₦airaland Forum

My friend that stage you are experiencing in your marriage is called Acceptance Stage. if both of you manage to scale through this level, I bet you will never separate again. It's suppose to last between three to six month. that is what my fellow northerners don't seems to endure. she is trying to face the reality and accept you as her one and only.

Moana:
im sure we are not mates

how old are you?

rakasbabe:
Learn to live wit it cos some pple are jst like dat,and wen keeping malice they are comfortable with it.jst pray to god to mak her realise the harm her attitude has on you.keep praying 4 her

have you really experienced a love relationship with a male before? How does it feel when he is rude, and have a nonchalant attitude towards you. He should keep praying till his emotional strength is destroyed.... Hmnn?

Billyonaire:
OP, You are the cause of your problem. You stated that you spent time on a Nairaland section every day. Who does that ?

You said you missed your wife calls, and and I ask you. Do you always call back for EVERY missed call ?

Again you stated that she makes trouble for every little issue. Dont you know that's women's way of showing their weaknesses ? No husband responds to wife minor bickering these days. Keep them quiet and they go crazy and stop. Respond to them and your problem continues.

Best formula which works for a woman like your wife is; When she raises troublesome issue, ignore that and ask her silly question like; Do you believe Enyimba can play better than Chelsea sometimes ? Add issues like, Why did we even elect this Buhari sef, he cant fix electricity. Your wife will get the message if it persists.

Now lastly, marriages do not fail, we fail marriages. Cos we expected perfection from a humanly constituted unnatural union of diverse personalities. Na today your woman start to show these signs ? Dont you think these acts are magnified in your eyes because your love for her is dimished by that side chic you admire outside your marriage ? Bite me.

I don't always agree with what you write but it's always funny. I like reading your posts.

INDUSTRIALFAN:
(Take this advice if you can endure abit) when she starts her tantrums, keep calm like you are'nt noticing her screams, harsh words and attitude and give only calm brief answers when asked questions. E.g: "why did you miss my BBM call?" your response should be "Bad Network"then carry on like you are'nt noticing someone is talking(note: dont act like she's hurting you. carry Urself normal). When she's tired of screaming and starts with her malice, act like she isnt even there(pls never be the one to break it off cos she's expecting you to do so from her past experiences. She feels you cant survive without her. Like she has you in her palm) go about your daily routine like you are happy without her. Dont speak except when spoken to or when you cant find where sth is placed. e.g U cnt find the remote, simply ask " have you seen the remote?" if she doesnt answer you, dont push it... Just walk away like you no send but if she answers you, just say "OKAY thanks" and walk away happily.... she shouldnt last up to a week with this when she starts having thoughts that you are losing interest in her to someone else and she would bring it up.... Dont jump at her yet.... do a little "guy" for her. When she starts putting pressure on U with obvious concern, then you spill it to her and tell her how she's trying you make your marriage to her hell for you and tall her how you've chosen not to let her ruin your life by making yourself happy. Tell her you are gradually getting tired of her and her tantrums( note.. Say it sternly and mean it). One thing you have to know is that not all women appreciate it when a man makes it obvious He cant do without her so you give the impression that you can have a life without her(but deep withing pls dont mean it.. It should only be a hoax) when she feels like she might lose you, she'll have to start trying to please and make you happy..... Its just a mind game and note it that you dont actually mean any of the moving on thingy..... Its just to put a leash on her.....


Before I forget, please, NEVER EVER lay your hands on your wife or any woman.... Dont even think about it... Be a gentle man even if she's strangling you....

All the best Bro...

(was typing in a hurry so excuse whatever typographical errors you might find)

[size=20pt]......where is this coming from Be a gentleman even if she's strangling you
But isn't it a wonder that it's only physical abuse when the husband lifts his hand against the wife, and never when the wife lifts her hand against the husband?
I haven't had need to, but i have seen situations where a slap worked wonders in marriage. It has a way of resetting the system to default mode.
If he touches her, what will happen? Heaven will fall, or his name will be struck from the book of life?
What if a slap is the shortest and surest path to his peace of mind?
By the way, remember it is written in Mark16v18: that" you shall "lay" your hands on the "sick", and they shall "recover"! [/size]

Talk 2 ha & let ha knw ur like & dislike, u ppl should build d spirit of 2gedaness pray 2geda

Coogar has said it all beautifully. Additionally, you may understand her behavior more when you consider her age, experience before marriage and upbringing. Try to rationalize all she does. Engage in things of mutual interest and always think and plan long-term. Keep showing love. She'll get over this. And now that you know how this feels, don't let her be the one to complain in this same way in future.

