babyosisi:


I don't understand all these girls that say there are no marriageable men when people like you and herzumpther have suitors begging for your hand.
When babyosisi was babyosisi,I could do tum bom tum bom and stop at 5 suitors at a time ;Dand I am not Bianca Onoh

Babyosisi to be factual dere r no marriageable men out dere dey all just want to do okafor's law

God bless you ma'am, I share same line of thought with you. This is so inspiring.

Evina:
@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

blessedqueen:


Babyosisi to be factual dere r no marriageable men out dere dey all just want to do okafor's law

Haba
There are still many good ones o
The problem with many of our girls is that they are looking for made men
The good man may not be a made man when you meet him
I have seen many girls pass up men because they didn't measure up pocket wise and a few years down the line,the man is chopping berra

Evina:
@geekybabe: I know most of the responses you got to your predicament are from mature and married posters.

I just want to give my suggestion based on my personal experience.

I will be getting married in May. It ought to have being on the 28th of March, but elections in Nigeria made us move the date.

My fiance and I started dating in 2006. I already had my first degree then and preparing for NYSC, while he was studying to be an engineer. By the time he had his B.Sc, I already had a few years work experience.

Like you, I am very driven. I started a business at 20. I am one of those people that can start 5 projects, run a business at the side while holding down a job and still think of fresh new opportunities to explore. He was laid back, I had to push him to always go for more.

In fact, I did not have a problem with being the bread winner until the Holy Spirit convicted me and told me I was subtly placing a curse on my intended. I mean it is NOT the place of a woman to be the SOLE provider. She is the helpmeet, the support system. The bible says a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an infidel!

When I got that understanding, I revamped my mindset. I showed him the scripture, and told him. You know me. You know how driven I am and you know I will not let myself be limited by a man. I will not soft pedal on achieving my dreams because I don't want you to feel inadequate, so you need to sit up.

Then, I began to find ways to push him towards accomplishing his goals. While he was awaiting NYSC, I was the PR manager in a school. I organized the annual Christmas party, which was unlike any the school ever had. We had sponsors and media coverage. He is a great dancer and had a group in school, so I suggested he should consider training the students in dance;salsa, ballet etc. He was excited. I proposed the idea to the board and he was hired as the choreographer. He did an EXCELLENT job!

Next, I had an idea for weddings, talked to him about it and we made business cards. He was the MD and I Business development manager. Our biggest client was from him. (An aunt of his).

Shortly, he went for NYSC and I secured another job in another city. I developed his resume and would check for jobs online, write cover letter and apply on his behalf.

Now, several years after. I am AMAZED at the man he has become! I am soo proud of him. He is a sales Engineer, confident, driven and dedicated. He once told me he used to think he couldn't get a job without connections. But now, he doesn't think there's any interview he'll go for that he wouldn't scale through. I remember, I used to prep him for interviews back then.

I asked him recently, where that unmotivated, timid guy was, and he gave me one kind look. LOL. Now, I don't have to do any of those work I used to do because he is on top of his game.

I really thank God because even his mum, turned around and loved me when she saw the direction her son's life was headed and realized he was at his best with me in his life.

In summary, I just want to say, we should endeavor to make an impact in the lives of people we encounter. 9months is too short to give up on him. Give it your best, if it means finding time to search for jobs with him and even applying on his behalf, do it. His seeming controlling nature may just be because he feels insecure. Help him get past the insecurities. I believe the role of a woman is to build up her man, to help him reach his full potentials. That is why there is no end to how high a man can rise if he's got a good woman by his side.

That laid back dude today can become a driven, goal oriented man tomorrow. Mine is a living proof. he is not just an Engineer, he got certified in HSE and picked up great designing skills. I once got a contract to supply table top calendars. He designed it and managed the printing process. I would have spent 100k, paying a designer for the designs. He stays dedicated to tasks and wouldn't give up until he has seen it through. I didn't see these qualities in him before and wouldn't have known it was in there if I gave up on him.

All the best gurl.

Oh dear I'm touched.
I love you loads.

