₦airaland Forum

Mzdivacious:
bros caaalm down.ejoor e gbe agbara le.even i wont be jobless at a marriageable age.why would i marry someone who is.u think i d bring a guy who lives in a one room apartment and my parents will bless d marriage.be REALISTIC.if those points are no biggie to u.u can bless d marriage when ur sisters n kids bring men like that home.ur post is so long i couldnt read more than 2paragraphs.but my opinion still stands

Omotayor123:
So it shouldn't be reciprocated .. They say marriage is come rain come shine, And so should be relationship. You think it's a bad idea or greedy for a mouth that eat bone to eat meat when it's readily available
What is the essence of staying in the rain with some one who wouldn't allow you stay with him when the Sun shines

misspicy:
i have had dis discussion with the OP.times without number and d guy always say.d same thing...imagine talk

this guy wants women to stay with a guy when he has nothing and he sees nothing wrong if the guy should eventually ditch the girl wen he is made...like seriously,women don suffer...he wants to eat his cake and have it.....lubbish


i say NO to all those useless questions he asked because i no come this world come suffer,i have my own money and i must marry a made man too...lobatan

Toks2008:
OYO lo wa..

I wondere what ladies with your mindset wil do if that gainfully employed man loses that job.

Walahi if my daughter brings home a taxi driver,i will just ask the man some simple questions and that is all.

Mzdivacious:
didnt i tell u to calm down..i said its a no to "jobless men"..is a taxi driver jobless..bus drivers from lagos to osun make like 10k per journey,more than some office jobs.oga nawa u

misspicy:
i have had dis discussion with the OP.times without number and d guy always say.d same thing...imagine talk

this guy wants women to stay with a guy when he has nothing and he sees nothing wrong if the guy should eventually ditch the girl wen he is made...like seriously,women don suffer...he wants to eat his cake and have it.....lubbish


i say NO to all those useless questions he asked because i no come this world come suffer,i have my own money and i must marry a made man too...lobatan

alexis007:
That no. 5 point sef.....



It has some connection with Paedophilia, Yerima and Aisha Buhari.



Women have suffered. Their ultimate success seem to be the ability to hook down a guy into marriage. No chance of self-determination.


Till their brains get an upgrade, and the heavy reliance upon the male-folk disappears.......It's a man's world.

coha:
OP oh! Are dese except d last are d qualites of my ex,even hse him no get,na him papa hse him dey stay,after making him a man whre is he now? Na only God go judge sm guys.smh

Toks2008:
Very simple

Its about choice based on feelings without affiliations to his potential future fortune.

Thats the point.

When a lady stays with a struggling guy with hope that he makes it someday FOR HER TO START ENJOYING HIS WEALTH then that is parasitic,foolish and totally unreasonable.

If u wanna stay with a struggling guy do so because u love him and not because u are expecting a payback like its a service u are rendering.

i just hope u catch the drift.

egobetatoday:
i understand her perfectly. she's saying ladies and our mothers who stood by their boy friends/husbands/our fathers when when things were tough were sidelined when the going became good. the younger generation learnt something from that- men cannot be trusted to act right so they will rather marry a rich guy from the start since men dont respect their wives who laboured with them -they prefer girlfriends who are after them for their money. gbam.

Toks2008:
Tried to decipher our post but i just cant.

Omotayor123:
So it shouldn't be reciprocated .. They say marriage is come rain come shine, And so should be relationship. You think it's a bad idea or greedy for a mouth that eat bone to eat meat when it's readily available
What is the essence of staying in the rain with some one who wouldn't allow you stay with him when the Sun shines

Toks2008:
I love your excellent opinionated stands.

If im to advice my daughter i would ask her to follow her heart.

Nevertheless i will also let her understand that she can also be fin independent and must never use a man wealth as a yardstick to choosing a spouse.

A guy that has a job or in business sure have an edge but when a lady loves for the right reasons,wealth becomes inconsequential.

so yes a vision driven man is berrer than a man who is fortunate to have a job or thriving business because take away that job or business and he may nver recover but a man of vision always bounces back.

Nevertheless,the ideology of a bird in hand will always make one settle for a rich guy over an aspiring one but as i wrote,if our ladies can love for the right reason marriages will be more fun and rewarding.

Toks2008:
Honestly you are confusing yourself.

I dont the mindset you are talking about.

My point is clear...staY with a guy because you love him periiod and if u hve better suitors then take a walk.

Dont stay with a guy because u expect him to make it one day...wat if he does not make it?

ronald4lif:
How can you be so much convinced that a rich fella can't rise again after a setback. Remember he started from scratch to attain the feet he once achieved and can still recover, even at a faster pace than someone who has never been rich before due to his vast experience in the hustling field. So we can't be too certain.

