kola1930:
We've been married for a year now and blessed with a pretty daughter. My wife feels little or no urge to be intimate. Its been more than a month now since I had s*x. Reason being that, am angry inside of me that she is always not in the mood, so I decided to hold myself and see when she'll realize it that am angry about it and do the needful. But it seems like am just suffering my self because she seems not to realize she needs to do something fast. I am feeling like cheating on her as a way to punish her maybe she'll realize it that she needs to satisfy her husband to keep him away from other ladies outside. I urgently need advice from married nairalanders... Is the situation d same or similar in ur marriage, and how do I resolve this differences. Am really disturbed

what was her sex drive like before you got married, and before she got pregnant?

Very funny people. Your marriage is less than 18 months, and your wife is already retiring from sex, such that you need to bribe her with money and fancy gifts

My brother, tough days lie ahead oo. Some couples are 20 years into their marriages, and still very hot, sexy and ready to get down any moment with their partner.


You're in trouble bro

Joy1706:

She is nursing a baby, YOUR BABY while running the house and probably trying to keep up with her job. How selfish can you men get? Those threats don't move anybody. Cheat if you wanna. You'll face the consequences when the time comes. Our world doesn't revolve around you men

you don't know anything just let.

the only consequences I see here is the woman regretting her sex duties.

Pidggin:
Are you physically attractive?

that shouldn't be a question

Onegai:


Dude, you sound so.....gosh, what's the word...selfish. Yes. Selfish.

Plus you're most going to throw your marriage, peace of mind and happiness away, hurt your child irrevocably, scare your wife away in the near future. All the best, there are a lot of unhappy divorced naija man out there (i used to think they were all balling but strangely they all hate being single).

Seriously.

You didn't bother communicating with her, most likely didn't put any effort into romancing your woman, you're now sulking mentally and decided the best way to "punish" her is by cheating?

She doesn't want to sleep with you because she already is taking care of one small baby, she didn't realise she married another immature baby.

So something has cropped up in your marriage and instead of you to look for a good way to fix it, make your union strong, make society be impressed by your principled stand to keep to your vows and earn your wife's love and loyalty forever, you wrote this??

Mstchewwww.

You better go and get someone to come and carry that baby for a few hours. Then take your wife to a guesthouse and let her sleep for a bit, get your lust satisfied and THEN speak up about how you understand it's exhausting being a new mum and you're here for her but you didn't like being ignored whilst she lost herself in her role because you need her too and will always be willing to support and carry your weight around the house.

Or you can do whatever you want...

Good advise, Well writen.

@OP, How was it before she was pregnant and during the pregnancy? did your wife have a 'tear' when she was giving birth to your child? Hope the midwife has not caught the flesh by the tip of her pussy.
You need to understand that women's libido is not the same as men's, most of them do not like sex, hence you need to wake the libido in her. You will need to take at least 30 mins of pre-intimacy before you enter her, otherwise you will not enjoy your sex, she will only let open the "hole" for you without shaking her body.
To enjoy it, your wife must be moving, moaning, and massaging you. To do this, you will do that, that means pre-intimacy.

ogawisdom:


I understand ur prob., most good girls r like dt very cold, lacks initiative n boring. I guess ur girl is an introvert too, u ve to lead her to everything u want. don't expect her to do anything during sex as she will lie like a roasted chicken until u r done. They r wired dt way. U guys r sexually incompatible. Manage her like dt or do d needful

that's not the case. INTROVERT doesn't socialize outside but can be as a wild as anything inside or the person they know.

stupidity is her own case.

Acidosis:


I don't understand, should a man bribe a woman with money, outing before she feels the urge or attraction to her man?

nawa oo, which kain women una dey marry these days?

Something, some girls are seriously willing to do every day. Nawao!