Amen and God bless you and your Union too. Thanks. [quote author=Evina post=32277983][/quote] As per geekybabe's man, it is true he is naturally laid back like your man was but there is a huge significant difference between the two. First of all your man realised he had a problem, needs help and then he had to learn how to stand by himself when you left with no support from his parents who were already dissapointed in him. Geeky's man do not have these two vital tough help yet. You know even people that are not naturally lazy will look for the smallest thing to do the moment their continous idle stay at home irritates their parents regardless of no job in the society. Geeky's man's parents created an enabling environment for his laziness to thrive, like making calls with their phones and the likes. Even if geeky leaves, he still has his parents support unless he loves her like life will he make effort to improve, the reason i told her before she would be doing him a favour. The worst part is that he has not realise he has a big problem, with how he is now, if he gets the lecturing job, he is likely to be unserious with it and if he looses it, he may never find the courage to pick up. I tell you from experience, men like that die the day their parents die even if they left them the whole world, they just would not know how to stand alone hence die few years after their parents except a woman shows up to play both wife and parents role because even if the siblings want to help they have their lives too....let me use this opportunity to share some of my heart's holdings, wish chaircover was here, she is the first nl lady that influenced me as we share some personalities and i always look forward to her inputs as her wisdom is from above. Her second leaving made the sadness easier because her first attempt told me to expect it... I hope Efe listens to you, yea she can be annoying not as though the typical her would bat an eyelid of whatever you think of her. Amongst other great virtues, i see her as a mixture of emotion and logic-the logic part most of the time is the annoying part yet there lies a huge amount of her strength. A beautiful part of her is the trust you can have of her to be faithful/supportive from the day she calls you friend, infact she is nl finest i know in this wise. Also it is easier for her virtues to influence me in leap bounds as i can relate with her roots.

blessedqueen:


Babyosisi to be factual dere r no marriageable men out dere dey all just want to do okafor's law

Look for the one that practices Ebube's law na.
On a serious note,there are.Most girls just want the made men and incidentally,the made men want to play.
An average girl won't give a corper a chance for instance.

keppyy:
Lolz....Here is my own story...I met a guy and he thinks I'm uptight and I'm too carefree..He wants me to dress girlieeee....I do wear dresses but some times my outfits are real wack...I got some heels last month anyway but I'm trying real hard because they hurt badly... Real issue...I think he is really bothered about his physical looks...he is short, real dark, chubby, big stomach and almost bald...he asked me once what I dislike about his body and I told him nothing...that I'm more of a character person and I appreciate men with good hygiene...I also told him to appreciate his bald head and stop hiding it..He stopped calling me and I called him yesterday to find out why he pulled away and he said it's because of this discussion...I just wish to know what exactly I said that's wrong....

You dont just move on from people with the ease with which you stated up there or you will always give room for wrong thoughts and prolly blame yourself as you are doing now. Always know what went wrong and be sure before leaving. Now this was what went wrong, you prolly have a bad taste not only in dressing but in choice of man (pls permit my lol). It is obvious you are the first girl that did not find anything with all his "challenged features" yet you went ahead to advise him about his bald, dont you see he thought you were trying to be politically correct or patronise him which automatically makes you a liar/pretender in his eyes. He definitely has inferiority complex and i wish at this point i can effortlessly like you say move on but to what extent or how bad is what i cant infer since you dont know and have much to provide about him. If you dont mind his physical features, go get in touch with him, reassure him it is to you the way you said it. Then find out how bad the complex thing is, if he desire help or can be helped. When you say nothing, understand the meaning he is grasping, not the one you start asking him to mind his pot belly tommorrow, you can tell him you are not bothered by his features but would like him to watch his stomach and be confident with his bald the way he does with your dressing. Btw, but for his complexity, you did not say anything wrong.

babyosisi:


It was a long process
Slowly we began to build and heal the hurts,it took months and months and months,it was the most difficult time of our marriage and the most challenge we have ever had till date.
He had stopped eating whatever I cooked the last weeks before his mom left and one day he asked me to cook and I did
I totally understood the times he stood by his mom wasn't because he thought I was a bad person but because he hated to see his mom sad
So somehow be chose to pacify her till she went back home but in the process hurt my feelings so much
That Christmas he went home and of course his family chewed him up for sending their mom home but he knew details they didn't know about the daily events.
He came home and asked me to call and apologize to his mom and I told him I will
It took me another 18 months or so to give that apology and he didn't push me

