coogar:

she should have fulfilled hers before tying the knot. he should have done the same too.

I never fulfilled mine . . . . and yet here I am, after all these years of marriage, not even considering it a possibility. It's called responsibility and accountability!

fantasy = day dreams
all na the same thing.

i didn't give him a pat on the back - i just offered an explanation to his weird behaviour. it's got nothing to do with maturity or what not.......every human being gets these urges to push the envelope!

Your 'explanation' is an attempt to justify his behavior. Okay, let's say you walk into a designer store and see a pair of lacoste glasses you love but you know you can't quite afford it. A thought flashes through your mind to pick it up and walk away when no one is watching, is it ok to 'push that envelope'

my list of things to do before clocking 30 was disgusting, but it was quite fun too cos they are all highly testosteroned tasks. one is still missing though & time is fast running out.

all the ladies have their lewd fantasies too but most of them are scared of what the society would say about them so they quickly dispose those evil thoughts before you can spell the name robinson.

Most lewd fantasies are carried out behind closed doors. Nobody is likely to broadcast his/her own fantasies so I wonder how 'the society' will talk about something they don't know.

I know a woman in church who is highly placed, who sometime ago tried to seduce someone close to me. Till date she thinks she got away with it and God knows how many other young guys she must have seduced. But 'the society' respects and treasures her. Who knows how kinky she is behind closed door? When people hold out of doing nasty things, it's because they are decent and responsible(no offence), not because of 'that the society' thinks!

men aren't really programmed to be whipped into shape by these societal norms so we tend to be more daring to push the envelope. all those 50-year old men with grey hair prowling university female hostels are classic examples of missed opportunities.

Seriously? You think those 50-year old men never had fun as youth? I think most of them have 'pushed' the envelopes their whole lives and no longer know how it is to be responsible.

You see men who cheat on their GFs, end up cheating on their wives. Once you forgo you values, there is nothing holding you back anymore.

Biko, I'm done arguing with you!

Stillfire:
So what should she do?

She should in the first instance look to restore her union - it's a precious thing, worth fighting for and preserving.
She should think long-term and consider the well-being of all involved - directly and tangentially.
She should do what everyone who takes marriage vows commits to do.

TV

Ujoan:

I never fulfilled mine . . . . and yet here I am, after all these years of marriage, not even considering it a possibility. It's called responsibility and accountability!

i am not surprised!
90% of the women out there would never fulfil theirs cos of the societal norms. the accountability burden placed on the shoulders of women is heavier than that of men. so you are not alone.

Your 'explanation' is an attempt to justify his behavior. Okay, let's say you walk into a designer store and see a pair of lacoste glasses you love but you know you can't quite afford it. A thought flashes through your mind to pick it up and walk away when no one is watching, is it ok to 'push that envelope'

i will come back for the lacoste glasses when i can afford it........and this is exactly what the OP's husband did. he has been nursing the ambition of being in a 3söme for aeons but he couldn't afford it when he was still struggling. now he can afford it & he has finally fulfilled his desire.

Most lewd fantasies are carried out behind closed doors. Nobody is likely to broadcast his/her own fantasies so I wonder how 'the society' will talk about something they don't know.

you are looking at this from a woman's lens. he's a man. one of the reasons for doing it in the first place is because he can brag about it to his friends. the friendly competitiveness exists around menfolk from cradle to their grave.

I know a woman in church who is highly placed, who sometime ago tried to seduce someone close to me. Till date she thinks she got away with it and God knows how many other young guys she must have seduced. But 'the society' respects and treasures her. Who knows how kinky she is behind closed door? When people hold out of doing nasty things, it's because they are decent and responsible(no offence), not because of 'that the society' thinks!

she didn't get away with it cos the someone close to you opened his mouth. it was meant to be discreet. and if it's discreet, it's because the woman is afraid of what the society thinks of it. why didn't she openly seduce men if she's not concerned about the society?

Seriously? You think those 50-year old men never had fun as youth? I think most of them have 'pushed' the envelopes their whole lives and no longer know how it is to be responsible.

they did not.....
they wanted to but they couldn't afford it when they were young. they withheld the ambition till now when they can easily throw money at the problem & nail any babe they want.

You see men who cheat on their GFs, end up cheating on their wives. Once you forgo you values, there is nothing holding you back anymore.

it's 50-50.
some men were chronic players in their youth & then hung their boots after marriage simply because they have seen it all. white, black, yoruba, igbo, fulani, etc - they have nailed them all. when there's nothing left on the bucket list....a man is not motivated to continue chewing his cud.

Biko, I'm done arguing with you!

please don't go.....
don't break my heart!

curtains:
www.nairaland.com/2316343/marriage-depressed

The link above is about some months ago I saw his bbm n WhatsApp chat he wants to have a party with. He has finally had it last week. I found out dem the history of his browser that he has bin going to badoo. Wen I opened them, what I saw, was unthinkable.

