₦airaland Forum

@scantee: please bro. I need to contact you specially. Thank you. Email: broidehen@gmail.com

Peterpan222:
@Scantee...Noooo there is non. Your areas of career can be of help to me sir. So I wouldn't like to disclose it here publicly. As a matter of fact, it's something relating to ur signature. There is nothing more than that sir. Thank you.

scantee:
alright send me a mail then.

scantee:
ur head is really there. @ time i got confused, she gave me her password to all her social network including her yahoo mail, i have access to her whatsap chats, tweeter and bbm, she pratical using my pix as her DP in al her social media platform, i never see any atom of cheat in any of her account, except bunch of guys msges asking her out and stuffs like dat, she always tell her frnds both male/females abt me, al her frnds knws abt me very wel both her Rev Father, bt what got me confused is her recent actions, she has sworn to me on several occations that is not, bt this yesterday atitude of hers is damm suspicious

scantee:
ur head is really there. @ time i got confused, she gave me her password to all her social network including her yahoo mail, i have access to her whatsap chats, tweeter and bbm, she pratical using my pix as her DP in al her social media platform, i never see any atom of cheat in any of her account, except bunch of guys msges asking her out and stuffs like dat, she always tell her frnds both male/females abt me, al her frnds knws abt me very wel both her Rev Father, bt what got me confused is her recent actions, she has sworn to me on several occations that is not, bt this yesterday atitude of hers is damm suspicious

scantee:
Cc: @Yetsay, @wroskian

scantee:
..

To shortened the story..we spent time together in Lagos last xmas before she traveled for new year..while i stayed back in Lagos, & we have agreed that we would be getting married this being her final year in school, i noticed that since she left for the new year celebration in her village our communication declined so much, she hardly called or pick my calls, when i complained she attributed that to a bad network in the village where she went to spend some days with her friend that was getting married that last year.

NOW SHE IS BACK TO SCHOOL..the same thing is still happning, she does not give me much attention again, hardly called, if i called she will claim to be so tired having hectic day in school, so i got tired of everyting yesterday when i called her she did'nt pick my call rather she text me that is was very busy & will call me back when she is done, after 2hrs no call back i decided to call her back & her number was busy, after she done making her call she picked my & said she was on call with her sister, i asked what she was doing that kept her busy from 8;30pm -10:30pm she said she was ironing & cooking. I felt unconvinced i asked her are you tired of me? She said yes & laughed, i was shocked, i ask her why, she said she can't even explain it herself, i then ask..

ARE U SEEING SOME ELSE OR HAVING CRUSH ON ANY GUY? She said yes that it started last year, the guy use to come visit her in her hostel, but now she has lost contact with the guy, though nothing has ever happend between them, i felt like i was dreaming because i can swear for this girl that she can never do such...she said though she declined the guys proposal to date him because she does not see the possibility of it happning. Now i fell betrayed after all these years of waiting even when some friends adviced me against it, i have lost the trust in her, right now i feel so hurt, she pleaded that she don't even understand what is happning to her that she is confused, she then said she just feel like being left alone to concentrate in her final year project...

please i feel so sad right now because i put all my egg in one basket in the name of love, my imagination is just going wild about her right now, i have lost apitite for food & loosing concentration, i so much love & trust her. Please how do i overcome this now? help me..

scantee:
(LONG STORY PLS READ THROUGH)

Hello house,

Please i need mature advice from you guys..most of you guys that follows my oil workers thread on nairaland can recall when i mentioned that i will be getting married by next year that everybody should be geting ready to attend my TM/WW, well thus goes my story.

After i ended my previous distance relationship which lasted for years before we mutually ended it base on family diffrences. I met this my new date when i came to Lagos in 2011 for a project, we exchanged contacts after which i traveled to Netherland for a training i did not called her for over a year plus because then i was still with my previous date, when i returned from my trip early Jan 2013, i called her so we got talking, along the line i traveled to her school to see her in (S Eastern Uni)

"FASTFORWARD" i told her my intention of getting marry to her then, so i brought her to lagos to meet my parents and other family members, after all said and done she pleaded that i gave her time to finish her studies before any marriage proper, we all agreed early 2016 since she is in early 20 and i was in mid 20 then we are not in a rush.

