Hello everyone,

I'm in a dilemma. I  got married less than 6 months ago to a man I loved very much. I thought he was God-fearing, honest and great. We met some 5 years ago, I was a virgin, we dated for about 2 years before we tried having sex and I got pregnant. I was just 22 and a graduate. We couldn't get married immediately because of financial constraints but we finally did after a lot of troubles and emotional trauma.

My parents told me we didn't have to get married regardless of the fact that we had a child, that they'll support whatever my decision is but that they'll never be a part of a divorce. I went ahead and married him because he seemed like a great guy. He can't go late to church talk more of missing it, he's a house fellowship leader, has this big Bible, reads it everytime and all his posts on Facebook are about God, we have constant devotions. He washes for us, irons, cooks, uses his money to make sure w wear the best stuffs and are comfortable to an extent. I had to beg him to stop buying stuff for us so that we can save towards our child's education. I appreciated all this and I thought we'd have a wonderful time being married and spending the rest of our lives together with our child. I work my ass out, I am not a lazy person too.

Some days ago our child didn't sleep early, I was bored so I decided to check his gallery to see pictures but it had a lock on it, I decided to see what my name was saved with, he used my first and middle name, even that of my parents. I got suspicious and decided to check out other stuff. Every messaging app was passworded so I dropped the phone. But curiosity got the best of me and I decided to by-pass it. I found an ugly, disgusting and heartbreaking can of worms.

He was asking every girl on his friends list on social media if he could be their man, he has records of people he has slept with and those he invites over, pay them and their bills. He even paid the house rent of someone else while we are owing ours. He was sexting with his ex abroad telling her how she was the only family he wanted and that he will come over again and make her his rightful wife, that I was just a Bleep and I know he's still in love with her. They exchange nudes too. You would never find a trace of me on his account. I found our child playing with condoms he took to Shiloh and we never used it.

I am a good person, I have learnt a lot sexually and I am willing to try out new things. I am very beautiful and you would never guess I have a child. I cannot point where this is coming from because I would never have thought of cheating on him. If I was doing something wrong, he never pointed that out. He was my best friend and we communicated a lot.

I confronted him because I took screenshots and sent to myself, he had an explanation for everything and I couldn't fool myself. They were all lies. I sent a reply to his ex on Facebook because apparently she didn't know he was married. I told my sister and she's been crying because nobody saw this coming from a man like him. I am wondering if I should involve his family. My parents might die of high blood pressure if they found out.

I am sorry about the long epistle. What do I do?

Hmmm, this one na strong thing o and me no know wetin to talk.

You got married to a chronic womaniser and nothing can change him. He'd always lie each time he's caught and tighten his further rendezvous and become more private. Such cheat never change, they only get more secretive.

It's either you move on or stay and persevere his philandering till heaven knows when. But if I were you I'd move on and save myself from more trauma and emotional torture than tolerate a cheating spouse. And the risk of contacting std too.

That someone prays a hundred times a day and mention God a thousand times in a minute doesn't make them righteous and upright. All those religiosity is to appeal to gullible fellows and manipulate their minds. You were a victim of religious propaganda and hope you look before you leap next time. Personally, I'm more cautious with extreme religious folks than anyone else. Can't be manipulated with such drivels.

WOW . I am definitely lost for words. How was he able to hide all this whilst you guys were dating.

My dear please take heart. Definitely let his parents know. I really don't know what to advise you apart from that

Please move on

There is no such thing as repenting for a man like this. Hiding behind religion to trap women.

No matter what he will not change, at least not in the near future. Just leave him for now. Separate. I'm not saying you should divorce him. But just stay away for some time.

See the problem here is you guys weren't even quarrelling. You were living in peace. Imagine what this man can do if you were fighting. I would advise for you to share everything with your sister for now because nobody knows what lies he may or may not spew against you in the future.

I'm so sorry.

You claim not to know he is ungodly?

He is a fellowship leader yet impregnated you before marriage and you still believe he was godly. Either you are deceiving us or you are deceiving yourself.

Your parents had a reason before they told you it is not compulsory to marry him because you became pregnant. As usual with the youths, you neglected the wisdom in their advice.

I'm not blaming you for anything, only opposed to the fact that you want us to believe you had no idea he was ungodly despite committing fornication without repentance with you.

Deceit is how they play their game.apart from domestic violence which I face I also found empty packs of condoms and my kid was playing with a full pack which is now empty yet we never used it(to further show its all deceit am pregnant why does he need a condom right?)
The hubby I speak about is supposedly a Sunday school teacher .
My sister what you should do is really up to you.
I never had sex before marriage though

blessedtwins:
Deceit is how they play their game.apart from domestic violence which I face I also found empty packs of condoms and my kid was playing with a full pack which is now empty yet we never used it(to further show its all deceit am pregnant why does he need a condom right?)
The hubby I speak about is supposedly a Sunday school teacher .
My sister what you should do is really up to you.
I never had sex before marriage though

What are you doing about your situation? You said you face domestic violence?

Nnaaaa men!! What is wrong with marriages these days?What's happening to our family lives and values? If he's not cheating battering,she would be cheating and doing God-knows-what!
If I ask you to pray now they will mock and insult me so my sister it's all up to you.He was'spiritual' and had a big bible yet he committed fornication with you.were you spiritual too?
Ask him who you are to him and what you mean to him and take it up from there.May God grant you his mercies and wisdom
Very soon they will criticize you for going through his phone...

bellong:
You claim not to know he is ungodly?

He is a fellowship leader yet impregnated you before marriage and you still believe he was godly. Either you are deceiving us or you are deceiving yourself.

