www.nairaland.com/2316343/marriage-depressed

The link above is about some months ago I saw his bbm n WhatsApp chat he wants to have a party with. He has finally had it last week. I found out dem the history of his browser that he has bin going to badoo. Wen I opened them, what I saw, was unthinkable.

Wen I confronted him, he confessed n is begging. He did it wit two girls from badoo

Our marriage is 5years. We r both in our early 30a's. We hv 3 children.

I have no more love for him. I need a break out of this house. I actually packed my belongings n my children to leave but on w second thought n his begging I didn't leave again.

He is an ardent reader of nairaland but hardly comments. I don't know if he want more fantasy in fact am devastated n have not stopped crying since Saturday night. I still dont want to tell my mum or friend. I need someone to talk to me pls cos am looseiing it

For d sake of ur children, forgv him. I knw its easier said dan done buh be strong

Phurk him well

Madam, forgive him. Behave as if nothing happend.
You will certainly laugh last. However always us a condom whenever u want to meet.

Be of good cheer.

Firstly dry your tears...
You must pull your emotions together despite the seemingly tough situation. It hurts when a partner cheats how much more in this kind of "he just had to fufill a fantasy" scenario. But its not the end of the world.
Give it some time and see if you can forgive and indeed forget the episode. The outcome of this will help you decide the next steps.
There are children to consider in whatever decision you adopt. Your husband may be geninuely sorry and he may be unrepentant we can't really tell but as deeply as it hurts you must not allow your world to cave in.

Be strong and prayerfully go through this phase of your life and indeed marriage

Pele it is well with you

emmydeep said it all.Be of good cheer sister. These things happen all the time. It will be alright. Pls for the sake of your cute kids,stay back please dear. Be strong. Better days ahead!

How about an equaliser.... Bad idea though in some instances but, If you are materialistic like me, I'd suggest he buy you a car, landed property or you know something tangible that can poke a hole in his wallet since you are considering to stay for your children.
The equaliser may help your bruised feeling and wounded love when you look at it. It won't solve the heartache anyway and he may repeat the said action since his punishment seems to be somewhat mild but it may help you in setting up your plan b. I do not have low self esteem by suggesting this oooo but I always try to gain in any situation even ones affecting me adversely.
But you will never forgive him. You may even end up killing him when he is sleeping. You need a fvccking break from him or outright divorce, a holiday maybe to get your sanity back. Get tested for STDs. Guys ain't loyal too.
Do not descent to his level by cheating or threesoming or foursoming.

Go for hivtest first and foremost

Truth is the more social networking your hubby engages himself in, the deeper the evil desire. What is a married man doing on Badoo Or any of these silly social networks? I am speechless I swear

The truth is you have every right to be mad! But packing out of the house is definately not the best action in this situation. You are going to need a lot of patience and love to make this work. Pray for Gods help, he will hold you through the storms

If you can take a break,then do that.You need some time to yourself to clear your head.
I hope your hubby can make a change for good.When your fantasy cannot stay within the confines of your bedroom(well kitchen,toilet,garage etc),there is a problem.

Why does everyone start with "For the sake of the children". So someone should be suffering for the sake of the children.

Personally, if I was the one, the kids are going to Grandma's house, I'm going to a hotel to clear my head(thank God that I earn my own salary) and you had better be ready to go to counselling and a battery of test before you even THINK of touching me again. Maybe a separation away from me will show the dude what he is missing. Is it easy to find a good woman to marry that people are treating it withe the same levity as buying a yam from the market?

CNN80:
Why does everyone start with "For the sake of the children". So someone should be suffering for the sake of the children.

Personally, if I was the one, the kids are going to Grandma's house, I'm going to a hotel to clear my head(thank God that I earn my own salary) and you had better be ready to go to counselling and a battery of test before you even THINK of touching me again. Maybe a separation away from me will show the dude what he is missing. Is it easy to find a good woman to marry that people are treating it withe the same levity as buying a yam from the market?

It's because the children are completely innocent and may be disadvantaged by any rash decisions taken.

We are assuming there's a grandma who can fill in the void by your suggestion. what if there's none? The children are also in school at this time, uprooting them and just taking off even if for a few days may not be completely workable or practical.

