₦airaland Forum

veave:
Today its my turn.


So i've been praying for God to bring husband
there's this guy we've been on and off. One month on, one year off . I don't even know what to call it. So last year we agreed to be totally off. And he calls and says we should be on. I said ok. We don't stay together, a distant relationship . So brother always swears how he loves me and not dating anyone else. I said ok, i'm not dating anyone but lots of people call me. Finally finally, he came to family house yesterday. (i no gree make e enter o). I came out and we went to an eatery close by, just to talk. I dropped my fone on the table,brother picked it and started browsing through. Me i said God don catch you in my heart. After looking, he dropped the fone and started smiling. I waited patiently, when he dropped his fone, i picked it. Brother started struggling with the fone o. Me I said no, i have to see too. Brothers and sisters, what I saw hmnnn. What even vexed me is not all the rubbish i saw oh, its all the pictures we exchanged through whatsapp were deleted . No trace of messages shared. I was pained. I didn't talk again until he dropped me at home. I couldn't sleep at night because i was so pained. I sent him a text saying i was no longer interested. He called back this morning to ask if that was what i wanted, i said yes and he said ok. Was I hasty in taking decisions? Or?

You've been on and off and the reason why you can't finally be off is because you don't have anyone yet and you think a bird in hand ........is to be kept till another.
Young lady,make yourself free and another guy would come along.If he doesn't come soon,just enjoy your life till he comes.

@geekybabe, EfemenaXY has said it all. If only he is even trying hard to get something doing. He says lecturing is his dream job, why not get busy doing something while he awaits the dream job. At his 30s he should know to be serious with his life and career.

Maybe you should try convince him to do something with his life while he's waiting for his dream job. Some men are that carefree.

geekybabe:
Mehn.. there are some real strong women in this place. God bless you a million times for helping people out here. Been following this thread from page 1, and been trying to convince myself that i need not ask my own questions. Cant hold it anymore, lol.

Well, the ish is this. I have been seeing a guy for about 9 months to be precise. I like him a lot, hes caring, very homy and loving. He loves God and regards me too. The biggest problem is that he is not so ambitious. and hes not bothered. I am a very ambitious lady.. all my friends know how much i hold my career in my hands and how far i am willing to go to pursue my dreams. I have done a some professional exams, attended a lot of career events, and i have a laid out career plan that i have been following for the past 4 years. I get thrilled and excited when i see guys who do not see it as a threat that a woman is being ambitious. Infact i can say one thing that my ex did for me well was that he always kept pushing me and motivating me to do more career wise. Maybe because we are both IT people.

The new bf, has not worked for over 5years. along the line he started msc and just finished. I dont have a problem with that. What i have a problem with is the fact that he is not even trying to do somthing extra alongside. hes 30. he still lives in his parents place, and depends on them. he even uses their phones to call me. I dont like this one bit, but he keeps saying that thats the only way he can keep in touch as he doesnt have much and i should try and understand. I have suggested a lot for him that he can do to be getting some money but he keeps insisting that Its only a lecturing job that he can do and that he believes his miracle job is coming.

I dont want to seem pushy, i mean hes even 6 years older than me, so he should understand life more. hes the last born, maybe thats why hes not as bothered about life and ambition like a first child like myself.
I told him before we started dating that i was going for my MSC abroad, and he was even happy, and started helping me make moves. 4 months after, he started acting funny by telling me that i should consider our new love before going abroad. He insisted that i take an msc form here in nigeria and i did, i paid with my money. Unfortunately, the uni i applied for didnt give me admission. he came back saying i should try private uni, and i told him no. I never even planned for msc here, and my parents even want me to go abroad. and that i only gave one shot at a nigerian uni and i am not trying for another. he said he doesnt want to lose me but i told him i cant alter my lifes dreams because of him. he said i am not willing to make sacrifices and i told him, the best time to make sacrifices is now when i am still a single woman and i still have time for myself.
The story is more complicated now. I have met his parents. he has met mine.all his siblings and friends know me. Thats one thing he did from day 1 to make me feel love and accepted, maybe cos he knew how badly my ex did in that path.
I mean, we are Christians, but then we should not settle for mediocrity and complacency because we have faith. I dont even need him to be rich, I just need him to show passion, and start doing things rather than talk about them. I have talked about it, and he keeps thinking there is some other guy. he keeps begging me not to leave him, that things will get better. Hes highly possesive too. if he calls and i dont pick, he gets angry. the time i finally pick he keeps shouting on phone that i make him feel like he has no stake in my life..

