyosisi. Una well done ooo!

My friend/sis is in need. There is this guy who loves her and ready to marry her once she says yes but the problem is that the man converse mostly in their dialect. Sometime last year,she told him that she will like them to be talking more with English,he obliged but when he speaks,sometimes he mixes some tenses up. She said they hardly have a lenghty conversation in English.This alone is putting her off. The guy is a graduate.

It is quite sad that a lot of Nigerian graduates speak and write very poorly nowadays
When I hear some younger people speak or write,it leaves much to be desired.I guess the fallen standards has a lot to do with it.
This goes to tell us that being a graduate may not be all that it is cut out to be.
The young ladies earlier asking about marrying WAEC holders should then look at other parameters
Does the young man express himself well?
Is he confident in who he is?
Can he interact well with people?

@ the poster above,if she can't handle his poor English then she should let him go.Some people may not tolerate a man that will make them cringe when he speaks in public, I couldn't. Being able to express yourself well is important to me.I couldn't marry a man I would consider less intelligent than myself.

3 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:10pm On Mar 19, 2015

delightful1:

This sounds kinda funny to me. Should that even be a problem at all since they are of the same tribe? What's her reason for preferring a conversation in English to a conversation in their dialect?

Wouldn't they interact with others?

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 7:21pm On Mar 19, 2015

babyosisi:

Wouldn't they interact with others?

While you have a point, what happens to trying to be if help? If after all attempts she still isn't getting what she wants then she might choose to not be with him.

I just feel since that's the only problem she has with him, they can do something about it.

3 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 10:13pm On Mar 19, 2015

ichidodo:
C'mon..I also have something to lose as per 11 years down the drain...is it not my 11 years too? And remember we've had prolonged intervals of separations so it isn't a continous 11 year relationship therefore she must have had her fair share of side affairs. Look, i just don't want to make any situation worse than it needs to be.Besides, i'm just putting down a game plan, a road map to something beautiful for the team here.All we need is a bit of faith,dedication and comittment to each other but if she's all about herself,her age,her time and not 'we' then she's not worth the trouble how much less the marriage.Let mi ask, what is wrong if a lady gets to 30?,I mean what if she leaves mi and maybe due to relationship misfortunes gets to 30,what next?...heavens won't fall,i know it won't

Ofcourse Sir, heavens won't fall neither will either of you sieze to exist but none of you will feel good about it. ..

What I'm just trying to say is that if after 11years you still don't know whether you wish to marry this gal or not, then 4yrs won't decide for you. .. Besides is the 4year thing more like giving her a target or ultimatum or standard she must reach before you can consider marrying her?? Did both of you decide the four year thing together? Did she consent to it? Are you doing her a favour by marrying her? cos I really don't understand the 4year terms and conditions undecided

..

The four year deal will do nothing I tell you because if she's someone that's desperate for marriage, she can just pretend and keep to the terms just so you marry her. .Also, By now you should have known her well to make your decision or is there any other character of hers you think will manifest within these 4years?

Bottomline: I don't think the 4year thing makes sense, You have known her long enough to make your decision. . or could it be you ain't ready for marriage now?

Again, Goodluck

4 Likes

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 10:14pm On Mar 19, 2015

urchbarbie:
Gbam! U hit nail on d head.
The lady wld just create a thread on nl 'help we dated for 11yrs and broke up cos of his 4 yrs plan........now am 30. What do i do?'
thats the latest trend on nl. Threads and its replies

Stories that touch... grin

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by urchbarbie(f): 10:31pm On Mar 19, 2015

U knw d drill grin

MarvellousGod:
Stories that touch...

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:20pm On Mar 19, 2015

Good evening everybody. I'm very happy today.

Happy weekend everybody. kiss

Babyosisi I'm very very happy today.

Good evening ma.

1 Like

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:22pm On Mar 19, 2015

Herzumpther:
Good evening everybody. I'm very happy today.

Happy weekend everybody.

Babyosisi I'm very very happy today.

Good evening ma.

Hmmm... I smell Good news cheesy

Glad you are happy

1 Like

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:23pm On Mar 19, 2015

Herzumpther:
Good evening everybody. I'm very happy today.

Happy weekend everybody.

Babyosisi I'm very very happy today.

Good evening ma.

Has Jehovah done it for us?
Praiiiiiiiiiiiise master Jesus

Amem?

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 11:24pm On Mar 19, 2015

Herzumpther:
Good evening everybody. I'm very happy today.

Happy weekend everybody.

Babyosisi I'm very very happy today.

Good evening ma.

See me don dey happy too. Abeg spill.

We could use some good news.

1 Like

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:25pm On Mar 19, 2015

Herz we have all bought our e-asho ebi
Please gist us

Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:29pm On Mar 19, 2015

babyosisi:

Has Jehovah done it for us?
Praiiiiiiiiiiiise master Jesus

Amem?

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

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