YOU CANT CURE PEOPLE WITH THAT KIND OF SICKNESS WITH ANYTHING, THEY REMAIN SICK.

curtains:
www.nairaland.com/2316343/marriage-depressed

The link above is about some months ago I saw his bbm n WhatsApp chat he wants to have a party with. He has finally had it last week. I found out dem the history of his browser that he has bin going to badoo. Wen I opened them, what I saw, was unthinkable.

Wen I confronted him, he confessed n is begging. He did it wit two girls from badoo

Our marriage is 5years. We r both in our early 30a's. We hv 3 children.

I have no more love for him. I need a break out of this house. I actually packed my belongings n my children to leave but on w second thought n his begging I didn't leave again.

He is an ardent reader of nairaland but hardly comments. I don't know if he want more fantasy in fact am devastated n have not stopped crying since Saturday night. I still dont want to tell my mum or friend. I need someone to talk to me pls cos am looseiing it

Dear Madam,

Permit me to address your husband since you say he will likely read this.

Mr. Man, grow up!!! A man ha a responsibility to himself, his wife and his kids to keep his third leg to himself. Indulging in any kind of sexual act with total stranger is a huge risk which could bring back repercussions so grave your 10 mins of pleasure can never justify.

Life is never a bed opf roses. You cannot get everything you want from life, even if they are within your reach.

God knows if you were my husband, I would leave the marriage . . . or worse, cheat on you with someone you know . . and then leave the marriage. But obviously, you have a wonderful wife, someone who not only endures your excesses, but is also willing to forgive you.

Oga, being a man is not by mouth . . . What you have between your legs does not make you a man. The way you treat the people around you (your family), the way you make them feel and the way you protect them is what makes you who you are. Right now, you not only wronged your wife and kids, you have wrong GOD, and if I were you, I would go down on my knees and beg for forgiveness before you start reaping the repercussions of your actions.

Now that you have had your 3-sum . . did your bank account get bigger? Did you get taller? Did your Dick get stronger? What did you benefit from such a reckless and irresponsible act? That is apart from hurting the people you swore to love and protect.

You can cry and beg all you want (because you got caught), but next time 'the Devil' comes tempting, be a MAN and act responsibly~~

pimpchi:
Phurk him well

lol!


To be honest, we all have this wild fantasies which Is mostly appropriate to discuss with ones partner.

It would have been different if he opened up to you about this rather than you finding out yourself.

Ujoan:
Now that you have had your 3-sum . . did your bank account get bigger? Did you get taller? Did your Dick get stronger? What did you benefit from such a reckless and irresponsible act? That is apart from hurting the people you swore to love and protect.

his dreams got fulfilled & that's exactly the point. he's probably one of those university boys who never had the opportunity of sowing their wild oats as a youth.....

just because he lacked the opportunity does not mean he didn't nurse the ambition. adulthood or maturity has nothing to do with it. he would never find peace until he fulfils his dreams.

Pack bag. Now.

Do you have somewhere to go? Go there now. Turn off your phone. Don't let anyone tell you to stay and swallow this and forgive, he did this premeditated. He is expecting you to stay. Leave first. Let him decide whether he wants to keep having fun with razz girls on Badoo or whether he is a responsible human being. Just go right now. If you stay and people convince you to "forgive and draw close to God blah blah", when you are feeling bitter (and honey he will do it again), none of those people will be there. It's time to teach a bad child a good lesson.

Shey they told you before to forgive him when he was just thinking of it. How did that work out?

coogar:


his dreams got fulfilled & that's exactly the point. he's probably one of those university boys who never had the opportunity of sowing their wild oats as a youth.....

just because he lacked the opportunity does not mean he didn't nurse the ambition. adulthood or maturity has nothing to do with it. he would never find peace until he fulfils his dreams.

Part of the reason a guy should explore before finally settling down. Part of the reason I'm not yet married lol!

I don't know if the same goes for the ladies but your ascertions are correct.

coogar:


his dreams got fulfilled & that's exactly the point. he's probably one of those university boys who never had the opportunity of sowing their wild oats as a youth.....

just because he lacked the opportunity does not mean he didn't nurse the ambition. adulthood or maturity has nothing to do with it. he would never find peace until he fulfils his dreams.

