Wat do u do to a husband that calls you stoopid, silly etc for any little disagreement.
It hurts me soooo much.
I've spoken to him about it and he apologised but still abuse anytime we have quarrels.
What do i do cos verbal insults from loved ones usually pain me so bad . And i was brought up in a family that verbal abuse is a taboo and intend to train my kids that way.
For those that'll say didnt i notice it b4 marriage. No, he never did.
Sometyms i feel like insulting him back but its not in my nature but right now i dont no

Find a way to drive home ur points.

Simply means he isn't taking the issue serious as you do.

siegfried99:
Find a way to drive home ur points.

Simply means he isn't taking the issue serious as you do.

Can u give me ideas pls

Family counsellor maybe? Involve his parents, pastors etc. Someone he listens to and respects.Time to take a step before things get any worse.

Well you have decided to keep mute on it for a long time

So u know, the day you say yours back, he will either gets physical/call parents to report you being rude or he listens

BTW do u work, I mean do you ask him for money even if you wanna buy panties?

It is deliberate. You said he didn't do that during courtship. That means he cautioned himself so he knows what he is doing.

I think you have to tell his folks and your (you and your husband) spiritual leaders. It is not good for a woman to live under verbal abuse. It is damaging.

Nobody should be called stupìd cos they view things from a different point of view. Saying it to your face is disrespectful. You have done well by not replying him In like manner. Just report him to those he respects.

Dyt:
Well you have decided to keep mute on it for a long time

So u know, the day you say yours back, he will either gets physical/call parents to report you being rude or he listens

BTW do u work, I mean do you ask him for money even if you wanna buy panties?

What does her working or not have to do with anything Does it justify him insilting her like a street tout?

@ Poster . . .
Please don't stoop to his level and insult back. Just keep mute whenever he insults you. And then after that, ignore him for a looong time untill he apologizess.

Wedon:


What does her working or not have to do with anything Does it justify him insilting her like a street tout?

You don't have to roll eyes and hiss madam
We think differently ko
My opinion and not yours
Few others might share same with me
So quit getting angry over my own question
Thank you and go church
Abi you too don't work?
Oh you must have had a near experience of that too

keep mute when he insults..doormat! that's the High way to continuous verbal abuse till he drives away your esteem
ignore for a very loong time..lol you are on your own!
op sit him down and pour out your mind..
ignoring him might have a negative effect on your marriage
someone who doesn't remember your feelings before hurting you (even after repeated complaints) will not look your side when you ignore (which will happen repeatedly) ...
when he abuse(which is always), that means you will always have to ignore Lol

better table out your inconveniences..in a polite but serious way.
try to avoid any unnecessary quarrels..

Dyt:


You don't have to roll eyes and hiss madam
We think differently ko
My opinion and not yours
Few others might share same with me
So quit getting angry over my own question
Thank you and go church
Abi you too don't work?
Oh you must have had a near experience of that too

I see you recently started working. The thing don enter your head no be small. You think every woman who works lives blisfully in her marriage. Afterall if the man talks too much you will swipe your cards. Lai lai . .

This OP's husband has a bad habit. Something a lot of people are guilty of. Work or no work, he will still talk like a person without home training (no offence OP).

Wedon:


I see you recently started working. The thing don enter your head no be small. You think every woman who works lives blisfully in her marriage. Afterall if the man talks too much you will swipe your cards. Lai lai . .

This OP's husband has a bad habit. Something a lot of people are guilty of. Work or no work, he will still talk like a person without home training (no offence OP).

U sound so pained already

I don't even have a job yet, will you do me the honour?

Yes he's got a bad habit he just started exhibiting
Something must be behind it, I asked an harmless question and your reply I cld tell u hissed behind the screen
Yes op, ur hubby lackds home training copied from madam at the top

I am sorry ma'am
Pls just see me as a child
I don kneel down for u oo

Dyt:


U sound so pained already

I don't even have a job yet, will you do me the honour?

Yes he's got a bad habit he just started exhibiting
Something must be behind it, I asked an harmless question and your reply I cld tell u hissed behind the screen
Yes op, ur hubby lackds home training copied from madam at the top

I am sorry ma'am
Pls just see me as a child
I don kneel down for u oo

People don't change.

I seriously doubt that all through their courtship he NEVER insulted her. Except they did e-courtship.
Still doesn't mean he is right to keep doing it.