Your parents had a reason before they told you it is not compulsory to marry him because you became pregnant. As usual with the youths, you neglected the wisdom in their advice.

I'm not blaming you for anything, only opposed to the fact that you want us to believe you had no idea he was ungodly despite committing fornication without repentance with you.

You are right but don't forget that he is human.He is a fellowship leader yes but he went ahead and married her and I am sure the church supported them as well as their parents even though hers told her that it wasn't necessary.

She believed that their sins stopped with them and they are going to live happily ever after.

I am curious though,what could he possibly tell you about all these proofs(chats) you have? You mean he has excuses for the recent chats?

He kept asking for forgiveness after the pregnancy. About the recent chats, he has a story about each of them. He has a seemingly convincing story why it was not what I saw but I will be lying to myself. We are talking about over 10 ladies. It was disgusting that I had to stop digging. Yes I was religious too, that was the attraction but I stopped being religious after the pregnancy and the way it was handled in my church and by my church members.

edwife:


What are you doing about your situation? You said you face domestic violence?

I'm sure she enduring, praying and fasting, they way poster will be advised just at 22

Move on with your life, you have no husband, sometimes I wonder why people rush to marry

The moment you wield the bible to my face, I did be running off like Usain Bolt. The most horrible of them all hides behind Christianity to confuse you, this type can't be saved. A man that can read the bible daily, fire prayers, speak in tongues and yet do this is capable of any crime. Only you can tell what you will prefer to do about the situation and take responsibility for the outcomes.

These things have nothing to do with whether you crawled or rushed into marriage. The lady that was married to the B2K killer dated and married him for years and never found out he was a serial killer until she saw him on TV. I have seen people that dated for 4 years and married for only 6 months.

The point is utilising your sense of perception and discernment to know who is who. I know a couple that dated for 9 years, yet they are still unable to understand themselves adequately in less than 2years of marriage . So crawl in,rush in means nothing if you have no good sense of discernment.


So OP, don't think is because you rushed in, people that crawled in get disappointed too.

Miami11:
Move on with your life, you have no husband, sometimes I wonder why people rush to marry

How did she run into marriage?


Op, I think your husband possessed. .who goes after over 10 women at same time?
Seriously, I have never advised anyone to fast and pray but I'm tempted to tell you that. . He's a church worker and it could be the devil manipulating him...

If nothing changes after you have tried, then move on!

Religious proponents and hypocrisy are like water and life... always indispensable. Well, if you cannot handle the ish, move on with your life. Meanwhile, I wish people could stop judging and relating with others based on their worldviews instead based on their attitude, then will all these stories that touches stop recurring. May God never allow me to fall into the deceit of religious propagators.

Cheeeeei!!! Okwa nu Uwa mmebi oooo!

Honestly just divorce him and concentrate on your child. Cause if you die the child will end up miserable anyway it's a lose lose situation for you if you decide to stay. This is why no one should get married. Marriage is scam to both men and women.

Whew!!! You are too young to be going through this

Don't tell your parents because they will hate him forever, but you have to report him to his Parents. If you don't he won't change,he will just get a better password.

tensazangetsu:
Honestly just divorce him and concentrate on your child. Cause if you die the child will end up miserable anyway it's a lose lose situation for you if you decide to stay. This is why no one should get married. Marriage is scam to both men and women.

I wonder if u are divorced to spew such from your mouth. If you dont have anything to say, just keep quite. There is no NL rule that is forcing u to comment...Thanks

iupac120:

I wonder if u are divorced to spew such from your mouth. If you dont have anything to say, just keep quite. There is no NL rule that is forcing u to comment...Thanks

Dude why the beef I just gave my own opinion and what's wrong with divorce. Should she rather stay and get HIV

Aren't you all looking for a God fearing man?

Tell him you'll speak to the Pastor about it. After that, you may involve parents. I'm hoping here that your Pastor has enough knowledge and experience to fit the role of a Christian Psychologist.
Your husband seems to be young (under 30?) and you both seem to have unresolved emotional issues with suspicion, his experience, your inexperience and the pregnancy, as relates personal Christianity.
Salvation from sin is missing here. Doesn't concern the pregnancy (consequence). There's an openness only a freedom brings. Not sure you have it (my opinion from your write-up), but he definitely does not.

Truckpusher:
Aren't you all looking for a God fearing man?

Who impregnates people before marriage? ?

Like a poster pointed out, the op chose to label the man as such, while engaging in premarital sex with him.

tpiar:



Who impregnates people before marriage?

I never called him a 'God fearing man' but the wife did.

Truckpusher:
I never called a 'God fearing man' but the wife did.

Yes, I edited my post, lolz.

Lord have mercy.

CC TV01

My sister, I convey my empathy to you. It's a pity that sometimes, what we see in marriage is not usually what we bargained for.
I will advise you not to think of divorce in your marriage, by the grace of God, but to work on your marriage to be a haven on earth. Hardly do you see any marriage without challenges but the power lies in you and ur spouse.
I believe ur hubby is a christian but lacks that power to understand certain things. He lacks the control of his flesh which always quite challenging to some people, unless they work on it.
You need biblical conviction to explain what marriage is all about, until there is a contrition by some one he respects so much or the power in the word of God.
Talk to him and also go with him to a pastor he does respect.
Again, dont involve your families cos marriage is for two people, and if you involve them, pressure maybe much on him.
In all, do pray for him,it is ur duty as a godly wife( John 14:14 ).
By the grace of God, you will overcome in Jesus name...Amen