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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? (10617 Views)
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Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Poshe7(f): 8:44am On Apr 14, 2015 |
The guy that claims to love me and want to marry me wants me to quit my job first. I got a well paying job a year ago, in an Oil servicing Company, located in PH, i was taken to their Lagos office sometime last year. This guy that claims to love me is a Pharmacist, working in Owerri. He has been disturbed about the distance of lagos from owerri, he told me that, if i want the marriage to take place, i must quit my job and join him in owerri, where he will open a pharmacy shop for me to stay. I gave him the option of working my transfer back to PH, he said he cant still cope with it, that he wants to raise a family everyone will be together. I gave him another option to allow me work for a year more or 2, because i have just worked with the company for 1 year, and i know how the job is helping my family and junior ones, who are still in school. My final answer was, NO, i cannot quit my job to marry you, and it seems the guy has moved on. Please did i make a mistake by saying NO? should i have quit my job to marry him? 12 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Pchinak: 8:51am On Apr 14, 2015 |
It's difficult to tell in such circumstance, but since he has moved on, then move on too. The future will tell, but don't live with regrets. 6 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by JeffreyJamez(m): 8:54am On Apr 14, 2015 |
You made the best and wisest decision... considering the fact that you're the one taking care of your younger ones and parents. You weren't being selfish. Marriage is not by force.... and to think he said he will open a pharmacy AFTER the marriage?.... Dude is evil..if he really wanted you to quit,he would make the provisions available before talking trash. That's how he will marry you now and turn you to baby-making machine. Pharmacy you no go see, money for chop go be war, money to give your parents and cater for your younger ones go turn issue... abeg he should move on....you too move on, a better and more reasonable guy would come your way, trust me. 58 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Dheartless: 9:01am On Apr 14, 2015 |
the guy must be a selfish devil 12 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Dheartless: 9:01am On Apr 14, 2015 |
. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Teagirl(f): 9:07am On Apr 14, 2015 |
You made the right decision, men are becoming unrealiable by the day,, you can't afford to quit your job for someone that is not married to you yet..to get a job in this country is very difficult, so you can't afford to let go of this one for a pharmacy you are not sure of.. 12 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Nobody: 9:36am On Apr 14, 2015 |
JeffreyJamez: This guy, you too much, you have said it all. My dear, the right man will come along, do not leave your job. 15 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Mrbigman1(m): 9:37am On Apr 14, 2015 |
Op, why not give him an option of relocating to PH and join u? Getting a job is something else but one have to make a good decision. U have made a decision but mind u, I advice most married women to quit any job dat takes all dia time in marriage and raise kids den u can fly d world around. Dis what I did to my sisters. Dey all quit dia jobs for teaching, wen dia kids re up to boarding school level, dey can jump up and down but child upbringing is very delicate. As an oil services employee like me, we dnt stay one place. Sometimes, six months u never see ur house and wen u travel to ships, it's so unsecured for women to work dia cos u no what I mean naw. as for ur kid sister and school, u guys should have worked things out well if u really loved and wanted to be with him. D guy is not evil, his considering his future family which me too would ask for. Every man has his or her own ideology and if u dnt have any idea, please dnt just jump and call him names. My humble option 12 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by dulux07(m): 9:39am On Apr 14, 2015 |
No one plans or wants to live apart during courtship not to talk of marriage, he clearly gave u his reasons, that he wants to raise his family together which is a good one, most of us dont want to raise our family apart. N he stated that he would open a pharmacy for u, he is not asking u to come sit down n bcom his housewife, its not as if u cant get a job in owerri as well. d guy has no fault. We should be careful abt decisions we make now, so it doesnt affect our future.marriage is all abt sacrifice. Runaway rm a man who tells u to quit ur job, sit at home n he will be paying u monthly, but always consider a man that tells u to quit ur job, n his ready to setup ur own business for u. 4 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Nobody: 9:41am On Apr 14, 2015 |
Poshe7: If only we could have more women like you in this country!!! You're the wisest woman in the country at the moment!!! No man should tell you to quit your well tailored job to go and sit in one dead "shop" Abeeeg my dear, that man is a village man, I wonder the kind of pharmacy he even went to school to study 19 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by pickabeau1: 9:43am On Apr 14, 2015 |
Teagirl: You should have just given ur advice without making baseless generalisations focus on the man in the tale 3 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Albie(m): 9:45am On Apr 14, 2015 |
I will reply later |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by ijebubabe(f): 9:59am On Apr 14, 2015 |
you made the right choice. i was once in a similar situation but in my case, he didnt offer me to set me up in a business or offer me a job. he just believed that i would get a good job the second i landed in nigeria (a country with a very high rate of unemployment). he wanted me to quit my high paying job, move to Nigeria and remain jobless. what he earned in a month, i earned in a week. guess what i did, i gave him the middle finger and i moved on. so your man wanted you to operate a 'chemist shop' which is stupid as you are not a registered pharmacist and you cannot dispense drugs. some men are just destiny killers, jealous and scared of successful women 20 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by prissyluv(f): 10:03am On Apr 14, 2015 |
