nicequeen:
Wat do u do to a husband that calls you stoopid, silly etc for any little disagreement.
It hurts me soooo much.
I've spoken to him about it and he apologised but still abuse anytime we have quarrels.
What do i do cos verbal insults from loved ones usually pain me so bad . And i was brought up in a family that verbal abuse is a taboo and intend to train my kids that way.
For those that'll say didnt i notice it b4 marriage. No, he never did.
Sometyms i feel like insulting him back but its not in my nature but right now i dont no

Wedon:


What does her working or not have to do with anything Does it justify him insilting her like a street tout?

@ Poster . . .
Please don't stoop to his level and insult back. Just keep mute whenever he insults you. And then after that, ignore him for a looong time untill he apologizess.

@bolded works like magic most times!

I showed my husband this story and he went "Hehehehe, that can not be my wife" . See me trying to convince him that if he ever did a thing like this, I will plead with him to stop. He wouldn't have any of that and went on to detail how and where I will direct my own curses. I'm honestly not that bad.

Op, my first intinct will be, curse him till you drop. But then, two wrongs don't make a right. Please talk to him sternly. No begging, pleading or any of that. Seriously warn him to desist from such act as the kids are watching and picking up their characters/behavioral traits from their parents. Make it a big deal! Not some trivial issue.

If he still persists. . . Retie your wrapper, clap your hands in the air, shake your head and dish it out to him while it's hot! Tell him how silly he is to have married a silly woman. How he comes from a lineage of lunatics and so would call his wife stoopid at every slight provocation. Remember a night he didn't "hit it" right and tell him how he is not a man. How you have been managing his shriveled and non - performing blokos. Go on and on and on till his eyes water. Him go know say yousef get skoin skoin.

Leave this unattended to and it becomes a full blown physical abuse.

You can not challenge a woman to a verbal abuse contest and expect to win. That is tantamount to digging one's grave.

Phema:
I showed my husband this story and he went "Hehehehe, that can not be my wife" . See me trying to convince him that if he ever did a thing like this, I will plead with him to stop. He wouldn't have any of that and went on to detail how and where I will direct my own curses. I'm honestly not that bad.

Op, my first intinct will be, curse him till you drop. But then, two wrongs don't make a right. Please talk to him sternly. No begging, pleading or any of that. Seriously warn him to desist from such act as the kids are watching and picking up their characters/behavioral traits from their parents. Make it a big deal! Not some trivial issue.

If he still persists. . . Retie your wrapper, clap your hands in the air, shake your head and dish it out to him while it's hot! Tell him how silly he is to have married a silly woman. How he comes from a lineage of lunatics and so would call his wife stoopid at every slight provocation. Remember a night he didn't "hit it" right and tell him how he is not a man. Go on and on and on till his eyes water. Him go know say yousef get skoin skoin.


Leave this unattended to and it becomes a full blown physical abuse.

You can not challenge a woman to a verbal abuse contest and expect to win. That is tantamount to digging one's grave.

BabyMama 1, first lady of Azubuike and Phema, i troway salute o. I laughed hard at your comments. But seriously the the men need this
sometimes. They sometimes behave anyhow and take us for granted.

Since when did he start? And hope it's not as a result of ur own attitude? I ve a girl like that, no matter how cool headed u try to be to advice or encouraged her, she won't listen only to come back after creating huge mess for me to clean. As times goes on, I became angry with every little thing & I keep trying to use insulting words but all the same. She never changed till now. Me don leave her to her own oo. So please try to know why he's behaving like that

Phema:
I showed my husband this story and he went "Hehehehe, that can not be my wife" . See me trying to convince him that if he ever did a thing like this, I will plead with him to stop. He wouldn't have any of that and went on to detail how and where I will direct my own curses. I'm honestly not that bad.

Op, my first intinct will be, curse him till you drop. But then, two wrongs don't make a right. Please talk to him sternly. No begging, pleading or any of that. Seriously warn him to desist from such act as the kids are watching and picking up their characters/behavioral traits from their parents. Make it a big deal! Not some trivial issue.

If he still persists. . . Retie your wrapper, clap your hands in the air, shake your head and dish it out to him while it's hot! Tell him how silly he is to have married a silly woman. How he comes from a lineage of lunatics and so would call his wife stoopid at every slight provocation. Remember a night he didn't "hit it" right and tell him how he is not a man. How you have been managing his shriveled and non - performing blokos. Go on and on and on till his eyes water. Him go know say yousef get skoin skoin.