My dear u can't understand d strength of women.It's not a bribe but a way to get her attention! so as to let her get goose feeling of what u have been passing through.or do u advice him to forcefully do it to her?

kola1930:
We've been married for a year now and blessed with a pretty daughter. My wife feels little or no urge to be intimate. Its been more than a month now since I had s*x. Reason being that, am angry inside of me that she is always not in the mood, so I decided to hold myself and see when she'll realize it that am angry about it and do the needful. But it seems like am just suffering my self because she seems not to realize she needs to do something fast. I am feeling like cheating on her as a way to punish her maybe she'll realize it that she needs to satisfy her husband to keep him away from other ladies outside. I urgently need advice from married nairalanders... Is the situation d same or similar in ur marriage, and how do I resolve this differences. Am really disturbed

Dear kollington,

Your plight is understandable but judging by the time you married and living together as a couple, it would be too early in my opinion to start seeking 'sexual favors' outside your union.

Communication: When this break down in any relationship, its a matter of time 'fault finding' would soon rear its ugly head. You need to find a good time when her mood is much at ease and communicate your worries to her. Women are emotional and complex beings, yet they have their moment of been 'the sheep'. Try ask your wife what burdens or displeases her as you are willing to rectify if any. This could be done over a meal or an outing. A lot of married women uses se.x denial as a weapon to pass a non verbal message across to partners when they are diapleased. Remember, we talking about wify here and not floozy.

If shes willing and ready, her reasons might help you see perhaps what you were ignorant of.This could be anything..from as little thing of her asking a little a gift which you innocently forgot to perhaps not acknowledging a concern, which you as a man might consider unimportant yet shes holding unto that one little thing. Remember they are emotional beings!!!.

However, whatever revelations were made..rational or otherwise, reach an understanding with her over the issues of sexual conjugation.For the.longer you guys are not consumating your God giving right to[b] delicious se.x[/b] the farther apart you will consistently be until its finally over.

Bring the spark back into union and if that doesnt work out.. well, you got other options *wink*.

tosyne2much:
For your mind you don give advice abi? Your comment reeks of arrogance and insult and you think you have offered the best advice shey?


And to think a man has to undergo all you posted just to be compensated with sex clearly shows how clueless you are. Smh


Op... Well, I'm not married so I'm not experienced in this aspect. I just hope more experienced married men can help you find a solution

the man gave a good advise....he suggested that he should be more romantic and get her out of the house for her sanity..i hope you know some women fall into depression after child birth?the woman gave birth five month ago..and there will definately be all manner of homonal factors involve.here also...like someone said..did he even ask this woman if she had a tear during child birth and the sore still yet to get healed? (i am sure you wouldn't know becos you are not a woman and you are still a bachelor) I believe the woman also does the 5-9 job...abi? did you ask this man if there is a help in the house that will help her out with the baby? do you know if she does all this by herself and without any asistance from her husband? does the man even asist in any way to aleviate the work load from the woman.both physically and emotionally? he comes to be as a selfish husband who only caters for himself only...for crying out loud what energy will the woman have left to satify her man at this early post-nata stage with all these afore mention factors conbined.communication is key here.let her husband talk this out with her to see the reason behind her action..is not by cheating that will solve the problem..it will even make it worse.. women dont just clam up like that against thier husband..there must be an underlying problem yet to be resolved. women cannot respond well to sex when they are upset with thier husbands.

side chicks full everywia.if she dont satisfy her hubby anoda gal will.

kachi19:
OMG!! :/ Do u need God to tell u first or do u want somtin to do u first?? You're a Contract mehn, and your wife is a damn GAY!! So... The thing now on board is who'll drop the Divorce jamz first

Haba! I'm not sure you are OK

side chicks full everywia.....if she dont satisfy her hubby anoda gal will

raumdeuter:
She has a boyfriend outside.

Divorce her

Who ever liked this trash of a comment is Sick

Pidggin:
Are you physically attractive?

