₦airaland Forum

jadelyn007:
you have been so stuck up in your misogynistic world you didn't even realize that 50 percent of the female replies you got on this thread are from married women, cococandy is married, so is kachisbarbie and others. Do me a favor, stick to the boyfriend and girlfriend topics you are used to. You are not even married yet you are advising married people, who even dash you counselor role, or you think counseling is by settling Iya ramotu and baba saheed fight? Did you study guidance and counseling or psychology in school. All these cut and nail self acclaimed counselor, you are the problem with Nigeria.

Toks2008:
At last im seing a post i can relate with.

I second your notion sis.

jadelyn007:
mumu, you are the one that is deceitful for conveniently blindfolding yourself from seeing all the women working in public parastatals, even those traders, are they not women, are they not paying bills for their homes? The fact that they don't brag about it just to massage you men's ego doesn't mean that a majority of them are not the ones funding their homes.
How many 'MEN' is Nigeria can boast of being the 100% sole provider in their homes?

Toks2008:
lol...you are so funny dear.

If only you know....

Anyways its a good thing that as long as nland tarries,my threads will always be there as reference point.

We live in a cruel world of men and only the wise women understand this but the foolish still live in their dreams.

Continue dearie..whatever rocks your boat.

Omotayor123:
He dare not!!!

cococandy:

You people will not kill someone on nairaland.

Toks2008:
lol...you are so funny dear.

If only you know....

Anyways its a good thing that as long as nland tarries,my threads will always be there as reference point.

We live in a cruel world of men and only the wise women understand this but the foolish still live in their dreams.

Continue dearie..whatever rocks your boat.

Toks2008:
The point im making is so clear...

The quran suports polygamy and the bible is not agai9nst it.

hile i will advice guys not to even think of taking a second wife due to the complexities,i will also advice men to be faithful to the woman they are married to but abeg does this change the fcat that a man can actually decide to marry more wives or even have a mistress? Definitely not.

So is it not foolishnes of the highest order t0 divorce a man because he cheats on you when infact this same man can marry as many wives as possible.

THE ONLY REASON I BELIEVE A LADY SHOULD LEAVE A MAN IS PHYSICAL ASSAULT AND I MEAN AN UNREPENTANT WIFE BEATER...Any lady who leaves a man because he cheats on her is a joker if she thinks she will find another man who wont cheat on her..FACT

hameina:
Huh?! @ OP! will u say d same for an alduterous wifey??

hedonistic:
All these ones and their deluded rants on social media. Yada Yada Yada.

And when you're caught cheating, you expect to remain married right? You think the rules, privileges, expectations, and unwritten do's and don'ts are same for both sexes, right? In Nigeria?

These small girls sef.

iPopAlomo:
Must you get married to him...?!

hedonistic:
If your mother was a cheap who.re , then of course I expect you to surpass her in that regard, and your daughters (that is if you're not a barren slut) would be even worse than you too. It's a vicious cycle what wouldn't stop in your bloodline.

Idiot..

opribo:
It is a man's world. The Bible has given us charge over every creature that moves on the face of the earth, so we are at liberty to do anything we like including marrying as many wives as we want. Any woman that wants to gerraway will be dealt with ruthlessly.
Go and read Genesis1:26

jmoore:
"Would you divorce him and marry a faithful man?"

Why is this option not listed?

cococandy:
Only on nairaland are they 100% bread winners.
We know what happens outside of it.

A great majority of us didn't have dependent mothers. I don't know where their statistics are from.

HaneefahRN:
U shldn't use ur mama to judge all women, lot's pf women share the financial burdens in marriage, some are even breadwinners of their families and u wld neva knw. Life has evolved so stop living in d past, even in d past we had women who took charge. It's d woman's choice to stay wt a male dog wt no self control or nt, if she chose to gud, if nt gud. I wnt allow someone who refuses to respect me to come around to infect me STIs, I wld rather be single than go thru emotional pains and turmoils from watching a man flaunt his infidelity. Why marry when u knw u can't dp without sleeping around? Why nt just stay single wt ur hoards of sex partners.

