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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives (268752 Views)
Before you Interfere In Any Marital Scuffle. / Man Seeks Divorce Because Wife Ran Mad After Extra-marital Affair / I Always See My Wife Having Extra Marital Affairs In My Dreams: Husband (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 10:25pm On May 18, 2015 |
Shiningmama:how do you hope to survive like this? Someone is cheating on you and you're kneeling down to greet him? You're enabling him. In psychology your attitude is called a reinforcer. Human will do whatever keeps giving them the desired effect they expect. If he sees that rubbishing your humanity makes you so low that you would to any length to get him to like you, he will keep doing it because that is the action he takes to get you in that lowly position he wants you to be. Pls stop or he's never going to stop. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by thorpido(m): 10:34pm On May 18, 2015 |
Floodgater:LOL 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 10:35pm On May 18, 2015 |
[quote author=Shiningmama post=33866875][/quote]I hope you work, i also hope you are ready for whatever the future holds for your marriage. As it is now, the truth is your husband is drifting away from you as you dont bond. He may decide to take another wife, i hope you will not be shattered by it. You might get tired of continuing the way you are, are you prepared for the next way forward in this instance. He might also decide to save his marriage atleast for his kids sake. I advice you pray fervently for God to touch your husband, bring him back to you willing to amend his cheating ways. I will also say continue in protecting yourself but have a back up plan should your husband spring up an unpleasant surprise so that you wont be helpless. Still, i believe God that has made it calm those past months can and will help you. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Shiningmama(f): 10:43pm On May 18, 2015 |
cococandy: Did I hear you say going to any length to get him to like me? God forbid. I am done with him. The marriage is dead already, I am just hanging here becos of my children. He feels embarrasd with the greeting sef, let me just do that becos of his mum. She wants me to treat him like a king. I can't leave without my children. His mum made it clear to me that I didn't come with children and I can't leave with them. I believe one day, my story will change and I will have peace of mind. I am very very ok now compared to before. It was terrible then. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Shiningmama(f): 10:51pm On May 18, 2015 |
Floodgater: I run a small business now. I will be the happiest person on earth if he should get another wife. Kaiiiiii! I am tired and sick of his attitude. He is veryyy wicked. His mum can't call him by name. I don't need any protection, if I can do without it for 10months then no problem. I don't even feel urge again because I see men as beast. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 10:57pm On May 18, 2015 |
I'm sorry. I got that impression from where you said you now kneel down to greet him. So his mom is the one stopping you from leaving with your kids? I just wish you are my sister. All of them will just wake up one morning and get your call from abroad wishing them well. Lekwanu wickedness. You didn't come with kids, so she's the one who came with kids abi her son came wit kids attached to his arm when he married you? I don't know why people can't be fair or put themselves in others' shoes. I believe she's saying that because she found out about your plans to leave with the kids. This kind of thing, you don't go announcing your intentions. Just lay low, endure and make your foolproof plan and then surprise them with it. Shey if you're her daughter, she will be fine with your husband treating you that way? Human beings are beyond wicked and selfish. If you're fine now, great. I wish you the best. Pls don't complain any further to his mom or anyone from his family even if he does anything further. They are obviously the type who don't think they can ever be wrong. If you feel your situation getting worse, make your plans without any of them having any clues. Don't open your legs in rare moments of weakness and collect HIV from him. When he's ready to reconcile, he should be willing to go for testing with you before anything else. Shiningmama: 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Shiningmama(f): 11:18pm On May 18, 2015 |
cococandy: Thanks dear, God bless you. I didn't inform anyone I want to leave, it was when the mum noticed we weren't doing as we used to that she asked him what happened. And he said I can't stop him from chatting with his female friends, though he had affairs with them one time or the other but he can't say because of me he will stop chatting with them. I expained to the mum thaat all what I need is for him to just respect me once he is at home. He should postpone the chat till next dayy at his office when I won't be there. Atimes, these women will send messages, maybe if he didn't reply on time, they will call to tell him to come online, I will see the name of the caller. From there I was able to get their names and no. I saved it on my phone. Whenever he is online on whatsapp, they will be online too. He got upset when I told him in the presence of his mum to respect me when he is at home by not chhatting with them. He said and I quote“ in that case, then you have to leave my house becos can't becos of you stop chatting with them. What do u have to offer me, they have lots of things to offer” end of quote I then asked if leave what of my children, that was when the mother replied that I didn't bring children here bla. Bla bla |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 11:32pm On May 18, 2015 |