I am getting really confused. i mean, I keep seeing guys not even as old as him doing excellently well by themselves. And i know i definitely dont want a man i cant look up to, trust and respect as my future partner. I want a go getter for a man. Someone who wont sleep or be at ease till he has achieved a level of excellence. Someone i can trust to go out in the rainy days to look for shelter for the family. My friends have been telling me to chill, and keep praying. I have, But then i keep having great guys coming around now, do i keep ignoring them? I just dont wanna look back at my life and think things should have been better if i had done things differently.

Please i need all the counsel i can get. Thanks

He's not the guy for you.The control freak thing knocks him out.You should move on and meet the kind of guy you really desire.
Be careful with the 'great guys' coming around.You could meet an ambitious guy with questionable character.

veave:
Today its my turn.


So i've been praying for God to bring husband
there's this guy we've been on and off. One month on, one year off . I don't even know what to call it. So last year we agreed to be totally off. And he calls and says we should be on. I said ok. We don't stay together, a distant relationship . So brother always swears how he loves me and not dating anyone else. I said ok, i'm not dating anyone but lots of people call me. Finally finally, he came to family house yesterday. (i no gree make e enter o). I came out and we went to an eatery close by, just to talk. I dropped my fone on the table,brother picked it and started browsing through. Me i said God don catch you in my heart. After looking, he dropped the fone and started smiling. I waited patiently, when he dropped his fone, i picked it. Brother started struggling with the fone o. Me I said no, i have to see too. Brothers and sisters, what I saw hmnnn. What even vexed me is not all the rubbish i saw oh, its all the pictures we exchanged through whatsapp were deleted . No trace of messages shared. I was pained. I didn't talk again until he dropped me at home. I couldn't sleep at night because i was so pained. I sent him a text saying i was no longer interested. He called back this morning to ask if that was what i wanted, i said yes and he said ok. Was I hasty in taking decisions? Or?

Sometimes they say a bird in hand is the very bird...I say this bird is not even in hand so do not be bothered. I understand your pain 100% when u found out the crap in his phone and the fact that he was meticulous enough to delete every trace of your messages and pictures shows that unfortunately, he's that bird in another person's hand and that's the main chick. He tried to use u as the side chick! However, like u said, 'God don catch am' because he forgot the cardinal rule of not throwing stones if you live in a glass house and boy, is that glass of his fragile! I would have said he wasn't a smart guy by not 'cleaning up' his phone before inspecting yours but no, he's smart enough to delete every existence of you for another person or other people in his life but holds them/her too dear to do same for you. He didn't see it coming but then, that's why it is God that caught him! So nne, onweghi hasty i di, for your own sanity it's better not to live in uncertainty and in fact, the certain knowledge that you aren't important to him but someone else is. And to think the mofo even smiled after checking the phone cos he said to himself, 'Ah, my harem just got larger and it's exclusively mine'! Thunder and press-up come to mind specifically for his teeth and fingers.

I said I understand because I have experienced something like this when someone feels he has the right to inspect your phone at will but does not expect the same treatment and in fact demands your distance from his phone but will not hesitate to 'imply every implication' if he cannot access yours. Funny though, I always let him have his way, he never found 'incriminating evidence' but I had to bail.

kenny987:
Sometimes they say a bird in hand is the very bird...I say this bird is not even in hand so do not be bothered. I understand your pain 100% when u found out the crap in his phone and the fact that he was meticulous enough to delete every trace of your messages and pictures shows that unfortunately, he's that bird in another person's hand and that's the main chick. He tried to use u as the side chick! However, like u said, 'God don catch am' because he forgot the cardinal rule of not throwing stones if you live in a glass house and boy, is that glass of his fragile! I would have said he wasn't a smart guy by not 'cleaning up' his phone before inspecting yours but no, he's smart enough to delete every existence of you for another person or other people in his life but holds them/her too dear to do same for you. He didn't see it coming but then, that's why it is God that caught him! So nne, onweghi hasty i di, for your own sanity it's better not to live in uncertainty and in fact, the certain knowledge that you aren't important to him but someone else is. And to think the mofo even smiled after checking the phone cos he said to himself, 'Ah, my harem just got larger and it's exclusively mine'! Thunder and press-up come to mind specifically for his teeth and fingers.

