ariesbull:


Honey you shouldn't be disappointed... Relationship is hinged on compatibility and sexual compatibility is the number one lets not pretend

As of tribe . it matters alot ..me I am igbo and I am not ready to marry a woman, that will be bringing this aso oke today, aso ebi tomorrow , party today ,owambe tomorrow or when we have a simultaneous organsm we do one party,when we have good kids we do another party ..I do not want these broda mi, uncle mi, ore mi

I want just u and u


So all matters

Nikita1:
Keep on searching for that perfect woman. It's just annoying when you judge a tribe base on what you heard or what you see. Is it the same with everybody . I guess you are educated, you should understand 'individual differences'.

ariesbull:


Well you are correct but group attitude influences individual attitude ..this is a well and established fact

ariesbull:


Well you are correct but group attitude influences individual attitude ..this is a well and established fact

Nikita1:
No, I disagree. It's all based on our 'personalities'. I have friends from different tribes and I can't use their attitude to judge everybody. I can marry from any tribe and my educated parents don't have anything against that, all they want is my happiness. One of my aunts is married to an hausa man she met when she went to serve in Jos. She's enjoying her marriage with two wonderful kids. Love is all that matters and that is what I will find first b4 looking out for tribe. Lets get informed and mingle. Simple

Eddygourdo:
You all getting emotional aren't seeing the big picture, there are generalisations and of course exceptions, most with successful inter-tribal marriages are exceptions and very blessed, tonychristopher isn't very far from the truth with respect to the majority of cases. It's everybody's opinions and experiences. The challenges poses is why we sought successful experiences from the successful ones

ariesbull:


In upbringing there are theories of nurture and nature


Show me your friends and I will say who you are

Faith111:
Just lost a Close friend whose wife is from same village as the deceased....
I was talking with her some hours ago, and she started explaining her ordeal.
Do you know that All atms of her Husband's accounts, documents ,car and home property was forcefully taken from her a day after her Husband's departure by his family??
Right now they are down on getting Compensation from his coy and RSA without considering Her Fate...

So tribal or Inter-Tribal Marriage has nothing to do with the Success of a Union or Future Circumstances One will Face...

Eddygourdo:
You all getting emotional aren't seeing the big picture, there are generalisations and of course exceptions, most with successful inter-tribal marriages are exceptions and very blessed, tonychristopher isn't very far from the truth with respect to the majority of cases. It's everybody's opinions and experiences. The challenges poses is why we sought successful experiences from the successful ones

Eddygourdo:
You all getting emotional aren't seeing the big picture, there are generalisations and of course exceptions, most with successful inter-tribal marriages are exceptions and very blessed, tonychristopher isn't very far from the truth with respect to the majority of cases. It's everybody's opinions and experiences. The challenges poses is why we sought successful experiences from the successful ones

BellaElla:

There is no big picture to see. And the people quoting statistics without proven facts to back them up are the ones getting emotional.
tonychristopher and co have come to state categorically that 90% of inter tribal marriages don't work out, and also say that in Igbo land, marring out of your tribe means you have been promiscuous and hence the Igbo men cant marry you.
I said earlier that I was in a relationship with a man from my tribe. the funny thing is that most of the time we conversed in English. it didn't workout, we were not compatible, despite the fact that we had cultural similarities.
As for language preservation, even if you marry from your village, and you are in another town, your child will learn the language spoken by his peers and environment, except if you speak vernacular at home always. I schooled with people that couldn't speak and write Igbo even though both of their parents were Igbo, because they grew up in Lagos. they spoke Yoruba fluently.
we should be careful how we spew imaginary facts, because someone that is engaged can come and read this thread tomorrow and conclude that his/ her marriage would fail because of tribal differences, based on what you people are saying here with all conviction.
I am more concerned about how my husband treats me than how his family will treat me, A lot of us have stopped going to our villages because of fear of witchcraft, some people don't even allow their family members know where they live. some of us have been duped and stolen from by our kinsmen, but we would now come here and say that a marriage with two compatible, understanding, well behaved adults has a less chance at success than a marriage between a two incompatible adults, just because of tribal differences. Shey its my husbands tribe that will provide for me, or it is his tribe that will make him a good father, or it is his tribe that will comfort me when in need. even in Igbo land, an Anambra man has problems marring an Abia girl, An ngwa woman has problems marring an ohafia man. no be the same tribe ni? Please you people should stop peddling unbacked rumours because as far as I am concerned tribe does not a marriage make!!!!

Onegai:


I have to differ. I know someone married inter-tribally to a Yoruba man and she says "oh don't marry Yoruba people, they are so tribal, they don't like me because their son married a non-Yoruba". You know the crazy thing? Her SiL (husband's sister) is married to a Benue man and the family accepts and likes him. She refuses to admit to herself that they have a problem with HER, not her tribe.