Cheat well on ur wife pls, what will catch u will.Pitying d woman tht'lll marry u thinking she has found a husband

jadelyn007:
I swear, I always conveniently overlooked his stupid threads and inwardly pity for the youths that would follow him blindly until I saw this thread advising married people and calling himself a counselor. There is nothing we won't see on nairaland, even jambites are marriage counselors here

Toks2008:
Abeg leave these small girls forming maturity and writing out of fantasy...

My husband cheats and i cheat back..foolishness wey no get part 2.

Imagine a new man in your life discovering that you left your marriage because you cheated on your hubby regardless why and you willl still expect that man to respect you?

Iranu ibere oriburuku.

Toks2008:
Abeg leave these small girls forming maturity and writing out of fantasy...

My husband cheats and i cheat back..foolishness wey no get part 2.

Imagine a new man in your life discovering that you left your marriage because you cheated on your hubby regardless why and you willl still expect that man to respect you?

Iranu ibere oriburuku.

plendil:
And you had to include his mother. Shocked to see this coming from you

ishiamu:
Faithful man is 5% in this world don't go deceive yourself, faithful man is so so rare most of em are in the stage of our fathers

iPopAlomo:
you haven't answered Timbuktou's question either... the man you were going to marry at first... Isn't he faithful till you found out he cheated...?!

jadelyn007:
I swear, I always conveniently overlooked his stupid threads and inwardly pity for the youths that would follow him blindly until I saw this thread advising married people and calling himself a counselor. There is nothing we won't see on nairaland, even jambites are marriage counselors here

Memejem:
The Bible is against polygamy actually.

And I just want to clarify that you are admitting that you have cheated on your wife at one point in time.

To be frank I don't understand why why you created this thread. You aren't open to discussion. Why promote it just to ascertain your beliefs?

You should have just created a writeup of your opinions instead of posing a question.

It's ridiculous.

enygmababe:
I am amazed that you think an unfaithful HUSBAND has the option of marrying more wives.

A married man can only go ahead to marry more wives in Nigeria if the first marriage was customary or Muslim in nature. If he was married under the act in the first instance, then any subsequent marriage is bigamy which is a criminal offence for which he can be convicted by a court of law in Nigeria. A lot of women just don't know this and so do not harness it. Also if the first marriage is customary, any subsequent marriage to another woman can only be customary in nature

If my hubby tries it, sadly the woman will never be able to bear his name. In fact I know of a woman whose husband secretly went to marry another woman, she gave him and the other woman an ultimatum and they had no choice but to annul the marriage because at the time of the marriage the man was already marriage so the subsequent marriage was void ab initio.

It is sad indeed that most men would cheat and say it is meaningless, a harmless fling and that they love their wife. If they only realised that the act of lovemaking to a wife transcends the physical to the spiritual as well as the emotional trauma it could cause, am sure they would restrain themselves. A man who cheats on me cannot love me and I doubt that I have the capacity to stay with such a man and pretend to manage it. However, this post is not about the repentant adulterer but about the unrepentant philanderer.

Guys beware! The day a woman stops crying about you that day you need to start fearing for you life.

Before deciding to leave it will take some time. The first time I discover it, I will give him time to do the needful and change. This is because i know what i have invested in this family and would not want to leave for another person who did not sow to come and reap. After this period of grace, if he does not change, I may draw battle lines. By battle lines I do not mean incessant quarrels but I mean a withdrawal of cooperation.

By withdrawal of cooperation I mean that he will become the bread winner of the family in the true sense of the word. After all, he has an abundance and that is the reason why he can entice girls in numbers. He will drop the household allowance, my personal allowance and pay for everything even to the match box. If he doesn't then there will be no food in the house. He will also not get a dime from me whether as a loan or support of any kind. We might actually live as strangers in the house.

The moment I know about the affair we will start using CDs for intimacy though for the life of me I still wonder how much intimacy there will be becos I will imagine him with another woman, see them in the act in my minds eye and be repulsed. Pretending through the motions of intimacy is no mean feat but is definitely beyond my powers. Biko leave me I beg.

