₦airaland Forum

There is no bad woman ever! Some men just rush into a relationship/marriage without observing and studying a woman for reasons best known to them. Years into the marriage,the woman displays her real personality and you run to nairaland to discuss your woes. There is something called a discerning spirit,both men and women need to operate in this level in a relationship.
More often than not,the signs of a stubborn wife/misorgynist man are there,but you are blinded by love and attraction. When your senses finally come alert,you only have yourself to blame for not looking properly.

Ihuomadinihu:
Same bullshit! Which woman respects a little boy or one that misbehaves? You have been subconsciously indoctrinated to believe that women were created to lick the feets of anything that wears a trouser. This is 2015!

i pray your mindset won't cause you your marriage(if you're married) because you're already being disrespectful to your (future) husband...

netsurf:
Thanks for this but let me just give you an instance about the googling aspect to know it's not because I failed to show leadership trait. During our courtship...very early..about a month from when we met, we were having a discussion about how drugs are manufactured and I said scientist delibrately use either a dead human or live as 'guinea pigs' to test efficacy of drugs before it's realesed into the market for consumption...she shouted..it's a lie...then I tried explaining to her by giving examples of what I have seen and read...the next thing she said is untill she consult google, she cannot believe what i said. Another instance came when she developed some skin rashes which has failed to respond to so many prescribed drugs...then I said we should consider blood tonics and that she should start eating more of fruits and vegetables to strenghten her immune system...she said it has nothing to do with her blood and tha it's just a skin disease...then I tried explaining what I know about skin and the veins that supplies blood to the skin...she responded by carying her phone and before you can blink, she was already on google...that day, everything I said about the skin and her skin issue was exactly on google. Rather than become sober, she still insist that she only belives because google said so. Then it occured to me in a flash that she might not respect not only my opinion but everything I stand for. I remembered I discussed my fears with her about three days after but she said I misundertood her.

Good. At least you have had a discussion on this issue. Step number one complete; communication. I will give you a tip on how to restore normalcy. It will be hard, especially if you love her but it is something that needs to be done.

You have to start being aloof. Don't offer or give any kind of opinion or advice on any issue unless she asks. If you give your opinion on an issue and she contests it, don't go into a debating contest, just concede. There is nothing worse than giving a semi silent treatment and one line response to your spouse. She'll be dying inside. But, here is the trick; you need to start stamping your authority on other issues, like when you want your dinner, how the food needs to look and taste, how your home needs to look like etc. These are non negotiable standards that you must be disciplined enough to institute and enforce. These are just examples. I don't know you, so you need to find things that you need to implement and enforce. Contravening any of your rules will mean a sit down with her. Make a big deal out of the smallest thing. I don't mean go into a shouting match, but discuss what you did not like and how it must not happen again. I guarantee you, she'll start watching everything she does around you so as not to piss you off.

boykas:
@NAIRALIFE

Believe me man. you are the best.. i understand all her kids mind.. she has never find a woman as difficult as we are.. who told her we dont listen to them, who told her we treat them like puppet. you can imagine how she called your wife puppet and still called her that without knowing her personality. what kind of woman are there in this 2015, and a lot pple giving the go ahead for her jerk...
like i said earlier i dont argue with women, believe me. i argue when i loose my tamper and they loose that ordinarily.
you are really a patient man ooo, ask her, if she is the man, and go out to work under this costless economic we are in and you still have a partner who called herself yur wife and doesnt give you a bit of rest, never mind your emotion how you feel, what troubles you and who still grumbles and troubles you all thru the day, but at the end the man still cuddle her and give a lot of chance that she will change. meanwhile till today as we speak, she can never change but go on with behaviour, ego/pride.
I always loose concentration at work because of this.. do you think all men are happy not finding solution on thier own... you have never seen anything.. i pray she had a person like my wife her brother's wife. and she will see what they called life...