Leave this unattended to and it becomes a full blown physical abuse.

You can not challenge a woman to a verbal abuse contest and expect to win. That is tantamount to digging one's grave.

Thank you o
I wanted to modify mine right after I wrote it to say she should sound him one last warning after the next one that he won't like her reaction if this persists and then if he does it again,she gives him a whole lot more than he bargained for.

@nicequeen, do not turn yourself into what you are not.

You seem like the kind of person who does not know how to or just prefers not to be verbally abusive and as such, I urge you to please do away with any advice telling you to return his insults.
You should pause and ask yourself what engaging your own husband in bouts of insult is intended to prove... I mean, to what end?

Also, you do not know how he'll respond... because for a man who already sees no problem in being verbally abusive to his wife, what's to stop him from taking it one step further and laying his hands on you should you return the insults?
And even if he does not use the opportunity to turn you into his punching bag, what assurance do you have that he'll stop?

I believe a poster on the first page namely @tearoses made a very succinct analysis and possible solution - I'm guessing that poster is the same person as the recently-deactivated Chaircover, so please take her advise... she's one of very few married women in this section that still give realistic and quality advise without the usual sadistic attributes displayed by most.

To add to her comment, I would suggest you take drastic steps if the insults do not stop. If possible, involve elderly family members and have a meeting with both you and your husband present - this step should only be after @tearoses' advise yields no positive result so that your husband does not think you reported and convened a meeting to spite him.

In this situation, gentility and wisdom is of essence - the moment you start insulting a man word for word, you open up yourself to many negative outcomes, top of which is the fact that when he sees he can't win you in verbal insults, hitting you may just be his next line of action.

This here is your husband, not some stranger on the street.

Reterliate abusive approach with abuse eh? Na real domestic violence you dey find.
*walk away (overflogged reproach)
*call ALL his original owners to put a leash him.

Tearoses AKA Chaircover .. Sensible post as usual. Welcome back. Just what we are missing around here. Thank you so much.

# Too much Nollywood will ruin happy homes I'm telling you. Now showing on Netflix sef. I hope people will watch it for pleasure only without applying it to their real life issues

Crackhaus nice post.

I will record all his Agbero utterances and play it for his parents to hear what their son has become. That's what I'll do.

if u face me..i go face you
do me... I go do you



Na marriage or royal rumble....Ok na


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y8Zz3DqcDE

crowns2:


BabyMama 1, first lady of Azubuike and Phema, i troway salute o. I laughed hard at your comments. But seriously the the men need this
sometimes. They sometimes behave anyhow and take us for granted.

My dear there are some demons that can only be taken out by violent prayers
A deacon at my former church told us how his mom taught them to deal with a bully
Every blessed day,the boy would chase them home from school and the boys will run and yell and mom will open the door for them
By the third time,the mom was mad and asked how two boys Could be running from one boy
The next time the bully came chasing the boys,mom locked the door
The two boys had to defend themselves and that was the last time the boy bullied them

The woman here has done enough of sitting Him down and talking to him and each time he apologizes only to do it again
I don't advise her to involve her family or his
This one is a simple matter,leave the big cases for family discussions
He is doing it because he can and he knows he can get away with it

She wrote

What do i do cos verbal insults from loved ones usually pain me so bad . And i was brought up in a family that verbal abuse is a taboo and intend to train my kids that way.

From the above this man has studied her well and discovered an area that hurts her the most and in his sadistic way is using it greatly
She says he didn't do it at courtship
Maybe then he didn't know this truth
Now he does and he is using it well to hurt and subdue her
Sometimes the best defense is a counter offense IMHO

Pickabeau1 I have that cd/dvd my papa carry am come here for me on special request. Hehe

tearoses:
Do not insult him back
Do also not ignore the verbal abuse

Your hubby sees no wrong in what he does. He was probably brought up where this kind of language is used all around him. Maybe that is the language his parents used on him when he made mistakes.
Peoples upbringing does play a lot in their way of behaviour inspite of all the degrees that one may have. So you need to train him that this is totally unacceptable behaviour.

you have already seen that its not going to be an overnight change, especially if this is something that he has lived with for many years.