Wen I confronted him, he confessed n is begging. He did it wit two girls from badoo

Our marriage is 5years. We r both in our early 30a's. We hv 3 children.

I have no more love for him. I need a break out of this house. I actually packed my belongings n my children to leave but on w second thought n his begging I didn't leave again.

He is an ardent reader of nairaland but hardly comments. I don't know if he want more fantasy in fact am devastated n have not stopped crying since Saturday night. I still dont want to tell my mum or friend. I need someone to talk to me pls cos am looseiing it

Aunty, I read your previous post and I've read this one and I'm surprised you don't see the pattern. He will do and beg and you will forgive abi? Before he was crying, now he is only begging. Believe me, he will never change. DO NOT pack your bags out of that house. Pack HIS own bags cos he is out. Get him the Bleep out of that house now because this is just the beginning. Next he'll be fvcking them in the house while you serve refreshments.

My dear,what you need is time.
TIME and this will be like "There was a time..."
I don't want to go into personal experiences but all I can say for now is get your shock absorber and heal.
You hear me curtains...HEAL!HEAL!!,HEAL!!!
If you break down,you have yourself to blame.
lf you say you are a christain,find consolation in the book of psalms.
I wish i can buy you a bucket of ice cream...you like (smile)
And 1 million bars of chocolate...yeahhhhh!!!
Give it time dear,u hear?
I am advocating for the kids not Oga(FDR)

dinachi:


And to think that the reason for all this very long epistle is so that raayah thick lesbian lips will have access to her punny , abi? You are advising her to keep friends for emergencies, friends like raayah , I bet! Carry your thick , horrible lesbian lips away from this forum before you hurt someone!

Noted! Now Chuks, run back to the dirty cave where you emerged from.

Did you say you were feeling suicidal?
You are so funny, you want to die becasue of a man?
What of your beautiful children and the beautiful future you have with them?

Focus on them and your health.
The time will come when you will be the one to hire enough 'thr3some' for him, many househelps/nurses to take care of him when you start to galivant the world visiting your children.

raayah:


Noted! Now Chuks, run back to the dirty cave where you emerged from.

Pls can nairalanders just go to raayahs profile and see the kind of lips she is sharpening for Op's punny! God have mercy! No weapon formed against Op's punny by those lips shall prosper! Now little worm, your input has been noted and aptly discharged in the trash can where they belong,so you can now crawl back to your hole.

dinachi:
@ Op yes leave him but first make sure you collect the phone numbers and house addresses of all these femnists asking you to leave him. They should provide accomodation and job for you and the kids when you leave.
More seriously, I am really sorry about your predicament

She will leave him but he will pay his kids fees and their upkeep. Please stop justifying his shitty behaviour. This is not feminism, its about being a decent human being and consider the feelings of others. I wonder what your reaction would be if this were a man telling us his wife had a party.

dinachi:

Pls can nairalanders just go to raayahs profile and see the kind of lips she is sharpening for Op's punny! God have mercy! No weapon formed against Op's punny by those lips shall prosper! Now little worm, your input has been noted and aptly discharged in the trash can where they belong,so you can now crawl back to your hole.

Pig, isn't your dirty and misogynistic blog not working any more? Go and air your chauvinistic views there. From failed doctor to a failed blogger.. I would be a bitter old man too!

This will be the last time I respond to you. You really are not worth it.

raayah:


Pig, isn't your dirty and misogynistic blog not working any more? Go and air your chauvinistic views there. From failed doctor to a failed blogger.. I would be a bitter old man too!

This will be the last time I respond to you. You really are not worth it.

Your stinking aside, why do you want to destroy Op,s punny with those thick dangerous lesbian lips? It is a fair question,now answer it! And if you need a blog for Lesbians,you need to steer clear from nairaland.

Daresh:


She will leave him but he will pay his kids fees and their upkeep. Please stop justifying his shitty behaviour. This is not feminism, its about being a decent human being and consider the feelings of others. I wonder what your reaction would be if this were a man telling us his wife had a party.

