₦airaland Forum

Toks2008:
Desperate for a husband


For many years i never knew how ladies in their very late 20s,early 30s and late 30s feel when it comes to the issue of settling down with a man until recently when i had the cause to really get close to many of them.

Yes many of them will always insist that marriage is the least of their worries but deep inside,most of them are hoping desperately to have a man to settle down with and my acquaintanceship with some of them made me decide to write this short piece hoping that when they see and read it,they will come to understand that their desperation is self inflicted and until they learn to put themselves at a vantage point,they will only hope and wish for a long time that a man comes their way.

I have witnessed many deliverance session for ladies all in the name of looking for a husband but after a close look i come to realize that they are their own problems and this is as a result of the society that have brainwashed them and rather than dealing with the problems,they end up running from from one prophet to another and from one deliverance service to another and some have become a shadow of themselves as they turn to emergency sister dressing like masquerades,going without earrings,make up and even on low cut all in the name of looking for a man.

Please when next you see such ladies,help me inform them that deliverance won't solve their problems and even when we know that there are spiritual hindrance to getting a spouse,most times what we need is a re orientation of our minds,ways of life and culture.

1.Many ladies will not say yes to a man if you are not ready to do traditional wedding,legal wedding,white wedding,blue wedding... Please tell me how easy you expect to find a man in this harsh economy.

2.As an Igbo lady,you are naturally at risk unless you drive it into your man's ear that in your own family they don't ask a man for crazy bride price otherwise you will only see men come into your life without discussing marriage and you will think its a curse from the village but its only as a result of the funny belief that Igbo ladies are expensive to marry.

3.How many ladies can start a life with a struggling man? I guess part of the prayer point during deliverance is that GOD should bring a ready made man to propose to you.Mumu

4.Funny doctrinal belief is another hindrance and many ladies who run to conservative churches in the bid to have a man end up in more bondage.I had a lady friend in her 30s who i admire so much but she goes to one of this conservative churches and there was a time i was so sick and i was expecting her to visit but she never did and when i told her i was angry,she was so quick to say she can not visit me at home and i was like FOR REAL? Even a sick guy? i even told her that she would have at least come in company of a friend and i lost interest in the friendship instantly and i wonder how she will get a good man with that mindset.

5.Rough past is another hindrance and many ladies just believe that if a man loves them the past does not matter.

6.Lack of wife qualities is another issue and i wonder how a lady who does not have the required quality to be a mrs to a man will be desperate fore a man because even if any man comes,he will eventually leave you until you work on yourself.

The bottom line is that many ladies we see in churches today who tend to be looking for a husband are their own problems. So stop been desperate and work on your mindset and you will be surprised that in no time,a good man will walk into your life and marry you.

.

no 4 is lame excuse. Amnon and Tamar comes to mind.
You sick and because she didn't come, your love for her suddenly disappeared. "mtcheeeeee"

Is that love or lust?

..

ideykwum:
Are you inferring that she might not be beautiful in real life?

I originally said "your picture looks beautiful", and then tunnamania11 asked the same question you are asking. So I changed it

I actually wanted to write "youre beautiful" but thought that would sound too creepy for somebody I haven't met

I'm glad I didn't, you can see how people are ambushing me with the one I even wrote

Chai

Gurgle:
LOL oh my goodness

I cant believe it. I tell people they are beautiful all the time

If I wanted to codedly toast her wouldn't I just send her a PM ?! what are you talking about

Why are u Lafin @ goodness my frnd?

Gurgle:
Eh-hehn

You understand me, what are these people talking about

Yeah in the West they do. I remember during the UK elections how important the wives were to the campaign. Somebody was saying that anybody who wants to become the UK prime minister should try and marry because he needs somebody to advise him

Now people are here saying what

they have not traveled to west yet they want to be more western than west

imagine a 60 yr old woman never married but had kids from many men

tell me how you will view her ?

forgiveness:
.

no 4 is lame excuse. Amnon and Tamar comes to mind.
You sick and because she didn't come, your love for her suddenly disappeared. "mtcheeeeee"

Is that love or lust?

