₦airaland Forum

pak:
Just decided to quote you but my response is actually directed to 75% of the respondent on this thread

I think a short course in psychology should be made available to all students in our school.

Yes, on the surface blame the girl but truth is what is happening to her is called 'trauma bonding' and it is realer than we think.

If a man beats a woman (or God help us,vice versa) and she doesn't leave the first time, reality is that she will never leave again.
At least not by herself, unless an external force comes into play or maybe it becomes critical and she breaks her bone or something of that nature but if it is regular beatings, it will continue forever and she will never be able to stop it on her own. The psychology at play are numerous and simple
1. Is that we desire more to find closure on an issue via the source of the hurt in the first place. If someone hurts you, nothing takes away the pain like an 'heart felt' apology from that person. Hence, the love of the abuser becomes some sort of prize for the abused, odd but true

2. One thing abusers instinctively realize is that beating a woman is less of a physical assault and more of an emotional wound. It's her self esteem you are tearing at. Few things make a woman feel more worthless than being beaten by the man she loves.
That is why, if she doesn't leave the first time, her self esteem will only get progressively weaker until her subconscious begins to justify the beatings

I don't blame the girl, I pity her. She's more of a victim than a fool.

People who grow up in abusive homes are very susceptible to either become abusers or abused in relationship. These guys don't know 'normal'. The pattern of abuse is their default position.

And folks need to grow up. Her case has little or nothing to do with money. Most guys that beat their women are actually poor broke arse. The average successful guy does not have a confidence crisis nor needs to prove his superiority, his confidence speaks for him.

chimkaire:
Nna, are you related to this Comedian; Senator Stinggy, help me confirm this

Don't reduce a grow-ass woman to a snatchable entity, mbok

Edusouls:
u think dudes intentionally beat women, noo some girls behave like chicken,u can tolerate them forever...

harrysterol:
mbok wer r u from chi?

freecocoa:
While I understand and agree with what you are saying, this can't be said for all cases of abused persons.

justified19:
u were not wrong to av dropped her, u were only caring. ur friend must b a beast, I dont knw ow u will help her outa d relationship without being consider a traitor especially if ur frnd finds out.





btw why was d girl crying and pleading? is ur frnd a yahoo boy? cos girls can do anything to stay wit a rich dude.

chimkaire:
Mbaise


You berra run

pak:
Just decided to quote you but my response is actually directed to 75% of the respondents on this thread

I think a short course in psychology should be made available to all students in our schools.

Yes, on the surface, blame the girl but truth is, what's happening to her is called 'trauma bonding' and it is realer than we think.

If a man beats a woman (or God help us,vice versa) and she doesn't leave the first time, reality is that she will never leave again.
At least not by herself, unless an external force comes into play or maybe it becomes critical and she breaks her bone or something of that nature but if it's regular beatings, it will continue forever and she will never be able to stop it on her own. The psychology at play are numerous and simple
1. We desire more to find closure on an issue via the source of the hurt in the first place. If someone hurts you, nothing takes away the pain like an 'heart felt' apology from that person. Hence, love from the abuser becomes some sort of prize for the abused, odd but true

2. One thing abusers instinctively realize is that beating a woman is less of a physical assault and more of an emotional wound. It's her self esteem you are tearing at. Few things make a woman feel more worthless than being beaten by the man she loves.
That is why, if she doesn't leave the first time, her self esteem will only get progressively weaker until her subconscious begins to justify the beatings

I don't blame the girl, I pity her. She's more of a victim than a fool.

People who grow up in abusive homes are very susceptible to either become abusers or abused in relationship. These guys don't know 'normal'. The pattern of abuse is their default position.

And folks need to grow up. Her case has little or nothing to do with money. Most guys that beat their women are actually poor broke arse. The average successful guy does not have a confidence crisis nor needs to prove his superiority, his confidence speaks for him.


