Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,165,859 members, 7,862,818 topics. Date: Monday, 17 June 2024 at 07:14 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do I Overcome This Deceit? (5015 Views)
Please Help!! My Dad Passed Away. Please How Do I Overcome The Pains? / Please Help With Advice To Overcome This Oppression Im My Work Place / Help:how Do I Overcome This Emotional Challenge (2) (3) (4)
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by johnson232: 8:02pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
daretodiffer:move on to where? abi u go marry the op? |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by johnson232: 8:07pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
Miami11:shat up... there is a bitter side to every marriage... if u think otherwise, ask ur mum... 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 8:08pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
tpiar:She was simply betrayed by him. You don't have to pretend to be what you're not.She was quite young and innocent and didn't see the red flags anyway - I'll advice her to stay and see if he's going to change now that he's been made. Some people do change if he truly loves her - Though once a shooter is always a shooter. He will be smart now. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 8:08pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
daretodiffer:To where ? |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by johnson232: 8:12pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
dapsonlou:so u think reporting him to his parents will make him change... |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by tpiar: 8:39pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
Truckpusher: if you are dating a "god fearing man" who believes so much in premarital sex and who has no qualms impregnating you before marriage, then remove the "god fearing" handle from his list of attributes and simply put "man". same applies to a "god fearing woman" who can match a potential partner on the bed (as in, they are not married yet). Posting bible verses on fb and leading fellowship is secondary here. Actions are louder than words. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 8:44pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
tpiar:Couldn't have said it any better. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Nobody: 9:20pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
Truckpusher:That is why you keep treating us like trash. Well, that question is only applicable to women without a means of livelihood and family. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Nobody: 9:21pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
Truckpusher: He is not going to stop beating her! |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 9:29pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
daretodiffer:Stop twisting it abeg. If she wants to leave ,let her leave abeg. I don't know how many men would be begging their wives not to leave - women are the one that use to kick up dust when a man wants to leave and I am asking you guys why is it like that ? Some girls you date would nearly kill you for walking away or wanting to walk away , sometimes you guys talk as if we don't know what is happening in this our society again. I understand it goes both ways - but the reaction from the female folks when dumoed is usually stronger compared to guys . when a girl gets jilted by her boyfriend she will scream blue murder but if the reverse becomes the case we simply walk away a lot of times . The stats are there for you. 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 9:30pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
daretodiffer:Says who? |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Nobody: 9:36pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
Truckpusher: I don't care whether he is remoresful or not. The guy can pocket his tears and pleadings. The woman, if she is her right senses and does not have self-esteem issues, would leave that asshole and build a life for herself and her unborn vehild. e is going to kill her soon if she doesn't . To where? To another house. She is an adult and she should be able to get herself an accommodation. It is disapraging to ask a woman where she would be moving to after leaving her husband's house. She is not a kid or a convalescent or a pet, she is human and an adult. That was why I was trying to avoid answering your question. 4 Likes |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Vikky014(f): 9:44pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
Shocked:i dnt evn know wht to tell u cos am jst as shocked as u r. bt if i were to b in ur shoes i will demand dt he call all those ladies in my presence and tell dem he is married and dnt need dem again. after which he deletes all of dem frm his phone and blocks all of dem.bfore i strt considering forgiving him 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Vikky014(f): 9:46pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
TOKS2008 COME OOOO |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by onegig(m): 9:52pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
@shocked. First things first. No third parties please for now. You need to both try and solve this as partners, that's if you want to still stay behind in this and he is truly remorseful about things.Escalating it to third parties would only worsen issues especially as most would be bias and only take sides and would be on a fault finding mission on why you didnt wear that "red pant" and such absurdities. It's a big breach of trust, I understand. I appreciate how you feel with such. Avoid the comments of those shouting themselves hoarse that you go on and divorce. You have invested lots into this. Time, energy, money, your body and soul and it's not an easy thing to pull the plug just like that. You aren't to blame for what happened. You aren't guilty of any crime here. First remove that from your mind. He did whatever he did not because you aren't beautiful enough, dutiful enough or homely enough. He did it because he is the one feeling inadequate and what he did was what he wanted. Someone who would cheat would cheat no matter what you do. You have no control over the actions of a grown man. First cause of action would be to distance yourself from the situation. He needs to go clear up his act. He needs to speak about things without you prodding him to do so and above all he needs to show clearly that he is willing to change and ready to take the steps towards such. I am Deeply sorry about what has happened but trust me there;s no quick fix to this. It would take years for you to even start trusting him. That's if you stay and he truly works on things. Although I doubt there are Nigerian men who have the sincerity to do that. He made need therapy sef, It's a psychological thing for most. From the look of things, he is full of deceit and this is deep seated. Pastor in the afternoon and wolf in the room corner at night to the point he was doing it behind your back even after marriage. He must have been conditioning his mind for a long time about such double dealings and i doubt such mindset can be wiped clean in a short period. When I tell people that there is a limit to what you use social media for and we need to be specific and open especially when in relationships. Most say one is being insecure. It takes just a little slip of words, a simple compliment between you and some opposite sex and you are paddling down the path of cheating. I guess 21st century couples have not come to terms with what such means. 4 Likes |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by mostyg(m): 10:22pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