Why are you looking for my trouble now? Provide accomodation for her na and stop disturbing my ears abeg. Nigeria is not America where men have NO rights.

coogar:


i am not surprised!
90% of the women out there would never fulfil theirs cos of the societal norms. the accountability burden placed on the shoulders of women is heavier than that of men. so you are not alone.



i will come back for the lacoste glasses when i can afford it........and this is exactly what the OP's husband did. he has been nursing the ambition of being in a 3söme for aeons but he couldn't afford it when he was still struggling. now he can afford it & he has finally fulfilled his desire.



you are looking at this from a woman's lens. he's a man. one of the reasons for doing it in the first place is because he can brag about it to his friends. the friendly competitiveness exists around menfolk from cradle to their grave.



she didn't get away with it cos the someone close to you opened his mouth. it was meant to be discreet. and if it's discreet, it's because the woman is afraid of what the society thinks of it. why didn't she openly seduce men if she's not concerned about the society?




they did not.....
they wanted to but they couldn't afford it when they were young. they withheld the ambition till now when they can easily throw money at the problem & nail any babe they want.



it's 50-50.
some men were chronic players in their youth & then hung their boots after marriage simply because they have seen it all. white, black, yoruba, igbo, fulani, etc - they have nailed them all. when there's nothing left on the bucket list....a man is not motivated to continue chewing his cud.



please don't go.....
don't break my heart!

There you go again with the 'men are different' song! Kind of an over-flogged 'excuse' don't you think?

Men and women have the same desires and drives, how one handles h/hers goes to tell for his personality, not gender. I could have a 3-sum if I so wish, hell I could even have one right here, right now. I choose to respect my marriage and myself. It doesn't take a Vagina to do that.

Case in point, the woman I mentioned earlier . . . I bet seducing unsuspecting young men in her own home, in the presence of her toddler son would have been considering a 'man-thing' . . .

SMH!

This is serious.

Ujoan:

There you go again with the 'men are different' song! Kind of an over-flogged 'excuse' don't you think?

aren't men different?

Men and women have the same desires and drives, how one handles h/hers goes to tell for his personality, not gender. I could have a 3-sum if I so wish, hell I could even have one right here, right now. I choose to respect my marriage and myself. It doesn't take a Vagina to do that.

men & women don't have the same desire and drive. come on, an average man wants sex 24/7. your drive is dependent on the lunar calendar

of course, you can have 3söme if you do wish but the consequences, if you are discovered, is graver than if a man were to do it. that is the difference!

Case in point, the woman I mentioned earlier . . . I bet seducing unsuspecting young men in her own home, in the presence of her toddler son would have been considering a 'man-thing' . . .
SMH!

it's not a man-thing if she's doing it before her toddler son. the son cannot speak of what he is seeing as of yet. it's still a low-risk venture for the woman.

dinachi:

Why are you looking for my trouble now? Provide accomodation for her na and stop disturbing my ears abeg. Nigeria is not America where men have NO rights.

And do women have any rights here? Its all fine and dandy when we have no rights ba? Na im Bleep up. If na me if you no gree pay, you go hear am. He will never see those children again. We go go court. Him and his fellow threesomes go enter LIB. Hell hath no fury.

Daresh:


And do women have any rights here? Its all fine and dandy when we have no rights ba? Na im Bleep up. If na me if you no gree pay, you go hear am. He will never see those children again. We go go court. Him and his fellow threesomes go enter LIB. Hell hath no fury.

[img]http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/icarly/images/7/7d/SDIbl.gif/revision/latest?cb=20110627235621[/img]

Daresh:


And do women have any rights here? Its all fine and dandy when we have no rights ba? Na im Bleep up. If na me if you no gree pay, you go hear am. He will never see those children again. We go go court. Him and his fellow threesomes go enter LIB. Hell hath no fury.

In Nigeria, thats just wishful thinking! As long as he finished the marriage rites those kids will go with him unless he doesnt want them for now. Even at that they will look for him when they grow up and abandon you and go live with him. My dear Nigeria rocks, yeah! Heaven has no joy like a man enjoying his marriage in Nigeria.

Oga dinachi, leave raayah alone o!

curtains:
cutehector pimpchi emmydeep babythug godngold ladyfiona sambarry goldenruby drteeee thorpido cnn80 tired face ujoan brandnew2 coogar onegai chaulay1 ifyalways queenfav

thank u all for ur comments. I appreciate.
but u all keep telling me to go for a test n pimpchi telling me to fu*k him well.... This happened on wed or Thursday I don't know, then on Friday night he had the got n effontry to ask for se$. If u see d luv making ehn it was hot so f**kin him well is not a problem. But never the less I will still go for a test

I hv passed that stage in my xtian life where I will want to seek for retaliation. I will never do that. I hv forgiven him but can never forget n don't know if I can carry on with this marriage. If I divorce him then I will never get married again but to focus on my children n give them the best I can. I have been on suicidal mood since today....I need help pls... Pls does any one know of a counsellor or therapy I can get here in warri....

I'm so sorry to that you are going through this. I can't believe you slept with him 2 days after you found out. How? If it were me it would feel like having sex with a beast.

You are not even giving him any consequences for his actions. He will surely continue. He knows you will never leave in a million years.

Daresh:


And do women have any rights here? Its all fine and dandy when we have no rights ba? Na im Bleep up. If na me if you no gree pay, you go hear am. He will never see those children again. We go go court. Him and his fellow threesomes go enter LIB. Hell hath no fury.