CHM11:
I have one practical advice bro.
Download the move called 'FIREPROOF'
After eating together, and doing all beautiful things married people do, tell her you want to see a movie with her. You guys can now watch 'FIREPROOF'

After the movie, tell her this is how you feel and if not well managed it could break you as a man and break your marriage.
Tell her you want a happy home where you can come to without problems.
Talk to her and tell her you want all those dating phase shenanigans to stop.
You guys are married now.

Thank you very much. That movie is lovely. I think every couple should watch it.

multicast:
Klark, because tis matter means everything to me, i have to be honest so that the comments can be made out of true concern for my case. she is a very sweet woman, she deserve the love am giving her, she doesnt get sullen when she doesnt have her way and i must say she never ask for too much cuz we have years together so she knows me well, the issue is how daytime turn to darkness at will, it almost fictional but it happens. she is a good woman but this is the problem she has

See this mumu OP..you are even defending her. Then why did you open this thread in the first place? Continue to wallow in your suffering since you refuse to take advice. Mtcheewwww!

Kobeje:
Its obvious you love her, and you must remain loving.

Don't try to prove you are the man of the house by saying so. Let your actions do that. Like dont just apologise anyhow, but do when you are wrong.

It seems to me that some external influence is involved. Let her know that she would be the one to smart for it. Reinforce the trust issue that someone mentioned.

There is time for everything under the sun, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing. Like its been said severally, you need to learn to ignore some of her actions. It may be difficult cos you may feel like your love for her is going down, but NO, its not. In ignoring, you will not get into malice with her at all, just ignore some actions and words that are getting you down and talk about other things as if there is no issue. You will also mature along.

In subsequent communications, let her know she's trying and frustrating you but that you intend to enjoy your home and marriage. So when she starts such behaviour, you could excuse her or if possible take a walk.

As much as possible, don't involve third parties. Also don't get physical.

Lastly, your marriage is not crashing and will not crash. Some have gone through worse and have overcome. You also will.

U R A REAL MAN, I LUFF U ALREADY..

darlenese:
Mr killerman, so u are advising this man leave his wife? What Part of hell are u from
Ur advice is so wack, u can give that to ur brothers and sisters

look madam if u like u call me Satan, so the only part of my advice u saw , was for him to leave his wife? That's ur business anyway, I have no business with you, as I wasn't advising you.....

multicast:
she was a little bit of a stubborn and volatile person but its worse now.

Thank you lord dat u directed my mind to open dis tread.... My GF is juz lyk dis,. Iffa hear say I marry am ehn, mk I cut my tin, infact if u are see'in dis babe.. Ure already an EX, and stop bin stubborn.

multicast:
i appreciate ur comment but i need you to help me explain "TOUGHER", but if i get it right maybe u mean, use same word for her?, stop helping her as i used to do?, stop caring that much?, reduce the attention?, last time i checked a marriage is a beautiful thing and i wish it was a woman who would readily appreciate my kind of man, i dont like too much talks but this one......am tired.......like i said up there, she was a temperamental person and would talk at every little thing, she inherited that from her mum. but i dont need that kind of attribute in this marriage and i keep telling her how much it kills my spirit.

Although am not married yet but I need to contribute.
My lil advise is that once u v discovered that she is temperamental, (like u said she inherited it from her mum)it's not gonna be easy for her to drop it.(except if she's a cautious person n really wants to manage her temperaments with out been asked to)This is an attitude that she has been been living with since she was a child.
Am happy u said u noticed it during ur courtship but u though it's something u could help her get over with, but now u know that u r wrong, cos most women gets loose after marriage, u might think she's 90% suitable for u, after marriage de ll drop to 70%,. All u need to do is to zero ur mind, learn not to attach her attitudes to ur heart, see her as a dull student in a class where u r the teacher, give her every necessary support to help her cope n give her time to adjust. Like some people said, marriage is phase by phase, I believe a lot ll change about her wen babies starts coming. It's important that u find out if there's something that's bothering her which she never shared with you too, cos women are used to keeping things to themselves n take the frustration to their husbands or bf.finally I ll leave u with this piece of advise .
" if u r not happy with d troubles n war going on in ur family, don't think of leaving ur house to another location or starting another family with someone else (until all fails) but the most important thing to do is to change ur communication methods " and let ur wife understand this too. Let her know that all d wars d world had known was caused by a mere spoken words, d things she or u says to each other is capable of destroying ur marriage. Be calm Wen she's hot, n vice versa. remember that even couples that celebrated golden anniversary had some issues goin on between them but de never give up.passing through temptation n trials r part of wat makes a sweet love stories.I v seen a man who married a nagging woman but de lived together till d end. Learn how to live with her shortcomings without allowing it affect ur happiness why u hope that she ll chage someday.I wish u Goodluck.