What kind question be that, didn't she see his physical appearance before she got married to her

kola1930:
We've been married for a year now and blessed with a pretty daughter. My wife feels little or no urge to be intimate. Its been more than a month now since I had s*x. Reason being that, am angry inside of me that she is always not in the mood, so I decided to hold myself and see when she'll realize it that am angry about it and do the needful. But it seems like am just suffering my self because she seems not to realize she needs to do something fast. I am feeling like cheating on her as a way to punish her maybe she'll realize it that she needs to satisfy her husband to keep him away from other ladies outside. I urgently need advice from married nairalanders... Is the situation d same or similar in ur marriage, and how do I resolve this differences. Am really disturbed

@OP These are things you need to know during courtship not after a year. Marriage is about companionship not demand and supply. My advise to you. you are not the first to such problem and you not be the last take to your and take your marital issues away from NL. It private not a public matter.

pet4ril:
If you are very sure you haven't done anything wrong to offend her, put her in prayers it may be spiritual husband stuff or better of, you people should visit a man of God for counseling

spirikoko sister. With you everything is a spiritual battle.

halfricanadian:

Exactly my thought

hunters

@op.are u doing ur financial obligation in the house if not u are expecting to touch a woman now and she respond ..this period of 170/200 per liter.wen everything don turn gold.abeg free that woman make she grt time think jor.

kola1930:
We've been married for a year now and blessed with a pretty daughter. My wife feels little or no urge to be intimate. Its been more than a month now since I had s*x. Reason being that, am angry inside of me that she is always not in the mood, so I decided to hold myself and see when she'll realize it that am angry about it and do the needful. But it seems like am just suffering my self because she seems not to realize she needs to do something fast. I am feeling like cheating on her as a way to punish her maybe she'll realize it that she needs to satisfy her husband to keep him away from other ladies outside. I urgently need advice from married nairalanders... Is the situation d same or similar in ur marriage, and how do I resolve this differences. Am really disturbed

Communication is the key.. Sit her down and talk to her abt it

I will advise that you have "a crucial discussion" with your wife on this. Let her know exactly that you feel defrauded because she closed shop. From the meeting, draw up and agree on a sex timetable.

Onegai:


They're fixing drains around us and this has driven mosquitoes into the house. That has made us take the decision to keep our baby in our small bed whilst we hurriedly got a mosquito net. I am currently "ignoring" him. He has not died and I have scheduled "shenanigans" for when I drop her off and rush to a good spot to book a night for us and celebrate his birthday in 2 weeks' time. (He doesn't know that yet so no-one spoil it )

Because a lot of you guys are not understanding (no-one has taught you to put others first) and see women as the "enemy to be subdued", you marry and make selfish decisions. You guys end up regretting it when you know how much destruction it causes later in life but by then it's too late.

OP, please ignore my post and listen to the guys on NL encouraging you to think like a lowly animal. Who doesn't know how to step back and look at the big picture but thinks only of now, instant gratifcation and selfishness. She's tired and her sex drive has disappeared taking care of YOUR CHILD but hey, what do I know (shrug). My husband knows the best thing to do is speak to me because if he goes sulking, I'm too exhausted chasing a baby to realise that he's blanking me or worse, I assume whatever caused the sulks will resolve itself. That is what your mouth is for, not discussing Football stats alone but communicating with people.

Please How old is your marriage? I will like to know.
Op, what this writer is telling you is the gospel truth. My marriage will be 5 years old in the next two months or thereabout. And i must confess, the number one healthy food of any marriage is communication. You are wasting your time by keeping away from your wife. You gave her a responsibility. She is not even experience to handle what is thrown to her laps- a new life, a new point of attention. You are suppose to communicate with her on this rather than staying away because you think she does not want you again.
Have you ever heard of "the emotional bank account"? How often do you made deposits into this account compare to how often you drawn from it? Deposits into emotional bank account has little to do with money. Do you help, compliment, complement, appreciate, and empathize with this woman? Do you bring the Queen in her out? Do you give her the royalty treatment she deserved? Or all you can see is a wife, mother and caregiver, house help and errand girl? Until you see your wife beyond all this and show that understanding and appreciation, you will not get the Kingly treatment you so wish for. I have travelled your road before and i can confirm to you that you are mainly the problem now and not the wife. Your Child is her center of attraction if you observed. Just make her your own centre of attraction and i can assure you to get the required response from her. The writer i quoted above has given useful tips from the woman perceptive, i am only offering you a manly advice.
Cheating won't solve anything. Infact, it is the beginning of a journey through a road you rather not take, not this early.

brandnew3:
OP's picture would suffice.