^{Let me repeat the story,I told it earlier}


I believe it was that act of apologizing to his mom and the aftermath that healed the entire situation completely
I apologized over the phone and my MIL called me names
All I responded was " mama is that what you are saying"?
I wasn't even offended by the names because I had forgiven her and was no longer hurt
Her son present with her grabbed the phone and started apologizing to me for her utterances and scolding her fiercely too
I had to tell him to stop scolding her
Hubby came home I told him what transpired and he called home insisted his mom must apologize to me
His family was divided over the issue,some said the mom owes me an apology ,some said never and those who opposed were if course on my MIL's side
I didn't ask for an apology and I didn't need it
Not once did I call any of my brother or sisters in law to discuss the issue
Never.

Periodically after that,I would call my MIL To say hello and carry on a conversation like nothing happened
I visited Nigeria shortly after and spent a few days with her ,without my hubby there
Then again
And again
That I believe that made my husband very glad.i suspect his mom must have told him how my visits went.

I concluded like I said before that the woman didn't hate me
There were misconceptions she had and she came out judging me without knowing me
My MIL even gave me a name and that is what she calls me and the only one that calls me that
Translated to mean the beautiful one.

That is why I tell ladies that no matter how bad you think your MIL is towards you,anyone can be changed with love
It is not easy,the key however lies with the husband
But it can be done if her son is good to you
Had my husband been pushy and unsupportive, and insisting his mom was right all the way,this would have never happened

Wow! Thank you, thank you and thank you so much for sharing.
I really don't feel like ever visiting or commenting on any other thread on NL. LOL. I bless God for you.

Let me also share my experience with my MIL to be.

The first time I visited their home, his sister welcomed me excitedly and kinda introduced me to her. She didn't clearly state that I was her son's girlfriend though. I greeted mummy, she no answer. She was eating. I thought she didn't hear, I repeated the greeting, Omo na so mumsy just continue to look me cooly, all over. I just smiled and I can't remember how I left that day.

I told him about it though. Afterwards, I totally avoided her. Then, as the years went by, and it was evident we were still very much together, I would visit occasionally. I tried to be very cordial. I had some challenges and he said I should come over so we can have a vigil and pray together. Mum said she didn't know me well enough to pass the night in her house. I was so hurt. I mean, you see me regularly, in your house and in church, yet you say you don't know me.

A week later, I acted in a drama in church and after the drama, she came out to greet me. My hurt resurfaced, I greeted her but coldly. I avoided the hug she was trying to give. I told my BF then, that I wouldn't visit his family house again. I just didn't get why she was so hostile.

A few years later, we got engaged. Still, I wasn't in touch with the family. Then he told me to try to let go. I was really defensive because I believe any good relationship is built by two people deliberately making an effort. I didn't enjoy the rejections I experienced from his mum and didn't want to give her further opportunity to reject me. He told me he had a meeting with his family and told his mum to get to know me.

So I called her. I said mum I heard you are angry with me. She said, "yes! I am very angry, very angry with you". Then I said, mummy, but what have I done? You know my mum is late and you are going to be my mum. She said, "well we never get to see you. You always stay away from us, you didn't even show up for dad's birthday". So I apologized and she asked about work and I thought we settled.

Another time, I called her and she was cold again. The hurt resurfaced. Then we travelled for the holidays. She was absent when I visited. When she came in, I greeted her, she answered coldly. After a few minutes, she walked in front of me and looked at me from head to to(as in eye me) lol. I smiled, looked her in the eye and said, "compliments of the season". She was startled and replied, same to you. I stayed till evening laughing and gisting.

A few days later, the sister had her introduction. I visited, worked and helped till evening. When I was leaving, mum was so appreciative. That was when she changed towards me.

On very rare occasions, she gets off track lol. But my fiance quickly calls her to order and we laugh it off. Most recently, she called my fiance and asked for my number. I was there, he angrily told her, so after all these years you still don't have her number? If she doesn't call you now, you will say she is keeping away. She gave an excuse and begged for the number. He told her. I will not send it. Find it.

