daretodiffer:
Please move on

move on to where?
abi u go marry the op?

Miami11:
you have no husband, sometimes I wonder why people rush to marry

shat up...
there is a bitter side to every marriage...
if u think otherwise, ask ur mum...

tpiar:



Yes, I edited my post, lolz.

Lord have mercy.

She was simply betrayed by him.

You don't have to pretend to be what you're not.She was quite young and innocent and didn't see the red flags anyway - I'll advice her to stay and see if he's going to change now that he's been made.
Some people do change if he truly loves her - Though once a shooter is always a shooter.
He will be smart now.

daretodiffer:
Please move on

To where ?

dapsonlou:
Don't tell your parents because they will hate him forever, but you have to report him to his Parents. If you don't he won't change,he will just get a better password.

so u think reporting him to his parents will make him change...

Truckpusher:
She was simply betrayed by him.

You don't have to pretend to be what you're not.She was quite young and innocent and didn't see the red flags anyway - I'll advice her to stay and see if he's going to change now that he's been made.
Some people do change if he truly loves her - Though once a shooter is always a shooter.
He will be smart now.

if you are dating a "god fearing man" who believes so much in premarital sex and who has no qualms impregnating you before marriage, then remove the "god fearing" handle from his list of attributes and simply put "man".

same applies to a "god fearing woman" who can match a potential partner on the bed (as in, they are not married yet).

Posting bible verses on fb and leading fellowship is secondary here. Actions are louder than words.

tpiar:


if you are dating a "god fearing man" who believes so much in premarital sex and who has no qualms impregnating you before marriage, then remove the "god fearing" handle from his list of attributes and simply put "man".

same applies to a "god fearing woman" who can match a potential partner on the bed (as in, they are not married yet).

Posting bible verses on fb and leading fellowship is secondary here. Actions are louder than words.

Couldn't have said it any better.

Truckpusher:
To where ?

That is why you keep treating us like trash.

Well, that question is only applicable to women without a means of livelihood and family.

Truckpusher:
She was simply betrayed by him.

You don't have to pretend to be what you're not.She was quite young and innocent and didn't see the red flags anyway - I'll advice her to stay and see if he's going to change now that he's been made.
Some people do change if he truly loves her - Though once a shooter is always a shooter.
He will be smart now.

He is not going to stop beating her!

daretodiffer:

That is why you keep treating us like trash.

Well, that question is only applicable to women without a means of livelihood and family.

Stop twisting it abeg.

If she wants to leave ,let her leave abeg.

I don't know how many men would be begging their wives not to leave - women are the one that use to kick up dust when a man wants to leave and I am asking you guys why is it like that ?

Some girls you date would nearly kill you for walking away or wanting to walk away , sometimes you guys talk as if we don't know what is happening in this our society again.
I understand it goes both ways - but the reaction from the female folks when dumoed is usually stronger compared to guys .
when a girl gets jilted by her boyfriend she will scream blue murder but if the reverse becomes the case we simply walk away a lot of times . The stats are there for you.

daretodiffer:


He is not going to stop beating her!

Says who?

Truckpusher:
Stop twisting it abeg.

If she wants to leave ,let her leave abeg.

I don't know how many men would be begging their wives not to leave - women are the one that use to kick up dust when a man wants to leave and I am asking you guys why is it like that ?

Some girls you date would nearly kill you for walking away or wanting to walk away , sometimes you guys talk as if we don't know what is happening in this our society again.
I understand it goes both ways - but the reaction from the female folks when dumoed is usually stronger compared to guys .
when a girl gets jilted by her boyfriend she will scream blue murder but if the reverse becomes the case we simply walk away a lot of times . The stats are there for you.

I don't care whether he is remoresful or not. The guy can pocket his tears and pleadings. The woman, if she is her right senses and does not have self-esteem issues, would leave that asshole and build a life for herself and her unborn vehild. e is going to kill her soon if she doesn't .

To where? To another house. She is an adult and she should be able to get herself an accommodation. It is disapraging to ask a woman where she would be moving to after leaving her husband's house. She is not a kid or a convalescent or a pet, she is human and an adult. That was why I was trying to avoid answering your question.

Shocked:
Hello everyone,

I'm in a dilemma. I  got married less than 6 months ago to a man I loved very much. I thought he was God-fearing, honest and great. We met some 5 years ago, I was a virgin, we dated for about 2 years before we tried having sex and I got pregnant. I was just 22 and a graduate. We couldn't get married immediately because of financial constraints but we finally did after a lot of troubles and emotional trauma.

