₦airaland Forum

scantee:
bro love is a very wicked thing, maybe i should just rush into new r/ship to get her rid of my mind, though her family will be hurt & sad but i think i have no other choice now b4 i die of HBP.

scantee:
what do u mean by wanting to get marry to her severally? I said we agreed to get marry after her school, since are both still young no rushing, as for school fees & hostel whatever that is not a topic bro, i never said i did but if i do is nothing to regret because someting you do out of love is nothing, my major concern here is not about whatever i spent on her, that is nothing...my only problem is that i feel hurt for i so much trust her bro.

ariyike23:
i quite agree wid u.. the thing is she is still enjoying the attention she gets from those chewing gum boys,trust me in 4 to 5 years from now,she wuld die to have his kind of person,its just the phase.one thing we ladies fail to realise is that stability and security is the most paramount in a relationship,i prefer olda guys but not my daddy's age oo because i want peace of mind.

scantee:
i think i will bro, though she hardly admits having any suitor, she always make believe she don't give room for such knowing well that she with me already. I have to now just that it may not be easy, but i think is right time, though the two families is gonna be @ crosshead but i don't care anymore. All i needed now is someting to take away mind off her, unfortunately this is happning @ the wrong time because i am on leave now, & i always spent such my leave time with her. I think i just have to travel out for now.

scantee:
what do u mean by wanting to get marry to her severally? I said we agreed to get marry after her school, since are both still young no rushing, as for school fees & hostel whatever that is not a topic bro, i never said i did but if i do is nothing to regret because someting you do out of love is nothing, my major concern here is not about whatever i spent on her, that is nothing...my only problem is that i feel hurt for i so much trust her bro.

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

pinkycute:
She's confused for real and she don't want to loose you as wel.

But have it in mind, there's this guy out there disturbing her, talking sweet nonsense to her, making her to lost interest in everything and it might affect her final.

@Op, you just have to be the man here, don't call her again, if you've the time, go and see her as a surprise, talk to her and make her understand that she'll be save in your hands this's the time she needs you most

Don't listen to all this NL guys concluding what they don't know. She might still love you, but confused due to pressure concerning some sitting things, of which she has already confirmed to you. You know her very well more than we here. And i believe you're not a kid, and you can tell if someone is breaking up with you. So my dear, do the needful and save your relationship

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

tommychow:
Hahaha @ "not my daddy's age oo". That would be disturbing, innit? What's your limit? As in, the oldest you can marry? I'm more attracted to women around my age even older (2 years max). Sucker for a matured mind. Love the challenge. Sad part, they prefer older men for the reason you said, financial stability.

It's definitely a phase SHE MUST pass through IMO. She might lose this great guy (OP) but she needs to know his worth and what she really NEEDS or else, throughout the marriage she'll keep wondering 'what if' she should have explored which lead to frustration, even cheating. There are just some things you just can't get into a young mind, mainly relationship advice.

9japrof:
One of the most articulate and sensible posts i have read. Scantee look at the bolded. That is just the plain truth. I would give you my own objectives, lemme still read through funny Nairaland comments

scantee:
bro is almost impossible to know if she is cheating, because all always negative, i have access to all her social media account, she uses my pix as her Dp on fb,bbm,whatsap etc and was tagg it my Ever, in her school everbdy says no she is not, 90% of her frnds knws me, she use our pix (picmix) on her display wall of her phone and desktop background in her laptop, even her boss sometime called me where she did her IT and told me bro ur a lucky man, u see why i said is almost imposible to figure it out.

phraoh:
@ Op,

When i read your replies to comments, am a little annoyed and then i realise how deep you have falling into this love-hole.

Love is a beautiful thing buh then it blinds us from seeing clearly. For a steady guy, u seem quite naive or will i say u got some complex issues that makes me feel like u think you cant get another girl who will like you for whatever shortcomings you not telling us here....

