I don't know much o, but I have a feeling trading insults with him will lead you somewhere you don't like. In your personality.

Take it from someone who was emotional and smallish as a child with 5 brothers who acted like this. Sure, I ended up realising my God-given potential to trade hot words and win but I could never stop afterwards. And of recent, it doesn't make me feel so good to think a lot of people call me behind my back "abrasive"

You're not stupid or silly. And you're not violent (if you are, then I am worse, because sweetie, from age 5 when I was close to tears of frustration while some older brother sounded like your hubby, I learnt I had great aim for throwing stuff). You're just really hurt and frustrated.

Try @tearoses advice. You don't have to beg and plead and cry, calmly and gently tell him every negative thing he says to you, he is saying to himself. He knows what he is doing and how it hurts you, and you are giving him the predictable response (beg, cry, get emotional, hit him) and it leaves him in control of the situation (whether he is right or wrong)

So stop all that, control your emotions. Don't ignore this, but don't get emotional about this, okay?

He will come to his senses the day his kids act like him and he sees this and realises you have never stooped to his level. And his shame will be great and permanent.

nicequeen:
I am NOT and have NEVER been a violent person. This is not d 1st time he's insulting me. You might not be like me. But i am a very emotional person right from childhood.
Dat word "stoopid" coming from him makes me feel stoopid for so many reasons.

Stop beating yourself up. There're still gona be many many fights and argument in your relationship so madam, don't give yourself HBP and avoid untimely death. Choose your battles. You know your man better than all of us ranting here, if you think his case is beyond your might, report him to his parents. There's no bigger battle than this fire on your roof because it's about to burn your entire household down if care's not taken and adressed.

You're frustrated and felt pushed to the wall and that's how humans react for the most part, when they're hurt- in real life.
You said, youhit him with a pillow in his sleep, you can hit him with the nearest flower vase on the night stand next time without any intention to hurt him. Who will you blame then, the devil?

Men experience this too and we tell them to walk away and be a gentlemen. You can do that too.

Try other things to exhaust your anger like going for a walk or singing like someone earlier mentioned. Let him fight his shadow. Don't make yourself the person you aren't. A word is enough for the wise.

Marriage, is a long term learning experience and as we learn new ideas about our spouse as we grow into it and it gets better and better..

I wish you well.

Mind you op, before you consider taking the advice of some touts here asking you to insult your husband back, you should consider this fact, "most of ur advicers are foul mouthed women, they insult their husbands normally without him even insulting them, you are not like them, secondly, your husband may not be as docile as most of their husbands... His reaction fit set the houuse on fire, you don't put out a fire by stoking it, two wrongs don't make a right...
Tread with caution...
God bless you....

So you're one of these tout wives who insult their husbands?
I don catch you today.
Your case don be.
See folks taking indirect swipes at you
You go hearam

5minsmadness:
1. Insult him back. Use his exact words. Most people don't know how harmful their behavior is until it is thrown back at them.

Or

2. Next time he is verbally abusive, throw a hissy fit. Be dramatic about it. Break glass, tableware(but for the love of god, not the TV!) something that will shock the living daylights out of him. Then break down and cry and ask why he keeps insulting you. If this doesn't work then am sorry but your husband is possessed.


Do not ignore. Ignoring, although easier to do, doesn't work, at least not on men.

njokusboy:
Mind you op, before you consider taking the advice of some touts here asking you to insult your husband back, you should consider this fact, "most of ur advicers are foul mouthed women, they insult their husbands normally without him even insulting them, you are not like them, secondly, your husband may not be as docile as most of their husbands... His reaction fit set the houuse on fire, you don't put out a fire by stoking it, two wrongs don't make a right...
Tread with caution...
God bless you....

This is a tout wife btw
She doesn't need to insult him
She don pass that stage
She is already kicking him ,in his sleep I might add
E don pass verbal
Your advise is belated,as in too late

Maybe you should lecture her on how to land a sucker punch where it really hurts
After all the man was running his mouth and deserved to be taught a lesson according to nairaland wife 101 rules

Did you say docile?
Hiya
She was hitting him and he was laughing and asking for more punches while calling her stupeed on top
Don't you folks read posts from original posters before responding?

I'm surprised you haven't advised her to buy red pant and bra to entice him

cococandy:
So you're one of these tout wives who insult their husbands?
I don catch you today.
Your case don be.
See folks taking indirect swipes at you
You go hearam

Na only me talk say make she retaliate?
But honestly I feel that's the best course of action, talking from experience.
The guy is taking it like play, probably doing it out of 'love'. Ignoring won't help IMHO.

I could be wrong though. Let's see how it goes.