I said I understand because I have experienced something like this when someone feels he has the right to inspect your phone at will but does not expect the same treatment and in fact demands your distance from his phone but will not hesitate to 'imply every implication' if he cannot access yours. Funny though, I always let him have his way, he never found 'incriminating evidence' but I had to bail.

Thank you. Exactly all i've been thinking.

thorpido:
You've been on and off and the reason why you can't finally be off is because you don't have anyone yet and you think a bird in hand ........is to be kept till another.
Young lady,make yourself free and another guy would come along. If he doesn't come soon,just enjoy your life till he comes.

Thanks dear.

delightful1:
:-)
Lol, my dear you did the right thing and there's nothing like being hasty. No trace of watsaap chat and pictures shared? that's horrible. From his reaction to your 'I'm no longer interested message, you can deduce he is not even bothered.

Thank you. Really appreciate.

[quote author=geekybabe post=32159058][/quote]This is in case you need one more to be sure, leave him already, infact if he has done any good that you think is worth returning, leaving him is the best way to pay back. If after leaving and he is not pained to do something about himself, "nai be say hin own go tey well well". He is naturally laid back and the parents that would have pushed him, encouraged him to be worse. Your energy for the goal personality will barely manage his improved version let alone what he is now. You will only resent him continously until you break if you continue with him.

[quote author=veave post=32167066][/quote]He will come back again, afterall he normally finds you waiting wherever he carelessly left you or no, not anymore?

Good day to you all.
Please can you advice on how to help a partner who is not open to sharing problems (personal). "When I ask, he says nothing is wrong. When he's worried he, he transfer it to me. He won't talk to me well, wouldn't call or check on me. Afterwards he calls to apologize and it happens all over again. I want to help him to stop acting that way but I don't know what to do."

@ Pearlzville I understand what you are saying correctly, he is not just a quiet person, he has a problem that may have resulted from his past experiences. From what you wrote, it seems your friend is more interested in the help than him. Tell your friend that with all the help at her disposal she can not use them unless he acknowledges he has a problem and needs help, until then she should stay off the guy and his issues.

Floodgater:
He will come back again, after all he normally finds you waiting wherever he carelessly left you or no, not anymore?

Hmmmn. The things I read and saw with my eyes, I'd be real stupid to go back. Besides, i've learnt so much from nairaland to make avoidable mistakes...

EfemenaXY:
Now this is just too funny!

How do you lot dream up such insults?

I'm still trying to picture the generation doing serious press ups in the shrine while thunder strikes their ancestor (probably in an open field?)


Girl, abeg it's Sunday nah...

I feel you Efe, this is why going through front page threads and comments is very therapeutic for me

veave:
Hmmmn. The things I read and saw with my eyes, I'd be real stupid to go back. Besides, i've learnt so much from nairaland to make avoidable mistakes...

Love this! A deserving one will find you. Amen.

Floodgater:
Love this! A deserving one will find you. Amen.

Amen!

No need for long talks. Efemenaxy has said it all.

Now is not the time to make sacrifices off anyone. Now is the time to build yourself to be the woman you want to be. When you're that woman, a man who fits your lifestyle will come your way.

geekybabe:
Mehn.. there are some real strong women in this place. God bless you a million times for helping people out here. Been following this thread from page 1, and been trying to convince myself that i need not ask my own questions. Cant hold it anymore, lol.

Well, the ish is this. I have been seeing a guy for about 9 months to be precise. I like him a lot, hes caring, very homy and loving. He loves God and regards me too. The biggest problem is that he is not so ambitious. and hes not bothered. I am a very ambitious lady.. all my friends know how much i hold my career in my hands and how far i am willing to go to pursue my dreams. I have done a some professional exams, attended a lot of career events, and i have a laid out career plan that i have been following for the past 4 years. I get thrilled and excited when i see guys who do not see it as a threat that a woman is being ambitious. Infact i can say one thing that my ex did for me well was that he always kept pushing me and motivating me to do more career wise. Maybe because we are both IT people.

The new bf, has not worked for over 5years. along the line he started msc and just finished. I dont have a problem with that. What i have a problem with is the fact that he is not even trying to do somthing extra alongside. hes 30. he still lives in his parents place, and depends on them. he even uses their phones to call me. I dont like this one bit, but he keeps saying that thats the only way he can keep in touch as he doesnt have much and i should try and understand. I have suggested a lot for him that he can do to be getting some money but he keeps insisting that Its only a lecturing job that he can do and that he believes his miracle job is coming.