That's what I asked him. that was bad of him and im glad he dropped the lady so shes free

what kind of nonsense is that

Gurgle:
mehn

sister I went to the shop and ended up with cakes instead abeg no ask me another question o

kikikikiii, no vex o o, just like your person.

Happiness87:
kikikikiii, no vex o o, just like your person.

No vex Im just embarrassed at my lack of self control lol I saw some fruit and I just passed it after looking at it for a while

Anyway I will try again today. the struggle continues

I'm partly Igbo and it amazes me when I hear outright lies about expensive bride prices in Igboland! It's a complete lie! Igbo land is not Ojuelegba! It's a congregation of several sub-tribes, dialects and traditions!

When can we start talking like enlightened Nigerians??

jnrbayano:
You were making sense until no 2.

"Igbos" are not expensive. The bride price paid to the bride's family is returned to the man in a 9 out of 10 situation (the bride price paid in the head of each of my 3 sisters were returned)

Amen...but it dsnt mean all you wrote applies to every lady sha,sometimes I feel God allows certain things happen for Him to take all the glory . And then some guys make life dificult for ladies,I've had a few cases trust me. As for d conductors and all,it depends on the one who has a focus,dsnt mean one shd go and marry a conductor,wat if its d ones who squanders his money on baba ijebu,igbo and drinks ? If its d one who has a big picture ahead,its very gud. Trust me I've dated someone who I ought to hav felt ashamed dating because he ddnt hav any qualifaction while I had my ond and evn went on to hav my hnd,but I needed to prove pple wrong. But tnk God for all everytin all d same tho. Its jus to be hopeful and not let pple mak one feel bad by negative comments,one has to get it rite because marriage is for a lifetime,let's not allow pressure chase us into makin a wrong choice

Toks2008:
Desperate for a husband


For many years i never knew how ladies in their very late 20s,early 30s and late 30s feel when it comes to the issue of settling down with a man until recently when i had the cause to really get close to many of them.

Yes many of them will always insist that marriage is the least of their worries but deep inside,most of them are hoping desperately to have a man to settle down with and my acquaintanceship with some of them made me decide to write this short piece hoping that when they see and read it,they will come to understand that their desperation is self inflicted and until they learn to put themselves at a vantage point,they will only hope and wish for a long time that a man comes their way.

I have witnessed many deliverance session for ladies all in the name of looking for a husband but after a close look i come to realize that they are their own problems and this is as a result of the society that have brainwashed them and rather than dealing with the problems,they end up running from from one prophet to another and from one deliverance service to another and some have become a shadow of themselves as they turn to emergency sister dressing like masquerades,going without earrings,make up and even on low cut all in the name of looking for a man.

Please when next you see such ladies,help me inform them that deliverance won't solve their problems and even when we know that there are spiritual hindrance to getting a spouse,most times what we need is a re orientation of our minds,ways of life and culture.

1.Many ladies will not say yes to a man if you are not ready to do traditional wedding,legal wedding,white wedding,blue wedding... Please tell me how easy you expect to find a man in this harsh economy.

2.As an Igbo lady,you are naturally at risk unless you drive it into your man's ear that in your own family they don't ask a man for crazy bride price otherwise you will only see men come into your life without discussing marriage and you will think its a curse from the village but its only as a result of the funny belief that Igbo ladies are expensive to marry.

3.How many ladies can start a life with a struggling man? I guess part of the prayer point during deliverance is that GOD should bring a ready made man to propose to you.Mumu

4.Funny doctrinal belief is another hindrance and many ladies who run to conservative churches in the bid to have a man end up in more bondage.I had a lady friend in her 30s who i admire so much but she goes to one of this conservative churches and there was a time i was so sick and i was expecting her to visit but she never did and when i told her i was angry,she was so quick to say she can not visit me at home and i was like FOR REAL? Even a sick guy? i even told her that she would have at least come in company of a friend and i lost interest in the friendship instantly and i wonder how she will get a good man with that mindset.