A vision driven guy doesn't guarantee he'd succeed. There are countless people out there who may have had vision and people thought they'd attain success but have been stagnant for years. By the way, who's a vision driven guy? Who'd admit they aren't vision driven or won't succeed in life? Everyone is vision-driven in their own capacity and it's not always the case that those who comes off as vision driven ends up rich.

Sometimes the one you think lacks direction and purpose in life ends up successful than the guy with prospect. Everyone in life confesses and belief in themselves that they'd make it in life but how many people actually do make it? Do you know how many intelligent and sharp-witted young graduates who many believed they'd certainly hit top heights but have been frustrated and unemployed for years? So what exactly does vision driven means?

Generally, most time when people see a rich fellow they'd say things like I knew that guy would make it, he was smart and focus but that's because he became rich. There are other people they also thought were smart and would succeed who are living in squalor.

Finally, let's assume there is a group of 20friends, 10 rich and 10 struggling. Let's give them 10years and evaluate their success individually. Do you think more of those rich 10guys would have been come poor while the 10 struggling ones have become affluent? What's the odds of this occurring?.

Toks2008:
You are drifting the topic though but the embolden is well articulated and i agree with you.

What im just trying to explain is that no woman should date a man because she hopes that the guy will make it in future..infact that is a criminal act

Many Naija babes have this criminal and potentially dumb and parasitic mindset that they are with a struggling guy in order to be a good beneficiary of his speculated future wealthy status.

What if he never makes it? what happened to loving a man for who he is and not who he may become?
I think there is something fundamentally wrong with the mindset of many Nigerian ladies and until they change this appalling mindset,they will never have value in the eyes of any man whether they struggled with him or met him as a wealthy man.

Rich guys go broke and broke guys hit it big and that is just life for you so every reasonable and focused lady should never ever stay with a struggling guy because she hopes he makes it one day.Its one thing to expect progress for your man and another to patch up with a man with a dominant hope that he makes it and then spends on you. huuh!

Oliviaarims:
Omotayor, I totally love the analogies u used!

Toks2008:
I respect your opinion but please what exactly is he reciprocating?

Is it a favour for a lady to be wth the man he loves?

Its only in Nigeria that a lady sees t as a huge favour to stay NOT EVEN STRUGGLE with a guy.

For those who invest in a man that is a different ball game but what is there to reciprocate if a lady loves a man and stays wth him.

How does a girlfriend struggle with a man if i may know? by encouraging him it wll be well when it is the guy that works his ass out?

or is it when she opens her leg for the guy to pleasure her?

I insist that naija girls should have a re orientation.

You are not doing any favour to a guy by staying with him duriing his struggling years and its even crazy for a lady to say she declined proposals from other men WHO ARE BETTER OFF cos that alone shows how criminally minded the lady is.

Stay with a man because you want to and if you dont want to,take a walk and be with the one who is better than hiim in wealth i guess.

Except the lady invested on a guy money wise or material wise,he is not obliged to stick with her or indebted to her in anyway.

this is my stands.

Oliviaarims:
I doubt if I'd ever disagree with u on any issue. U always always speak my mind.

Oliviaarims:
NO, u can't subtract hope from anything u do, as a human. In whatever situation u find urself, u always hope it gets better, even if it's good. So, if a girl's dating a poor guy, she's definitely there because she hopes and believes that things 'll get better. The guy also hopes and believes that his situation will get better. Hope and living are two inseparable ideas. When hope dies, life becomes useless!

Oliviaarims:
It's only now u stated ur point clearly. I agree with u.

goldendainty:
In summary - Rome was not built in a day
He(she) dat has ears should hear!!!

Toks2008:
Its really amazing how ladies fear the possibility of remaining unmarried for a long time stretching into their late twenties and thirties.

I have seen countless number of naija spinsters visit many prayer houses to seek spiritual guide and advice just to be a mrs and while so many will quickly come out to say they are unperturbed,the truth is that deep inside of them they hope that they just find the "right man" fast enough and start raising a family before reaching their menopause age.

Many ladies do not need prayer and fasting and in most cases,there is no spiritual attack from anywhere but these ladies are their own pitfalls and the simple truth is that 90% of unmarried ladies in their late 20s and 30s have no business still remaining single.

Considering the present global socio economy siituations expecially in a country like ours,here are 5 very vital questions to ask yourself as a lady and the more you give a NO to each of these 5 questions the harder it may be for you to get a man to marry you.