I dont want to seem pushy, i mean hes even 6 years older than me, so he should understand life more. hes the last born, maybe thats why hes not as bothered about life and ambition like a first child like myself.
I told him before we started dating that i was going for my MSC abroad, and he was even happy, and started helping me make moves. 4 months after, he started acting funny by telling me that i should consider our new love before going abroad. He insisted that i take an msc form here in nigeria and i did, i paid with my money. Unfortunately, the uni i applied for didnt give me admission. he came back saying i should try private uni, and i told him no. I never even planned for msc here, and my parents even want me to go abroad. and that i only gave one shot at a nigerian uni and i am not trying for another. he said he doesnt want to lose me but i told him i cant alter my lifes dreams because of him. he said i am not willing to make sacrifices and i told him, the best time to make sacrifices is now when i am still a single woman and i still have time for myself.
The story is more complicated now. I have met his parents. he has met mine.all his siblings and friends know me. Thats one thing he did from day 1 to make me feel love and accepted, maybe cos he knew how badly my ex did in that path.
I mean, we are Christians, but then we should not settle for mediocrity and complacency because we have faith. I dont even need him to be rich, I just need him to show passion, and start doing things rather than talk about them. I have talked about it, and he keeps thinking there is some other guy. he keeps begging me not to leave him, that things will get better. Hes highly possesive too. if he calls and i dont pick, he gets angry. the time i finally pick he keeps shouting on phone that i make him feel like he has no stake in my life..

I am getting really confused. i mean, I keep seeing guys not even as old as him doing excellently well by themselves. And i know i definitely dont want a man i cant look up to, trust and respect as my future partner. I want a go getter for a man. Someone who wont sleep or be at ease till he has achieved a level of excellence. Someone i can trust to go out in the rainy days to look for shelter for the family. My friends have been telling me to chill, and keep praying. I have, But then i keep having great guys coming around now, do i keep ignoring them? I just dont wanna look back at my life and think things should have been better if i had done things differently.

Please i need all the counsel i can get. Thanks

thanks a lot efemenaxy, and every one else who has contributed and given their advice. I'll figure out a way to let him go without hurting him. I just wish parents were not involved yet. my mum kinda likes him. I guess I have to talk to her abt it too.

thanks.

mavany:
I have been a guest here for two years ,but the issuse has forced me to register,I'm a 23 yrs old lady who has grown and learnt so much from this thread. Babyosisi . Chaircover.moca,efemenaxy and all others I didn't mention. Now here's my problem. I have been seeing this guy for about a year now.he is abt 28 yrs .he just got a job as a front desk officer at a hotel in abuja.I forgot to mention our relationship became long distance when I lost ma mum and had to go stay with my family as the oldest and only girl ,I'm also doing my Nysc program from home @abia. He posted a pics of him and a girl dressed in a nytie on fbk,it appeared he took the picture at the hotel lobby while he was on night duty. When I saw the pix I was so mad, I called him, he apologised and took it down ,he also apologised on facebook feigning that he tot d pix was harmless, however I told his sister and she told me that I shouldn't take any man serious and that if I didn't see any future with her elder bro I should walk, I. Realised I shouldn't have complain to her but I also took her words to mean she really didn't take my relationship with her bro seriousm fast forward today, I called her to ask her abt her wedding preparations and all and she feigned she didn't kno who called. Even though she answered cordially. I told her bro later this evening casually mentioning that maybe she didn't recognise it was me cos she believed I had left him, and that if I took her advice I wouldn't be calling her in d 1st place. He got angry and asked to leave him if that what I want,plus he is always asking me to leave him if that's what I want whenever we have a disagreement, I'm so pissed I really want to take a walk, buh I'm scared that I might be over reacting , please help me

The sister said that because thats the fact, her brother is not serious with you. As it is now you are a pest to them because they have given you the signs that you have overstayed your welcome. Even though you know the brother is pretending, you are looking for a reason as overreacting to stay and waste your time till ten years later when he will be man enough to tell you he was never interested in you. Girl walk and in the direction that him and his family will always be behind.