Me a wife
That's a first

5minsmadness:


Na only me talk say make she retaliate?
But honestly I feel that's the best course of action, talking from experience.
The guy is taking it like play, probably doing it out of 'love'. Ignoring won't help IMHO.

I could be wrong though. Let's see how it goes.

Me a wife

That's a first

Well you're the first person.
So I guess the snide jabs must be meant for you at least before those supporting your POV.

Kpele (no I don't really mean it)


Ok seriously though.
I don't see how abusing him back will help them but then I don't have a better opinion.
So...

babyosisi:


This is a tout wife btw
She doesn't need to insult him
She don pass that stage
She is already kicking him ,in his sleep I might add
E don pass verbal
Your advise is belated,as in too late

Maybe you should lecture her on how to land a sucker punch where it really hurts
After all the man was running his mouth and deserved to be taught a lesson according to nairaland wife 101 rules

Did you say docile?
Hiya
She was hitting him and he was laughing and asking for more punches while calling her stupeed on top
Don't you folks read posts from original posters before responding?

I'm surprised you haven't advised her to buy red pant and bra to entice him

She was kicking him out of frustration like children do when they are fed up... It was an extra boost for the man's ego, that was why he was taunting her in spite of the blows,she was not trying to hurt him, am sure and you know... and a man is not really hurt unless you bruise his Ego.. You're just blowing things up to drive home your agberoistic suggestion...You think she has not done enough unless she insults his ancestors....
Op, don't pay any attention to this woman, if insulting does not yield results, she'd advice you to call his mama on phone and insult her or worse still, pour hot soup on his head, if he retaliates, she'd advice you to pack up and leave his house, she always has an extreme solution to every problem...
The best you can do is to talk to him or report him to his people... He'd come around....

i

njokusboy:
Mind you op, before you consider taking the advice of some touts here asking you to insult your husband back, you should consider this fact, "most of ur advicers are foul mouthed women, they insult their husbands normally without him even insulting them, you are not like them, secondly, your husband may not be as docile as most of their husbands... His reaction fit set the houuse on fire, you don't put out a fire by stoking it, two wrongs don't make a right...
Tread with caution...
God bless you....

Even some men here advised her to lose her temper and insult him back. Why are you ignoring that to focus on the women?

nicequeen:
Wat do u do to a husband that calls you stoopid, silly etc for any little disagreement.
It hurts me soooo much.
I've spoken to him about it and he apologised but still abuse anytime we have quarrels.
What do i do cos verbal insults from loved ones usually pain me so bad . And i was brought up in a family that verbal abuse is a taboo and intend to train my kids that way.
For those that'll say didnt i notice it b4 marriage. No, he never did.
Sometyms i feel like insulting him back but its not in my nature but right now i dont no

please whatever happens hold your tongue because it can make things worse. I'd rather you sulk even for ages, blackmail him emotionally rather than going all verbals on him or better act up like his insults doesn't get to you, just so he might get tired of it. God save your marriage and make it a happy one

Op for those women telling you to tie wrapper, insult him mama, insult him papa, tell him he wasn't good enough in bed and all that, but fail to understand how a defence from you is enough to bring about a more ferocious attack not to talk of when you put up an attack yourself.

Let's assume you tell him he isn't good enough in bed and he tells you it is so because you've been a LovePeddler and insatiable nko or he decides he isn't going to do it with you anymore since he isn't good enough?

If I got you right, he has been abusive without a justifiable provocation and you want to give him grounds to take it a step further eekwa?

Personally, I believe two people who truly love each other and want to build their happiness around each other can sort things out without involving outsiders (parents of spouses inclusive). So rather than involve family, try to use that tone initially used in the courtship stage to make him understand how his words hurt you and like a poster above (God bless her) suggested, don't forget to tell him how the kids could pick the trait from him.

In its extreme, threaten to report him to mama, (one good fruit of marrying a "mama's boy) that is with the assumption you relate well with her (one good reason to love and relate well with MILs) and then go ahead to report him if he doesn't change.

Finally, the sort of advice you will take because they would surely pour in very diverse depends on two things.

1. If you are ready and interested to build a marriage
Or

2. You want to show you can stand up for yourself

They said the one that dances by the roadside has someone playing the drums in the bush.

Even though some would term it manipulative, saying less while your partner is all tongues sort of leaves you on top of the situation most times.

Once again, God bless your marriage and make it a happy one

mcdokwe:
Op for those women telling you to tie wrapper, insult him mama, insult him papa, tell him he wasn't good enough in bed and all that, but fail to understand how a defence from you is enough to bring about a more ferocious attack not to talk of when you put up an attack yourself.

Let's assume you tell him he isn't good enough in bed and he tells you it is so because you've been a LovePeddler and insatiable nko or he decides he isn't going to do it with you anymore since he isn't good enough?