We have been together since 2013 to date, we have shared a good time and fund memories, i truely love her and she does too, i have tried my best to make her comfortable and take care of her and make her envy of all her female friends, i have NEVER cheated on her or have the thought of doing so despite we only see during end of every semester, and i traveled a lot and always busy with work though i make sure i do speak with her at least 3x a day with minimum of 30mins per a call just to make sure she don't feel lonely.

NOW HER CRIME AND MY SUSPICIONS

Last month i called her early morning to know whatsup with her i noticed she was not comfortable speaking to me on phone i was like are you ok? I then heard a background male voice she hurriedly ended the call, when i called back i insisted she told me whose voice i heard in her house, that was when she opened up to me that the guy is her old time gf brother who came from one state in the South South to write post ume in her school i was mad @ her, after a while i insited to know her package with the guy, to my suprise the guy is to stay in her room for 2weeks plus, they share the same bed, jst living like a husband and wife though she still assured me to trust her that noting would happen between them, i was angry because she never inform me of such arrangement before saying yes to them.

I SWEAR THOSE PERIOD I COULD NOT SLEEP, EVERY NIGHT I WILL BE JUST IMAGINING THINGS. that happend and gone we continue normal life, yesterday we agreed that she will be coming to lagos on saturday since she is done with her exam because we have not seen for 5 months now, she told me she needed some cash to pay up somethings and settle some debts before coming

FASTFORWARD. This night i called her to know her latest plans and verify the account she want me to transfer money to her, while we were talking i noticed she is using terms on me instead of real names, she was talking like someone that is hiding for somebody not to figure out her discussion, so i asked her are you with somebody there she said no she was alone, a min later i started hearing a phone booting sound @ background for several times, i asked her again she deinied it.

As an IT guy i am, i figured out that the sound is MS Windows phone that uses such sound, & i know she does not have such phone, i threatened her, she then opened up that she with her lodge mate a guy @ that hour, i got upset why she lied to me, she started faking the call as if network is disturbing her claiming that she can't hear me well, telling me to end the call and call her tomorrow so we can talk well, i told her no to stop faking network, she ended the call, i called her back 22 times she did not pick my calls, i sent her diffrent text messages she did not reply, i told her i will never call her again if she did not pick after my calling her 2wise again yet she damm the call.

After an hour she text me thus: PLS AM SORRY WE WILL TALK 2MORO I DON'T MEAN TO GOT U UPSET, DO YOU THINK IF I AM WITH A MAN I WIL PICK UR CALL IN D FIRST PLC? GUD NIT SWT DREMS. She is now claiming is a prank but hell no i don't believe her. House how do i handle this now? I really love her but i can't stand a cheat because i have NEVER cheated to any of my date before.

I want to call of the marriage, i have lost the trust i have for her. I need your mature advice. Thanks all.

scantee:
Mod abeg maybe FP go fit help my matter as it stands now.

yetseyi:
Scantee, I saw your thread and mention even though you spelt it wrongly. I wil try to be as objective as possible.





All what you said here i didnt see any place where she said she called of the relationship or you called off the relationship, She said she had a crush on a guy, having a crush on someone is not a sin in all honesty, the true test is always if you move ahead to the next level. The guy asked her out and she declined ( most likely because of her commitment to you).

Are you feeling betrayed because she had a crush on another guy, declined dating him, informed you about it or because she said she is confused?

You lost trust in her coz she told you about the supposed crush?

Please answer the questions.

Scantee, most girls do have guys that are always on their neck for a relationship or even get proposals from men when they are already hooked, Infact married women get asked out and pestered by men( even when you tell them you re with someone) and the ability to say no is always the game changer.

