₦airaland Forum

stjudas:
Jeez..... Na crime to ask for advice for Nairaland? You just read the topic and rushed to subtly insult me. See, me na guy and I sure if I tell you about the guy na only your enemy you go advise to marry him. But if I begin tell about the guy on Nairaland people go call me bad belle. By the way she'll be 22 by October and I turned 23 in July.

I know the implication of advising someone not to marry another base on what you saw in that person. That girl will hate you or even put the blame on you if things don't work out.

At least see it the other way,that she have release many stress on you.

stjudas:
Consider the eight points critically before December 30. I wish you the best marriage can offer. I love you. Have a nice day.

If she doesn't pause and think before making any moves then you are better off because you sound like a very methodical and thoughtful person. You need a woman who is ready to go the distance not flighty little girls who are easily misled by flashed cash. Be strong man, your "epistle" is enough for now, do not pester her with calls or anymore messages.

efficiencie:
Marriage must never be rushed even if it is to a saint...but fools rush where angels dare to tread...

My bro, if you truly love her pray and intercede for her. She's young and foolish. Childishness still rules her soul and would lead her to punishment for "foolishness abounds in the heart of a child..." and for that "many stripes will decorate her back"

Pray for her and tell her to get the experiences of other married women (probably in her church) before saying "yes" to any saint or stranger...

She's still a kid...an overgrown kid that wants to play with the toys of adults...toys that have wrecked many, maimed thousands and caused a lot of regrets...

She's young but isn't foolish.

Oruemu:
Hmmm.
What makes u think d guy is a bad guy?

WHAT BUSINESS IS HE DOING IN INDIA?

stjudas:
I just called her again and she's still crying. She said there are a lot of things she has to tell me but it will be tomorrow. "Why not now?" I asked. She said she doesn't want to cry the more that I should just hang up until she sorts herself out.

I just hope I've not influenced her in anyway.

Dat lady did not knw where she is going. Why crying definitely she is confused. Hmmmmmmmm God will help both of u including me.

@op

f00l dont look for a job continue looking for women, your mate chop your beb behind your back, went to India to hussle and he is coming to break your arms finally and you are here talking nonsense.
These are the goats who contribute to the poverty index of this country, can you take care of a woman with your 18k minimum wage should you get her pregnant?

I don't see why her choice to get married is your problem, is it because she is marrying someone else?
plebians always beg women to get their attention, imagine a jobless guy saying "my girl". you deserve to be slapped, can you afford her bride price?

Do you have any idea how much her parents are spending to see her through school, can you afford it?
see his brown yellow teeth, your girl!! who dash you?

I blame all these girls who open their legs for rifraffs who lack ambition.

ofeke!!

jpphilips:
@op

f00l dont look for a job continue looking for women, your mate chop your beb behind your back, went to India to hussle and he is coming to break your arms finally and you are here talking nonsense.
These are the goats who contribute to the poverty index of this country, can you take care of a woman with your 18k minimum wage should you get her pregnant?

I don't see why her choice to get married is your problem, is it because she is marrying someone else?
plebians always beg women to get their attention, imagine a jobless guy saying "my girl". you deserve to be slapped, can you afford her bride price?

Do you have any idea how much her parents are spending to see her through school, can you afford it?
see his brown yellow teeth, your girl!! who dash you?

I blame all these girls who open their legs for rifraffs who lack ambition.

ofeke!!

Why you no go hug transformer? Anuofia!

stjudas:
Good day people. I am a Corps member of 2015 batch A. I have a girlfriend in her third year in school. Sincerely, I love her but she's hell bent on getting married. I am far from ready and there is this guy she dated few years back for few months before he traveled to India. This guy is really disturbing my girl, promising to marry her as soon as he returns to Nigeria next month. In fact, Dec. 30 has been scheduled for Introduction. Now my problem isn't her leaving me, but for the wrong person. I suspect he's a very bad guy and would make her cry. I tried convincing her to wait for better man even if it wasn't going to be me that all I cared about was her happiness. So, fellow Nairalanders how do I convince her and what way is best to go about this? Below is a message I sent her on Facebook and all she replied was "thank you," and soon she called me and started crying. I inquired why she was crying but she said she doesn't know and hung up. Pls, no insults. Don't tell me I should be thinking of how to get a job or start a small business 'cause it's all in my plans. Your contributions will be appreciated. Thanks.
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JUST BEFORE DECEMBER 30.

Bury this little piece in your heart, I took my time to write it for you. It's no cynicism so don't get it twisted. Marriage is a lifetime commitment; once you're in, you're in. Don't ignore the warning signals, it could be very fatal.