Stories that touch! No one is responsible for your troubles. The essence of a real man is he who can control his household without spilling the details on nairaland.
It's nobody's business if you married a Chamelon in the guise of a woman. Now you know her real personality!

onelife97:
@op,permit me to tell u my personal experience.
I got married abt 5 years ago and have a 4yr old boy.But ever since my wife delivered the boy,my life has become unbearable and very difficult to move on.my opinion in any matter with my so called wife mother of my son never counts.But she LL have to confide ir seek advice from unknown people online or her racist family b4 she LL to what I say even though she LL never bring any I her own idea to the table.If u ask my wife a million questions,I bet u csn only get one answer everytime"I DON'T KNOW".those has been goin on for the past 4 years.for more than 3 years,she won't even sleep with me in the sane too let alone make love/have sex with me.I can count how many times we did it in the past years.
Anyway,to cut the long story short,I decided to look for another girl because I won't kill myself with depression.
So sometimes last week,I was talkin to a girl on phone and she was eavesdropping and I got caught.
However,I was thinkin there would be problem in the house and heaven might fall and the hell would break loose.But to my deepest surprise my wife has been treating m like a man of the house now.askin me for sex without rubber etc.
So I have learnt a new lesson now.WOMEN DON'T APPRECIATE GOOD GUYS WHICH I HAVE BEEN ALL THESE YEARS.
Unfortunately for her,I am gone and no looking back.just waiting for something and she LL be completely out of my life.

I won't tell u what to do with urs.u know her and u know the best for ya.think it thru and take ur best decision without anybody interference pls.

Women are not supposed to be pampered.

I think I got what I wanted here. I'll go ahead and try this before asking my lawyer to draft a divorce letter.

Ihuomadinihu:
I was referring to the saddist that wrote the initial comment. You are just one of the few men that will commend the rubbish he wrote and copy his manner of approaching women. You wouldn't argue with a women? Becos she is not worthy enough or what? At least,Nairaland has exposed the kind of men that we have in Nigeria. Pls don't quote me asking silly questions before you will claim that i insulted you.

hes not a saddist.. he sharing what he has been through which i truely understand because am passing thru with that as well.. have you ever seen a difficult woman..i mean a REALLY difficult woman.. with the you comment here if you are the man, you would have killed her.. Some men including me are passing a lot of difficulties with this.. we love our wife.. Do you know that it will be very foolish of me coming back from work and have a determination of hitting my wife..if she does something wrong.. is the men right to call her and sit her down. but if you marry a woman that do not want or wish to listen to your advise, instead she keeps nagging and throwing up abuses.. but at some point you have endurance.. my won is about 3 years withour changes and i keep believing she will change
now that we are married..men.. her attitude isthe worst thing thou i have made a mistake thinking that she will change but i love her and cant spend a day without seeing her..
but things are really getting out of hands..

babe. you have never seen a REALLY difficult women so dont just comment and thinks we dont know what we are doing.

daben1:
i pray your mindset won't cause you your marriage(if you're married) because you're already being disrespectful to your (future) husband...

Disrespectful in what manner? By speaking up and condemning men that feel women were created to be puppets and do all the want in marriage?

nairalife2013:
I always question myself when I discover am d only one talking Against, in the crowd. I stop and reconsider my sense of judgment, just incase I was a bit paranoid to the awe of the audience.

This is what we are saying...most of these women are the same. they always want to out do you in all ways. do they even consider the fact that their action could reduce the man psychologically to nothing?

best to maintain your silence and stop responding to thier rants.

boykas:
hes not a saddist.. he sharing what he has been through which i truely understand because am passing thru with that as well.. have you ever seen a difficult woman..i mean a REALLY difficult woman.. with the you comment here if you are the man, you would have killed her.. Some men including me are passing a lot of difficulties with this.. we love our wife.. Do you know that it will be very foolish of me coming back from work and have a determination of hitting my wife..if she does something wrong.. is the men right to call her and sit her down. but if you marry a woman that do not want or wish to listen to your advise, instead she keeps nagging and throwing up abuses.. but at some point you have endurance.. my won is about 3 years withour changes and i keep believing she will change
now that we are married..men.. her attitude isthe worst thing thou i have made a mistake thinking that she will change but i love her and cant spend a day without seeing her..
but things are really getting out of hands..

babe. you have never seen a REALLY difficult women so dont just comment and thinks we dont know what we are doing.