[/b]I am concerned that she actually allowed the guy to continue visiting her in the hostel, I would have thought she wouldnt have entertained him further, the reason I brought this up is because if you are going to marry that Lady she will be alone for most times in the year for about half of the year based on the kind of job you do. She will meet all kinds of men and thank God you know that the statement " I am married does not deter some guys". Will she break under intense pressure when you are absent, If she cant put off a toaster now will she be able to cope with your prolonged absence, you know her kind of person, you should be able to answer this question. Men come with sweet mouth saying all sort of things to win the prize and she has to be emotionally mature enough to make a stand and stay by it. Some women cant stand distant relation ships and marriage[b] The bolded is actually my major concern

One thing that is established is that she did not cheat on you even though she had the opportunity to. I think you are "crowding" her too much for her to say she is tired of you. She may just feel overwhelmed, she says she is confused and wants to do her project alone, I think you should just calm down and let her have her project and in the process she will rethink and cool her head off, dont take any drastic measure just let her "think". That doesn't mean you should not call or text or know how she is doing but please not on per second billing for now. She will come around. Sometimes we tend not to appreciate what we have until we lose it for a while.

One more thing I think you should have a long talk with her to know exactly what she wants, " I want to do my project alone" is too vague

she seems to be a good and honest person.It will do you good if you do not heed to all the flirt around with girls advice's you have been getting
Just get past the hurt and betrayal you are thinking you feel.

It also seems you cant cope with the knowledge that other men will try to win your girls heart, bros men will always go after your girl oo, If that is what is hurting you you need to shake it off.

That she is confused and she had a crush and turned down relationship is not enough to call of an engagement

Most importantly since you are a christain Pray, really pray. God knows the innermost intents of the heart he will tell you who she truly is.

Kindly respond on this thread


Modified: I just read through some comments on that FP thread and all I will say is Scantee give her another chance oooo, She has not commited any major offence, one doesn't call of a relationship because his fiancee confessed that she had a crush and turned him down.

Okay so I took some time to go through your profile and I saw the call friend thread like seriously who does that and I think you mentioned shes on nairaland and you know she will see it, no wonder your girl is saying she is confused, she annoys you then you want to talk to another lady ( professionally as you call it) bros you also need to work on some things about yourself too. . When you marry and your wife nags you will you employ a professional female listener? . It really is unfair

yetseyi:
Scantee, I saw your thread and mention even though you spelt it wrongly. I wil try to be as objective as possible.





All what you said here i didnt see any place where she said she called of the relationship or you called off the relationship, She said she had a crush on a guy, having a crush on someone is not a sin in all honesty, the true test is always if you move ahead to the next level. The guy asked her out and she declined ( most likely because of her commitment to you).

Are you feeling betrayed because she had a crush on another guy, declined dating him, informed you about it or because she said she is confused?

You lost trust in her coz she told you about the supposed crush?

Please answer the questions.

Scantee, most girls do have guys that are always on their neck for a relationship or even get proposals from men when they are already hooked, Infact married women get asked out and pestered by men( even when you tell them you re with someone) and the ability to say no is always the game changer.

[/b]I am concerned that she actually allowed the guy to continue visiting her in the hostel, I would have thought she wouldnt have entertained him further, the reason I brought this up is because if you are going to marry that Lady she will be alone for most times in the year for about half of the year based on the kind of job you do. She will meet all kinds of men and thank God you know that the statement " I am married does not deter some guys". Will she break under intense pressure when you are absent, If she cant put off a toaster now will she be able to cope with your prolonged absence, you know her kind of person, you should be able to answer this question. Men come with sweet mouth saying all sort of things to win the prize and she has to be emotionally mature enough to make a stand and stay by it. Some women cant stand distant relation ships and marriage[b] The bolded is actually my major concern

One thing that is established is that she did not cheat on you even though she had the opportunity to. I think you are "crowding" her too much for her to say she is tired of you. She may just feel overwhelmed, she says she is confused and wants to do her project alone, I think you should just calm down and let her have her project and in the process she will rethink and cool her head off, dont take any drastic measure just let her "think". That doesn't mean you should not call or text or know how she is doing but please not on per second billing for now. She will come around. Sometimes we tend not to appreciate what we have until we lose it for a while.

One more thing I think you should have a long talk with her to know exactly what she wants, " I want to do my project alone" is too vague

she seems to be a good and honest person.It will do you good if you do not heed to all the flirt around with girls advice's you have been getting
Just get past the hurt and betrayal you are thinking you feel.