1. COURT HIM AGAIN: Don't assume he's the cool guy you use to know. Try courting him for 8 to 12 months before you tie the knot. Remember, he's been outside the country, gathered a handful of experiences and the resultant of this experiences will greatly determine his new personality, either for better or for worse. Ignoring or failing to take this one step is worst of all things you would ever do.

2. BE SURE OF WHAT HE DOES:
Go beyond your emotions and look with your mind's eyes. Can you trust what he tells you he does for a living? Have you sought an answer to these questions: How does he send his goods to Nigeria? Who receives the bales of clothes he sends in and who sells them and how does he get his money back? Through PayPal, Western Money Union Transfer or what? Investigate to be sure it's true.
When he's not sending clothes to Nigeria what does he do? Does he have a part-time job or own a business in India? If a part-time time job, what's the name of the company he works for and what position does he occupy. What are his job functions? If he owns a business, what kind.
Ask him how much he makes and see if it's in coherence with how much you think he's worth. Ask him these question and many more you can think of in quick succession, with that aura of intelligence of one who works with the FBI. Don't give him a chance to think! Just quickly throw the questions at him.
Observe if he's nervous or cool when giving answers. Compare all the information he provides with your previous knowledge of him and make your judgement. Trust your intuition!

3. PROMISES MAY NEVER BE FULFILLED:
Yes, he promised to make you Manager of his current business so he could move into importation of automobile spare parts. Be sure he will do this. Never you assume or just believe, it's not the Gospel after all. Compel him (though you do not have the right to) to start, maybe, a smaller business for you. If he cheerfully does, it could be an indicator that he will do bigger things. Do you still remember what the Bible says: He that is faithful in little is faithful in much.

4. DISCUSS THE MARGINS:
You are a woman, I believe, with dreams and goals. A savvy young girl poised for greatness, whose primary function as a wife is not to mop the floor, wash dishes, cook good foods and make babies. You've got a career life and a margin should be drawn between it and your marital life. I also believe you got goals to accomplish before you turn 30. Ask him how he intends to help you achieve those goals.

5. NEVER GIVE IN TO PRESSURE:
I understand the pressure by the African society on her girl child in getting married. It isn't your last chance, Baby. You are beautiful, intelligent and people tend to like you. You know this. I remember you once told me, "I no be bad market." Appreciate yourself and never take that step except you are sure you want to. The future holds a lot.

6. YOUR DAD, YOUR COUNSELOR:
I have not had the opportunity to meet with any of your parents, but somehow from what I have learned, dad is shrewder than mum (I'm not a diviner. It's just an opinion. I could be wrong). Discuss your man with him expressing the fears and confidence you have in him (your man), I'm sure he (dad) will have something very useful to tell you. Never ignore his advice.

7. AFTER THE WEDDING:
Don't get married to a ghost who will leave you for another woman in an unknown country for years in the guise of searching for endless business opportunities. I know of a victim, my mum’s best friend, then. She got married to a man, a US Naval Officer, in Owerri, in December 2001. The wedding was the talk of town as cash was lavished. The young man traveled back to the States early February 2002 promising her to come see her once in a while. The lady pleaded to go with him but he insisted that it won't be necessary as he plans to return home and start up a new life with her soon. He traveled back and that's all the lady and my mum saw of him. You think he could be dead? NO! He was seen shopping in Las Vegas in early 2013 by one of the friends of the lady who attended the wedding and had traveled to the city.

8. THE BALL IS IN YOUR COURT:
I don't have anything much to say here. It is your life, your decision. Always be true to yourself and your findings about him. Remember to trust your judgement. Your decision is ultimate.

Consider the eight points critically before December 30. I wish you the best marriage can offer. I love you. Have a nice day.

NEVER EVER let a gal put you through all this shite. FORGET HER. in a short while you will get someone better.

No woman is worth all this hassles.
How are you sure she's even the right person for you sef

stjudas:
She's young but isn't foolish.

a fool leaps when the wise tread stealthily...away from the possibility of an advice based on jealousy, marrying a man who just popped out of somewhere, with no prayers, no investigations, no time for courtship, could turn her marriage to a boxing bout n her title could ultimately become 'divorced' ...dem plenty for outside,

missmary:
its not that but from what he wrote to the girl...he looks like husband material...

And you are already falling for him.. Just blushing

missmary:
its not that but from what he wrote to the girl...he looks like husband material...

And you are already falling for him.. Just blushing

toksbisola:
@skondo09

In this life, you never know when you'll be in a dire situation where you need a 3rd party to help you analyse the situation for you and give you advice. Hence, then you'll understand why sometimes giving that advice requires you to give a long sermon.

I rest my case

U re always resting your case. Y?