My parents told me we didn't have to get married regardless of the fact that we had a child, that they'll support whatever my decision is but that they'll never be a part of a divorce. I went ahead and married him because he seemed like a great guy. He can't go late to church talk more of missing it, he's a house fellowship leader, has this big Bible, reads it everytime and all his posts on Facebook are about God, we have constant devotions. He washes for us, irons, cooks, uses his money to make sure w wear the best stuffs and are comfortable to an extent. I had to beg him to stop buying stuff for us so that we can save towards our child's education. I appreciated all this and I thought we'd have a wonderful time being married and spending the rest of our lives together with our child. I work my ass out, I am not a lazy person too.

Some days ago our child didn't sleep early, I was bored so I decided to check his gallery to see pictures but it had a lock on it, I decided to see what my name was saved with, he used my first and middle name, even that of my parents. I got suspicious and decided to check out other stuff. Every messaging app was passworded so I dropped the phone. But curiosity got the best of me and I decided to by-pass it. I found an ugly, disgusting and heartbreaking can of worms.

He was asking every girl on his friends list on social media if he could be their man, he has records of people he has slept with and those he invites over, pay them and their bills. He even paid the house rent of someone else while we are owing ours. He was sexting with his ex abroad telling her how she was the only family he wanted and that he will come over again and make her his rightful wife, that I was just a Bleep and I know he's still in love with her. They exchange nudes too. You would never find a trace of me on his account. I found our child playing with condoms he took to Shiloh and we never used it.

I am a good person, I have learnt a lot sexually and I am willing to try out new things. I am very beautiful and you would never guess I have a child. I cannot point where this is coming from because I would never have thought of cheating on him. If I was doing something wrong, he never pointed that out. He was my best friend and we communicated a lot.

I confronted him because I took screenshots and sent to myself, he had an explanation for everything and I couldn't fool myself. They were all lies. I sent a reply to his ex on Facebook because apparently she didn't know he was married. I told my sister and she's been crying because nobody saw this coming from a man like him. I am wondering if I should involve his family. My parents might die of high blood pressure if they found out.

I am sorry about the long epistle. What do I do?

i dnt evn know wht to tell u cos am jst as shocked as u r. bt if i were to b in ur shoes i will demand dt he call all those ladies in my presence and tell dem he is married and dnt need dem again. after which he deletes all of dem frm his phone and blocks all of dem.bfore i strt considering forgiving him

TOKS2008 COME OOOO

@shocked.

First things first. No third parties please for now.

You need to both try and solve this as partners, that's if you want to still stay behind in this and he is truly remorseful about things.Escalating it to third parties would only worsen issues especially as most would be bias and only take sides and would be on a fault finding mission on why you didnt wear that "red pant" and such absurdities.

It's a big breach of trust, I understand. I appreciate how you feel with such.

Avoid the comments of those shouting themselves hoarse that you go on and divorce. You have invested lots into this. Time, energy, money, your body and soul and it's not an easy thing to pull the plug just like that.

You aren't to blame for what happened. You aren't guilty of any crime here. First remove that from your mind. He did whatever he did not because you aren't beautiful enough, dutiful enough or homely enough. He did it because he is the one feeling inadequate and what he did was what he wanted. Someone who would cheat would cheat no matter what you do. You have no control over the actions of a grown man.

First cause of action would be to distance yourself from the situation. He needs to go clear up his act. He needs to speak about things without you prodding him to do so and above all he needs to show clearly that he is willing to change and ready to take the steps towards such. I am Deeply sorry about what has happened but trust me there;s no quick fix to this. It would take years for you to even start trusting him. That's if you stay and he truly works on things. Although I doubt there are Nigerian men who have the sincerity to do that.

He made need therapy sef, It's a psychological thing for most. From the look of things, he is full of deceit and this is deep seated. Pastor in the afternoon and wolf in the room corner at night to the point he was doing it behind your back even after marriage. He must have been conditioning his mind for a long time about such double dealings and i doubt such mindset can be wiped clean in a short period.


When I tell people that there is a limit to what you use social media for and we need to be specific and open especially when in relationships. Most say one is being insecure. It takes just a little slip of words, a simple compliment between you and some opposite sex and you are paddling down the path of cheating. I guess 21st century couples have not come to terms with what such means.

I feel sorry for you my sister,that you are already going through this just six months into your marriage. I wouldn't advice you to stay or leave but you should bear in mind that infidelity is a good ground for divorce. At 22, you are still very young to start life allover.

Your husband has a double personality no thanks to the social media He is a chronic womanizer who knows and understands what he's doing.. Men like him would do anything to protect their 'pseudo-reputation'.

You have to let your parents know about what you discovered about your husband and listen to their advice.

I wish you God's guidance in your decision.

Report him to the pastor of your church.

johnson232:

so u think reporting him to his parents will make him change...

My father always make me see reasons.

Shocked:
Hello everyone,

I'm in a dilemma. I  got married less than 6 months ago to a man I loved very much. I thought he was God-fearing, honest and great. We met some 5 years ago, I was a virgin, we dated for about 2 years before we tried having sex and I got pregnant. I was just 22 and a graduate. We couldn't get married immediately because of financial constraints but we finally did after a lot of troubles and emotional trauma.