Ten minutes later, she called me. I screamed on the phone. Praise the Lord! I will testify on Sunday, my MIL is calling me. She laughed and asked if I was acting drama. Na so we gist and she went off the phone.

Even most of my outfit for the traditional wedding, she is purchasing it with her money. We tried to avoid letting her buy it, she called me and said, your husband said you people want to buy your clothes, please you guys may get inferior clothes. Please talk to him, I suggested that he sends ...(she stated the amount) I will take care of the rest. Please. I just told my fiance, please do as she has said, so she doesn't feel bad.

She even told me that, you know if not that I know you are a Christian, I would have suspected you jazzed my son! Lol.

I really thank God because I don't necessarily do much before His grace prevails. I mean look at what you went through and other MIL stories I have heard. Me I never see nothing. And I pray God's grace continues to abound.

One thing I constantly do is declare God's word over my future. I always declare, I have a wonderful, blessed, fruitful marriage. I have a great relationship with my MIL and in laws. My relationship with my MIL is like that of Ruth and Naomi in the bible.

I also realized that she probably felt her son was too young to be in a committed relationship at the time. And she didn't know me, so thought I was going to take advantage of her golden boy. LOL.

We had our introduction in December, few days after his sister's wedding. During her daughter's wedding, you needed to have seen the way mum was holding my hand and introducing me to all her meeting people and friends. Like a well deserved trophy. LOL.

Herzumpther:
Oh dear I'm touched.
I love you loads.

Love you too gurl. You already know that. I'm glad Lakes is the one.

Evina:
WOW! What a thread!

I stumbled on this thread a week ago or thereabout, and haven't focused on any other thread since then. I have taken the time to read through ALL the pages. It is like reading a book to me, a practical guide to building and sustaining a successful marriage.

This thread has touched the very depths of my being. Reading people's personal experiences and comments have really broken me in some way.

I have yet again reached the conclusion that I will indeed be walking down the aisle in May, with a man who is God's PERFECT gift to me. This thread made me realise I need to CHERISH this gift more than ever before.

We have been through it ALL in nine long, wonderful years! God has helped us. There was even the challenge with MIL to be, but the way God arrested the woman's heart ehn, makes me so humbled that God carry this union for Him Almighty head.

I really don't know how to appreciate and celebrate the wonderful woman who created this thread @Babyosisi, the contributors:

@Thorpido: I have deep respect for you. You are a great man with great wisdom.

@madam Chair cover: so sad to see you deactivated your account. You have this warm mature spirit. The effect of your post is calmness. You are indeed a blessing.

@ Bukatyne: I love you. Mature, funny, cool.

@ Floodgater: God bless you real good.

@ Ujujoan: what a great woman you are. Thank God for your home.

@ EfemenaXY: hmmm. Aunty, Migwo. you are too harsh oh. One can perceive you've got several shades of intelligence and wisdom but it's quite sad that we don't really get to benefit from you in totality, because the value of your message is lost in the brutality emanating from your post. I could tell you are not a patient person madam and you would often scare people, whom you can be a blessing to, away, with your hostile(for lack of a better word) demeanor. Please if it is tough love, it is too tough. Tone it down ma.

@ Cococandy: you are soooo sweet. Thank you for being here.

@Herzumpther: for real? Is Lakes the one you are picking the date with? I hope oh sis.

To all the other contributors, God bless you and reward you richly.

Finally and once again, madam Babyosisi, you are blessed. In fact I think we should draft a script based on your life experiences in love and marriage and then make a movie. seriously! Think aborit.

My posts "brutal"?

Maybe, maybe not. Either way, you really don't expect me to treat every post exactly the same way do you? I take each one as I see it and depending how the poster comes across (to me) I tailor my advice accordingly. Granted I might come down hard on certain posts - not because I've got anything against the poster(s) - I know no one here anyway - but because sometimes, that person, especially if not yet married, deserves to shape up real fast before they make certain avoidable mistakes. Harsh but true, but Efe is an honest person. If I can't be honest with my advice, then what's the point in giving it in the first place? Life isn't a bed of roses.

On the other hand, I do know how to, and have shown empathy to people, especially when I perceive they're teetering close to the brink of...and their self-esteem is at an all time low. If you've really followed this thread from the beginning like you said you did, then you would have noticed the advice I gave to Shiningmama for example. Well thought out, encouraging, considerate, and understanding. Maybe with a bit of soft touch. So you see, it really depends.