Now he has kids who will learn from him. If not for anything, for their sake.

That's why I don't think she should insult back. Imagine husband and wife calling themselves 'stupid, foolish, idiot . . .' While the chldren look on! Very embarassing.

And yes your reply 'pained' me. As if catering for his wife gives him the right to insult her at will.

He's lucky sha. OP is too nice.

Wedon:


People don't change.

I seriously doubt that all through their courtship he NEVER insulted her. Except they did e-courtship.
Still doesn't mean he is right to keep doing it.

Now he has kids who will learn from him. If not for anything, for their sake.

That's why I don't think she should insult back. Imagine husband and wife calling themselves 'stupid, foolish, idiot . . .' While the chldren look on! Very embarassing.

And yes your reply 'pained' me. As if catering for his wife gives him the right to insult her at will.

He's lucky sha. OP is too nice.

He might just feel the burden is too much so transferring aggression

Well e-relationships, there's no how he wldnt have said few times, I dated one dude too, he called me stupid, I laughed, later silly, I asked if it was for me, next he said idiot, well I didn't let it get cold, in fact we literarily used it as joke, mine became more and I noticed he stopped using, to say good morning dear, I will say my black fool
He had to stop, anyways, that was a relationship.

I don't advice in front of the kids, its so wrong
If she talks and he doesn't listen then in the bedroom she shld do her own back na

Have you tried talking to him? Like telling him how you feel about his attitude. . Do this when he's in a good mood. ..

It's good you're keeping quite because two wrongs don't make a right besides, It may lead to physical abuse...

btw, is your husband a mama's boy? Or he isn't same person you complained about here? https://www.nairaland.com/2203875/advice-husbands-behaviour
He has so many immature behaviours. .

Just take it slowly op, it's well... All d best...

1. Insult him back. Use his exact words. Most people don't know how harmful their behavior is until it is thrown back at them.

Or

2. Next time he is verbally abusive, throw a hissy fit. Be dramatic about it. Break glass, tableware(but for the love of god, not the TV!) something that will shock the living daylights out of him. Then break down and cry and ask why he keeps insulting you. If this doesn't work then am sorry but your husband is possessed.


Do not ignore. Ignoring, although easier to do, doesn't work, at least not on men.

Tell him that you do not appreciate the way he speak to you.
Tell him that there are ways he can drive his point home without insult. Let him know you can't swallow it any more. Walk away by slamming the door. If you got nothing to slam, too bad. But that helps to drive your point home. He will get it big time.

Gbam


Oya pack it for your sensible post today

5minsmadness:
1. Insult him back. Use his exact words. Most people don't know how harmful their behavior is until it is thrown back at them.

Or

2. Next time he is verbally abusive, throw a hissy fit. Be dramatic about it. Break glass, tableware(but for the love of god, not the TV!) something that will shock the living daylights out of him. Then break down and cry and ask why he keeps insulting you. If this doesn't work then am sorry but your husband is possessed.


Do not ignore. Ignoring, although easier to do, doesn't work, at least not on men.

the fact that her husband insults her has nothing to do with whether she works or not I know that bc i am speaking from experience. My husband used to do the same and I work and I earn as much as he does. I cautioned him several times, I even insulted him back a few times but it wasn't until I got someone older who he respected to let him know that it is wrong that he stopped

mrssho:
the fact that her husband insults her has nothing to do with whether she works or not I know that bc i am speaking from experience. My husband used to do the same and I work and I earn as much as he does. I cautioned him several times, I even insulted him back a few times but it wasn't until I got someone older who he respected to let him know that it is wrong that he stopped

Tnx maam

SAMBARRY:
Gbam


Oya pack it for your sensible post today

nicequeen:
Wat do u do to a husband that calls you stoopid, silly etc for any little disagreement.
It hurts me soooo much.
I've spoken to him about it and he apologised but still abuse anytime we have quarrels.
What do i do cos verbal insults from loved ones usually pain me so bad . And i was brought up in a family that verbal abuse is a taboo and intend to train my kids that way.
For those that'll say didnt i notice it b4 marriage. No, he never did.
Sometyms i feel like insulting him back but its not in my nature but right now i dont no

What inspired the first insult fest?