My parents told me we didn't have to get married regardless of the fact that we had a child, that they'll support whatever my decision is but that they'll never be a part of a divorce. I went ahead and married him because he seemed like a great guy. He can't go late to church talk more of missing it, he's a house fellowship leader, has this big Bible, reads it everytime and all his posts on Facebook are about God, we have constant devotions. He washes for us, irons, cooks, uses his money to make sure w wear the best stuffs and are comfortable to an extent. I had to beg him to stop buying stuff for us so that we can save towards our child's education. I appreciated all this and I thought we'd have a wonderful time being married and spending the rest of our lives together with our child. I work my ass out, I am not a lazy person too.

Some days ago our child didn't sleep early, I was bored so I decided to check his gallery to see pictures but it had a lock on it, I decided to see what my name was saved with, he used my first and middle name, even that of my parents. I got suspicious and decided to check out other stuff. Every messaging app was passworded so I dropped the phone. But curiosity got the best of me and I decided to by-pass it. I found an ugly, disgusting and heartbreaking can of worms.

He was asking every girl on his friends list on social media if he could be their man, he has records of people he has slept with and those he invites over, pay them and their bills. He even paid the house rent of someone else while we are owing ours. He was sexting with his ex abroad telling her how she was the only family he wanted and that he will come over again and make her his rightful wife, that I was just a Bleep and I know he's still in love with her. They exchange nudes too. You would never find a trace of me on his account. I found our child playing with condoms he took to Shiloh and we never used it.

I am a good person, I have learnt a lot sexually and I am willing to try out new things. I am very beautiful and you would never guess I have a child. I cannot point where this is coming from because I would never have thought of cheating on him. If I was doing something wrong, he never pointed that out. He was my best friend and we communicated a lot.

I confronted him because I took screenshots and sent to myself, he had an explanation for everything and I couldn't fool myself. They were all lies. I sent a reply to his ex on Facebook because apparently she didn't know he was married. I told my sister and she's been crying because nobody saw this coming from a man like him. I am wondering if I should involve his family. My parents might die of high blood pressure if they found out.

I am sorry about the long epistle. What do I do?

Just pray for him and be happy in your marriage.

Shits happen.

Please visit my nairaland wall and read all the related threads and i bet you will be at peace.

This is exactly why i write some stuffs on nairaland but the unmarried ladies will never understand.

mostyg:
I feel sorry for you my sister,that you are already going through this just six months into your marriage. I wouldn't advice you to stay or leave but you should bear in mind that infidelity is a good ground for divorce. At 22, you are still very young to start life allover.

Your husband has a double personality no thanks to the social media He is a chronic womanizer who knows and understands what he's doing.. Men like him would do anything to protect their 'pseudo-reputation'.

You have to let your parents know about what you discovered about your husband and listen to their advice.

I wish you God's guidance in your decision.

There is no place in my bible that ask a lady to divorce her hubby because of sexual infidelity and i might just shed more light on this if i decide to create a thread on it.

Dessertion is the only ground the bible gave to a woman to divorce her spouse.

sexual infidelity i.e. adultery is grounds for divorce in the Bible.

Toks2008:


There is no place in my bible that ask a lady to divorce her hubby because of sexual infidelity and i might just shed more light on this if i decide to create a thread on it.

Dessertion is the only ground the bible gave to a woman to divorce her spouse.

Toks2008:

Just pray for him and be happy in your marriage.
Shits happen.
Please visit my nairaland wall and read all the related threads and i bet you will be at peace.
This is exactly why i write some stuffs on nairaland but the unmarried ladies will never understand.

what d hell?? she should just pray for him n be happy in her marriage? mcheeeew. how tf can she be happy in her marriage when she just found out her marriage has been based on lies?

aflyingbird:
sexual infidelity i.e. adultery is grounds for divorce in the Bible.





what d hell?? she should just pray for him n be happy in her marriage? mcheeeew. how tf can she be happy in her marriage when she just found out her marriage has been based on lies?

I am very sure you are not married.


Please read this hard fact:

Some ladies have argued that they can divorce their husband based on sexual unfaithfulness but Strangely enough,there was never a place in the bible where women are permitted to divorce a man based on sexual unfaithfulness.

Yes i know that Biblical injunctions are bi-gender in context but this particular quote was very gender specific and here it is:"But I tell you that any man who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and any man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery"Matthew 5:32

"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife." 1 Corinthians 7:10-11.


Romans 7:3:"For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law that binds her to him.

So then, if she has sexual relations with another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress if she marries another man".

If a man can marry two or more wives then why should a lady kill herself or make herself unhappy because her man sleeps with another woman.?