Do u think you are too ugly, are u short etc, (cos clearly, you are financially buoyant) to warrant the way you feel.

I tell you something mate, in your next relationship, man up and get into it with your eyes wide open and with enough confidence as you can muster. Never let any lady ride you and be on your way out after a month if she aint behaving properly. Ladies will sit up with u...Infact, you will be the one asking us here on Nairaland, " pls i have 8 girls on my neck, who should i marry? "

Your present ex (if love will unshackle you) understands the above principle and thats why she is acting confused because she is got too many choices...You are just a fallback plan for when her fantasies are not fulfilled....And bro you will make the worst mistake in your life being a fallback hubby.

Cheers.

scantee:
thanks bro, last month during xmas period she demanded some cash for shopping which i instructed one of my bank to transfer money to her account on 20th Dec 2015, i made the request around 15th Dec 2015 before travelling for short trip which i am to return by 23rd Dec 2015, unfornately the bank could not transfer the money to her due to some minor issue relating to that particular account in terms of Bvn registerd date of birth been different frm date of birth in the account, the bank could not contact me due to my location as of then, though i did not tell her about the transfer before traveling, when she did not get the cash she was so upset with me unfortunatly i returned 24th evening which is kinda late for shopping, i visited her family to know how they are doing but she refused to come out to see me, after much persuation from her Dad she came out and explain to me everything i was shocked because i never knew, so our quarrel started from there because she believed i did it intentional, after much heated aguement i left their house, on 25th Dec i invited her over to our house she declined till on 28 when she visted, i noticed she was still very upset abt it even though i used my online account and transfered money 2 her on 26th Dec, i sat her down we talked very well & discussed about a new company i just registred using our both names which she own 30% share of the company. She spent 3days in our place everyting was alight, she told me she will be traveling on 31st Dec, that morning i drove her to the airport bought her ticket 4 her, we were really emotional to say bye.., after some days in her village i started having bad feelings about her & her new i don't care atitude 2wards me, i complain 2 her if al is well, she even went as far as telling me to replace her name in the new company Board of Directors, after we agued on few things, i asked her of her reason for this, she said nothing, that was when i knew she might be up to something..till today she has'nt changed. I have to bring this story up for you to know how it all started recently. I don't knw what else to talk about with her again. Thanx for ur input.

Amhappy:
My humble submission are as follows
1.She is not cheating yet
2. She is more likely to cheat if the long distance relationship continue or even during nysc
3. She may cheat after marriage if you are gone for long(she is not matured and emotionally ready) unless she changes.
4. She is still young and wants to explore
My advice;Inform her that you are going to give her the space she asked for. Reduce communication and see if she will initiate it. Socialize with others but don't date or get intimately involved with anyone. Make out time to see her face to face(after her project)and let her know your marriage timeline(eg 3-6months) to make up her mind. Once the grace is over,find ur way. Lead her to Christ,so if you ve not given your life to Christ,pls do. God is the third person in marriage. Tell her to watch Tyler Perry's Confessions of a marriage counsellor, Not easily broken.
If all these fail,I ve a young,beautiful,responsible, single 042 babe in my office with a heart of gold,contact me if only you are still the same guy after this experience and have not changed for the worse.

WORLDPEACE:
Trunaijian: 5:09am
You are putting too much pressure on her. If you really love her, there are some measures you must take. Though not easy, they are necessary
1. Call her less
2.Don ever call her friends and ask them to talk to her or narrate your ordeal.
3. If she asks you for anything, if you are disposed, give it to her and still maintain your infrequent communication.
4. Date another girl
As hard as the above measures may seem, they are to open your eyes to the reality of marriage. If she is gonna be yours, she will get back her senses and make up. Sometimes people get bored and tired of relationship. Not that they don't care, they just get bored. When you space yourselves, you will taste something different and realize what you have been missing or realize and value what you have. If she is yours, she will come back. You have fought for her already. Its left for her to choose.
18 Likes