On philandering shamelessly in revenge ...lol. Giving myself to his friends in revenge would be stupid and I value myself too much to harm/abuse myself all in the name of revenge. However, a philandering man who refuses to change is obviously advocating for an open marriage and should get it. However, the female need not go about it abrasively just for revenge. If I were to chose that option? I would not rush it. I would only be with a man that also attracts me but which said attraction I would hitherto have suppressed because of the institution of marriage. However, if I ever get to this stage, it would me that I do not have an iota of love for my hubby anymore in which case, I can kill him...subtly. So I would be better off leaving him and filing for a divorce.

Guys always forget that a wife has blood flowing in her veins too. She sometimes sees some men and feels attraction but suppresses the feelings because of her love for her husband and the vows she took. Why can't a man do the same?

But right now, even though I pray it never happens, I keep myself busy by making the home so happy and homely that he
knows how good he has it. So that when the battle lines are drawn, he knows what he is missing.

Truth be told though the questions are not easy to answer nor are the answers sacrosanct. A lot depends on how I feel when it happens. I may bloody well take a gun and blow his head off in a dark alley.

Toks2008:
All over the world,women divorce their hubbies for so many reasons but statistics have shown that infidelity tops the list especially in this part of the world where polygamy has become the norm,but the question is;does it make sense for a lady to divorce her hubby over infidelity when same man can as well decide and indeed marry more wives?

I want ladies to understand this one vital point that most and i mean MOST HUSBANDS will cheat on their wives even if they are married to angels and the fact that your husband cheats on you does not mean he does not deeply love and desire you.

Please don't get it twisted...Not all men cheat and adultery is a sin before GOD and all adulterers be a man or woman shall end up in hell but i am not here to preach any sermon but to face reality head on.

Many ladies are always quick to say they can not stand an adulterer as a husband and some will threaten to rain fire and brimstone on a philandering hubby but in case you discover your hubby cheats on you please what would you do?

1.Would you rather leave your marriage, remain single and celibate for life?

2.Would you rather leave your adulterous hubby and start sleeping about with other men who are probably randy or husbands of other women?

3.Would you keep changing the new man to start all over with another if he also cheats on you?

4.Would you prefer to stay with an adulterous hubby and also shamelessly philander about in the bid to seek a revenge?

5.Would you prefer to stay with a philandering hubby,live a decent lifestyle and focus on your life and that of your children and just see him as a sex partner warning him to use protection if he must eat out?

6.Would you prefer a sexually decent hubby to take a new wife because he says he hates sleeping with random women?

Please don't answer with "none of the above because if you are in that position,you will certainly be faced with an option.

This is what i want many married ladies to know and i can't stress it enough..There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop a man to be polygamous either by sleeping around or taking a second wife "IF" he wants to and you can't even nag him out of it but In order to have a good stand if your hubby cheats on you,be a good wife first by being very humble,GOD fearing,Excellent cook,Financially independent,a crazy LovePeddler only to your hubby then watch and see.

Many ladies make some adulterous hubbies feel too important.Don't even think about worrying your head about your husband's fidelity but warn him to use protection if he must keep mistresses...i bet he will be so scared that he will sit up. Unfortunately many ladies just give their husband an excuse to have that Alpha ego whenever they rant and give them heat over an inconsequential emotionally vulnerable side dish.

There are more interesting things in life so please don't spoil your fun by hinging your happiness on your hubby's infidelity to you..trust me,If every married lady can care less if her husband cheats and just focus on developing her life and that of her child(ren),how happy many marriages will be. Its not difficult,,its a thing of the mind.

Hope this makes a little sense.

Toks2008:
lol...you are so funny dear.

If only you know....

Anyways its a good thing that as long as nland tarries,my threads will always be there as reference point.

We live in a cruel world of men and only the wise women understand this but the foolish still live in their dreams.

Continue dearie..whatever rocks your boat.

lielbree:
Are u a Christian? How about being faithful to one woman not to please the woman but because that's what God requires of you.
Think about it...

Favolly:
Number 1 please