₦airaland Forum

tivta:
God bless you, kindly keep advising them, a friend of mine who is over 30 is still looking for a ready made man, she thinks by hanging out with rich girls she would be lucky to get a rich guy, whenever I see her I just shake my head...

Amen and bless u too. lol over 30hmmm if i reach 30 wtout a suitor i go rmove my mind frm marriage and face my life and business squarely na waoh

Nairaland home of debate and argument. whr peopl predict peoples life and future. whr people argue blindly wtout reasoning . i love nairaland

koyyes:
Your epistle is subjective. You can't use your failed relationship/marriage to judge every single nigerian woman. Keep your opinion to yourself and leave them alone. I've read and even 'liked' some of your comments on Nl but this is highly disappointing.

You are entitled to your opinion and i will be very foolish to expect everyone to buy into it.

So whatever rocks your boat .

Vikky014:
Amen and bless u too. lol over 30hmmm if i reach 30 wtout a suitor i go rmove my mind frm marriage and face my life and business squarely na waoh

Indeed.

Vikky014:
Amen and bless u too. lol over 30hmmm if i reach 30 wtout a suitor i go rmove my mind frm marriage and face my life and business squarely na waoh

Just remember to thank God for the wisdom he gave you

tivta:
Just remember to thank God for the wisdom he gave you

hmmm ws jst released from nairaland prison. i thank God ooo. bt nt sure i hv enof wisdom

Wise.

Ihuomadinihu:
Both you and the Op are not being logical at all. I find it quite disturbing that a lady would approve and comend whatever Op has written. Firstly,these are no suggestions or advices. They are points made to humiliate women that would naturally say No to majority of his questions. There are no fixed rules in marriage. I have seen people that answered No to these silly questions who are happily married and People that said Yes and are struggling to remain in marriage. You don't sit down and draw a silly list for Women and suggest that they might never marry if they don't adhere to your points.
There is nothing to understand,sorry!

The bold is what I've been trying to let the op know in/on his other threads...

It's just really not-so-reasonable. It's even more surprising that ladies clap behind him... smh

Have a barrel of words but just avoiding sounding like a broken record. I just might come up with a counter thread to treat all the bullsshit on this thread...

Toks2008:
Indeed.

nt joking am serious here. if i reach 30 wtout a suitor. i will remove my mind frm marriage if i see along d line good if i no see life goes on

Vikky014:
hmmm ws jst released from nairaland prison. i thank God ooo. bt nt sure i hv enof wisdom

Nairaland prison? What was your offence? As for wisdom we all learn every day.

Vikky014:
nt joking am serious here. if i reach 30 wtout a suitor. i will remove my mind frm marriage if i see along d line good if i no see life goes on

LOL just saw this...Suitors must come if you put yourself at a vantage point.Trust me it must happen.

Naughtysite:
I do not agree with the Yerima and Sanusi type of marriage. Like you said, its paedophilia. But if a single guy is lets say 35 yrs old and falls in love with a 22 or 23 year old lady. The girl is the smart person in the relationship for overlooking her age mates and hooking up with a 35 year old who has accomplished financial independence. She is not xoming to suffer at all.

replying a response on a comment I posted months ago is too retrospective for my liking. I wish I could do better. Nevertheless, I might change my position, if I deem it fit. At the moment, just stay okay with what you know.

Thanks for your understanding.

Toks2008:
LOL just saw this...Suitors must come if you put yourself at a vantage point.Trust me it must happen.

yea. dts true

tivta:
Nairaland prison? What was your offence? As for wisdom we all learn every day.

dnt knw oo. seems it was a tech problm.

yes we do learn evryday

You raised some very interesting points here, and I'd like to comment on a few:

1.Can you start a life with a man in one room ?

A very grave mistake that many single ladies make, even in the Church is such that they want an already-made man to settle with, in marriage. However, what these ladies fail to realize is that the world is growing more and more sophisticated by the day, and many men are also transforming into strange creatures, so difficult to understand and trust, especially when they've already made some good money. Some of these men, even when they hang around you (in the name of love and marriage), still nurse the idea that you are accepting them/clinging to them because you want their money. This thought-pattern usually leads some of these men to make very "wicked" moves (many times impregnating, and then abandoning the ladies, even in Church) that leave their victims heartbroken, cold, and completely despondent towards men. Of course, this situation may arise, even if the man is not well-to-do, but it's more common between ladies that have fastened themselves to their rich-young-rulers! We had a case like this in my former church!

Again, this matter is like a two-sided coin. Some men are also guilty of this. I'm talking about those young men that are looking for high-class and rich ladies that will come and take all their troubles away. They complain that they are still single and want to marry, but in actual fact, they are complaining that they have not found a lady with a flourishing business and a flashy car, who will come and "marry them". These things ought not to be so; but since this post is for the ladies, I'll leave my dear sisters with this testimony:

My Pastor friend in Ibadan got married to his wife when he had virtually nothing. In fact, he got married to his wife, and then the wife went back to live with her parents because my friend didn't even have "one-room" to his name. A good Samaritan eventually gave my friend a room, which he converted to his church . They (he and his wife) would preach in that single-room in the day time, and then spread their clothes on the floor, to sleep at night. It was in that level of discomfort that his wife became pregnant, and they had their first child. Today however, they are living like lords!