Bless you too. @bold is where you even made it clear that you're ok with his cheating just that you don't want it in your face. But guess what? Give an inch, they take a mile. Maybe you're beyond that phase where you make your position very clear that you won't entertain philandering from him. He did say if you can't take it, you're free to leave. Then leaving is your option but for now, just lay low and orchestrate your leaving quietly in a way that won't cause you more losses. Save steadfastly. If you have a relative elsewhere that would be willing to help you relocate, better. If you're sitting and praying he will change, great luck to you. For now I think you're doing the best you can. Emotionally detached from him and running your little business on the side. Just keep that up. Shiningmama: |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by chibic(m): 11:32pm On May 18, 2015 |
Meeeeehhhhn!!!! This is humiliation!!!! I can never say that kind of thing to my woman. But if she is the type that's always on social media chatting, then I'll say it hundred times to her face if she disturbs me. But 10 months and no sex with your husband? Hmmm something is going on somewhere. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by chibic(m): 11:38pm On May 18, 2015 |
digitsolution:this things happen everyday in nigeria. Cheating during courtship by women. Its everywhere here. Too much lies and deciet. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Shiningmama(f): 11:39pm On May 18, 2015 |
[quote author=cococandy post=33873637]Bless you too. @bold is where you even made it clear that you're ok with his cheating just that you don't want it in your face. But guess what? Give an inch, they take a mile. Maybe you're beyond that phase where you make your position very clear that you won't entertain philandering from him. He did say if you can't take it, you're free to leave. Then leaving is your option but for now, just lay low and orchestrate your leaving quietly in a way that won't cause you more losses. Save steadfastly. If you have a relative elsewhere that would be willing to help you relocate, better. If you're sitting and praying he will change, great luck to you. For now I think you're doing the best you can. Emotionally detached from him and running your little business on the side. Just keep that up. [/quot He will not change in Jesus name. In ten yearrs time, I want to know if he will be counting his loss or gains. I have better things to pray about pls. I pray for my children and business. Pray for spiritual growth. Praying to leave a righteous life. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:44pm On May 18, 2015 |
Shiningmama:When i said protection, i meant continous abstenance. I didnt know your story before and also didnt know its this bad. Anyways you are quite good to go. Grow your business and mind so that if and when you want to leave with your children no one can stop you. I think you should continue to build your esteem, renew your mind as not all men are beast. I know your i dont give a damn attitude must be 'wounjuring' your husband. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by chibic(m): 11:58pm On May 18, 2015 |
thorpido:and the man accepted the child? This is one thing that can kill a man faster. Women sha..smh |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 1:03am On May 19, 2015 |
Shiningmama: You teach people how to treat you Couldn't say it enough 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 1:09am On May 19, 2015 |
chibic: If accepting a man's kid that he had out of wedlock does not kill a woman, why should accepting such from a woman kill the man? Mtchew. 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:30am On May 19, 2015 |
goldendollars: Thanks for the compliments Marriage is good and I'm glad I inspire you to look forward to it It requires a lot of hard work and a lot of understanding and seeing things from the eyes of the other person. Choose wisely and prayerfully If you choose the right person ,you'll make it The problem is people marrying people they hardly knew or people they knew were bad for them from the onset because they were looking at the wrong parameters and midway they want to change the person. It doesn't work Take people for what they show you not what you wish they would become 4 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by MymothersKeeper(f): 2:40am On May 19, 2015 |
Shiningmama: This must be very hard for you , hugs and keep your cool If you are not in your 40s yet you should follow your dreams and add more value to your status that will keep you busy and appreciated. Like a having a show, spa business, acting, decor, event, big businesses depending on what you are good at, everybody has a talent that can help you shine. Pray about a miracle of change and increase, it will happen, The lord is your strength. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by MymothersKeeper(f): 3:06am On May 19, 2015 |
I NEED HELP PLEASE AS MUCH OPINION AS POSSIBLE. My partner dated a girl back in Nigeria, it was a one sided relationship cos he loves her too much but she is a fine girl, She is quarter cast and always wanting to leave him due to admirers all over but he would bribe her to stay. They eventually separated. He came to the US and all of a sudden this other girl from Nigeria calls him and wants him back. She said she made a mistake, she was young and wants him because he treats her well etc etc. On their chats, he told her that he's coming next month to see her and cannot wait till they try again , she then asks how his new woman in US is? his reply was that ''I am not worth asking of and he cant wait to get back with her'' I still feel she is only deceiving him cos of the money/US status but he is obsessed with her. As a strong girl, mentally, I don't care I will just move on But im pained cos I lent him nearly $5000 last year I have asked for they money back and he has no intention to pay me back. Do you believe if i dint read his chat I will not suspect he really despised me that much? When I discovered I saved the chat and kept quiet, I am waiting for him to go so I can seize some brand new things worth my money till i get my money back . Hes a mago mago person and has iphones, apple mac full under bed I plan to sieze the worth. Morally, I am not that type but this man is like a thief of the night stole everything from me my youthfulness, my chance of marrying someone else, abuse both physical and psychological . I helped him get a stay I am sure he would bring her over very soon. please share your thoughts with me |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 3:21am On May 19, 2015 |