5.Rough past is another hindrance and many ladies just believe that if a man loves them the past does not matter.

6.Lack of wife qualities is another issue and i wonder how a lady who does not have the required quality to be a mrs to a man will be desperate fore a man because even if any man comes,he will eventually leave you until you work on yourself.

The bottom line is that many ladies we see in churches today who tend to be looking for a husband are their own problems. So stop been desperate and work on your mindset and you will be surprised that in no time,a good man will walk into your life and marry you.

Gurgle:
No vex Im just embarrassed at my lack of self control lol I saw some fruit and I just passed it after looking at it for a while

Anyway I will try again today. the struggle continues

abeggiii food is for the stomach, man must wack

Adaeze003:
Uhm... so the struggling guys are ready to get married? or you're saying if I date a brokie today, when he makes it tomorrow he must get married to me because I stayed through thick and thin?

I'm no gold digger(just to clear that up) but you guys should be realistic for once in your lives. Some brokies date girls for years and after they get the dough, they start chasing after flashy girls apparently the former gf will no longer be good enough for them. Some even tell the girls shiit like "if you see someone that wants to get married to you, get married oh!" because they ain't ready and this stupiid statement will come after the chick must have spent 2yrs or more with the niggur.

What's my point? Yeah some grass to grace relationships work out but some don't! That's the truth! So ya'll should stop acting the saints here just for likes and be realistic.

A girl is free to choose whoever she wants and guys are too. In the end, some people(both girls and boys) will indeed regret their choices and for certain reasons, the girls regrets are more pronounced but it doesn't give guys the right to in anyway tell girls how to live.

Live and let live... That's all I have to say.

No one is telling anyone how to live their lives. Everyone is entitled to their individual choices but this thread is about those who are in desperate need for a husband and exhibiting despondency in their quest for one.

And anyone who is truly forlorn and desperate to get married will forgo their stipulated choices and standard and make the available their alternative. When someone still clutches on their requisite in a husband they can't be said to be desperate.

Guys have choices likewise women but unlike women guys don't have a biological deadline for procreation and this among other factors is responsible for the reasons why women are more pressurised to settle down than the menfolk which should compel them to modify their standards once attained a certain age.

There's no pressing need gate crashing crusades and miracle arena for a husband when they keep neglecting that moderate income earner making passes at them down the hood. Affluent guys are very limited and the chances of a lady settling down with one is pre-eminent and diminutive.

Gurgle:
LOL oh my goodness

I cant believe it. I tell people they are beautiful all the time

If I wanted to codedly toast her wouldn't I just send her a PM ?! what are you talking about

It will b a waste of tym to pm ha,wen u cn easily signal 1st to knw.

Nw u Hv signal n ur xposed ur looking for Whr to cover d tracks.

Y will u Nt tell Ppl,Hw will u get dem if u don't tell dem.

Jst Lik guys toast gels.

Gurgle:
That's what I asked him. that was bad of him and im glad he dropped the lady

what kind of nonsense is that

If it is true, i am sorry to say, that love is lust.

vickylala239:
It will b a waste of tym to pm ha,wen u cn easily signal 1st to knw.

Nw u Hv signal n ur xposed ur looking for Whr to cover d tracks.

Y will u Nt tell Ppl,Hw will u get dem if u don't tell dem.

Jst Lik guys toast gels.

Ok Sir. Noted

niger guys leave niger girls oooo, let me tell you guys,i know its painful guys, but let me you people the real fact, nigerian girls are the way they are, u cant just change these girls, they reason upside down and most of them are unfortunately mentally retarded, their brains have been set,the nigerian years of economic hardship,suffering have depressed these girls, so lets see it that way..

Happiness87:
abeggiii food is for the stomach, man must wack

Abiiii but man cant wack too much! that's my problem

tonychristopher:
they have not traveled to west yet they want to be more western than west

imagine a 60 yr old woman never married but had kids from many men

tell me how you will view her ?