It also seems you cant cope with the knowledge that other men will try to win your girls heart, bros men will always go after your girl oo, If that is what is hurting you you need to shake it off.

That she is confused and she had a crush and turned down relationship is not enough to call of an engagement

Most importantly since you are a christain Pray, really pray. God knows the innermost intents of the heart he will tell you who she truly is.

Kindly respond on this thread


Modified: I just read through some comments on that FP thread and all I will say is Scantee give her another chance oooo, She has not commited any major offence, one doesn't call of a relationship because his fiancee confessed that she had a crush and turned him down.

Okay so I took some time to go through your profile and I saw the call friend thread like seriously who does that and I think you mentioned shes on nairaland and you know she will see it, no wonder your girl is saying she is confused, she annoys you then you want to talk to another lady ( professionally as you call it) bros you also need to work on some things about yourself too. . When you marry and your wife nags you will you employ a professional female listener? . It really is unfair

scantee:
thanx sis how are u doing? Concerning some of ur questions: the major reason here is that i feel betrayed, crushing on a guy is one thing, but inviting the guy over and spending time with him is something else

scantee:
because the more time u spend with him the more ur feelings for him increases, though she declined his proposal but being close to him often will surely push her into having affairs with him,

scantee:
she even said she can never crush on any guy sometime ago.

yetseyi:
I agree with that perfectly and its a source of concern IMHO she should have told him no and not entertain him again



Its a possibility





Anybody can crush on anybody at any time



I understand how you feel though and you have every right to feel betrayed ( most men would) but ultimately she didn't cheat on you. I think you should be more concerned about the initial statement I made in my other post about being able to ward of guys when they come knocking even after marriage. honestly the distance is not helping you guys.

I would still say talk with her know whats on her mind she may just be a bit skeptical.

And also you need to work on yourself too, I can see you avoided the professional caller part i mentioned, no lady will see that and be happy at all( I have to be honest) it just doesn't speak well at all.

Talk things through with her bro this can still be sorted out.

scantee:
thanx dear, concerning the call friend i have since cancel the notion. If you don't mind Nwannem biko nga acho ka mu na gi kpa na ekwenti mgbe obuna inwere efe`, biko deputaram akara ekwenti gi

scantee:
(LONG STORY PLS READ THROUGH)

Hello house,

Please i need mature advice from you guys..most of you guys that follows my oil workers thread on nairaland can recall when i mentioned that i will be getting married by next year that everybody should be geting ready to attend my TM/WW, well thus goes my story.

After i ended my previous distance relationship which lasted for years before we mutually ended it base on family diffrences. I met this my new date when i came to Lagos in 2011 for a project, we exchanged contacts after which i traveled to Netherland for a training i did not called her for over a year plus because then i was still with my previous date, when i returned from my trip early Jan 2013, i called her so we got talking, along the line i traveled to her school to see her in (S Eastern Uni)

"FASTFORWARD" i told her my intention of getting marry to her then, so i brought her to lagos to meet my parents and other family members, after all said and done she pleaded that i gave her time to finish her studies before any marriage proper, we all agreed early 2016 since she is in early 20 and i was in mid 20 then we are not in a rush.

We have been together since 2013 to date, we have shared a good time and fund memories, i truely love her and she does too, i have tried my best to make her comfortable and take care of her and make her envy of all her female friends, i have NEVER cheated on her or have the thought of doing so despite we only see during end of every semester, and i traveled a lot and always busy with work though i make sure i do speak with her at least 3x a day with minimum of 30mins per a call just to make sure she don't feel lonely.

NOW HER CRIME AND MY SUSPICIONS

Last month i called her early morning to know whatsup with her i noticed she was not comfortable speaking to me on phone i was like are you ok? I then heard a background male voice she hurriedly ended the call, when i called back i insisted she told me whose voice i heard in her house, that was when she opened up to me that the guy is her old time gf brother who came from one state in the South South to write post ume in her school i was mad @ her, after a while i insited to know her package with the guy, to my suprise the guy is to stay in her room for 2weeks plus, they share the same bed, jst living like a husband and wife though she still assured me to trust her that noting would happen between them, i was angry because she never inform me of such arrangement before saying yes to them.