If I got you right, he has been abusive without a justifiable provocation and you want to give him grounds to take it a step further eekwa?

Personally, I believe two people who truly love each other and want to build their happiness around each other can sort things out without involving outsiders (parents of spouses inclusive)

The operative word.. Two people in love.

If two people are in love, they will not want to hurt each other and if they do, they are quick to retrace their steps. Partners being in love solves 99% of the problems on ground.

It takes both parties to make the marriage work and it is obvious the husband is not disposed to making it work for now...

bukatyne:


The operative word.. Two people in love.

If two people are in love, they will not want to hurt each other and if they do, they are quick to retrace their steps. Partners being in love solves 99% of the problems on ground.

It takes both parties to make the marriage work and it is obvious the husband is not disposed to making it work for now...

that two people are in love doesn't mean one person doesn't love more atimes, let the woman be the one more in love and get the other to fall so in love not to want to hurt her.

@nicequeen:

Shared this thread and this is the feedback I got:

1). It is either you are not saying what exactly led to the insults (not saying it's right) as it is strange to envision your hubby will just start insulting you

OR

2). He is fed up/frustrated with the marriage or some attitudes of yours

Please answer my first question on this thread:

What triggered the first instance of insults? (since he did not insult you during courtship)

mcdokwe:
that two people are in love doesn't mean one person doesn't love more atimes, let the woman be the one more in love and get the other to fall so in love not to want to hurt her.

We don't have a loveometer to measure people's feelings for each other

However, if you profess to love someone (small or big) you have live by that commitment.

bukatyne:


We don't have a loveometer to measure people's feelings for each other

However, if you profess to love someone (small or big) you have live by that commitment.

arguing in that line would derail our concern here, which I believe should be to get the op to make her husband stop the abuse without necessarily aggravating the situation. The assumption is that he loves less and so could easily hurt her and not care, she loves more and shouldn't watch her marriage crumble or deteriorate to a managing one

mcdokwe:
arguing in that line would derail our concern here, which I believe should be to get the op to make her husband stop the abuse without necessarily aggravating the situation. The assumption is that he loves less and so could easily hurt her and not care, she loves more and shouldn't watch her marriage crumble or deteriorate to a managing one

Ok

bukatyne:
@nicequeen:

Shared this thread and this is the feedback I got:

1). It is either you are not saying what exactly led to the insults (not saying it's right) as it is strange to envision your hubby will just start insulting you

OR

2). He is fed up/frustrated with the marriage or some attitudes of yours

Please answer my first question on this thread:

What triggered the first instance of insults? (since he did not insult you during courtship)

It's obvious she is withholding the true story,I asked the same question
She may not be as innocent as she will want anyone to believe

njokusboy:


She was kicking him out of frustration like children do when they are fed up... It was an extra boost for the man's ego, that was why he was taunting her in spite of the blows,she was not trying to hurt him, am sure and you know... and a man is not really hurt unless you bruise his Ego.. You're just blowing things up to drive home your agberoistic suggestion...You think she has not done enough unless she insults his ancestors....
Op, don't pay any attention to this woman, if insulting does not yield results, she'd advice you to call his mama on phone and insult her or worse still, pour hot soup on his head, if he retaliates, she'd advice you to pack up and leave his house, she always has an extreme solution to every problem...
The best you can do is to talk to him or report him to his people... He'd come around....

Are you done ?
Mschtwwww

nicequeen:

You can't insult him back but you can kick him in his sleep and kick him hard ?

Someone help me understand that

yes i did. I cant even believe i did dat. Av never done it to any1 b4. My chest was hurting. I felt like i nided to hit something. I've never felt like that before.

So you resorted to Physical violence

You can't abuse him verbally but you can abuse him physically . . .

What happens when a kitchen knife is handy when next you fly into your blind rage

No offense madam, but You need HELP!!!

Wedon:


So you resorted to Physical violence

You can't abuse him verbally but you can abuse him physically . . .

What happens when a kitchen knife is handy when next you fly into your blind rage

No offense madam, but You need HELP!!!

Nne see trouble o
A woman that cannot open her mouth to call some who called her stupeed,a big eediot but she waits till he sleeps to kick him in his sleep and then hit him with pillows to express her anger.
She should thank her stars the man is not a violent person, and was laughing at her ,she would have been typing with her mouth from an orthopedic ward.

Caveat!

1. Insult him back. Use his exact words. Most people don't know how harmful their behavior is until it is thrown back at them.

This was my exact quote. The idea is to give him a taste of his own words o, not for you to insult his man-hood or parents. I backed it up with my own experience. ANYTHING beyond that I am not in support.

I stand by my advice cos I believe you have ignored him already and it didn't work nd I don't think it's something you should invite external family unless it is absolutely necessary.