I feel sorry for you my sister,that you are already going through this just six months into your marriage. I wouldn't advice you to stay or leave but you should bear in mind that infidelity is a good ground for divorce. At 22, you are still very young to start life allover. Your husband has a double personality no thanks to the social media He is a chronic womanizer who knows and understands what he's doing.. Men like him would do anything to protect their 'pseudo-reputation'. You have to let your parents know about what you discovered about your husband and listen to their advice. I wish you God's guidance in your decision. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by slap1(m): 11:00pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
Report him to the pastor of your church. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by dapsonlou(m): 11:52pm On Dec 24, 2015 |
johnson232: My father always make me see reasons. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Toks2008(m): 3:34am On Dec 25, 2015 |
Shocked: Just pray for him and be happy in your marriage. Shits happen. Please visit my nairaland wall and read all the related threads and i bet you will be at peace. This is exactly why i write some stuffs on nairaland but the unmarried ladies will never understand. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Toks2008(m): 3:46am On Dec 25, 2015 |
mostyg: There is no place in my bible that ask a lady to divorce her hubby because of sexual infidelity and i might just shed more light on this if i decide to create a thread on it. Dessertion is the only ground the bible gave to a woman to divorce her spouse. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Nobody: 5:23am On Dec 25, 2015 |
sexual infidelity i.e. adultery is grounds for divorce in the Bible. Toks2008: Toks2008:what d hell?? she should just pray for him n be happy in her marriage? mcheeeew. how tf can she be happy in her marriage when she just found out her marriage has been based on lies? 3 Likes |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Toks2008(m): 8:08am On Dec 25, 2015 |
aflyingbird: I am very sure you are not married. Please read this hard fact: Some ladies have argued that they can divorce their husband based on sexual unfaithfulness but Strangely enough,there was never a place in the bible where women are permitted to divorce a man based on sexual unfaithfulness. Yes i know that Biblical injunctions are bi-gender in context but this particular quote was very gender specific and here it is:"But I tell you that any man who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and any man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery"Matthew 5:32 "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:10-11. Romans 7:3:"For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him. So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man". If a man can marry two or more wives then why should a lady kill herself or make herself unhappy because her man sleeps with another woman.? If you look at the western world you will not agree less that many ladies divorce their spouse over this issue just for them to start sleeping about with men who are also another woman's husband so who is fooling who? What i will never support is a man cheating with impunity by making a mockery of the wife and that is when he does his crazy and hell bound acts to the notice of the lady or brings the other woman home to commit the crazy act and of-course i expect any reasonable man to use protection with the other desperate lady to reduce the possibility of infecting the wife at home with deadly STDs. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by nmreports: 8:25am On Dec 25, 2015 |
Is marriage actually sweet?. Too many challenges. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by jabojafa(m): 12:37pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
honestly d only tin u can do fore him now is to pray. Becos d spirit of whoredom is wit him. For him to overcome d lust of d flesh, he needs d Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is d only one dt can deliver him frm dis eveil spirit and mk him a changed man. So pray, pray andd pray. It wont b easy bt der is nothing impossible for God to do. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by eyinjuege: 5:09pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
Truckpusher: Smarter now you mean. The dude was way too smart ab initio. With all the multiple codes on his phone, and religious voodoos. Some people get carried away with people that are over religious, but unfortunately most are the worst set of folks to be around. @OP, your case is very strong o. He is a serial cheat, and such chronic cheats can hardly ever get cured of their addictions. He'll just be smarter now hiding things from you. You never even guessed after spending 5 years together with him, you can be sure with a little extra effort he puts in you'll never be able to know his future escapades but SURELY there will be more of such in the future. It's up to you really. Can you live with that? At least he has the sense to use protection with his lovers, though that may fail too. Are you ready to start closemarking him all the days of your youth? Do you have the energy to do that? Maybe for now, a trial separation won't be a bad idea, so that you can have some alone time to think deeply on your next step, and how you can resolve this bad mess you are in. 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 5:22pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
eyinjuege:He wasn't smart enough - When you password your phone before your wife, you're simply sending the wrong message to her that something is amiss here. If you want to hide something from a nosy woman ,hide it in plain sight .All that religious over-zealousness would only create a calm atmosphere filled with curiosity in her that would be awoken one day ,but once those factors are not there ,the fear of the unknown wouldn't let her dig and when all evidence available points to no crime she will accept her 'peace of mind' status quo that you've created and let you be in peace. If you know how women think when they are deeply in love ,you'll get away with almost every crime unless you let your guard down by making mistakes and of course no man is above mistake. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by cococandy(f): 5:25pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
He was sexting with his ex abroad telling her how she was the only family he wanted and that he will come over again and make her his rightful wife, that I was just a Bleep and I know he's still in love with her.Na this one dey pain me pass. Even if you must cheat, you must not bad mouth and belittle your spouse to the other person just to get a quick lay. 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 5:38pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
cococandy:You have no idea what men can do for sex. Just calm down , men have been lying just to have sex since Adam. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by cococandy(f): 6:39pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
Truckpusher:Speak for yourself truckie. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by sisisioge: 6:50pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
Omg! Whew! If only the guy has been true enough to show you his other side before you married him... Oh my! I wonder why most guys are such terrible human beings... I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. If I were you I wouldn't know what to do to the azzzhole too. It is well. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by Truckpusher(m): 6:50pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
cococandy:It's a universally accepted fact and I'm not making it up ,though you can drown in your own ignorance. Rubbish. |
Re: How Do I Overcome This Deceit? by sisisioge: 6:55pm On Dec 25, 2015 |
Truckpusher: You should write a book on how to perfectly cheat on your spouse! Mmmm, your confidence is almost intriguing...however, it's gonna be your giveaway in the not so distant future. 2 Likes |
Casual Sex, The Pill And Condoms Are Transforming Our Women To Feminazis / Meconium Aspiration Syndrome: Help My Baby / Barak Obama's Family Picture That Got People Talking
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 98 |