Never despise the days of little beginnings - Zechariah 4:10

I encourage you to grab an e-copy of my book, titled Beautiful Singles, for free, for a limited time. Get it at the following URL: https://beautifulsingles.shortstack.com/3C9HVw


3.Can you have a very low budget wedding?: This is also a very strong one, as many people (even some Pastors) do not know that there is a difference between "marriage" and "ceremony"; as a result, many ladies (who confused marriage with ceremony) have wrecked their union (after the "Almighty Ceremony" ) because of their "bogus" spending. I'll share a testimony here:

My father used to have a friend who nick-named himself G.O.C. He was a very popular MC (in wedding ceremonies in those days). To make my testimony as succinct as possible, I'll go straight to the point. G.O.C. planned his "marriage" in a grand style. He hired women in their droves to cook for the occasion, printed his invitation cards massively, and bought a really impressive number of crates of drink. He then hired a woman whose husband was a Police Commissioner at the time, to bake his wedding cakes. After getting that woman involved, he also approached my mum (my mum was a baker when she was alive) to bake more steps of cake for the wedding - what was he thinking? I don't know. As you read this, you might think that the man in question is really well-to-do, but that's not really the case. In fact, I think he was living below average; all I know he had was the popularity in Makurdi (Benue State), where I (and my parents) also lived at the time. But my mum smelled trouble coming, and argued that she wasn't disposed to also bake his wedding cakes.

The wedding came and passed, and all seemed well. But a few weeks after the wedding, G.O.C. was thrown into prison, because he couldn't clear his debts. That Commissioner's wife who had baked his wedding cakes was the most aggrieved. She used all her connections to keep G.O.C. in prison until it became clear that if she left him in prison any longer, he would die without being able repay his debt. Out of pity, she threw G.O.C. out of prison, who immediately parked all he had in Makurdi, together with his new wife, and relocated to his village, because he could no longer cope in the city - what a shame!


People need to understand that the first use of the word "wife" happened in Genesis 4:1, and I was puzzled to discover that there wasn't any ceremony; not even a Church gathering; yet, God saw it fit to call Eve the wife of Adam. That portion of scriptures revealed to me the true definition of marriage, and I'll share it here:

Marriage is an agreement between a man and a woman to live as man and wife, in the presence of at least one (1) witness. Any other thing that follows after this is plain ceremony.

In the case of Adam and Eve, the witnesses present were invisible witnesses: God, the Holy Angels, as well as some demons that watched from afar - see Genesis 2:20-25; 3:1

The LORD give you understanding!

Finally, I'd like to add that ladies need to mature themselves to the point that they can (at the very least) cease from having this poor mentality that goes thus: chase me...chase me...and chase me! This is a surefire way of shooting yourself on the foot!

This slideshare presentation may be of help: http://www.slideshare.net/kingsleycokei/beautiful-singles?qid=2f2d8301-f97d-4817-a609-d87d603169eb&v=qf1&b=&from_search=1

Also, I'm giving away free copies of my 170-page book (in e-format) titled Beautiful Singles, for a limited time. You may claim your copy here:https://beautifulsingles.shortstack.com/3C9HVw

In the book, you'll find revelations on subjects like: 1. The Spirit Of Jezebel 2. Cooperating with God 3. All Men are Not The Same etc.

Blessings...

Love is now about having someone to pay your bills. This whole game thing sucks mehn; I better remain single

Reminiscing.

You're absolutely right.

Wow

mhizesther:
Wow

Why Wow? you surprise?

Toks2008:
Why Wow? you surprise?

The write up is really meaningful

I can marry someone who's much older than me, even though he's not my spec, yes I'll still go ahead, provided it's God's will

mhizesther:
The write up is really meaningful

I'm glad you found it insightful.

Toks2008:
Its really amazing how ladies fear the possibility of remaining unmarried for a long time stretching into their late twenties and thirties.

I have seen countless number of naija spinsters visit many prayer houses to seek spiritual guide and advice just to be a mrs and while so many will quickly come out to say they are unperturbed,the truth is that deep inside of them they hope that they just find the "right man" fast enough and start raising a family before reaching their menopause age.

Many ladies do not need prayer and fasting and in most cases,there is no spiritual attack from anywhere but these ladies are their own pitfalls and the simple truth is that 90% of unmarried ladies in their late 20s and 30s have no business still remaining single.

Considering the present global socio economy siituations expecially in a country like ours,here are 5 very vital questions to ask yourself as a lady and the more you give a NO to each of these 5 questions the harder it may be for you to get a man to marry you.