I would advise you to avoid retaliation. You can't fight fire with fuel. I think a silent treatment and a compliment to counter him will slowly do the job as you will be telling him that you are more mature than he is. It may take time... Finally try to make him your friend... It really helps

Do not insult him back
Do also not ignore the verbal abuse

Your hubby sees no wrong in what he does. He was probably brought up where this kind of language is used all around him. Maybe that is the language his parents used on him when he made mistakes.
Peoples upbringing does play a lot in their way of behaviour inspite of all the degrees that one may have. So you need to train him that this is totally unacceptable behaviour.

you have already seen that its not going to be an overnight change, especially if this is something that he has lived with for many years.

My advise to you . . .as its not your nature to be insultive, (dont let him change you into what you are not) continue to have these discussions with him and let him know how exactly these words make you feel. Explain to him that he is supposed to be your number one fan, and it isnt right for him to use words that outsiders would not even dream of using on you. Tell him that you are a part of him and anything negetive that he calls you is infact a reflection of him too.
he choose to marry you and it doesnt make sense for him to have married a silly or stuppid woman or whatever negetive word that he uses on you. a case of 1 finger pointing out and 4 fingers pointing back.

The result of all these things I am saying depend on how you say it, when you say it, the tone of voice you use and your body language. I am sure you understand what I am saying.

Teach by example. Show him the right way to deal with conflict. You are not a mumu, far from it. you are only investing in the longer term peace and stability of the marriage. You are also teaching your children what sort of language should be used in a normal home. You will reap the fruits in the long run.

All the best.

SILENCE IS THE BEST ANSWER FOR A *WHATEVER, WHOEVER*



By the way I noticed some known nairaland idiooot s avoided ing this thread since its a man that is verbally doing the abuse.If it was a guy's thread, you will see them flexing the muscles .

My dear bear as much as you can, but the day you decide to lose your nuts and give him back, select your words and make the hurt last, so he will realise then that nobody has the monopoly of acting stupid.

So even if he buys her panties..is that enough reason to verbally abuse her

Na wa for you sef

Dyt:


You don't have to roll eyes and hiss madam
We think differently ko
My opinion and not yours
Few others might share same with me
So quit getting angry over my own question
Thank you and go church
Abi you too don't work?
Oh you must have had a near experience of that too

nicequeen:
Wat do u do to a husband that calls you stoopid, silly etc for any little disagreement.
It hurts me soooo much.
I've spoken to him about it and he apologised but still abuse anytime we have quarrels.
What do i do cos verbal insults from loved ones usually pain me so bad . And i was brought up in a family that verbal abuse is a taboo and intend to train my kids that way.
For those that'll say didnt i notice it b4 marriage. No, he never did.
Sometyms i feel like insulting him back but its not in my nature but right now i dont no

Nne you may have to insult him back o
You have done good girl,time to try gangsta
Since you have tried the angle of talking nicely to him and he apologizes and repeats it at the next argument
If he tries it again and calls you stupid eediot tell him it is his mother and father that are stupid eediots and raised a stupid eediot for a son
Let him feel the same pain you feel
This is babyosisi speaking not the Holy Ghost


I don't know any man that can abuse me emotionally o
Call me ashawo I will tell you that you come from a long lineage of certified ashawos,no wonder when it came time for marriage you gravitated towards an ashawo too
He will think twice next time
When he apologizes,you too will apologize and the marriage continues

Wedon:


What does her working or not have to do with anything Does it justify him insilting her like a street tout?

@ Poster . . .
Please don't stoop to his level and insult back. Just keep mute whenever he insults you. And then after that, ignore him for a looong time untill he apologizess.

Simple and Short

5minsmadness:
1. Insult him back. Use his exact words. Most people don't know how harmful their behavior is until it is thrown back at them.

Or

2. Next time he is verbally abusive, throw a hissy fit. Be dramatic about it. Break glass, tableware(but for the love of god, not the TV!) something that will shock the living daylights out of him. Then break down and cry and ask why he keeps insulting you. If this doesn't work then am sorry but your husband is possessed.


Do not ignore. Ignoring, although easier to do, doesn't work, at least not on men.

EggovinMma:

Are u Lynn petra

EggovinMma:

Yes na.
TVs are the modern shrines..
They are sacred.

5minsmadness:

Yes na.
TVs are the modern shrines..
They;red.

got a crazy aunt that does that! The husband and her will fight from upstairs reach downstairs. She will use aka odo to break the flat screen. Although she stopped, after her mother's death.

Ignore him!
He will soon get tired!
But verbal abuse is always the first stage to physical abuse!
Watch out PLEASE!