I already said you dived into the ocean without looking well. Any woman can pretend to be meek when meekness is not part of her. She is displaying what she should have let you seen before marriage. Look for a solution other than tormenting her,cos she wouldn't change that easily.

Ihuomadinihu:
There is no bad woman ever! Some men just rush into a relationship/marriage without observing and studying a woman for reasons best known to them. Years into the marriage,the woman displays her real personality and you run to nairaland to discuss your woes. There is something called a discerning spirit,both men and women need to operate in this level in a relationship.
More often than not,the signs of a stubborn wife/misorgynist man are there,but you are blinded by love and attraction. When your senses finally come alert,you only have yourself to blame for not looking properly.

now i can see that you are still a kid in marriage.. the bold utterance you just made really makes me laff...
a man can have a good lady when courtship and after marriage she is something else.. a woman can hide her attitude for some months and when and after marriage she is something else.

now i can see that you have never seen a REAL difficult women

bukatyne:
At last count, 160 posters liked nairalife's post?

Single ladies have got to pray real hard.

So true. It is really disturbing that somebody can be saying something horrible so callously and then while I thought he is just one sick person, you realize that he is not alone. You realize they are another potential 160+ people like him.

In addition to women praying, they have to realize that they are men that will treat them nicely, without putting them through that horrifying ordeal. Women need to start loving themselves first. Just like these men go through such length to pick their prey, women need to go to lengths to pick a good husband. In this section for example, judging by what they write, if I was still single, I know those I would consider for a date.

onelife97:
@op,permit me to tell u my personal experience.
I got married abt 5 years ago and have a 4yr old boy.But ever since my wife delivered the boy,my life has become unbearable and very difficult to move on.my opinion in any matter with my so called wife mother of my son never counts.But she LL have to confide ir seek advice from unknown people online or her racist family b4 she LL to what I say even though she LL never bring any I her own idea to the table.If u ask my wife a million questions,I bet u csn only get one answer everytime"I DON'T KNOW".those has been goin on for the past 4 years.for more than 3 years,she won't even sleep with me in the sane too let alone make love/have sex with me.I can count how many times we did it in the past years.
Anyway,to cut the long story short,I decided to look for another girl because I won't kill myself with depression.
So sometimes last week,I was talkin to a girl on phone and she was eavesdropping and I got caught.
However,I was thinkin there would be problem in the house and heaven might fall and the hell would break loose.But to my deepest surprise my wife has been treating m like a man of the house now.askin me for sex without rubber etc.
So I have learnt a new lesson now.WOMEN DON'T APPRECIATE GOOD GUYS WHICH I HAVE BEEN ALL THESE YEARS.
Unfortunately for her,I am gone and no looking back.just waiting for something and she LL be completely out of my life.

I won't tell u what to do with urs.u know her and u know the best for ya.think it thru and take ur best decision without anybody interference pls.

Women are not supposed to be pampered.

this is more than maturity, i'm learning... I think it's this phrasial sentence ''for better for worse'' that's giving women the effrontery to misbehave as a wife...
God bless you sir!

netsurf:
This is what we are saying...most of these women are the same. they always want to out do you in all ways. do they even consider the fact that their action could reduce the man psychologically to nothing?

best to maintain your silence and stop responding to thier rants.

All the women on this thread are not the same and not responsible for your issues. A responsible man does wash his undies in public. There are support systems around you,if they don't work ,only you can decide if you want to keep living with her. Some men still reason like 16th century men.

boykas:
now i can see that you are still a kid in marriage.. the bold utterance you just made really makes me laff...
a man can have a good lady when courtship and after marriage she is something else.. a woman can hide her attitude for some months and when and after marriage she is something else.

now i can see that you have never seen a REAL difficult women

You are only approving what i have been writing. I will restrain myself to call you a dummy cos lack of understanding and comprehension is really evident here.

Bollinger:
Good. At least you have had a discussion on this issue. Step number one complete; communication. I will give you a tip on how to restore normalcy. It will be hard, especially if you love her but it is something that needs to be done.