I wont view her as anything but if she tells me its because marriage is not by force, that's when I will just get up and leave that conversation

ideykwum:
I'm partly Igbo and it amazes me when I hear outright lies about expensive bride prices in Igboland! It's a complete lie! Igbo land is not Ojuelegba! It's a congregation of several sub-tribes, dialects and traditions!

When can we start talking like enlightened Nigerians??

It beats me too bro.

The Op with his no 2 point just bedevilled all Igbos.

masonkz:
You have time to be talking to imbeciles whose minds are warped with all sorts of rubbish.

Lol Im learning how to ignore some mentions but its difficult sha. did you see what he wrote

why should he say that

Taiwo20:
THEY end up with the title "aunt" /ianti:/ from kids and peeps in the neighbourhood......cos they cant be called madam or mummy or mrs. they would be offended.

Fact!

DollyParton1:
And with the way you write, you are the source of your own problems.

lolx
here comes one of the aunties in our society

wrongnumber:
I was watching a talk show on tvc this morning and a marriage councilor talked about an igbo lady that cried to him saying her dad wants a millon naira for her bride price.

She further said her dad should even give her free to the guy because she has aborted 3 times gor the guy and she will be the one to lose should the guy leaves.

I pity igbo ladies.I honestly do.

In my place in Imo state, with 250k you can complete the traditional aspect of your marriage.

It is only in Nigeria people see marriage as an achievement

i knw a lady who is 37-38 she don turn prayer warrior on this matter, going to mfm prayer city tmrw self.abeg mk she go turn baby mama

Omotayor123:
Hmm.. My main man
So on point.. You talk wisdom.

eeyah.. i feel ur pain dear.

wrongnumber:
I was watching a talk show on tvc this morning and a marriage councilor talked about an igbo lady that cried to him saying her dad wants a millon naira for her bride price.

She further said her dad should even give her free to the guy because she has aborted 3 times gor the guy and she will be the one to lose should the guy leaves.

I pity igbo ladies.I honestly do.

am 4rm d east,,we do doze things for reasons,xo dat in feautre time the man wont take the woman for a penny material

One of the main reason is the economic status and unemployment in Nigeria..when young men can't get jobs u don't expect them to marry how will they take care of the wife and when employers and the government are helping young men earn 25k or 50k how will a young man marry with such salary?..with the economic situation Nigeria is one of the most difficult places for a man to make it or make a life for himself and men should be able to take care of themselves properly before adding woman.

Secondly, Nemesis.. Some naija gurls specialize in dating married men when they where single surely there will be a price for dating married men and one off such price is remaining single.

Thirdly, some nigerian girls cause of their career status or the feminist rave have refused to be humble, submissive and respect any man regardless of what d man is...some are damn rude not knowing someone who might be interested or recommend them may just be in a corner watching them act so rude..some can't say please, thank you or even sorry.

Nigerian girls u want husband? Then pray and let the government hear your voices on economic improvement...shout on NLC to review labour laws. If the economy is good and there are jobs girls will definitely see husbands and churches will be empty..remember our parents didn't go through all these cause jobs where there for the young men and the women got married.

danizy:
am 4rm d east,,we do doze things for reasons,xo dat in feautre time the man wont take the woman for a penny material

Exactly

Gurgle:
Abiiii but man cant wack too much! that's my problem

lol, then you can share with me na

Gentle2015:
...That is how I was scammed. Couldn't dance well throughout after I was told that #10 was the bride price out of the #850k I dropped. I took responsibility for everything both from my side and my in laws. My expectation was that I will still have my #850k back and won't mind spending more for the main thing. I felt depressed later and even took it on my wife for few days. Seriously, I felt cheated and this took toll on my planned honey moon trip.

Be careful, there is nothing like returned of bride price

my sister's own was refunded. Her hubby paid 20k and only 2k was taken, and the rest refunded.