fem29:
You need to be cool calm and collected when she starts, just answer her questions firmly and calmly, and in that same tone tell her you do NOT appreciate her attitude. Do not beg her. If she starts keeping malice. Ignore her, sleep in the spare room or couch. Stay out of the house more(but please don't get used to this biko, hopefully she will change and you can go back to normal)

Also you could tell her you want to have a meeting with her dad about this because you are getting fed up. Its important you let her know its making you tired of the marriage.

hopefully she will change ke ? Hmnn, the husband is saying her attitude is an inherited one from her mother... You, you are saying he should be gentle and calm.. @multicast. There is this African adage that says ' if you want to look at how your wife will look in the nearest future, take a good look at your 'mother-inlaw'.

Friend!!!!

Dating or Courtship is not marriage.what you know about her during courtship should be erased because you begin to know each other well when you are married.As at the time you got married, either of you may not be yet mature for marriage.But since you are now married,the onus is on you to train her to maturity.This you can do by praying,reading books on marriages and offering her too,ensuring you maintain a very close friendship' not love ooo'.Getting her attention.You also need to understand her type of person to be able to know the best approach to relate to her.I am as old as you are in marriage and you need absolute tolerance.The 1st 5yrs of your marriage is very important and the way you approach it determines a lot.

Please NEVER allow the thought of dumping,separation,divorce or accept anything like physical combat(BEATING).The best approach is to step out of house to cool off so that she can be calm.NEVER be hot at the SAME TIME with her.Study her best hour and talk senses to her.

She might also be pregnant too like someone said and there are different attitude display during pregnancy by women as it varies from women to women.Take this,Your wife loves you but you need to teach her about 'friendship'.Once you dont teach her the concept of FRIENDSHIP in marriage,am sorry,more quarrels will come.

Starieangel:
u sound lyk u re givin up already.......so it dat it?u re givin up on her?forgettin the vows u made b4 ur parents ur frnds the whole world and God Almighty?mybroda,is that it?c'mon!go to the lord in prayer.....dnt giv up yet,ul soon c d light@the end of the tunnel.pls...........geez i feel lyk talkin sum serious sense to ur wife!pray wif her.....a family dt prays togeda stays today!God bless u!

My sister I'm yet to get married, but all the same, thanks for your advice ... My sister honestly, I'm afraid of getting married because of all these problems, like the OP's case for example.. is very hard to find a good wife these days, most of them are materialistic, you can imagine, there's this girl in our 'area', we don't use to say common 'Hi', but once she learned that I graduated, she's now disturbing me... So honesty, I almost give up on women matter

opiscoal:
Thank you lord dat u directed my mind to open dis tread.... My GF is juz lyk dis,. Iffa hear say I marry am ehn, mk I cut my tin, infact if u are see'in dis babe.. Ure already an EX, and stop bin stubborn.

GUY it has not reach that level na... why not try to talk to her first, or check if you're the main culprit

I just came here to read comments and learn from other people's experiences

How quickly someone loses his/her temper and how angry they get depends upon many different factors, such as the individual’s unique genetic makeup, natural personality disposition, and particular real-time life circumstances. At times of illness, menstrual period, financial straightness, school exams, or relocation, family members might get angry at each other more often. Note that ‘marriage requires attention, the moment you stop working on your marriage is the moment it begins to falter’.

It is important to remember that this is your partner and she love you and you love her too. Between the two of you, if you both speak plainly and admit vulnerability, then you will be able to resolve problems. It may take time, you may have many hurdles to get over, but what other recourse is there than resolution? After all neither of you are out to get the other – remember you love each other! The flip side to being vulnerable is you get hurt sometimes.

Remember the most you can do is explain what it is, explain how it affects you or why it affects you and if it’s important, then she may change. And if she doesn't, then think about all the things that she may wish changed in you.

If you want to have a healthy marriage, then you have to make your spouse feel like your equal and take his feelings into account whenever you’re making a decision or just going about your day. If you treat her like her opinions don’t really matter or like you always have the final say, then you’re bound to have an imbalance in your marriage. Make sure that you give her views the same seriousness that you give your own and that you take the time to listen to her and make her feel like you care.

May the lord help you in Jesus name. you might want to come for marriage counselling class in daystar christian center if you you care, they will really help you get over this with the help of the Holy Spirit.

timunstopable:
I just came here to read comments and learn from other people's experiences

but you can as well drop some lines of comments too

jauntty:
Op...its nice that you are acting maturely by not joining issues with your wife and keeping malice. Its always an honorable thing to say "sorry" just to avoid quarrels.