MymothersKeeper: Let others learn from your mistake You ladies should stop doing too much and appearing desperate Life is unkind to desperate people You knew this man was no good and you thought you could change him If you have evidence that the money you gave him was a loan,take him to a small claims court to recover your money but I fear you have no such evidence.You were 419-ed out of 5 grand. Never give money you intend to get back to any man or lover without making him sign a promissory note clearly stating that it was a loan and when it is to be paid back.without that evidence,you have no case and if you take his stuff without his consent,he could accuse you and have you charged with theft and he will win,this is not Nigeria. Be wiser next time 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Tashaamania(f): 3:25am On May 19, 2015 |
MymothersKeeper:You are on the right track Forget him, look for a way to get his belongings worth the amount you lent him..Let him go. Good a thing you two arent married yet. Broken rekationships are always better than broken marriages.. I think hes still obssessed with the other girl. You can never force someone to love you. Just focus on getting what belongs to you back, the exact. Nothing more, nothing less.. 3 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by MymothersKeeper(f): 3:34am On May 19, 2015 |
babyosisi: Only evidence I have is the bank transfer no agreement on paper, he's a wayo guy and he can't report of his items missing. Even if he reports which he can't, It will be a domestic issue not criminal (there's a reason I said this) . I just im not the type to take others property but I feel he shouldn't get away with cheating and stealing from me. It's such a huge blow really disappointed and yea it's a lesson. I can't even trust a man again |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by MymothersKeeper(f): 3:48am On May 19, 2015 |
Tashaamania: Thanks , even my goody two shoes mom said to collect my money back will be the graceful thing to do . I just wanted to make sure the way I plan to do it was not unheard of. I will ask him to pay me only then I will return his items. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 3:58am On May 19, 2015 |
If you can do it without getting charged for theft, pls do. If possible, take more than your five grand's worth. does he not owe you more than that? If after you helped him secure a stay and everything, he couldn't just leave quietly, he had to disparage you before the other woman, he deserves it. Not saying every relationship must work but what he said about you was so unkind. He's an ungrateful guy. MymothersKeeper: 4 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 6:21am On May 19, 2015 |
Why do I like Cococandy ? Mi likey Ur advice to shining Mama. 2 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by thorpido(m): 6:45am On May 19, 2015 |
chibic:He chose to keep the family together.They had a fourth child before he found out.The child still grew up in the house. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by thorpido(m): 7:31am On May 19, 2015 |
MymothersKeeper:The problem is not men.It's knowing how to choose,how to know quickly that a man is no good so you can easily ditch timewasters.How not to get too emotional or desperate such that you are in control. Seize those things and even much more if you can as long as you won't get into trouble for it.He deserves to pay for it.Be smart and ensure he doesn't move them before you can lay hands on them. By the way,are you African American? Ladies,stop giving so much money to a man.$5000 to a man who is not your husband?You can help a man you are dating but please stop doing too much. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by thorpido(m): 7:44am On May 19, 2015 |
Shiningmama:Men are not beasts........yea some are and you could put your hubby in that category. For how long are you going to keep living the way you are?If this marriage is not working,you should get a separation.Find a way to get your kids with you if you leave. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by MarineOne: 7:48am On May 19, 2015 |
Dear ladies. I hope a guy can also contribute to your thread. Maybe I can bring a man's perspective to the issues been discussed. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Shiningmama(f): 7:55am On May 19, 2015 |
chibic: You say 10months is too long, then whatw will you tell his best friend wife who had sex last with her husband last 8years ago. I saw it coming so -t's not a surprise to me. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Shiningmama(f): 8:06am On May 19, 2015 |
thorpido: The way we live now is more or less we are separated. Apart from good morning, welcome and bye bye, nothing more. He has his room I have mine. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by chibic(m): 8:37am On May 19, 2015 |
cococandy:there is a difference btw accepting and marrying a woman with kids and accepting a kid which your wife had with another because she cheated on you while still married to you. How many women will accept a kid there husband has with his mistress? By the way, a man cannot have kids with another woman and force his wife to believe that she is the biological mother but, this is a woman that cheated and got pregnant for another man, then decieved her husband to believe that he is the father. That's the height of evil!! Such women should be jailed!! |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by chibic(m): 8:56am On May 19, 2015 |
MymothersKeeper:the man is a foolish man and deserves no good woman in his life. He is dumping the woman that took care of him for the girl that toyed with his heart. Is he under a spell? The girl suddenly remembered him as the right one because her numerous boyfriends have used and dumped her yet, the mumu guy can't even notice? Lawd have mercy! |
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