My advise to you . . .as its not your nature to be insultive, (dont let him change you into what you are not) continue to have these discussions with him and let him know how exactly these words make you feel. Explain to him that he is supposed to be your number one fan, and it isnt right for him to use words that outsiders would not even dream of using on you. Tell him that you are a part of him and anything negetive that he calls you is infact a reflection of him too.
he choose to marry you and it doesnt make sense for him to have married a silly or stuppid woman or whatever negetive word that he uses on you. a case of 1 finger pointing out and 4 fingers pointing back.

The result of all these things I am saying depend on how you say it, when you say it, the tone of voice you use and your body language. I am sure you understand what I am saying.

Teach by example. Show him the right way to deal with conflict. You are not a mumu, far from it. you are only investing in the longer term peace and stability of the marriage. You are also teaching your children what sort of language should be used in a normal home. You will reap the fruits in the long run.

All the best.

Tnx maam.
D last time he insulted me. (cant type wat caused it now) I felt tooooo hurt dat i kicked him and hit him hard wit a pillow (he was asleep) he woke up n still asked me if i was stoopid and i walked out crying.
Do u no wat he said, that i've not started crying. So i called him a "wicked man" n kept hitting him with all d pillows my hand could find. He was just laughing at me n asked me to keep hitting him.
I've NEVER felt this hurt in my life or this angry that i could hit anybody. But this....
I dont no if i can ever forgive or forget this incident.
I feel so hurt dat i dnt even want to type wat caused the insult

Ewuro4:
Crackhaus nice post.

I will record all his Agbero utterances and play it for his parents to hear what their son has become. That's what I'll do.

Lol, thanks.

Ewuro4:
I have that cd/dvd my papa carry am come here for me on special request. Hehe

nicequeen:


Tnx maam.
D last time he insulted me. (cant type wat caused it now) I felt tooooo hurt dat i kicked him and hit him hard wit a pillow (he was asleep) he woke up n still asked me if i was stoopid and i walked out crying.
Do u no wat he said, that i've not started crying. So i called him a "wicked man" n kept hitting him with all d pillows my hand could find. He was just laughing at me n asked me to keep hitting him.
I've NEVER felt this hurt in my life or this angry that i could hit anybody. But this....
I dont no if i can ever forgive or forget this incident.
I feel so hurt dat i dnt even want to type wat caused the insult

Thanks for clarifying stuff

Seems to me you are married to a misogynist

Nne you need to stop crying o
You need to toughen up fast
People here are telling you to stay docile and beg and plead
Don't
The crying and begging is like a drug and a high to a misogynist,it doesn't work
You need to stand your ground,look him in the eyeballs and tell him he is not permitted to hurt you anymore and refuse to be hurt by it
He is obviously enjoying it
Deny him that satisfaction of seeing you hurt,that will be like cutting off oxygen from an aerobic organism


You can't insult him back but you can kick him in his sleep and kick him hard ?you pay back a verbal assault with physical assault?

Someone help me understand that

I wish you stated in detail truthfully what led to this incidence,that will throw more light on the exact situation so people can advise you with a better knowledge of the situation.

You can't insult him back but you can kick him in his sleep and kick him hard ?

Someone help me understand that[/quote]

yes i did. I cant even believe i did dat. Av never done it to any1 b4. My chest was hurting. I felt like i nided to hit something. I've never felt like that before.

crackhaus:
@nicequeen, do not turn yourself into what you are not.

You seem like the kind of person who does not know how to or just prefers not to be verbally abusive and as such, I urge you to please do away with any advice telling you to return his insults.
You should pause and ask yourself what engaging your own husband in bouts of insult is intended to prove... I mean, to what end?

Also, you do not know how he'll respond... because for a man who already sees no problem in being verbally abusive to his wife, what's to stop him from taking it one step further and laying his hands on you should you return the insults?
And even if he does not use the opportunity to turn you into his punching bag, what assurance do you have that he'll stop?

I believe a poster on the first page namely @tearoses made a very succinct analysis and possible solution - I'm guessing that poster is the same person as the recently-deactivated Chaircover, so please take her advise... she's one of very few married women in this section that still give realistic and quality advise without the usual sadistic attributes displayed by most.

To add to her comment, I would suggest you take drastic steps if the insults do not stop. If possible, involve elderly family members and have a meeting with both you and your husband present - this step should only be after @tearoses' advise yields no positive result so that your husband does not think you reported and convened a meeting to spite him.

In this situation, gentility and wisdom is of essence - the moment you start insulting a man word for word, you open up yourself to many negative outcomes, top of which is the fact that when he sees he can't win you in verbal insults, hitting you may just be his next line of action.

This here is your husband, not some stranger on the street.