You have to start being aloof. Don't offer or give any kind of opinion or advice on any issue unless she asks. If you give your opinion on an issue and she contests it, don't go into a debating contest, just concede. There is nothing worse than giving a semi silent treatment and one line response to your spouse. She'll be dying inside. But, here is the trick; you need to start stamping your authority on other issues, like when you want your dinner, how the food needs to look and taste, how your home needs to look like etc. These are non negotiable standards that you must be disciplined enough to institute and enforce. These are just examples. I don't know you, so you need to find things that you need to implement and enforce. Contravening any of your rules will mean a sit down with her. Make a big deal out of the smallest thing. I don't mean go into a shouting match, but discuss what you did not like and how it must not happen again. I guarantee you, she'll start watching everything she does around you so as not to piss you off.

Authority and rules in marriage? What do you take women for. You discuss and agree in a good marriage. You don't give orders. Gosh the part in bold is just so annoying to read.

boykas:
@NAIRALIFE

Believe me man. you are the best.. i understand all her kids mind.. she has never find a woman as difficult as we are.. who told her we dont listen to them, who told her we treat them like puppet. you can imagine how she called your wife puppet and still called her that without knowing her personality. what kind of woman are there in this 2015, and a lot pple giving the go ahead for her jerk...
like i said earlier i dont argue with women, believe me. i argue when i loose my tamper and they loose that ordinarily.
you are really a patient man ooo, ask her, if she is the man, and go out to work under this costless economic we are in and you still have a partner who called herself yur wife and doesnt give you a bit of rest, never mind your emotion how you feel, what troubles you and who still grumbles and troubles you all thru the day, but at the end the man still cuddle her and give a lot of chance that she will change. meanwhile till today as we speak, she can never change but go on with behaviour, ego/pride.
I always loose concentration at work because of this.. do you think all men are happy not finding solution on thier own... you have never seen anything.. i pray she had a person like my wife her brother's wife. and she will see what they called life...

boykas, I am always patient when am dealing wid kids, women and money. Those three items move me, I love them. To enjoy them, u must pray for real wisdom and patience. Please this issue is a serious one. U are already married. Yur wife could be inwardly bothered by certain things that may not follow her pattern. She is a lady. If u dont understand what they want, your bitterdays commences there. They can choose a porkupine in place of a hedgehog or an ant in place of an elephant. A little thing as the absence of early morning kisses can make yur wife bitter widout her knowing. But if the bitterness gets out of hand, it means her spirit is weak in self control and forfeiture of certain joys for the good of a partner. Thatz part of the sacrifice some successful and happy homes encounter day by day- sacrifice. The anger of a woman is most often inward and when in full trigger makes her best freinds her worst enemy. The inabilty of a lasting freinship between ladies is not unconnected with thier natural instincts of leading a life of malice with their own kind. A chunk of this trait and itz repercussions are often well transferred to those they love, cos of the subconscious thot the partner is lacking in certain qualities or the partner has hurt them in anyway- they forgive but the memory spark some seemingly unconnected flames. Act well and remember, u hav to lead. Oboy, Dont Bleep up becos of little things. Go back to yur wife.

babygirlfl:
Authority and rules in marriage? What do you take women for. You discuss and agree in a good marriage. You don't give orders. Gosh the part in bold is just so annoying to read.

Not all women; only the stubborn ones. And from your post, you are not married. It is not all petals and roses you know. If there are no rules in a relationship, it dies. Period.

nairalife2013:
My wife turned bad two years after marriage. She was a perfect companion when we were dating.in the early times, I put her through rigorous tests like starving her of money, complaining a lot, keeping another girl and generally misbehaving once in a while. She was still religiously accomodating, forgiving, loving and highly respectful. I wasnt satisfied. I craved to see the worst in her, so I had to one day feign anger over a little kitchen error she committed. I had to gritt my teeth and do something venom-inspiring. Am a goodman no amount of punishment over and error am guilty of can turn me against my wife or any1 else, no matter the weight. If she is a wrong lady, she will display it today in her full glory. I wanted a wife I can trust. I dindt want to repeat the errors my parents made. That day I battered and pushed her out of my house into the rain and locked my door. The nite was just begining to inherit the earth. Time was 6.30pm

why do women stick with men who beat them? Omo, you did not do well o. Your punishment fit still dey corner dey wait you o.
You were mean to fellow humans on purpose, you abused them and made them feel worthless in the name of test? What type of test is that? Then you blame them for leaving you? If they were your daughters will you encourage them to stay? Abeg lets be considerate when dealing with fellow humans biko. Worse still people are believing this is the right thing to do.