1.Can you start a life with a man in one room ?: Many ladies have boyfriends who live in this type of apartment and infact they have spent some nights with him in that same one room apartment and the guy has lost count of how many times he has scr*wd you in any imaginable ways but when it comes to marriage you will foolishly say you can't marry into one room apartment.

Sorry is your second name and i strongly pity you.Most men who own mansions today started their lives in one room so if you are ok being scr*wd in one room but you can not marry same man living in one room then you are not only clueless but foolish and be ready to be dumped after he has really had you to his fullness.


2.Can you marry a struggling man who has no regular job?:Oh i can imagine some ladies answering LAI! LAI!,MBA NUNU! GOD FORBID and so on to this particular question but please let me ask you"why date a struggling guy or allow him srw you at will yet cant marry him?" strange and foolish i must say.

It is important to know that as long as that man is not lazy,his break through will come and must come.How many ladies have given up an affair because they feel the guy has no job just to realize a year latter that he is gainfully employed or he has started a profitable business and they start feeling bad for not being patient enough.

Ok what is even the guaranty that the ones who have good jobs or business can not experience a crazy turn around? many ladies have lost their chance with a vibrant vision driven man just because they are waiting to say yes to a man who has a job rather than for them to also find something doing that will make them financially independent while the guy has enough space to pursue his dreams.Believe it or not 95% of the rich or successful guys you see today have passed through a struggling phase.


3.Can you have a very low budget wedding?: Now i want every reasonable lady reading this to understand that marital union and marriage ceremony are 2 different things.

Most times when you hear words like "my guy is not ready yet for marriage" what this simply implies is that the guy is NOT READY FOR A BIG MARRIAGE CEREMONY and not that he is not mentally,psychologically and emotionally ready but because our young ladies are overwhelmed with that one day celebration,they will never ever plan any wedding with a man who does not have the money to give them a flamboyant wedding and this is one major reasons why many ladies remain single for a very long time.

Have you looked around to see many graduates still struggling in their 30s with no assurance that a job or business will come up tomorrow? Are you among the myopic ladies who get carried away by a flamboyant wedding ceremony rich parents organize for their children?

Who says you can't have a marriage ceremony with N50,000 budget where a man pays the bride price and proceed to the registry with you and when the money starts coming in you two can do another big time wedding ceremony so why put yourself in bondage of having a compulsory big time wedding before you can be a mrs? Why are you giving that guy a good reason to continue using you,saying he is not ready for marriage ceremony but doing all the imaginable things a man will do to a wife on you.

For my igbo sisters i will advice you to appeal to the elders at home to understand that the fact that few of you are lucky to have a guy pay so much or spend so much on a marriage ceremony against all odds does not erase the fact that countless number of Igbo girls are been courted but not married in a timely manner due to the high expenses involved.


4.Can you marry a man who loves you but is not your preferred spec?:Yes there is nothing absolutely wrong in having a picture of who you want and while some ladies are very fortunate to find such,many have lived in a fantasy world hoping to meet that man who has those qualities they dream of just to wait and wait until they become old waiting for an "ideal man"

In marriage there is nothing like a bad or good choice neither do we have an ideal or non ideal man but its about your choice.Many ladies want a tall,cute,rich.GOD fearing,romantic guy and its so amazing how some ladies will never shift ground and when that short caring and loving guy comes their way they hush him and start running after a prince charming that feels nada for them,what a shame.

Stop having this myopic belief that there is an ideal man out there,no man has it all and all you need to look out for is a man who truly desires and deserves you. If you like keep waiting and screening until you become the object of screening yourself. Be wise.


5.Can you marry a man with a wide age gap to you:This is one of the most dangerous mistakes many ladies make. For crying out loud, except a lady just wants to play around,i do not see why a teenage girl will be dating a fellow teenager or a lady in her early twenties will be dating a guy of just a year or two older than her because when she eventually becomes ripe for marriage, in most cases this guy is still jumping around and fulfilling his sexual fantasies.

Yes age is nothing but a number but in most cases, ladies who date or court guys with wide age gaps like 8years or more tend to end up as a wife to the guy while most ladies who at their young ages started an affair with guys of close age proximity are usually left heart broken latter in life because most guys in the 20s are probably still playing around and not even psychologically ready for marital union.

So when i hear a 23 year old lady telling a guy in his 30s that he is too old for her i just laugh at her ignorance. If you are a teenager reading this or a lady in your early twenties,i will advice that except you just want to play around,you should date or court guys with wide age gap to avoid had i known.YES THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS to this but most times my assertion holds true.

I hope these write up makes sense to those who want to see sense in it.

Good points except number 2. A man without a regular source of income should pause wedding plans. Marriage is funded with money. There are bills to be paid and food to be eaten. When a baby arrives, it is a different ball game. The baby doesn't care if there is no money.He or she needs to eat, poo and wear clothes.
Money issues can break up a marriage.

I can't marry a man who is not my spec, its better for one to be single than that.