That is all the advice i have for you.

torqque7:
Wow I understand sha...but over the years I have come to realise that women are the same everywhere o,they get bored with nice..they like mystery and if u become too predictable and she can tell what u can do then I can assure u her eyes will wonder off..u have to be strong to keep a woman o,and being strong means ignoring somethings that love would make u do normally, once a woman is comfortable that she has a grip on u then ur in trouble,I am sure she felt u were desperate to wife her and ur not going anywhere.. next time let a woman know that u can find someone to replace her any time..good luck bro

ariyike23:
im in my mid 20's and the youngest i have ever dated is 29, but right now i wuldnt date anybody less than 30. asides financial stability,emotional stability and security too is key,i dont want someone that wont be able to handle our issues maturely except we fight and scatter evrywhere.i hate stress,so i definitely hate to nag about the same thing evrytime,i like wen you as a man sees sumfing av done wrong and simply call me and point it out instead of acting out on it,same with me.PLus the fact that i hate clingy men,Be in a relationship where both of you are fused into each other but yet independent of each other.

scantee:
thanx bro much appreciated...sad reality of life, believe me some gals is the reason why many guys turn to playboy, seem few don't appreciate real love. What a wasted years. I think i just have to go & get tourist visa & get lost out of this curel enviroment 4 a while.

scantee:
Hello N'landers! Please i am very sorry to come up again with this my fiancee matter again, for those of you who might be familiar with my previous threads https://www.nairaland.com/2666138/want-call-off-marriage..i-feel concerning her attitudes will understand better.

Brief Intro: i met this girl some years back when she was still on 1st Semester 200L in one of the university in SE states, though we met in Lagos...we fell in love <fast forward> i wanted to marry her then but she said i should allow her finish her school before we can officially get married (she was 20yrs then) while i was in my mid 20tez as well, so i decided to wait since i am still young & not in a rush, we are like everything to each other, i introduced her to my entire family members, friends, relatives & work coliquez, i made them understand we would be getting married during or after her final year in school, we are in a distance relationship because my work takes me to places within & outside the country, we only spent time together only during her holidays (i.e after 4 months) practically all her friends knows about me though i never met them in person, we really love each other so much that people believe we are unbreakable...

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

ogaprime:
I think you need on last concrete evidence....hope she doesn't know you are on leave and she is in school. Try to give her impression that you are not around....Go and visit her in her school unannounced. Get there early, lodge into an hotel close to her school then you go to her hostel kinda late....

And bro

as for that she always wish i visits her in school any day anytime, i don't know if is just to show off to friends or just her pure wish to be around me.

i once played blank on her that i am close to her hostel gate around 11:30:pm she was so excited and have to go settle gate man to allow me drove in whenever i get there...afterwards she felt hurt i played her. the truth is that i have never visited her in school.
Use your HEAD....

ariyike23:
i used to surf this forum as a guest,jes joined today when i saw ur post. Yur gurl is onli bored of the relationship and has found sumone thats tickling her fancy because his still new to her,its better that shes showing all these now,because what i can decipher from here is that shes not psychologically ready for marriage,she still feels young and wants to explore, and the idea of been stuck to one man is scary to her. Your best option is to give her space,i mean real space,dont break it off with her,but start going out with other gurls,dont date for now because the probability that any gurl you date now will be a rebound is very high,you may just want to use her to cure your heart break which isnt fair to the gurl. with time,if your relationship isnt meant to be,you"ll find yourself withdrawing from her gradually. One thing is if the trust has been destroyed,dont bother going further,because no matter what she does,you will always doubt her fidelity and thats bad for your health. You'll be fine,it will only hurt for a while..i promise

scantee:
bro love is a very wicked thing, maybe i should just rush into new r/ship to get her rid of my mind, though her family will be hurt & sad but i think i have no other choice now b4 i die of HBP.