You think OP doesn't have her own 'dreams' (Don't even get me started on mine )

But we need to diffrentiate between a dream and a fantasy. His need for d 3-sum is a fantasy which he converted into a dream because he is weak and flaky (no offence OP)!!!

It's not something to give him a pat on the back for.

Brandnew2:


Part of the reason a guy should explore before finally settling down. Part of the reason I'm not yet married lol!

I don't know if the same goes for the ladies but your ascertions are correct.

Actually it goes both ways . . . In a bid to explore, you could open the pandora's box and we all know what happens when one tastes the forbidden fruit.

Immorality is not something to brag about. What is wrong is wrong, there is no grey area here!

Really, this is a difficult situation and I don't know the advice to give you. One thing I know is if I were the one I won't just forgive and pretended as if nothing happened. He was caught when the plan to do this was underway and he cried and begged (just as he is doing now) and promised to change and afterwards he still went ahead anyway. Many people will tell you to forgive but I don't know if I can.........

Sounds like your hubby had a ball and is also a _pimp!

Ujoan:

You think OP doesn't have her own 'dreams' (Don't even get me started on mine )

she should have fulfilled hers before tying the knot. he should have done the same too.

But we need to diffrentiate between a dream and a fantasy. His need for d 3-sum is a fantasy which he converted into a dream because he is weak and flaky (no offence OP)!!!

fantasy = day dreams
all na the same thing.

It's not something to give him a pat on the back for.

i didn't give him a pat on the back - i just offered an explanation to his weird behaviour. it's got nothing to do with maturity or what not.......every human being gets these urges to push the envelope!

Brandnew2:

Part of the reason a guy should explore before finally settling down. Part of the reason I'm not yet married lol!

my list of things to do before clocking 30 was disgusting, but it was quite fun too cos they are all highly testosteroned tasks. one is still missing though & time is fast running out.

I don't know if the same goes for the ladies but your ascertions are correct.

all the ladies have their lewd fantasies too but most of them are scared of what the society would say about them so they quickly dispose those evil thoughts before you can spell the name robinson.

men aren't really programmed to be whipped into shape by these societal norms so we tend to be more daring to push the envelope. all those 50-year old men with grey hair prowling university female hostels are classic examples of missed opportunities.

@coogar can you please share a link to your list?
I'd love to read them.

Brandnew2:
@coogar can you please share a link to your list?

I'd love to read them.

in my college, it was called the ultimate bucket list(about a dozen tasks of nonsense) but the ones that stood out were....

•mile high club(still pursuing)

•parasailing
•skydiving
•bungee-jumping
•snorkelling/scuba-diving
•ménage à trois(blood sisters)
•ménage à trois(with bosom friends)

i can't remember the rest.....

Sorry madam.

Do whatever you have to do to heal!

This one is strong...kpele op.Just take time out to clear your head.Its going to be tough,but u'll be fine eventually.Some men sha!Na wa.

coogar:


in my college, it was called the ultimate bucket list(about a dozen tasks of nonsense) but the ones that stood out were....

•mile high club(still pursuing)

•parasailing
•skydiving
•bungee-jumping
•snorkelling/scuba-diving
•ménage à trois(blood sisters)
•ménage à trois(with bosom friends)

i can't remember the rest.....

Omo!
I can't ever try the bungee jumping ever! Lai lai!
A friend share her bungee jump video on Facebook and I couldn't help but ask her why she did that to herself. It's so horrifying.

I've done most of my fantasy bucket list including a party as an under grad lol!

The mile high club is the ultimate.

Brandnew2:


Omo!
I can't ever try the bungee jumping ever! Lai lai!
A friend share her bungee jump video on Facebook and I couldn't help but ask her why she did that to herself. It's so horrifying.

I've done most of my fantasy bucket list including a party as an under grad lol!

The mile high club is the ultimate.

bungee-jumping was actually easier than i thought. i had done few sky-drop rides at a park and trust me, it scared me shïtless.......by the time i did bungee, it was a cake-walk.

Divorce him poster! Sharp sharp

If you were the one that did that you would have been chased by now

Miami11:
Divorce him poster! Sharp sharp

OP please follow this advice. Divorce him today if possible