@Yomieluv - You actually did the right thing in that scenario but my problem with you is the kind of friends you keep, is it by force ?
How do you have friends who are so psychotic to the extent of beating a girl until her sandals get torn just because she came to visit him unannounced ?? That is absolutely crazy - I advise you recommend a shrink for the animal you call your friend.
I just hope your friendship with him does not say a thing or two about you or is he doing anything of benefit to you cos I wonder why you choose to maintain such friendship in the first place and you can't tell him pointedly to his face that he was a fool for treating the girl that way (I woud have done that) - I ask is friendship by force ??

Yomieluv:
Lemme make it short.

Went to a friend's place on Tuesday to watch Real-Madrid match. After a while,I heard a knock at the door,my friend went to open,I started hearing noise,on getting to the door,I saw my friend beating his girlfriend. I had to ask,he said the girlfriend came unannounced,and want to force herself in,which resulted to fracas.

I settled them,and went drop the girl in her hostel in unilag,went I came back to my friend's place,he was shouting that why should I go drop the girl off to her hostel,that I should have left her outside,when he locked the door against her. That my loyalty should be to him.

My question is this,was I wrong to have dropped her? I went to drop her because she was crying,bruised,and her sandal was torn.it will be unfair to leave her outside.

How can I help her out of the toxic relationship,without being seen as a traitor,or back-stabber by my friend, because its obvious my friend didn't like her at all,she's the one forcing herself on him.

Imagine after the whole beating,while driving her to school,she was pleading with me to beg my friend for her,I was like WTF in my mind,but didn't say anything,that I will get back to her.

harrysterol:
I won't mind selling the whole Nigeria for your sake

pak:
99.9% of cases. The reason why you think there are differences is because emotional wounds are a lot like measles. They occur once, and when (or if) you survive it. You tend to develop immunity against it and guard yourself better. Even the lady in question, if she survives this will probably never get herself in this kind of situation again (although other types of abuse still await peopl like her)

Or maybe I don't get your point ? An example might help

freecocoa:
Some persons being abused, do not suffer from trauma bonding, they stay and take the abuse for selfish reasons.

I know a lady who gets slapped at the slightest issues by her man but says, the money she gets from him, makes the slap not painful.

Hazardd:
if you ask us, who re we going to ask

Yomieluv:
he's doing very well,lives in a well furnished flat,and drives two cars. He's into entertainment,and this isn't the first time of the abuse,that's why I want to help out. I always feel she's out of her senses.

pak:
Oh ok, that's very true. Nothing trauma bonding about that.

Infact, I know a woman whose Husband was cheating and she decided to stay in the relationship not out of love or attachment but out of common sense. At her age, she had very little alternative, the husband is rich and she has little professional development.

She only threw a storm when he brought one of the girlfriends home !

jaymichael:
Your loyalty should be to nobody, but to the path of TRUTH, JUSTICE, EQUITY and FAIRNESS. If you ve done the right thing according to the best of your ability and conscience, you need no justification from anyone.

chimkaire:
That sounds good








Lemme know when you sell it, eventually

chimkaire:
the resemblance though
Beht why? Is this "snatch" some kinda Rant 101

Yomieluv:
Lemme make it short.

Went to a friend's place on Tuesday to watch Real-Madrid match. After a while,I heard a knock at the door,my friend went to open,I started hearing noise,on getting to the door,I saw my friend beating his girlfriend. I had to ask,he said the girlfriend came unannounced,and want to force herself in,which resulted to fracas.

I settled them,and went drop the girl in her hostel in unilag,went I came back to my friend's place,he was shouting that why should I go drop the girl off to her hostel,that I should have left her outside,when he locked the door against her. That my loyalty should be to him.

My question is this,was I wrong to have dropped her? I went to drop her because she was crying,bruised,and her sandal was torn.it will be unfair to leave her outside.

How can I help her out of the toxic relationship,without being seen as a traitor,or back-stabber by my friend, because its obvious my friend didn't like her at all,she's the one forcing herself on him.

Imagine after the whole beating,while driving her to school,she was pleading with me to beg my friend for her,I was like WTF in my mind,but didn't say anything,that I will get back to her.