mavany:
I have been a guest here for two years ,but the issuse has forced me to register,I'm a 23 yrs old lady who has grown and learnt so much from this thread. Babyosisi . Chaircover.moca,efemenaxy and all others I didn't mention. Now here's my problem. I have been seeing this guy for about a year now.he is abt 28 yrs .he just got a job as a front desk officer at a hotel in abuja.I forgot to mention our relationship became long distance when I lost ma mum and had to go stay with my family as the oldest and only girl ,I'm also doing my Nysc program from home @abia. He posted a pics of him and a girl dressed in a nytie on fbk,it appeared he took the picture at the hotel lobby while he was on night duty. When I saw the pix I was so mad, I called him, he apologised and took it down ,he also apologised on facebook feigning that he tot d pix was harmless, however I told his sister and she told me that I shouldn't take any man serious and that if I didn't see any future with her elder bro I should walk, I. Realised I shouldn't have complain to her but I also took her words to mean she really didn't take my relationship with her bro seriousm fast forward today, I called her to ask her abt her wedding preparations and all and she feigned she didn't kno who called. Even though she answered cordially. I told her bro later this evening casually mentioning that maybe she didn't recognise it was me cos she believed I had left him, and that if I took her advice I wouldn't be calling her in d 1st place. He got angry and asked to leave him if that what I want,plus he is always asking me to leave him if that's what I want whenever we have a disagreement, I'm so pissed I really want to take a walk, buh I'm scared that I might be over reacting , please help me

You won't like what I've got to say about this...

You're trying too hard, girl. Let it go. Not worth the stress.

mavany:
@Efe I did already, I sure did too much, thanks again

Asides every other thing you have said, he's always telling you to leave if that's what you want i.e always throwing it at you at the slightest opportunity how else do you want him to tell you you are not important to him?

my dear, pls find someone else who appreciates you.

My dear sister geekybabe
Don't let somebody Orubebe your destiny o. Sometimes one has to be surgical in taking some decisions, receive anointing and be Jegarized.
I can understand broke, I can't deal with lazy and unambitious.

geekybabe:
Mehn.. there are some real strong women in this place. God bless you a million times for helping people out here. Been following this thread from page 1, and been trying to convince myself that i need not ask my own questions. Cant hold it anymore, lol.
Well, the ish is this. I have been seeing a guy for about 9 months to be precise. I like him a lot, hes caring, very homy and loving. He loves God and regards me too. The biggest problem is that he is not so ambitious. and hes not bothered. I am a very ambitious lady.. all my friends know how much i hold my career in my hands and how far i am willing to go to pursue my dreams. I have done a some professional exams, attended a lot of career events, and i have a laid out career plan that i have been following for the past 4 years. I get thrilled and excited when i see guys who do not see it as a threat that a woman is being ambitious. Infact i can say one thing that my ex did for me well was that he always kept pushing me and motivating me to do more career wise. Maybe because we are both IT people.
The new bf, has not worked for over 5years. along the line he started msc and just finished. I dont have a problem with that. What i have a problem with is the fact that he is not even trying to do somthing extra alongside. hes 30. he still lives in his parents place, and depends on them. he even uses their phones to call me. I dont like this one bit, but he keeps saying that thats the only way he can keep in touch as he doesnt have much and i should try and understand. I have suggested a lot for him that he can do to be getting some money but he keeps insisting that Its only a lecturing job that he can do and that he believes his miracle job is coming.
I dont want to seem pushy, i mean hes even 6 years older than me, so he should understand life more. hes the last born, maybe thats why hes not as bothered about life and ambition like a first child like myself.
I told him before we started dating that i was going for my MSC abroad, and he was even happy, and started helping me make moves. 4 months after, he started acting funny by telling me that i should consider our new love before going abroad. He insisted that i take an msc form here in nigeria and i did, i paid with my money. Unfortunately, the uni i applied for didnt give me admission. he came back saying i should try private uni, and i told him no. I never even planned for msc here, and my parents even want me to go abroad. and that i only gave one shot at a nigerian uni and i am not trying for another. he said he doesnt want to lose me but i told him i cant alter my lifes dreams because of him. he said i am not willing to make sacrifices and i told him, the best time to make sacrifices is now when i am still a single woman and i still have time for myself.
The story is more complicated now. I have met his parents. he has met mine.all his siblings and friends know me. Thats one thing he did from day 1 to make me feel love and accepted, maybe cos he knew how badly my ex did in that path.
I mean, we are Christians, but then we should not settle for mediocrity and complacency because we have faith. I dont even need him to be rich, I just need him to show passion, and start doing things rather than talk about them. I have talked about it, and he keeps thinking there is some other guy. he keeps begging me not to leave him, that things will get better. Hes highly possesive too. if he calls and i dont pick, he gets angry. the time i finally pick he keeps shouting on phone that i make him feel like he has no stake in my life..
I am getting really confused. i mean, I keep seeing guys not even as old as him doing excellently well by themselves. And i know i definitely dont want a man i cant look up to, trust and respect as my future partner. I want a go getter for a man. Someone who wont sleep or be at ease till he has achieved a level of excellence. Someone i can trust to go out in the rainy days to look for shelter for the family. My friends have been telling me to chill, and keep praying. I have, But then i keep having great guys coming around now, do i keep ignoring them? I just dont wanna look back at my life and think things should have been better if i had done things differently.
Please i need all the counsel i can get. Thanks