But thanks for your comments all the same. Appreciated!

blessedqueen:


Babyosisi to be factual dere r no marriageable men out dere dey all just want to do okafor's law

which one is Okafor's law again.
I don't know what you mean by "no marriageable men". I don't really have a social life. Just work and church. In fact, work and church is my social life. Yet, I have always had eligible bachelors on my case.

Even after engagement and with my rock boldly displayed on my fingers.
The first time I visited my fiance at his office, I just engaged his boss briefly. The boss didn't know how serious my fiance was with me. My fiance mentioned that the boss was always saying, when are you getting married? He would say soon. And the boss will be like, come let that soon be this year cos I have a friend who is a pilot, very rich and charming. If you don't sit up, I will teach you a lesson and introduce her to my friend.

Lol. I told my fiance, you better be scared oh. See pilot go soon come fly me away. My fiance just laughed. Indeed, when naval officer could not whisk you away when I was no where near the man that I am now. Let the pilot come now.

So my dear, please discard that mindset oh. There are tons of marriageable men who are really scared that there aren't marriageable women.

Dip shi

Xone3:
waoh! I have learnt a lot from everybody. I know have been a ghost observer, pardon me. I would love your advice pls.
I was in a relationship for 6 yrs but had to break it in my final year, 3 Months later a guy friend introduced me to a guy. we got serious 3 Months later and started a relationship. He was all about settling down dis year, so e came over and MET my parents, I also went over to meet his. Fast forward to now, he rarely talks about settling down.
The main issue is dat he is bossy, stubborn and has inferiority complex which he fyts against by getting expensive things. He never likes taken blame for what he does. Two major accident and the annoying part is that I can't complain, scold or talk about it. Different conversation with girls but claims nothin in between even gives me d fone to speak with them. Says I don't love him cos I don't trust I'm. kinda confused, Ur advice pls or criticism

Give us a bit more background information about your man.

How old is he? What does he do? i.e: is he working? And so on...

Yes aunty EfemenaXY. You were great with shiningmama. no I don't expect you to be anything short of you. I just can feel you've got so much love to give but...LOL.

Thank you for appreciating my observations. I hope to read more from you in the future.

You are Urhobo right?

Very Best Regards.

Evina:
Yes aunty EfemenaXY. You were great with shiningmama. no I don't expect you to be anything short of you. I just can feel you've got so much love to give but...LOL.

Thank you for appreciating my observations. I hope to read more from you in the future.

You are Urhobo right?

Very Best Regards.

Lol! No worries.

Nope, not Urhobo. I'm Isoko.

thorpido:
Look for the one that practices Ebube's law na.
On a serious note,there are.Most girls just want the made men and incidentally,the made men want to play.
An average girl won't give a corper a chance for instance.

Many times, the "perfect" men are a product of another woman's labor. Another woman has toiled. Given time, energy and all the support to build that man, then one girl will be wishing to harvest him, LOL.

There is this calmness, this confidence from within that comes from knowing, this is my man. I gave myself wholly to his advancement! And if the man has got the fear of God, he sees those other girls for who they really are. Long throat.

Me I don lock my own with prayers. I always declare, I shall not build for another to inhabit! I shall reap the fruits of my labor. And as I am praying, I am also watching, by paying FULL attention to myself. Lol. The Bible says we must watch and pray.

I am going into marriage VERY ready. When I entered my late 20s, I never even worried. I was never under pressure and I am so glad I accepted God's perfect gift for me.

EfemenaXY:


Lol! No worries.

Nope, not Urhobo. I'm Isoko.

Really?
I am urhobo. My fiance is Isoko.

babyosisi:


I don't understand all these girls that say there are no marriageable men when people like you and herzumpther have suitors begging for your hand.
When babyosisi was babyosisi,I could do tum bom tum bom and stop at 5 suitors at a time ;Dand I am not Bianca Onoh

Lol.
Well, you have a great personality.

Evina:


Really?
I am urhobo. My fiance is Isoko.

Cool.

What part of Isoko is he from?