If you look at the western world you will not agree less that many ladies divorce their spouse over this issue just for them to start sleeping about with men who are also another woman's husband so who is fooling who?

What i will never support is a man cheating with impunity by making a mockery of the wife and that is when he does his crazy and hell bound acts to the notice of the lady or brings the other woman home to commit the crazy act and of-course i expect any reasonable man to use protection with the other desperate lady to reduce the possibility of infecting the wife at home with deadly STDs.

Is marriage actually sweet?.

Too many challenges.

honestly d only tin u can do fore him now is to pray. Becos d spirit of whoredom is wit him. For him to overcome d lust of d flesh, he needs d Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is d only one dt can deliver him frm dis eveil spirit and mk him a changed man. So pray, pray andd pray. It wont b easy bt der is nothing impossible for God to do.

Truckpusher:
She was simply betrayed by him.


He will be smart now.

Smarter now you mean. The dude was way too smart ab initio. With all the multiple codes on his phone, and religious voodoos.
Some people get carried away with people that are over religious, but unfortunately most are the worst set of folks to be around.

@OP, your case is very strong o. He is a serial cheat, and such chronic cheats can hardly ever get cured of their addictions. He'll just be smarter now hiding things from you. You never even guessed after spending 5 years together with him, you can be sure with a little extra effort he puts in you'll never be able to know his future escapades but SURELY there will be more of such in the future.
It's up to you really. Can you live with that? At least he has the sense to use protection with his lovers, though that may fail too. Are you ready to start closemarking him all the days of your youth? Do you have the energy to do that?
Maybe for now, a trial separation won't be a bad idea, so that you can have some alone time to think deeply on your next step, and how you can resolve this bad mess you are in.

eyinjuege:


Smarter now you mean. The dude was way too smart ab initio. With all the multiple codes on his phone, and religious voodoos.
Some people get carried away with people that are over religious, but unfortunately most are the worst set of folks to be around.

@OP, your case is very strong o. He is a serial cheat, and such chronic cheats can hardly ever get cured of their addictions. He'll just be smarter now hiding things from you. You never even guessed after spending 5 years together with him, you can be sure with a little extra effort he puts in you'll never be able to know his future escapades but SURELY there will be more of such in the future.
It's up to you really. Can you live with that? At least he has the sense to use protection with his lovers, though that may fail too. Are you ready to start closemarking him all the days of your youth? Do you have the energy to do that?
Maybe for now, a trial separation won't be a bad idea, so that you can have some alone time to think deeply on your next step, and how you can resolve this bad mess you are in.

He wasn't smart enough - When you password your phone before your wife, you're simply sending the wrong message to her that something is amiss here.

If you want to hide something from a nosy woman ,hide it in plain sight .All that religious over-zealousness would only create a calm atmosphere filled with curiosity in her that would be awoken one day ,but once those factors are not there ,the fear of the unknown wouldn't let her dig and when all evidence available points to no crime she will accept her 'peace of mind' status quo that you've created and let you be in peace.

If you know how women think when they are deeply in love ,you'll get away with almost every crime unless you let your guard down by making mistakes and of course no man is above mistake.

He was sexting with his ex abroad telling her how she was the only family he wanted and that he will come over again and make her his rightful wife, that I was just a Bleep and I know he's still in love with her.

Na this one dey pain me pass.
Even if you must cheat, you must not bad mouth and belittle your spouse to the other person just to get a quick lay.

cococandy:

Na this one dey pain me pass.
Even if you must cheat, you must not bad mouth and belittle your spouse to the other person just to get a quick lay.

You have no idea what men can do for sex.

Just calm down , men have been lying just to have sex since Adam.

Truckpusher:
You have no idea what men can do for sex.

Just calm down , men have been lying just to have sex since Adam.

Speak for yourself truckie.

Omg!

Whew! If only the guy has been true enough to show you his other side before you married him...

Oh my! I wonder why most guys are such terrible human beings...

I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. If I were you I wouldn't know what to do to the azzzhole too. It is well.

cococandy:

Speak for yourself truckie.

It's a universally accepted fact and I'm not making it up ,though you can drown in your own ignorance.
Rubbish.

Truckpusher:
He wasn't smart enough - When you password your phone before your wife, you're simply sending the wrong message to her that something is amiss here.

If you want to hide something from a nosy woman ,hide it in plain sight .All that religious over-zealousness would only create a calm atmosphere filled with curiosity in her that would be awoken one day ,but once those factors are not there ,the fear of the unknown wouldn't let her dig and when all evidence available points to no crime she will accept her 'peace of mind' status quo that you've created and let you be in peace.

If you know how women think when they are deeply in love ,you'll get away with almost every crime unless you let your guard down by making mistakes and of course no man is above mistake.

You should write a book on how to perfectly cheat on your spouse! Mmmm, your confidence is almost intriguing...however, it's gonna be your giveaway in the not so distant future.