When people have issues, it is so much easier to blame inconsequential things like race and tribe rather than get down to the real issues: differences in mindset, upbringing, morals, principles and personality quirks. So instead of saying "my cousin married from Niger and the marriage didn't work out because he and his wife kept fighting and didn't know how to communicate peaceably", they will say "Dont marry Niger girls, they're bad".

Example of this is a lady i met, Igbo, who declared "we can never marry Asaba girls, they don't make good wives" based on what she had seen one relative go through. Yet, she will tell you Asaba people are Igbo (like so many Igbo people on NL will) and her hands were not clean (she was being frisky with a coworker's husband, also Igbo ). She would even say "if an Igbo girl is seen with a married man, everyone would be shocked because Igbo girls are well-brought up and know better". Ignoring all the aristo babes I know (go to Abuja and ask the tribe of yellow girls hanging around NA and come back and testify ). Talk about blindness.

So can I now tell my brothers "don't marry Igbo girls, they're shameless and the marriage won't work"?

(btw, where I come from, they bring up children with the phrase "if you marry an Igbo man, we will not attend that wedding".

tonychristopher:


Maybe your are in Mars or Jupiter but it African ....marriage isn't about two people tolerating each other ...it about family

It is a unio. Between families


Just like a girl that disobeys the parents and went ahead to marry a boy thinking that love is the major ingredient in marriage ..when the marital crisis cones..who will she run to



I am not saying that inter tribal marriages don't work ...they do but there is very higher tendencies for those marriages to break up


Ask Stella damasus or clarion chukwura abiola


These are few case studies

tintingz:
I said two 'set' of people which include the families, if both families tolerate each other there won't be problem.

Most marriage clashes because of intolerance, indiscipline, are they blind before they realize they are from different tribe?

In inter marriage its either the wife grew up in the man's society and understand the language of the husband and vice versa, people don't just marry from another tribe.

Stella Damascus first marriage was a tragic memory for her, she lost her husband, I don't know about her second marriage.

Funke Akindele married from her tribe yet she didn't last a month in that marriage, same as princess the comedienne, Toyin Aimaku

There are people in inter-tribal marriage, people like Peter okoye and Lola omotayo, Stephanie Okereke and Linus Idahosa, Annie Macaluey and Tubaba Idibia, Femi Brainard and Uche Nwokeocha etc. These people marriage still waxing strong.

tonychristopher:


You have given us stats of the happily ever living after...why don't you give us tons of the intimate strangers



90% of inter tribal stuffs don't work . ..what you just reeled is 10%

tintingz:
I disagree.

Where do you put religion, two Yoruba couples having clash because of their religion background/differences.

It is personalities, individual character and we should stop generalizing a tribe as a whole because of your experience you had with someone

tintingz:
I disagree.

Where do you put religion, two Yoruba couples having clash because of their religion background/differences.

It is personalities, individual character and we should stop generalizing a tribe as a whole because of your experience you had with someone

Onegai:


I have to differ. I know someone married inter-tribally to a Yoruba man and she says "oh don't marry Yoruba people, they are so tribal, they don't like me because their son married a non-Yoruba". You know the crazy thing? Her SiL (husband's sister) is married to a Benue man and the family accepts and likes him. She refuses to admit to herself that they have a problem with HER, not her tribe.

When people have issues, it is so much easier to blame inconsequential things like race and tribe rather than get down to the real issues: differences in mindset, upbringing, morals, principles and personality quirks. So instead of saying "my cousin married from Niger and the marriage didn't work out because he and his wife kept fighting and didn't know how to communicate peaceably", they will say "Dont marry Niger girls, they're bad".

Example of this is a lady i met, Igbo, who declared "we can never marry Asaba girls, they don't make good wives" based on what she had seen one relative go through. Yet, she will tell you Asaba people are Igbo (like so many Igbo people on NL will) and her hands were not clean (she was being frisky with a coworker's husband, also Igbo ). She would even say "if an Igbo girl is seen with a married man, everyone would be shocked because Igbo girls are well-brought up and know better". Ignoring all the aristo babes I know (go to Abuja and ask the tribe of yellow girls hanging around NA and come back and testify ). Talk about blindness.

So can I now tell my brothers "don't marry Igbo girls, they're shameless and the marriage won't work"?

(btw, where I come from, they bring up children with the phrase "if you marry an Igbo man, we will not attend that wedding".