nairalife2013:
I took on the rough skin of a demon when I was single and in search of a True companion. Am a man now. Am home to peace presently. I killed my heart back way then, to keep it alive, like a seedling buried in the soil to die then grow. Chose yur path. I av chosen mind. I knew what I wanted. I always know what I want and how to painstakingly get to it. We all hav our ways, no matter how easy or hard we device them. Most men have the route to the shortcut in their brains and just walk down straight to it. Most dont. They discover thier own shortcut by long wandering, or die trying. Men are the last creatures that will ever grow up. To survive a tumultuous world of marriage and endless misunderstanding inherent in the day to day union with a stranger, he needs a partner that loves him like his own mother. Only calm feminine minds will ever understand this. Narrow and zigzag, Paths of the Outwardly Virtous maid with Rebel's innards, the cool dude sees it from afar and avoid it without a fuse...the collected man doesn't look when others are looking. He knows when to steal a glance and grab the whole image in one stealthy stare. He could go the distance by throwing an invective into an assemblage of viragos...or he could throw a light jab with a dunlop fist for a start, just to tell who amongst them really has the ghoul in her.
I am the man. I know what I want and what I need. I act first and apologize later, for the good of all, including u. Cos I know, like myriads of other ladies, u dont know what u are saying nor what u are doing.

Omg!
Fantastic post bro!
Manlove! (no homo)

Ihuomadinihu:
Disrespectful in what manner? By speaking up and condemning men that feel women were created to be puppets and do all the want in marriage?

that's the mindset i'm talking about, when you feel pompous towards your husband, because you don't want to see yourself as a ''puppet'', thats where the problemS start...see it's high time you girls accepted the fact that men are the head and enjoy your marriage because men don't have anything to lose incase of divorce, but i'm SURE no man will want to marry a divorced woman.

nairalife2013:
boykas, I am always patient when am dealing wid kids, women and money. Those three items move me, I love them. To enjoy them, u must pray for real wisdom and patience. Please this issue is a serious one. U are already married. Yur wife could be inwardly bothered by certain things that may not follow her pattern. She is a lady. If u dont understand what they want, your bitterdays commences there. They can choose a porkupine in place of a hedgehog or an ant in place of an elephant. A little thing as the absence of early morning kisses can make yur wife bitter widout her knowing. But if the bitterness gets out of hand, it means her spirit is weak in self control and forfeiture of certain joys for the good of a partner. Thatz part of the sacrifice some successful and happy homes encounter day by day- sacrifice. The anger of a woman is most often inward and when in full trigger makes her best freinds her worst enemy. The inabilty of a lasting freinship between ladies is not unconnected with thier natural instincts of leading a life of malice with their own kind. A chunk of this trait and itz repercussions are often well transferred to those they love, cos of the subconscious thot the partner is lacking in certain qualities or the partner has hurt them in anyway- they forgive but the memory spark some seemingly unconnected flames. Act well and remember, u hav to lead. Oboy, Dont Bleep up becos of little things. Go back to yur wife.

Personality disorder!! One point you claim women are to be cherished,in another post you reinstate that women should be punished and bashed when they slightly offend you.

Bollinger:
Not all women; only the stubborn ones. And from your post, you are not married. It is not all petals and roses you know. If there are no rules in a relationship, it dies. Period.

I don't know what being married has got to do with what I wrote but if you must know, I am married. When I said no rules I meant no rules from one partner. Whatever rules have to be made by both partner and there is nothing like non-negotiable rules. If you head your home like a dictator, sooner or later you will get a rebel.

jadelyn007:
Good thing you seperated the wheat from the chaff but, I can tell you if you conducted a nairaland poll right now, 97% will never want to be associated with him while the other 3% who wouldn't mind having him might do so because he is rich or she is very desperate.