From your post,you said the man CLAIMS to love you. In my understanding you are not sure of his love and promises. Well,I wouldnt say you made the wrong decision but search your heart and know if this man's love is genuine and that he means well for you. With that you can know if he will be able to open a pharmacy shop for you as promised. Honestly,no man will like to stay apart from his family esp in a young marriage. Another thing is,if you quit this job now,can he in the interim help out in catering for your family till when he opens the pharmacy shop. Ask yourself some salient questions and know if they justify with your decision. |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Poshe7(f): 10:26am On Apr 14, 2015 |
JeffreyJamez:I feel so better, thanks, will surely move on too 8 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Poshe7(f): 10:28am On Apr 14, 2015 |
sirman: I feel so flatterd,thanks. it was a hard decision to make though... i know we have stronger women than me, that have made more daring decisions. God Bless. 11 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Poshe7(f): 10:38am On Apr 14, 2015 |
Mrbigman1: Well, he refused to relocate to PH as he has built his stand in Owerri, I believe that all revolves around Love and understanding, Its not like we will start making babies immediately after marriage, so the issue of raising a child is out of it. I jus wanted to work for a year or 2 before quitting. As for my job in the oil servicing company, it does not require my moving around, i stay more in the office. Thanks for your contribution 6 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Mrbigman1(m): 10:44am On Apr 14, 2015 |
Poshe7: It's good u have made a decision but next time remember that a woman leaves her parent and go join her self to a man and become one. Imagine dating someone from a distance and how it feels den getting married and living apart. It's all sacrifice. I would advise u get something like a job dan a pharmacy. He might be right in his pharmaceutical thing cos he may want to expand in his field through u and maybe u could have taken a better turn. Am not saying u made a mistake but next time, give it a wider range of thought if u find him comfortable to live with and have a future with. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Poshe7(f): 10:53am On Apr 14, 2015 |
prissyluv: My dear, the truth is you can never finish knowing a person, you might think you do, only to be disappointed later in life. 5 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by prissyluv(f): 11:07am On Apr 14, 2015 |
Poshe7:I understand you sha. Wish you the best! 1 Like |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by tpiadotcom: 11:31am On Apr 14, 2015 |
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Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Venom104: 11:41am On Apr 14, 2015 |
Poshe7: Just because of this decision.. i feel like marrying you already.. the guy is the selfish one, he couldn't even hold on for a year or 2 whilst he makes provision for the invincible pharmacy you might never see.. That's how one fool dangled marriage in front of my aunts face and promised to further her education. up till now even jamb form him never buy her.. God will bring your man to you 7 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by MissIndependent(f): 11:56am On Apr 14, 2015 |
ijebubabe:Some men are also insecure...my friend told me her story about her Fiance who worked in a very good company and earned a very good pay. The moment she told him she was going for her masters program, his mood changed just because he was a B.Sc holder he told her she can't that she should concentrate on getting married to him, raise a family and take care of the home. She told him the money is available now it will be better she do it now...he kept giving her silly excuse why she dosnt even need a masters degree bla bla bla that was how she left that relationship. Some men are very funny lol 10 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by bukatyne(f): 12:16pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
ijebubabe: @Bold: Very True @OP, you made the right decision 5 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by shrekandfiona: 12:27pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
Poshe7:you made the best decision in your situation. You were not yet married yet wanted you to quit and marry him? Thank God you stood your grounds. Marriage comes with a lot of sacrifices though especially when the kids start arriving but those sacrifices should be borne by both parties well communicated and agreed upon. However your ex seemed like a dictator (no offence meant though) and a traditional man whose view about womanhood is limited to the home front with women been seen but not heard 3 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Poshe7(f): 1:43pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
shrekandfiona: He isnt a dictator, but when it comes to him being traditional, u not far from the truth. |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Poshe7(f): 1:44pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
Thanks all for d contribution, maybe the marriage was never meant to be. 3 Likes |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Winneygirl(f): 2:55pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
Most times, we need to evaluate. The people you know, are they adding value to your life? Do your friends help make you a better person? Do they encourage you to reach your potential? Understandably, compromises have to be made. But what is the long term plan? . How much benefit is it to you? Will you be happy to man a pharmacy shop for a very long time? What is the plan beyond that? . You have responsibilities, and you are ambitious. You are working hard, and supporting your family. It is not wise to trim or cut down a tree like this. 1 Like |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by Dyt(f): 3:24pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
Oya NL men Meal don come She's single, pretty, hard working, earns good pay What more do you want Oya start to dey analyse |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by pickabeau1: 3:44pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
Poshe7: Maybe Maybe not The most important thing is to accept your decision as YOURS and move on with your life 1 Like |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by willyboss: 5:38pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
@op, u will get to know if you made a mistake or not in 5 or more years from now. My humble opinion! |
Re: Please Help! Did I Make A Wise Decision Or Was I Being Selfish? by mcdokwe(m): 6:57pm On Apr 14, 2015 |
Poshe7:you didn't make a mistake, he was obviously going to whine later about your family leeching on his resources. He should have presented the option of you quitting after the marriage when the finances of the marriage must have been sorted out not before. 2 Likes |
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