BellaElla:

There is no big picture to see. And the people quoting statistics without proven facts to back them up are the ones getting emotional.
tonychristopher and co have come to state categorically that 90% of inter tribal marriages don't work out, and also say that in Igbo land, marring out of your tribe means you have been promiscuous and hence the Igbo men cant marry you.
I said earlier that I was in a relationship with a man from my tribe. the funny thing is that most of the time we conversed in English. it didn't workout, we were not compatible, despite the fact that we had cultural similarities.
As for language preservation, even if you marry from your village, and you are in another town, your child will learn the language spoken by his peers and environment, except if you speak vernacular at home always. I schooled with people that couldn't speak and write Igbo even though both of their parents were Igbo, because they grew up in Lagos. they spoke Yoruba fluently.
we should be careful how we spew imaginary facts, because someone that is engaged can come and read this thread tomorrow and conclude that his/ her marriage would fail because of tribal differences, based on what you people are saying here with all conviction.
I am more concerned about how my husband treats me than how his family will treat me, A lot of us have stopped going to our villages because of fear of witchcraft, some people don't even allow their family members know where they live. some of us have been duped and stolen from by our kinsmen, but we would now come here and say that a marriage with two compatible, understanding, well behaved adults has a less chance at success than a marriage between a two incompatible adults, just because of tribal differences. Shey its my husbands tribe that will provide for me, or it is his tribe that will make him a good father, or it is his tribe that will comfort me when in need. even in Igbo land, an Anambra man has problems marring an Abia girl, An ngwa woman has problems marring an ohafia man. no be the same tribe ni? Please you people should stop peddling unbacked rumours because as far as I am concerned tribe does not a marriage make!!!!

tonychristopher:




It’s a big task, but it need not be burdensome. Women must understand that an agreement to marry a man from a different tribe amounts to an agreement to give up (or at least render secondary) her cultural roots and all its offshoots – language, food, dressing, etc. Also, she must take all necessary steps to imbibe the man’s culture and tradition, speak his language and cook his tribe’s food. But if this is all that is required of a woman in such a marriage arrangement, it would not be a big deal.

In other words, the need to acclimatize in terms of culture, tradition, language, food, etc is not the main challenge a woman married to a man from another tribe would have. There are many other issues which, if not handled properly, can lead to a failed marriage.

The truth is that the problems women face in inter-tribal marriages are hardly caused by their husbands; the problems come from third parties like the husbands’ family members and friends; the women’s friends and, sometimes, neighbors.

For instance, if a man’s mother had a ‘better homegrown candidate’ for her son to marry and he marries this ‘outsider’ instead, no matter what the chosen wife does to ‘blend’ into the family’s culture and traditions, she may have a hard time pleasing her mothering- law.

In such an instance, the man’s mum may attribute the wife’s flaws to her tribe. Woes betide a woman who cannot understand or speak her husband’s language!!! She must be ready to ignore a lot of conversations in that language if she must remain sane.

Trust me; suspicion can drive any human being crazy! So, it is either you learn the language fast or you just deafen your ears to such ‘suspicious’ conversations. I must admit that not all inter-tribal marriages face such problems/challenges.

Infact,the children from such home will not know the language to speak neither will they know which culture to be imbibed with dat is why people can no longer hear nor speak our native languages and it's gradually going into extinction .pls let's join in saving our culture oooooooooo

goodgate:
Are they from Ohafia?

freshvine:


Anioma is not Ibo. It's a coincidence they speak igbo dialect, bear igbo names, have igbo traditions and customs and mostly dress like igbos.

Oh! Anioma geographically is not in the North, not in the West amongst yorubas but neighbors to the igbos.

TheArchangel:
If he is a viking, English,Welsh, Irish, etc not from a poverty stricken Nigerian tribes.
We have lots of baggages here from either tribe to contend with.

somegirl1:


Why's Scottish not on your list?

tintingz:
I have said this in my earlier post, most people in inter-tribal marriage grew up in society of either the husband or wife, they are familiar with his/her culture.

This happens in all marriages not only in intertribal marriages.

Lol, my two sisters that married from same tribe are having problem with thier mother in law.

We all know mother in laws and their wahala. .


Like I said if she's from the husband tribe she will still face same wahala from mother in law.

People get use to it, marriage is not a new thing to humanity.


Sorry, most children that grew up from inter tribal marriage are multilingual.

They are expose to both culture especially if they grew up in a particular society.

Many children from non intertribal marriage don't even know how to speak their parents language, all they know is English.

My cousin whose parents are both yorubas can't speak Yoruba fluently, she speak Yoruba in Igbo accent.

So what are you saying.

Eddygourdo:
don't mind that hypocrite igbo friend of urs, you made a strong point of personalities, maybe every case should be judged on its own merit and not used as a yardstick for generalisations. Though from tonychristopher angle, he speaks more on issues beyond the personality or idiosyncrasies of the couples themselves but rather the broader perspective with respect to external factors the couple face, eg relatives, tradition, identity crisis with children. You both make very strong points in ur perspectives and are both right to me in combination, guess the difference is the conclusion

Eddygourdo:
How I wish every thread on nairaland is like this , people thrash out their differences with sound judgement and arguments, nobody throwing punches simply because someone bears a different opinion. Those three vocal ladies have surprised me with their intellect and arguments. Very very impressed.