Phew!, i came dis far, started 4rm d bottom now i am here, been one hell of a ghost reader...

I have loads of question, but will take it gradually:-

i've a close course mate <very close>, she tells me virtually everytin buh keeps me telling me abt one aristo of hers little did i know dat d aristo she meant all dis while was one very lecturer i use to admire, I'm equally close to d lecturer too, but i got d shock of my life when i caught them...

Pants down when i decided to pay my unsuspecting course mate visit, i am d course rep....

I was literally dumbfounded, kept my cool n distanced myself 4 a while, cos d lecturer i know even she knows, is happily married n often talks abt his spouse in class 2 d extent we will b daydreaming abt how perfect his wife is....

Dis relationship has been going 4 long as she my course mate had no choice but 2 open up to me..

How do i approach dis situation n come out unscathed?

I have dis eagerness to tell my friend d truth regardless of it hurting our relationship, how do i go abt it?

Should i keep mute n let it slide, regarding d fact dat dis said lecturer is highly connected in dis sku?

Already me n my once favourite lecturer are experiencing a kind of tensed relationship, tho i am trying 2 pretend as if notin apuned....

Cc babyosisi, efemenaXY( i love ur brutality lol), thorpid, forexmartins, moca, herzumpther, evina, GoldenDr et al

n.b:- Dis thread has help shapen me 4 d better, i had to do a record of dat CHAKAM CHAKAM eating to see if exhibit such chewing disorder.

Xone3.
Hmmm, it is well with your soul oh.
The guy is above 30, has a good job but has no regard for building a great future.

Well, you have read comments, of how insensitive some men are towards their pregnant wives. This one that has no value for money, does he invest? Does he even have good savings?

He likes to drink and party with the boys. Hmmm, will you see him at all when you are pregnant and your hormones are acting up?

He gets an ego boost from acquiring material things, will he put the needs of his family before his senllish splurges?

Hmmm. Please look well before thou leapest oh.

@ OnyeEgo1 LOL.

Honestly, madam BabyOsisi is really funny. That Chakam chakam stuff

Well, I will say to you. Please mind your business. Are you romantically involved with the girl? If she didnt seek your advice, what is the need to offer it. Please oh, focus on your own race. Let her not now discuss your advice with the lecturer and get you in trouble!

The bible says, " don't get involved in an argument that is none of your business". If you aren't comfortable with her, pull away. She knows what she is doing is wrong and doesn't need you to advise her, else she would have sought your opinion. Make lecturer no come get you for mind.

EfemenaXY:


Cool.

What part of Isoko is he from?

Ozoro.

Evina:


Ozoro.

What part of Ozoro?

Lemme comment on MEN helping with house chores...

In my family, there is dis gender reversed role we are trained with...
The boys does virtually everytin why d girls look on or pata pata dem go just try help u..

The boys cook, do d laundry, cleans d house, washes d plate e.t.c

U can't iron 4 my dad, he still do some cooking till date, we still dey do competition btw ourselves gan who cook pass...

U can't wash my clothes 4 me no matter how hardworking u claim to b, y shud i bother u with my clothe when i av hands n d machine is working properly??

No matter how u cook 4 my bro, he will still find fault with it, we call him food sadist, person wey dey formulate he own cooking style...

When was d last we ate mom food self, d woman no get ur time self, she dey busy with her business...

So no excuses 4 d guy who is just deliberately Lazy claiming trado man, i av a roomie like dat, thank God i av dose training in hand already {like my dad, Just seeing things scattered can make me run crazy, serious oh!}

Evina:
@ OnyeEgo1 LOL.

Honestly, madam BabyOsisi is really funny. That Chakam chakam stuff

Well, I will say to you. Please mind your business. Are you romantically involved with the girl? If she didnt seek your advice, what is the need to offer it. Please oh, focus on your own race. Let her not now discuss your advice with the lecturer and get you in trouble!

The bible says, " don't get involved in an argument that is none of your business". If you aren't comfortable with her, pull away. She knows what she is doing is wrong and doesn't need you to advise her, else she would have sought your opinion. Make lecturer no come get you for mind.

thats it, i was wondering weda wetin b my own dia self, just like taking panadol 4 anoda person head ache...