I've discover people don't really change...they get better or worst at who they are. So if she was stubborn @ Dating...she will continue with that attitude especially if you have overlooked it before marriage...(when u were still 'Love Blind"

Way Forward:

To be a Man you just have to be the man. Women are like Children, to be @ peace with them YOU MUST use the "Carrot and Stick " approach.

Be Firm and yet gentle with her.

Lastly communication is the KEY.

U are right brother.. That was a matured advice

henrimoto:
hopefully she will change ke ? Hmnn, the husband is saying her attitude is an inherited one from her mother... You, you are saying he should be gentle and calm.. @multicast. There is this African adage that says ' if you want to look at how your wife will look in the nearest future, take a good look at your 'mother-inlaw'.

No o, I didn't say be gentle, I said be firm and calm. If he starts being nasty and aggressive, he may get what he wants in terms of behaviour but it will seriously affect the dynamics of the relationship. She will never forget the nasty things he did and the OP wants a truly happy marriage. He needs to show love when she behaves and when she misbehave, withdraw the love- carrot and stick.

Multicast

MARKone:
OP, I have to confess, I have experienced what you've just narrated, maybe even worse, some wives are just naturally stubborn and disrespectful, which might be attributed to their upbringing, bad friends and what have you. You see your marriage is still young, so don't despair, but the sooner you make her realise that you are the man of the house, the better for you. If you do not handle it well, it might lead to another thing, too much thinking, fear of coming home, hate and depression as the case is now. Oga you need to man up, if you want to save your marriage, be aggressive, am not saying you should beat her, if she doesn't talk to you, don't talk to her, if she doesn't serve you food, go to the kitchen and prepare food for yourself, Infact learn to ignore her, enough of the sorry sorry, it makes you look weak in front of her, abi is not you that married her

As you make your bed so you lie my brother. Anybody that tells you that, you can make a stubborn lady less stubborn by showing her more love, is not telling you the truth. Your union is still budding, you deserve a life time of happiness so does your wife, this, you need to make her understand.

Op, if you do not take any advice, take MARKone's.
You are not being evil. You are just taking charge.
You want to let her know that the way she is going about malice is not the way, by your actions.
There are some people who are slow learners. They learn by what they see.
When your wife starts malice, stop eating her food, cook yours. Never be the frst to break the malice. The beauty of this is that, you are not doing this out of hatred, but to make her see what you have been trying to explain to her that malice hurts people.
Mind you, if you donot take this practical PRETENCE-step, out of love, you are going to start doing it one day in the future out of pure hatred.
Be tough in this love.
If you can do this, she would be the one doing all the begging and apologising first.
*Mind you, women love to beg and appeal to their husbands. They think it's romantic and you have been denying her the opportunities.
#NoWonderSheIAlwaysAngry
But always apologise when you are in the wrong.
Never stop loving her.
This solution is for dealing with the core: Malice. But if not eating her food worsens the issue please stop the method. This is about ameliorating and not aggravating things.
The watch word here is: love.

Ezego1:
Bro I really want to tell you that if you love her and you really want to be happy with her then you need two things. 1: You need God. Through prayers you can stand in the gab for her to be changed by a define intervention. 2: You. Like seriously You! You need to act as a leader, husband, head of the family, a confidants and above all a friend. As a leader you must as a matter of fact define the path you want your family to go and carry her along. As a husband, love, care and provide for her. As the head of the family you have the final say.... no matter whatever input any member of the family have to offer. As a confidant, you need to be close to her and make her so free to discuss any issue with you having at the back of her mind that you will not act as a judge to condem her. And last but not the least, As a friend you need to forget the fact that she is your wife and take her as a pure friend.... I want to belief that you know how friends treat each other on a platonic note.
Having said all the above, I have a piece of coin I will like to lend to you; sit her down when she is in a good mood and ask her the following questions: 1: How do you want our family/marriage to be seen from the eyes of the outsider? 2: What kind of role model do you want us to be to couples that has been married before and after us. 3: What is it that annoys you must about me and what do you suggest I should do to meet you half way. 4: For the period we have lived as husband and wife can you really say you have been a virteous woman. 5: Do you know why some men cheat on there wife and do not even border to come home let alone eating what they cook? Pls share them with each other. 6: Do you want me to be one of those men? Or do you want a broken marriage? Do you think your parent will be happy to see you back to their house? Answers from this discussion will definatly open your eyes more to the kind of a woman you have married. Lastly, don't miss her calls any more as that annoys so many people expecially when you don't return the call or send a message to apologize with a cogent reason because she is part of you and you should treat her as that. Don't allow malice in your home, make sure you settle it before dawn. Settle it with sex if possible and don't see her as someone you can not control because if you do then perhaps you are right. I do wish you all the best in your marriage, Shalom brother!