1.Can you start a life with a man in one room ?: Many ladies have boyfriends who live in this type of apartment and infact they have spent some nights with him in that same one room apartment and the guy has lost count of how many times he has scr*wd you in any imaginable ways but when it comes to marriage you will foolishly say you can't marry into one room apartment.

Sorry is your second name and i strongly pity you.Most men who own mansions today started their lives in one room so if you are ok being scr*wd in one room but you can not marry same man living in one room then you are not only clueless but foolish and be ready to be dumped after he has really had you to his fullness.


2.Can you marry a struggling man who has no regular job?:Oh i can imagine some ladies answering LAI! LAI!,MBA NUNU! GOD FORBID and so on to this particular question but please let me ask you"why date a struggling guy or allow him srw you at will yet cant marry him?" strange and foolish i must say.

It is important to know that as long as that man is not lazy,his break through will come and must come.How many ladies have given up an affair because they feel the guy has no job just to realize a year latter that he is gainfully employed or he has started a profitable business and they start feeling bad for not being patient enough.

Ok what is even the guaranty that the ones who have good jobs or business can not experience a crazy turn around? many ladies have lost their chance with a vibrant vision driven man just because they are waiting to say yes to a man who has a job rather than for them to also find something doing that will make them financially independent while the guy has enough space to pursue his dreams.Believe it or not 95% of the rich or successful guys you see today have passed through a struggling phase.


3.Can you have a very low budget wedding?: Now i want every reasonable lady reading this to understand that marital union and marriage ceremony are 2 different things.

Most times when you hear words like "my guy is not ready yet for marriage" what this simply implies is that the guy is NOT READY FOR A BIG MARRIAGE CEREMONY and not that he is not mentally,psychologically and emotionally ready but because our young ladies are overwhelmed with that one day celebration,they will never ever plan any wedding with a man who does not have the money to give them a flamboyant wedding and this is one major reasons why many ladies remain single for a very long time.

Have you looked around to see many graduates still struggling in their 30s with no assurance that a job or business will come up tomorrow? Are you among the myopic ladies who get carried away by a flamboyant wedding ceremony rich parents organize for their children?

Who says you can't have a marriage ceremony with N50,000 budget where a man pays the bride price and proceed to the registry with you and when the money starts coming in you two can do another big time wedding ceremony so why put yourself in bondage of having a compulsory big time wedding before you can be a mrs? Why are you giving that guy a good reason to continue using you,saying he is not ready for marriage ceremony but doing all the imaginable things a man will do to a wife on you.

For my igbo sisters i will advice you to appeal to the elders at home to understand that the fact that few of you are lucky to have a guy pay so much or spend so much on a marriage ceremony against all odds does not erase the fact that countless number of Igbo girls are been courted but not married in a timely manner due to the high expenses involved.


4.Can you marry a man who loves you but is not your preferred spec?:Yes there is nothing absolutely wrong in having a picture of who you want and while some ladies are very fortunate to find such,many have lived in a fantasy world hoping to meet that man who has those qualities they dream of just to wait and wait until they become old waiting for an "ideal man"

In marriage there is nothing like a bad or good choice neither do we have an ideal or non ideal man but its about your choice.Many ladies want a tall,cute,rich.GOD fearing,romantic guy and its so amazing how some ladies will never shift ground and when that short caring and loving guy comes their way they hush him and start running after a prince charming that feels nada for them,what a shame.

Stop having this myopic belief that there is an ideal man out there,no man has it all and all you need to look out for is a man who truly desires and deserves you. If you like keep waiting and screening until you become the object of screening yourself. Be wise.


5.Can you marry a man with a wide age gap to you:This is one of the most dangerous mistakes many ladies make. For crying out loud, except a lady just wants to play around,i do not see why a teenage girl will be dating a fellow teenager or a lady in her early twenties will be dating a guy of just a year or two older than her because when she eventually becomes ripe for marriage, in most cases this guy is still jumping around and fulfilling his sexual fantasies.

Yes age is nothing but a number but in most cases, ladies who date or court guys with wide age gaps like 8years or more tend to end up as a wife to the guy while most ladies who at their young ages started an affair with guys of close age proximity are usually left heart broken latter in life because most guys in the 20s are probably still playing around and not even psychologically ready for marital union.

So when i hear a 23 year old lady telling a guy in his 30s that he is too old for her i just laugh at her ignorance. If you are a teenager reading this or a lady in your early twenties,i will advice that except you just want to play around,you should date or court guys with wide age gap to avoid had i known.YES THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS to this but most times my assertion holds true.

I hope these write up makes sense
to those who want to see sense in it.