My advice to you, do not let any lady torture you in the name of testing you, if she doesn't trust your genuity and sincerity, then she doesn't have any business being with you.

Same goes for you, do not torture any lady in the name of testing them. If you don't trust her enough to be sincere with her emotions for you, then its stupidity to be dating her.

97% ? Don't we always have all the fools on nairaland on our side ?


every relationship has its own peculiar baggage and hearts will be broken with or without intent. torture is a relative term to a degree.
I deduce OP has had a bad relationship which made him went a little bit hard in testing his soul mate's fidelity.

but the beautiful part of his story(which is the most predominant) is the bonding and expression of love which this couple has found. THE POSTER NOW CHERISHES HIS WIFE.

it is ironic in life that most couples can only truly bond after a storm and if they do survive it the woman is often cherished by the husband. to be cherished by one's husband is the highest expression and display of love. it is awe inspiring and way higher than love.

ONLY FEW WOMEN EVER GET TO BE CHERISHED BY THEIR HUSBANDS IN LIFE.

Now what i find nauseating is your 97% who have no scruples about insulting a married man but also have the insensitivity to attack his family and innocent wife, calling her all sorts of name just to make their opinion heard. that is an all time low for anyone to descend to.

And those are the people in dire need of your advice

netsurf:
This is what we are saying...most of these women are the same. they always want to out do you in all ways. do they even consider the fact that their action could reduce the man psychologically to nothing?

best to maintain your silence and stop responding to thier rants.

thanks. Am flexible and am offduty today. Some little girls need help. Theres somethin I want them to understand that can only be comprehended by some after the storm... except those that are "controlled humans"

daben1:
that's the mindset i'm talking about, when you feel pompous towards your husband, because you don't want to see yourself as a ''puppet'', thats where the problemS start...see it's high time you girls accepted the fact that men are the head and enjoy your marriage because men don't have anything to lose incase of divorce, but i'm SURE no man will want to marry a divorced woman.

OMG! So married women are meant to be puppets? SMH!
Pompous? Any woman that disaggrees with a man even a spoilt boy is feeling pompous? I will assume you are still in secondary school.
Even though i don't support divorce cos communication can solve little differences in marriage. There are numerous divorced women married right now!

babygirlfl:
I don't know what being married has got to do with what I wrote but if you must know, I am married. When I said no rules I meant no rules from one partner. Whatever rules have to be made by both partner and there is nothing like non-negotiable rules. If you head your home like a dictator, sooner or later you will get a rebel.

You do realize that my post was in response to a post about a stubborn woman right? Not a kind loving, caring woman, but a stubborn woman.

nairalife2013:
thanks. Am flexible and am offduty today. Some little girls need help. Theres somethin I want them to understand that can only be comprehended by some after the storm... except those that are "controlled humans"

You mean your controlled wife?
Relative mumuness lasts for a while.

nairalife2013:
thanks. Am flexible and am offduty today. Some little girls need help. Theres somethin I want them to understand that can only be comprehended by some after the storm... except those that are "controlled humans"

trust me, even if you are off duty today, this lady dosen't deserve your time...she wouldn't listen anyway untill she has tasted what she will...the bitter pill of a single mother.

Ihuomadinihu:
OMG! So married women are meant to be puppets? SMH!
Pompous? Any woman that disaggrees with a man even a spoilt boy is feeling pompous? I will assume you are still in secondary school.
Even though i don't support divorce cos communication can solve little differences in marriage. There are numerous divorced women married right now!

you want to marry, divorce and marry?
Any divorced woman is a shame to womanhood

Bollinger:
You do realize that my post was in response to a post about a stubborn woman right? Not a kind loving, caring woman, but a stubborn woman.

lets agree to disagree. Good day.

daben1:
you want to marry, divorce and marry?
Any divorced woman is a shame to womanhood

This is her dream. Pls let her be.

daben1:
you want to marry, divorce and marry?
Any divorced woman is a shame to womanhood

What a statement and if I may ask, what is a divorced man?