MAN! WORD (A MILLLION TIMES)! THIS IS THE BEST PIECE OF ADVICE AV SEEN SO FAR, IMAGINE A MAN SITS ME DOWN AND ASK ME THESE QUESTIONS, MEEEEEN, MY BRAIN GO CORRECT BY FORCE, I MUST RE-ADJUST NO MATTER HOW STUBORN I AM, IT WILL MAKE ME RESPECT MY MAN A WHOLE LOT, MAKE ME KNOW HE TRULLY WANTS TO MAKE IT WORK AND IS DOING EVERYTHING HE CAN, MAKE ME KNOW THAT HE IS TRULLY A MAN. AND I WILL LOOOOOVE HIM EVEN MORE. MEEEEEEN, I ENVY YOUR WIFE ALREADY. GOD BLESS YOU FOR YOUR VERY CREATIVE AND WISE OPINIO.

Multicast

True

whosefault:
Your problem is that you leave your wife you should be talking to and typing on Seun forum. If she complains that you are not calling. load credit and start calling. when you see bird fly, call her and tell her. when you are eating, call her and tell her. in the toilet, call her and tell her, about to leave the office, call her and tell her. when you have a client in front of you .......
she go call you and tell you to stop all these calls. apologize to her and stop the calls.
you don marry...

My broda,its a gud tin this is coming from a man but sincerely speaking people that have anger issues really wanna change it after their reaction but pride holds it back....
Am sharing this with u cos I have anger issues too.though,am quick @saying sorry but sometimes I go overboard and it make me cry at my quiet moments...
Please don't leave her cos every woman cums with her probs.....Cos I believe it hurts her too just like it does to me....
My dear brother,quitters are losers....Don't make this part of life a misery...Communication is key in marriage...Each time I have anger issues with my hubby after settlement and at our quite moments,he always ask wat his mistakes were and wen I tell him, he equally tells me mine and how to be a gud wife and mother.
U said she talks to u like a kid,she doesn't really mean it...Every tin is said and done out of anger...
I respect and luv my hubby more cos he manages my anger well.....He totally ignores me wen I start...By d tym I finish ranting I wish I cld be as soft as he is....
Like someone said,buy her books on how managr crisis in marriage..I read alot and I think it helps a lot....
I browse a lot on marriage and tinz that could strengthen marriage...
Divorce is never an option....
Just the way u feel bad about her attitude,she does too my dear....Don't give room for thoughts like DIVORCE..Cos d psychological trauma that cums with,u can't handle.....

May the Almighty Allah see u tru

Sit her down and talk to her.

Woman palava.............bros u just have to exercise patient,I see women as a very cheap entity to get but very expensive to maintain....not in terms of money.
Divorce is not the best option,u just have to manage her,let there be rule that no malice should last longer than 24 hours and quote me,as soon as she has a kid to nurse,her anger will be reduced bc her attention will be focused on her baby...........Ask your daddy what he went through to be with your mum till this moment,I'm very sure he has a lot to tell u.....
Goood luck bro

omonnakoda:
Next beat her for no reason so she does not know what is coming I suggest at least 3 times a week but you an increase the dose depending on tolerance and response.

Ahahaha..what the heck is this?

zasd:
Ahahaha..what the heck is this?

Na treatment na

Babymama1:
The more I read you the more I am saying to myself in my biggest igbotic accent
buttu wai ?
Eh
Buttu why?
Why did you go along with this
You knew this girl well
Nna buttu why?

Lol..

Becausu ofu love.
He loves her.

MARKone:
OP, I have to confess, I have experienced what you've just narrated, maybe even worse, some wives are just naturally stubborn and disrespectful, which might be attributed to their upbringing, bad friends and what have you. You see your marriage is still young, so don't despair, but the sooner you make her realise that you are the man of the house, the better for you. If you do not handle it well, it might lead to another thing, too much thinking, fear of coming home, hate and depression as the case is now. Oga you need to man up, if you want to save your marriage, be aggressive, am not saying you should beat her, if she doesn't talk to you, don't talk to her, if she doesn't serve you food, go to the kitchen and prepare food for yourself, Infact learn to ignore her, enough of the sorry sorry, it makes you look weak in front of her, abi is not you that married her

As you make your bed so you lie my brother. Anybody that tells you that, you can make a stubborn lady less stubborn by showing her more love, is not telling you the truth. Your union is still budding, you deserve a life time of happiness so does your wife, this, you need to make her understand.

I love this