Wow, this my online brokoto don dey sabi book oh.


What's the secret? Edwife....edUwifeh!!! Is this your handiwork ?

At OP, pls don't ever insult back or stoop down to his level. You are you and can't change that.

take a drastic steps to stop it but never engage on abuse or violence .

If possible when he starts ... you start singing very loud.

* satAn, who has given you power, to come nearer to my soul, will you pack your load and go in jesus nâmeeee et. *
Satan Satan. ....shebi you sabi the song

You want me to continue?

nicequeen:

[

yes i did. I cant even believe i did dat. Av never done it to any1 b4. My chest was hurting. I felt like i nided to hit something. I've never felt like that before.

Please my dear,I am not here to judge you or your husband but I will tell you the truth
Can you state exactly what led to this incident
This man is bringing out the worst in you,you are now becoming physically violent for someone who can't bring themselves to call someone an eediot,that is a big leap
That should really really scare you
How angry can you get to kick someone while they are sleeping?

Chillisauce:


Wow, this my online brokoto don dey sabi book oh.


What's the secret? Edwife....edUwifeh!!! Is this your handiwork ?

At OP, pls don't ever insult back or stoop down to his level. You are you and can't change that.

take a drastic steps to stop it but never engage on abuse or violence .

If possible when he starts ... you start singing very loud.

* satAn, who has given you power, to come nearer to my soul, will you pack your load and go in jesus nâmeeee et. *
Satan Satan. ....shebi you sabi the song

You want me to continue?

Bia
Be serious nau
She should bring out ancient and modern and start singing or break out into choruses eh kwa

Girl, time for strategy number one: silent treatment till he apologize...and promise never to insult you again. Next time he verbally abuses you, do gang style for him with Jay-Z or some Eve style
Again, watch out cuz he might be going to the next phrase which is hot slap etc. See if you continue to act cool and quiet, he will take it as not painful enough.

babyosisi:


Bia
Be serious nau
She should bring out ancient and modern and start singing or break out into choruses eh kwa

You don't know me o. I sabi all those church songs wellA. Those days when popsi starts disturbing mumsy., na so she go begin sing o.


"Ekwensu, kwokoro naba ..."
we go just hide for room dey laugh.
popsi will just shake his head and that's the end of the quarell

Works like magic

nicequeen:


Tnx maam.
D last time he insulted me. (cant type wat caused it now) I felt tooooo hurt dat i kicked him and hit him hard wit a pillow (he was asleep) he woke up n still asked me if i was stoopid and i walked out crying.
Do u no wat he said, that i've not started crying. So i called him a "wicked man" n kept hitting him with all d pillows my hand could find. He was just laughing at me n asked me to keep hitting him.
I've NEVER felt this hurt in my life or this angry that i could hit anybody. But this....
I dont no if i can ever forgive or forget this incident.
I feel so hurt dat i dnt even want to type wat caused the insult

your man is having fun insulting you.
That is the most terrible part of the whole incident.

My advice is,word for words.he calls you stupid,call him stupid. Maybe he will know how hurting it is.

Chillisauce:


Wow, this my online brokoto don dey sabi book oh.


What's the secret? Edwife....edUwifeh!!! Is this your handiwork ?

At OP, pls don't ever insult back or stoop down to his level. You are you and can't change that.

take a drastic steps to stop it but never engage on abuse or violence .

If possible when he starts ... you start singing very loud.

* satAn, who has given you power, to come nearer to my soul, will you pack your load and go in jesus nâmeeee et. *
Satan Satan. ....shebi you sabi the song

You want me to continue?

Lol me?

That's a good,she is not violent or sadist like her husband and believe me,once she starts insulting him back,he will turn physical because he will realise that what he used to hurt her is no longer working and he will look for other means to hurt her.

Poster look at him everytime he insults you and laugh by simply telling him that you are not silly,stu.pid or whatever he calls you,because he married you out of all the wise women in the world.Be very confident and show no interest whenever he starts.

You can sing or ignore him.

Chillisauce:


You don't know me o. I sabi all those church songs wellA. Those days when popsi starts disturbing my mumsy., no so she go begin sing o.


"Ekwensu, kwokoro naba ..."
we go just hide for room dey laugh.
popsi will just shake his head and that's the end of the quarell

Works like magic

Hahahahahahahaha
I say this but it may sound offensive but I will say it
Men are like babies and children
They always want to know how much they can get away with

I got a report my son was not turning in his homework
,I talk he repeats it two weeks later
Then the next warning is that I will delete all the games in his IPad and he immediately gets the message and if he violates the rule,I actually delete two or three of his favorite games that he paid for.
That will get his attention.