Hi all,
I am going to share my story and see if something comes out of it. I am 30 years and work in an oil company, am also a very devout Catholic and I want to marry a catholic. But it’s been horror stories with all my catholic bfs. I met one in my office and after dating for 3 months he just calls me up and says he thinks we are rushing things blah blah and we should give it time this happened after sex which I initiated and I had just returned from trip abroad where I know I really splurged on buying him stuff (just saying this in case it helps).My last guy apparently wasn’t my guy the way I thought, after 4 months of seeing some behaviours, I asked him one day to say what I was to him, and he told me that he saw me as a very dear friend. After that I stopped calling and he stopped too, except for when he comes to phc and calls me to come see him in his hotel. (I don’t go)
I think I have been equating sex with commitment and most times its just sex to the guy. My girlfriend says I love too much from the beginning and that scares guys off or makes them think am desperate. She also said buying expensive stuff or surprise gifts for guys as a rich babe gives them the impression you are trying to buy their love, meanwhile if it was a student of a lower income earning babe they would see it as a sacrifice on her part or proof of love.
There was this guy who came talking marriage and we communicated for 6months. He had some projects running with lekki gardens and he wanted me to support it. I told him I was ready to do that but that would be after the white wedding, he was hinting at introduction then, after preaching to me a sermon on trust and submission, he told me that this was a test to see if I was one of those women who want to control a man. Apparently I filed because he is marrying someone else (a recent corper by the way), when I called him to congratulate. He said he didn’t want a situation where his position as the man was undermined. I was depressed for 2 days, I went to school, studied so hard to come out with a good grade, got a good job and now its like I have to keep proving myself. I have considered adopting, at least let me hold one child….its just my dad who keeps frowning when I mention it.
Am happy right now…but since I live in Nigeria where people do not believe you can be happy while single , I always have to defend or argue or plain insult.

@MathDiva:
In all sincerity I do not see in you a desperate soul but a good lady with a large heart.
I wish we can all know the hearts of men, what a much more beautiful world we would be living in. When you give selflessly, you are perceived as a desperate gal and when you restrain you are perceived as a stingy or someone who won't want to support any man.

Haba! Guys cut us some slack now. You are not alone in your thought gal, after my break up last year I started borning the same idea of just adopting kids say two, take care of them lovingly and take care of my siblings. But I wish its that easy gal! What a society we live in.

Babe, take some chill pills and relax your nreves. You actually need time to gain ur sanity back, clear your head, re-strategize and set your priorities right once and for all. A priest friend told me sometimes what God has in stock for us don't come in the package we envisage. The guys who had come your way were never yours and that's why it never worked. Now, do these for yourself, get a sheet of paper, rule it into 2, one side for Deal and Deal breaker, write down what you sincerely want in a Man who would eventualy be ur hubby and on the other qualities You won't want around you. These will guide you in making your choices before love enters into your eyes.

I won't ask you to stop being a gal with large heart but as it stands now, pls reduce the rate @ whc you spend on guys (some of them don't worth it sincerely). Spoil yoursef instead with ur money, make investments so that when the need arises for the cash, you would have it handy. When anyone comes and starts d wedding talk, don't be too anxious and @ d same time don't be repulsive too, take your time.

Above all, be closer to God at this time, commit all these into His hands, Visit the Blessed Sacrament if you can, pour your heart to Him, I assure you just soonest you will rejoice and see the reasons it never worked out with others. God loves you that's why he did not allow you end up with the guys. Calm down and look into yoursef too, are there attitudes you re projecting that are not too good, now is d time to work on them.