But i av dis feeling of telling her abt her wrongs to her face, n remind her of Karma n its pay back time, tho we are very close, i mean she tells me virtually everytin...

There is no way i am attracted to her, person wey dey tell me how many times she don se.x in a week with so so n so guy, d style wey she use, 4 my mind i wud b like shey na dia i go come put my innocent thing, chai!!!

Evina:


Wow! Thank you, thank you and thank you so much for sharing.
I really don't feel like ever visiting or commenting on any other thread on NL. LOL. I bless God for you.

Let me also share my experience with my MIL to be.

The first time I visited their home, his sister welcomed me excitedly and kinda introduced me to her. She didn't clearly state that I was her son's girlfriend though. I greeted mummy, she no answer. She was eating. I thought she didn't hear, I repeated the greeting, Omo na so mumsy just continue to look me cooly, all over. I just smiled and I can't remember how I left that day.

I told him about it though. Afterwards, I totally avoided her. Then, as the years went by, and it was evident we were still very much together, I would visit occasionally. I tried to be very cordial. I had some challenges and he said I should come over so we can have a vigil and pray together. Mum said she didn't know me well enough to pass the night in her house. I was so hurt. I mean, you see me regularly, in your house and in church, yet you say you don't know me.

A week later, I acted in a drama in church and after the drama, she came out to greet me. My hurt resurfaced, I greeted her but coldly. I avoided the hug she was trying to give. I told my BF then, that I wouldn't visit his family house again. I just didn't get why she was so hostile.

A few years later, we got engaged. Still, I wasn't in touch with the family. Then he told me to try to let go. I was really defensive because I believe any good relationship is built by two people deliberately making an effort. I didn't enjoy the rejections I experienced from his mum and didn't want to give her further opportunity to reject me. He told me he had a meeting with his family and told his mum to get to know me.

So I called her. I said mum I heard you are angry with me. She said, "yes! I am very angry, very angry with you". Then I said, mummy, but what have I done? You know my mum is late and you are going to be my mum. She said, "well we never get to see you. You always stay away from us, you didn't even show up for dad's birthday". So I apologized and she asked about work and I thought we settled.

Another time, I called her and she was cold again. The hurt resurfaced. Then we travelled for the holidays. She was absent when I visited. When she came in, I greeted her, she answered coldly. After a few minutes, she walked in front of me and looked at me from head to to(as in eye me) lol. I smiled, looked her in the eye and said, "compliments of the season". She was startled and replied, same to you. I stayed till evening laughing and gisting.

A few days later, the sister had her introduction. I visited, worked and helped till evening. When I was leaving, mum was so appreciative. That was when she changed towards me.

On very rare occasions, she gets off track lol. But my fiance quickly calls her to order and we laugh it off. Most recently, she called my fiance and asked for my number. I was there, he angrily told her, so after all these years you still don't have her number? If she doesn't call you now, you will say she is keeping away. She gave an excuse and begged for the number. He told her. I will not send it. Find it.

Ten minutes later, she called me. I screamed on the phone. Praise the Lord! I will testify on Sunday, my MIL is calling me. She laughed and asked if I was acting drama. Na so we gist and she went off the phone.

Even most of my outfit for the traditional wedding, she is purchasing it with her money. We tried to avoid letting her buy it, she called me and said, your husband said you people want to buy your clothes, please you guys may get inferior clothes. Please talk to him, I suggested that he sends ...(she stated the amount) I will take care of the rest. Please. I just told my fiance, please do as she has said, so she doesn't feel bad.

She even told me that, you know if not that I know you are a Christian, I would have suspected you jazzed my son! Lol.

I really thank God because I don't necessarily do much before His grace prevails. I mean look at what you went through and other MIL stories I have heard. Me I never see nothing. And I pray God's grace continues to abound.

One thing I constantly do is declare God's word over my future. I always declare, I have a wonderful, blessed, fruitful marriage. I have a great relationship with my MIL and in laws. My relationship with my MIL is like that of Ruth and Naomi in the bible.

I also realized that she probably felt her son was too young to be in a committed relationship at the time. And she didn't know me, so thought I was going to take advantage of her golden boy. LOL.