Same thing
Men sometimes want to know what you can and cannot tolerate
Especially in those early years of marriage,that is the time to draw a line that abuse is unacceptable
You teach people how to treat you by making it clear in uncertain terms what you will not accept
I suppose this is a young couple
She will eventually learn this principle
Crying and pleading doesn't make it better
You achieve that mutual respect balance by being firm and assertive

Chillisauce:


Wow, this my online brokoto don dey sabi book oh.


What's the secret? Edwife....edUwifeh!!! Is this your handiwork ?

At OP, pls don't ever insult back or stoop down to his level. You are you and can't change that.

take a drastic steps to stop it but never engage on abuse or violence .

If possible when he starts ... you start singing very loud.

* satAn, who has given you power, to come nearer to my soul, will you pack your load and go in jesus nâmeeee et. *
Satan Satan. ....shebi you sabi the song

You want me to continue?

You ehn...

So I no sabi book before abi? Issokay.

My love for you bebe shall not die any untimely death no mata wetin you talk, it must blossom.

In fact at this stage her own sins are worse sef,by the truth she has now revealed
The man is talking with his mouth and she is using her fists
Na who bad pass?
She is the violent person here that needs help and self control not him
Truth be told
Next time she may use a dagger like temitope in Delaware
Na so e dey start

I am NOT and have NEVER been a violent person. This is not d 1st time he's insulting me. You might not be like me. But i am a very emotional person right from childhood.
Dat word "stoopid" coming from him makes me feel stoopid for so many reasons.

nicequeen:
I am NOT and have NEVER been a violent person. This is not d 1st time he's insulting me. You might not be like me. But i am a very emotional person right from childhood.
Dat word "stoopid" coming from him makes me feel stoopid for so many reasons.

Try 5mins' suggestion.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

nicequeen:
I am NOT and have NEVER been a violent person. This is not d 1st time he's insulting me. You might not be like me. But i am a very emotional person right from childhood.
Dat word "stoopid" coming from him makes me feel stoopid for so many reasons.

If calling you stoopid can get you so mad as to hit a fellow adult then you are a violent person
No ifs or buts
I have a feeling you don't want to tell us the full story because more truths may come out
So far if he has 30% of the blame,you have 70%

Since this is all a joke to him,you can't change this by hoping he changes
You need to change your method of approach
Crying and hitting won't solve it,you may end up hurt

babyosisi:



If calling you stoopid can get you so mad as to hit then then you are a violent person
No ifs or buts

Thank you

nicequeen:


Thank you

Hehehee
Take it easy nicequeen. Na so she dey do.

When I was younger and just back in naija from the US there was something I used to do. If someone did something I didn't like I would call the person "a fool" or "don't be stupid!", don't be an idi0t! " It wasn't an insult in my eyes, seriously, it was the normal lingo where I came from. But in naija calling someone those things was a very big deal or so I was told. I just couldn't see what was wrong with it.

What finally stopped me? The day I insulted my junior bro and he went on to call me an idi0t back and then complimented it with some well placed jibes to my ego. The fact that I haven't forgotten it even till now tells you how much of an effect it had on me. After our parents settled us I was pointed out as being in the wrong for using such words in the first place.


It's possible this man thinks it's all harmless fun or that you are making a big deal out of nothing and he might be feeling he is trying to help you by desenstizing you with continuous insults. You need to shock him small.

nicequeen:
I am NOT and have NEVER been a violent person. This is not d 1st time he's insulting me. You might not be like me. But i am a very emotional person right from childhood.
Dat word "stoopid" coming from him makes me feel stoopid for so many reasons.

Please and please do not stoop to his level by trading words or getting physical with him. Learn from what happened to someone dear to me. She was in same situation, her hubby was the verbally abusive type.

Whenever they argue, her hubby will call her all kinds of derogatory names all she used to do was negate the words. Like when he says you're stup.d she replies I am not stup.d With a firm voice and walks away. She puts a straight face and doesn't talk to him when he comes over till he apologises. Though he reduced the insults but it didn't stop until one day he heard his 2nd child about 3 yrs insulting the 1st with exact same words he uses when angry. That was when his brain reset o

Try this but even if he doesn't change please never insult him back. 2 wrongs make no right.