May the balm of gilead through the intercession of our Mother Mary soothe your pain, grant your heart desires and gives all singles out there looking up to Him for partners, soul mates after His own heart (Amen).
Its well dearie

mathdiva:
Hi all,
I am going to share my story and see if something comes out of it. I am 30 years and work in an oil company, am also a very devout Catholic and I want to marry a catholic. But it’s been horror stories with all my catholic bfs. I met one in my office and after dating for 3 months he just calls me up and says he thinks we are rushing things blah blah and we should give it time this happened after sex which I initiated and I had just returned from trip abroad where I know I really splurged on buying him stuff (just saying this in case it helps).My last guy apparently wasn’t my guy the way I thought, after 4 months of seeing some behaviours, I asked him one day to say what I was to him, and he told me that he saw me as a very dear friend. After that I stopped calling and he stopped too, except for when he comes to phc and calls me to come see him in his hotel. (I don’t go)
I think I have been equating sex with commitment and most times its just sex to the guy. My girlfriend says I love too much from the beginning and that scares guys off or makes them think am desperate. She also said buying expensive stuff or surprise gifts for guys as a rich babe gives them the impression you are trying to buy their love, meanwhile if it was a student of a lower income earning babe they would see it as a sacrifice on her part or proof of love.
There was this guy who came talking marriage and we communicated for 6months. He had some projects running with lekki gardens and he wanted me to support it. I told him I was ready to do that but that would be after the white wedding, he was hinting at introduction then, after preaching to me a sermon on trust and submission, he told me that this was a test to see if I was one of those women who want to control a man. Apparently I filed because he is marrying someone else (a recent corper by the way), when I called him to congratulate. He said he didn’t want a situation where his position as the man was undermined. I was depressed for 2 days, I went to school, studied so hard to come out with a good grade, got a good job and now its like I have to keep proving myself. I have considered adopting, at least let me hold one child….its just my dad who keeps frowning when I mention it.
Am happy right now…but since I live in Nigeria where people do not believe you can be happy while single , I always have to defend or argue or plain insult.

[quote author=mathdiva post=32230980][/quote]Firstly i will advice you to spread your horizon beyound Catholics, difficult? i know. You might be lucky to get one that will allow you continue your faith or might not be strong with his hence join yours. Your friend made a huge point, she trully knows you well. Your dating priorities are not right, as a result you pass off as desperate but you are not desperate. You have been getting badly hurt by these guys because you gave too much (love, body. gifts etc) to the wrong, unworthy guys. Like gleats say, know what you want in a man, it seems the only thing you know you want in a man now is that he must be a catholic. When you see a man with little or nothing of your likes, you wont waste your time with him in the first place, i bet you some of those guys would not have gone past two meetings with you. Then note that even with exposure, we are still very African, our men especially. Most men feel secure when they are the basic needs or major provider and threatened when otherwise unless the man is lazy, a gold digger or well informed (this type is very rare). This means you should mostly give gifts lesser or within the range of your next man's gift until you are married. It is a fact that most nigerian men settles it in their heart that they will never marry a girl that initiates the first sex while dating even if they continue the relationship for a while. A typical instance is somewhere in this particular thread, so try never to initiate the first sex as its reeks of "desperation and prostitution" to the average nigerian man. Again stop equating sex with love, for the records it is a man who uses sex firstly to express or fall inlove, it is not naturally a woman's first route. Lastly, first of all ask the guy who comes next the type of relationship he wants with you seeing that you dont want to waste time with the wrong person, you can then ask again if you need assurance with wisdom and after a considerable time so as not to appear desperate, the three months with that guy/ex was not bad though. As for the guy that went to marry a corper, dont waste any regret on him, he only wanted your money not you. Is the corper financing the project too? It is his type that will still say you are too proud, spends too much thus will not be submissive. Know that you are not where you are because you'v worked hard to attain your status, there are also poor girls in similar struggle wishing they are in your shoes because guys dont see them in their league or something. The race/life is a funny one and victory happeneth by chance, time or grace. Cheer up dear and be positive tommorrow will come with the right one.

@mathdiva,
Must he be catholic?It limits your scope but i understand it might be the choice you want.Do you also want someone that is just of your tribe?
You don't seem to be desperate but you apparently come off as one to the guys you meet.Like the guy who said you were rushing things,you probably appear to want to jump into marriage from the word go with the guys you meet.That is a no-no for a lot of guys,it scares them.