I don't believe in keeping kids away from their father . Unless he is abusive he is still their father. Shared custody is always the way.

fem29:

I'm so sorry to that you are going through this. I can't believe you slept with him 2 days after you found out. How? If it were me it would feel like having sex with a beast.

You are not even giving him any consequences for his actions. He will surely continue. He knows you will never leave in a million years.

she forgave him.....
what else is remaining after forgiveness. the sēx after 2 days of her discovery qualifies as a make up sēx! according to married couples, it's the sweetest sēx!

you should try it.

coogar:


she forgave him.....
what else is remaining after forgiveness. the sēx after 2 days of her discovery qualifies as a make up sēx! according to married couples, it's the sweetest sēx!

you should try it.

Hmmmmmmmm no consequences for his actions. I am all for make up sex but hmmm. How would you get the image of him writhing around with 2 oloshos. Sex for women is very emotional, it would feel like sleeping with the enemy.

Next time he will bring them to their matrimonial bed since she had shown it's not that big of a deal.

fem29:

Hmmmmmmmm no consequences for his actions. I am all for make up sex but hmmm. How would you get the image of him writhing around with 2 oloshos. Sex for women is very emotional, it would feel like sleeping with the enemy.

he wept like a toddler after getting caught. do you know what it takes to draw tears out of the eyes of a grown man? he has been remorseful....he's asked for forgiveness & he was forgiven. shouldn't the matter end there?

Next time he will bring them to their matrimonial bed since she had shown it's not that big of a deal.

i doubt it.
he has finally achieved his life-long ambition. it's a once-in-a-lifetime activity. hopefully, he's now a changed man.

coogar:


he wept like a toddler after getting caught. do you know what it takes to draw tears out of the eyes of a grown man? he has been remorseful....he's asked for forgiveness & he was forgiven. shouldn't the matter end there?



i doubt it.
he has finally achieved his life-long ambition. it's a once-in-a-lifetime activity. hopefully, he's now a changed man.

Hmm coogar ooo. He wept the 1st time too and he still went ahead and did it. Time will tell sha.

fem29:


Hmm coogar ooo. He wept the 1st time too and he still went ahead and did it. Time will tell sha.

in the OP's shoes, what would you have done differently?

fem29:
Hmmmmmmmm no consequences for his actions. I am all for make up sex but hmmm. How would you get the image of him writhing around with 2 oloshos. Sex for women is very emotional, it would feel like sleeping with the enemy.

The bold.

Those prostitutes, the aristo chics, the girls who sleep with lecturers for marks, who follow club boys, who sleep with boss for promotion or the girl who abandons the struggling boyfriend for a rich suitor How do they fit in?

Are they not women?

Unless women emotion is tied to some gains most cases financial

raumdeuter:


The bold.

Those prostitutes, the aristo chics, the girls who sleep with lecturers for marks, who follow club boys, who sleep with boss for promotion or the girl who abandons the struggling boyfriend for a rich suitor How do they fit in?

Are they not women?

Unless women emotion is tied for some gains most cases financial

coogar:


in the OP's shoes, what would you have done differently?

To be honest I don't know if I would go or stay. When you have 3 small children it's very hard to leave a marriage. But I do know I would have left the house at least at first because I would not be able to stand the sight of him. I would definitely leave first then if I go back would be dependent on what he does after that. If he comes by and keeps trying to win me back consistently. Even when I refuse to see him, if I see him and scream at him that I never want to see him again. If he keeps coming then I would go back in the end bystanders part of my heart will be dead to him and I will make sure I have an exit strategy.

fem29:


To be honest I don't know if I would go or stay. When you have 3 small children it's very hard to leave a marriage. But I do know I would have left the house at least at first because I would not be able to stand the sight of him. I would definitely leave first then if I go back would be dependent on what he does after that. If he comes by and keeps trying to win me back consistently. Even when I refuse to see him, if I see him and scream at him that I never want to see him again. If he keeps coming then I would go back in the end bystanders part of my heart will be dead to him and I will make sure I have an exit strategy.

in other words, you have to see his genuine attempt to win you back before you can forgive him?

raumdeuter:


The bold.

Those prostitutes, the aristo chics, the girls who sleep with lecturers for marks, who follow club boys, who sleep with boss for promotion or the girl who abandons the struggling boyfriend for a rich suitor How do they fit in?

Are they not women?

Unless women emotion is tied to some gains most cases financial

Yes they are women too but they have closed down that emotional part of themselves. do you not think the first few times they had to have sex for money, they didn't break down and cry?. They had to push that emotion away and do what they have to do. You cannot compare that to a wife who has just found out her husband is cheating on her

coogar:


in other words, you have to see his genuine attempt to win you back before you can forgive him?

Yes. He has to work REALLY hard .