I SWEAR THOSE PERIOD I COULD NOT SLEEP, EVERY NIGHT I WILL BE JUST IMAGINING THINGS. that happend and gone we continue normal life, yesterday we agreed that she will be coming to lagos on saturday since she is done with her exam because we have not seen for 5 months now, she told me she needed some cash to pay up somethings and settle some debts before coming

FASTFORWARD. This night i called her to know her latest plans and verify the account she want me to transfer money to her, while we were talking i noticed she is using terms on me instead of real names, she was talking like someone that is hiding for somebody not to figure out her discussion, so i asked her are you with somebody there she said no she was alone, a min later i started hearing a phone booting sound @ background for several times, i asked her again she deinied it.

As an IT guy i am, i figured out that the sound is MS Windows phone that uses such sound, & i know she does not have such phone, i threatened her, she then opened up that she with her lodge mate a guy @ that hour, i got upset why she lied to me, she started faking the call as if network is disturbing her claiming that she can't hear me well, telling me to end the call and call her tomorrow so we can talk well, i told her no to stop faking network, she ended the call, i called her back 22 times she did not pick my calls, i sent her diffrent text messages she did not reply, i told her i will never call her again if she did not pick after my calling her 2wise again yet she damm the call.

After an hour she text me thus: PLS AM SORRY WE WILL TALK 2MORO I DON'T MEAN TO GOT U UPSET, DO YOU THINK IF I AM WITH A MAN I WIL PICK UR CALL IN D FIRST PLC? GUD NIT SWT DREMS. She is now claiming is a prank but hell no i don't believe her. House how do i handle this now? I really love her but i can't stand a cheat because i have NEVER cheated to any of my date before.

I want to call of the marriage, i have lost the trust i have for her. I need your mature advice. Thanks all.

yetseyi:
UWC

Sorry I m not igbo so kindly translate.

Moana:
the devil is playing foosball with your life

scantee:
how?

Moana:
all red flags have been raised but it seems like you want someone to convince you to keep the relationship going

Moana:
all red flags have been raised but it seems like you want someone to convince you to keep the relationship going

scantee:
(LONG STORY PLS READ THROUGH)

Hello house,

Please i need mature advice from you guys..most of
I want to call of the marriage, i have lost the trust i have for her. I need your mature advice. Thanks all.

mctowel01:
O Lord, I know its an old issue, but this is what creates heartbreakers in guys. I don't know if you ve learnt, well I just pity the next girl you ll meet. Cheers man

scantee:
bro believe me i am really hurt right now, i am not siding her, i am only seeking for a way out nt to make mistake that will backfire...

Greenbullet:
MY GUY, YOU ARE IN DENIAL STAGE, YOU ARE SIDING THIS GIRL BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU CANT GET A BETTER ONE AND BECAUSE YOU WANT TO fulfill YOUR FAMILIES WISH. I ONCE HAD A GIRL LIKE YOURS, SHE CHEATED ON ME AND ALWAYS DENIED IT EVEN LIED SHE WAS A VIRGIN, DO YOU KNOW WHAT?_ I ASKED MY FRIEND ,JOHN FOR ADVICE AND WE ENDED UP FIGHTING EACH OTHER BECAUSE I COULD NOT BEAR THE TRUTH,AFTER WE fought ,WE DRANK ALCOHOL TOGETHER AND I TOLD HIM I LOVED HIS ADVICE. I bleeped THE HOE FOR 1 WEEK IN A HOTEL . AND DIDNT CALL HER FOR TWO DAYS.THE HOE TRIED CALLING BUT I IGNORED GUESS WHAT ,THE HOE TOLD ME THAT I AM A BASTARD ,THAT I bleeped HER LIKE A DOG BECAUSE SHE WAS CHEATING ON ME ,SHE SAID I SHOULD HAVE JUST LET HER GO BUT NAAAH I GAVE THIS BITCH 5K EVERY TWO TO THREE DAYS SO I GOTTA Bleep HER
PS:DAM AINT NO VIRGIN.

scantee:
bro this gist is an old story. is over one year now......we have parted ways....Thanks