[b]My girlfriend says I love too much from the beginning and that scares guys off or makes them think am desperate. She also said buying expensive stuff or surprise gifts for guys as a rich babe gives them the impression you are trying to buy their love, meanwhile if it was a student of a lower income earning babe they would see it as a sacrifice on her part or proof of love[/b]Your girlfriend is right.You have the money and you think it's a nice thing to spend money for the guy you're with but you need to take it slow.Let the guy get to know you well enough and let him pull his own weight in the relationship before you start giving all those gifts.Let you gifts be time,care and attention for now.
Sex also means commitment to most ladies but guys don't see it that way.It's a physical thing for most guys and not emotional.I think you shouldn't make that a quick offer once you settle into a relationship.
@30yrs,i know you think time is no longer on your side but you don't have to try to buy love.When next you meet a guy,just take it slow,no rush.Get to be his friend first and see how it goes.It gives you time to know what he is about.
It's too early to start thinking of adoption.

@gleatz, you took it right out of my mouth. I dated girls that are staunch Catholics and blantantly refuse to join my faith(some of them they find ANYBODY provided his a man). On that ground, we separated.

I dated a girl like you(not as weathly as you are) but was desperate to get married, when am I going to meet your parents, buying, calling me.... It is a huge turn off for men. Let the man do the chasing, initiating and calling. Also, look at yourself too-are there things you need to work on about yourself and spread your horizon(Anglican, Baptist, Pentecostal, Adventist, Apostolic, herbalist-na joke o!!).

Finally, study the man, yourself, your love languages and his and your temperaments.

Can we relate? kindly send me a mail if possible.

mathdiva:
Hi all,
I am going to share my story and see if something comes out of it. I am 30 years and work in an oil company, am also a very devout Catholic and I want to marry a catholic. But it’s been horror stories with all my catholic bfs. I met one in my office and after dating for 3 months he just calls me up and says he thinks we are rushing things blah blah and we should give it time this happened after sex which I initiated and I had just returned from trip abroad where I know I really splurged on buying him stuff (just saying this in case it helps).My last guy apparently wasn’t my guy the way I thought, after 4 months of seeing some behaviours, I asked him one day to say what I was to him, and he told me that he saw me as a very dear friend. After that I stopped calling and he stopped too, except for when he comes to phc and calls me to come see him in his hotel. (I don’t go)
I think I have been equating sex with commitment and most times its just sex to the guy. My girlfriend says I love too much from the beginning and that scares guys off or makes them think am desperate. She also said buying expensive stuff or surprise gifts for guys as a rich babe gives them the impression you are trying to buy their love, meanwhile if it was a student of a lower income earning babe they would see it as a sacrifice on her part or proof of love.
There was this guy who came talking marriage and we communicated for 6months. He had some projects running with lekki gardens and he wanted me to support it. I told him I was ready to do that but that would be after the white wedding, he was hinting at introduction then, after preaching to me a sermon on trust and submission, he told me that this was a test to see if I was one of those women who want to control a man. Apparently I filed because he is marrying someone else (a recent corper by the way), when I called him to congratulate. He said he didn’t want a situation where his position as the man was undermined. I was depressed for 2 days, I went to school, studied so hard to come out with a good grade, got a good job and now its like I have to keep proving myself. I have considered adopting, at least let me hold one child….its just my dad who keeps frowning when I mention it.
Am happy right now…but since I live in Nigeria where people do not believe you can be happy while single , I always have to defend or argue or plain insult.

#WiseWordsWithWives

I think the biggest issue in marriage is boundary problems.
Spouses so often try to change each other in the name of 'helpfulness'.… My truth is I think the only person you can change is you. You married them the way they are... As a wife Why would you want to 'change' your husband 'in marriage'?..Is there an advisable approach to this?… How do you think wives can solve 'boundary problems'..Shar e your thoughts.

Did you read the advice dished to her? You should be the one sending the mail or you want me to think otherwise.

ekolina:
Can we relate? kindly send me a mail if possible.

Mathdiva I don't have much to say but there's a guy I follow here on NL that says for him it's strictly Catholic too. You could check him through my profile pag, don't want to mention him here. His moniker starts with an 'S'.

I like the fact that you said you're happy on your own. Keep your head up and all will be well in due time.