Yomieluv:
Lemme make it short.

Went to a friend's place on Tuesday to watch Real-Madrid match. After a while,I heard a knock at the door,my friend went to open,I started hearing noise,on getting to the door,I saw my friend beating his girlfriend. I had to ask,he said the girlfriend came unannounced,and want to force herself in,which resulted to fracas.

I settled them,and went drop the girl in her hostel in unilag,went I came back to my friend's place,he was shouting that why should I go drop the girl off to her hostel,that I should have left her outside,when he locked the door against her. That my loyalty should be to him.

My question is this,was I wrong to have dropped her? I went to drop her because she was crying,bruised,and her sandal was torn.it will be unfair to leave her outside.

How can I help her out of the toxic relationship,without being seen as a traitor,or back-stabber by my friend, because its obvious my friend didn't like her at all,she's the one forcing herself on him.

Imagine after the whole beating,while driving her to school,she was pleading with me to beg my friend for her,I was like WTF in my mind,but didn't say anything,that I will get back to her.

50calibre:
OP c'mon I thought its bros before ho*es what happened loool

On a serious note, I think you were wrong and here's why

1 - The girl brought that ill treatment on herself by showing up unannounced & then trying to force her way in like a lunatic instead of simply walking away as any reasonable girl would do

2 - A girl of 18 or above should be old enough to discern right from wrong, and old enough to live with the consequences of their actions/inactions. if for some reason (most likely money when it comes to Nigerian girls) the girl is not able to get out of a toxic relationship, then that's her cross to bear. You can't don't make decisions for an adult who is capable of making decisions for him/her self.

So except there's an immediate threat to her life, I don't see myself stepping in. You went beyond what was necessary, after breaking up the fight (which is where you could have stopped), you went the extra mile by taking the girl home thereby painting a better image of yourself as the good man and your friend the bad man.

You friend was right, you loyalty to him comes first, ignore these folks telling you otherwise, they're talking shi*t. I honestly don't see any chic coming in-between me and my buddy and vice versa, I can't jeopardise friendship of many years over some random chic who would probably run off with another guy someday.

Apologise to your friend, it's his girlfriend, his problem, only step in when absolutely necessary and know when to step out.

Be diplomatic my man

jaymichael:
Your loyalty should be to nobody, but to the path of TRUTH, JUSTICE, EQUITY and FAIRNESS. If you ve done the right thing according to the best of your ability and conscience, you need no justification from anyone.

Dyt:
Yomi
Onpa iro
Haaa

Strongfaze:
. Which time Hazard of Chelsea register for Nairaland?.

50calibre:
OP c'mon I thought its bros before ho*es what happened loool

On a serious note, I think you were wrong and here's why

1 - The girl brought that ill treatment on herself by showing up unannounced & then trying to force her way in like a lunatic instead of simply walking away as any reasonable girl would do

2 - A girl of 18 or above should be old enough to discern right from wrong, and old enough to live with the consequences of her actions/inactions. if for some reason (most likely money when it comes to Nigerian girls) the girl is not able to get out of a toxic relationship, then that's her cross to bear. You can't don't make decisions for an adult who is capable of making decisions for him/her self.

So except there's an immediate threat to her life, I don't see myself stepping in. You went beyond what was necessary, after breaking up the fight (which is where you should have stopped), you went the extra mile by taking the girl home thereby painting a better image of yourself as the good man and your friend the bad man.

You friend was right, you loyalty to him comes first, ignore these folks telling you otherwise, they're talking shi*t. I honestly don't see any chic coming in-between me and my buddy and vice versa, I can't jeopardise friendship of many years over some random chic who would probably run off with another guy someday.

Apologise to your friend, it's his girlfriend, his problem, only step in when absolutely necessary and know when to step out.

Be diplomatic my man

ocelot2006:
A piece of advice kiddo: NEVER EVER EVER EVER INVOLVE YOURSELF IN A QUARREL BTW A COUPLE. They will use you to settle later. Ive had a 1st hand experience and it was nasty.