P. S
Now I'm curious. What did you actually do that made him insult you?

babyosisi:


Please my dear,I am not here to judge you or your husband but I will tell you the truth
Can you state exactly what led to this incident
This man is bringing out the worst in you,you are now becoming physically violent for someone who can't bring themselves to call someone an eediot,that is a big leap
That should really really scare you
How angry can you get to kick someone while they are sleeping?

babyosisi, babyosisi, how many times did I call you? What do you benefit from destroying relationships homes?
Why do you completely write of completely salvageable situations if not making them worse?

If the man could laugh at her hitting him, that goes to show it wasn't as violent. Or is it that you are not happy she didn't cut out his manliness instead?

If she fires him verbally like you advice and he resorts to physical abuse, will she be able to match him? Would you be there to fight for her or simply advice her to pack and leave like you are will always do?

Biko daa nne, have a rethink o, unless broken homes in anyway adds something to you.

Nice queen
Take your issues off NL
It's better to take it to a false prophet
Most of the women here are something else
And I go with dyt,if u re idle pls get a job, asking for tampons and panties Can lead to the biggest see finish

mcdokwe:
babyosisi, babyosisi, how many times did I call you? What do you benefit from destroying relationships homes?
Why do you completely write of completely salvageable situations if not making them worse?

If the man could laugh at her hitting him, that goes to show it wasn't as violent. Or is it that you are not happy she didn't cut out his manliness instead?

If she fires him verbally like you advice and he resorts to physical abuse, will she be able to match him? Would you be there to fight for her or simply advice her to pack and leave like you are will always do?

Biko daa nne, have a rethink o, unless broken homes in anyway adds something to you.

Mcdokwe
Had this girl been your woman we all know how mercilessly you would have beaten her and bragged about it with people hailing you
Your own story and drama here of your violent ways reached many pages need I remind you
Ad the beaten woman started her own thread
A man that will beat up a young girl holding an infant is a scum in my books
Please back off I nu go
You are no person to put mouth in anything to do with couples and argument here on nairaland and you should know that truth

babyosisi:


Nne see trouble o
A woman that cannot open her mouth to call some who called her stupeed,a big eediot but she waits till he sleep to kick him in his sleep to express her anger.
She should thank her stars the man is not a violent person,she would have been typing with her mouth from a orthopedic ward

The thing tire me no be small . . .

Physically attacking a man in his sleep ? So so ghetto . . . . And yet to cuss dey hard am!

I swear I have seen it all on Nairaland . . .

babyosisi:


It's obvious she is withholding the true story,I asked the same question
She may not be as innocent as she will want anyone to believe

you didn't consider this before you earlier posts eekwa?

mcdokwe:
babyosisi, babyosisi, how many times did I call you? What do you benefit from destroying relationships homes?
Why do you completely write of completely salvageable situations if not making them worse?

If the man could laugh at her hitting him, that goes to show it wasn't as violent. Or is it that you are not happy she didn't cut out his manliness instead?

If she fires him verbally like you advice and he resorts to physical abuse, will she be able to match him? Would you be there to fight for her or simply advice her to pack and leave like you are will always do?

Biko daa nne, have a rethink o, unless broken homes in anyway adds something to you.

Words will make him violent and hitting him in his sleep won't

mcdokwe:
you didn't consider this before you earlier posts eekwa?

At what point did she reveal her own violence?
Back off I say

Wedon:


Words will make him violent and hitting him in his sleep won't

Did you read mcdokwe's account here of how he beat his babymama black and blue,twice in one day?
So much so that people gathered and couldn't get the girl off his grip
Beat her and locked her up in a room with a baby
That is the same person giving advice

If you didn't read that thread you missed

babyosisi:


Did you read mcdokwe's account of how he beat his babymama black and blue,twice in one day?
That is the same person giving advice

O . . . k . . . Is he the 'I hit her she deserved it bla bla bla' guy?

Mtcheeeew!

Wedon:


O . . . k . . . Is he the 'I hit her she deserved it bla bla bla' guy?

Mtcheeeew!

Yes o
He is now the one advising me on marriage and how to keep a marriage

My dear,my blood dey hot now
One stupeed ugly short engine beat my cousin black and blue in that Abuja accusing her of sleeping with a Yoruba man
All made up story with no shred of evidence
A man that should be worshipping her feet,I have no clue what such a pretty girl saw in this monster look alike
Destroyed her valuables,seized her stuff and she has bruises and eyes swollen shut
I am currently talking to my family to get the police and show this eediot some serious pepper
I am here advocating for victims of domestic violence while my own family member is being pummeled on a daily basis and is just opening her mouth now to speak
If my family do what I am suggesting,wallahi any time this short devil hears the last name Osisi he will pee pee in his "trozis"