We had our introduction in December, few days after his sister's wedding. During her daughter's wedding, you needed to have seen the way mum was holding my hand and introducing me to all her meeting people and friends. Like a well deserved trophy. LOL.

Great testimony
Are there MILs who deliberately hurt their DILs for no reason
The answer is yes
I get angry with posters when they try to downplay it
These things are real
If I didn't experience it myself,I may not understand it too
Your story and mine however prove that love can disarm anyone
At Christmas during the festivities ,we had visited my MIL at her village home and returned to ours and one day she called my husband asked him to tell me to come spend some time with her.Early that morning,as early as 8 AM I had landed at her Place
Helped her pick out her clothes for the day's ceremony
Waited till she was dressed then went back home to get dressed
The day she came to visit us,she gave me a beautiful George wrapper as my Christmas gift
That wrapper meant so much to me


You are on the right path with your marriage.You are going in with a good head on your shoulders
Gra gra doesn't work in marriage
The best way to disarm any man is to respect his authority
I say this and also say that one must marry wisely from the beginning
If one marries a foolish man if you like bow before him daily and offer yourself to be burned,it won't change a thing
If there was one advise I will give you,it is to remember how you feel about this man today and that assurance that he loves you .This will make you forgive his shortcomings readily
he is a human so he will do things that will make you very angry and so will you
Your true test will be how you react in those adverse moments

OnyeEgo1:
Lemme comment on MEN helping with house chores...

In my family, there is dis gender reversed role we are trained with...
The boys does virtually everytin why d girls look on or pata pata dem go just try help u..

The boys cook, do d laundry, cleans d house, washes d plate e.t.c

U can't iron 4 my dad, he still do some cooking till date, we still dey do competition btw ourselves gan who cook pass...

U can't wash my clothes 4 me no matter how hardworking u claim to b, y shud i bother u with my clothe when i av hands n d machine is working properly??

No matter how u cook 4 my bro, he will still find fault with it, we call him food sadist, person wey dey formulate he own cooking style...

When was d last we ate mom food self, d woman no get ur time self, she dey busy with her business...

So no excuses 4 d guy who is just deliberately Lazy claiming trado man, i av a roomie like dat, thank God i av dose training in hand already {like my dad, Just seeing things scattered can make me run crazy, serious oh!}

Hehehe, brother I'm sure we can work things out. D spirit is telling me sth.

Chinum:


Hehehe, brother I'm sure we can work things out. D spirit is telling me sth.

That is eh

I wrote it earlier,I couldn't cook when I got married .my hubby taught me how to make many things
Even as late as last year,I was cooking with water leaf for the very first time and he asked me to reduce the water,allow the meat soak in most of it because water leaf produces water
Well duh,you would have thought I would know that by the name
I didn't know it had to be sliced,I asked him
Thank God he was there the edikaikong soup would have been a disaster
I am not doing badly in the kitchen now but he certainly didn't marry me for my cooking skills
I could barely cook

I think I may have a headache, from the sheer volume of niggling and haranguing on this thread. And I only just read the last page. Women can complain sha. If it's not this, it's that.
Me, I would trade all the career woman power couple for a simple woman that won't nag me under the pretext of 'driving' me. Making me develop HBP trying to keep up with the Joneses. And we're not even married yet? Fhuck that.
I mean really, is that the new imperative? If you can't/won't get a ready-made man, pick some amenable and distinctly ok physical specimen, then proceed to mould him into a nervous wreck with no life outside of furthering your hypergamous objective.
The horror.

Lmao! Smh

BoboYekini:
I think I may have a headache, from the sheer volume of niggling and haranguing on this thread. And I only just read the last page. Women can complain sha. If it's not this, it's that.
Me, I would trade all the career woman power couple for a simple woman that won't nag me under the pretext of 'driving' me. Making me develop HBP trying to keep up with the Joneses. And we're not even married yet? Fhuck that.
I mean really, is that the new imperative? If you can't/won't get a ready-made man, pick some amenable and distinctly ok physical specimen, then proceed to mould him into a nervous wreck with no life outside of furthering your hypergamous objective.
The horror.

You sound like the very thing you detest just now
I can even understand a nagging man or woman nagging at someone
This your general, all purpose nagging get as e be.
You are on the wrong thread