But some women can be frigid sha!

All they get into marriage for is to hook up a sperm donor for procreation..Datz all.

To fulfil the married woman ish - just that o! Annoying sha.

raumdeuter:
She has a boyfriend outside.

Divorce her

I think your mendulla oblongata need some reseting. I bet that's what you will do when you've encounterd such... Get a life bro!

deen11:
I feel u man! Just keep understudying her,and sure you would get her weakness...

Surprise her with many things...vis-a-vis
Looking good and smelling nice
Assisting with house chores as far as u could
Buying her gifts
Taking her out to whr she hasn't been before
Engaging her with sensational talks and so on
.......the list is endless man.

Don't be discouraged and I hope one will work out except if she is no longer interested in the union. Best of luck!!!!!

Take her to the moon to get what rightfully belong to you. Woman you better blend up before these yahoo yahoo girls corner your husband

BluStreak:



To fulfil the married woman ish - just that o! Annoying sha.

My brother no be small thing o!

Especially the no sex before marriage girls...

It's such a deal breaker for me.

The last one who told me that had it coming. I just asked her if she'd be cool if we're in a relationship but I'd have sex with other girls.

Ofcourse, no one's gonna have an arguement over that cuz going celibate is personal choice.

omoharry:
the man gave a good advise....he suggested that he should be more romantic and get her out of the house for her sanity..i hope you know some women fall into depression after child birth?the woman gave birth five month ago..and there will definately be all manner of homonal factors involve.here also...like someone said..did he even ask this woman if she had a tear during child birth and the sore still yet to get healed? (i am sure you wouldn't know becos you are not a woman and you are still a bachelor) I believe the woman also does the 5-9 job...abi? did you ask this man if there is a help in the house that will help her out with the baby? do you know if she does all this by herself and without any asistance from her husband? does the man even asist in any way to aleviate the work load from the woman.both physically and emotionally? he comes to be as a selfish husband who only caters for himself only...for crying out loud what energy will the woman have left to satify her man at this early post-nata stage with all these afore mention factors conbined.communication is key here.let her husband talk this out with her to see the reason behind her action..is not by cheating that will solve the problem..it will even make it worse.. women dont just clam up like that against thier husband..there must be an underlying problem yet to be resolved. women cannot respond well to sex when they are upset with thier husbands.

Nice one

naijathings:


dear friend, let us be honest and reasonable.
this question is open to all the ladies who will ask this same question about attractiveness in relation to sex.

[size=16pt]will you be able to stay away from sex with your husband for months and continually ignore the urge to have sex and walk around acting like you don't ever feel like banging, just because he is not physically attractive ?[/size]

To be honest with you here, I don't know how the woman is doing it, but sincerely speaking, no sane woman will be comfortable not making love to her man for a whole good one month!!!! no no no, something is wrong somewhere.

Onegai:


Dude, you sound so.....gosh, what's the word...selfish. Yes. Selfish.

Plus you're most going to throw your marriage, peace of mind and happiness away, hurt your child irrevocably, scare your wife away in the near future. All the best, there are a lot of unhappy divorced naija man out there (i used to think they were all balling but strangely they all hate being single).

Seriously.

You didn't bother communicating with her, most likely didn't put any effort into romancing your woman, you're now sulking mentally and decided the best way to "punish" her is by cheating?

She doesn't want to sleep with you because she already is taking care of one small baby, she didn't realise she married another immature baby.

So something has cropped up in your marriage and instead of you to look for a good way to fix it, make your union strong, make society be impressed by your principled stand to keep to your vows and earn your wife's love and loyalty forever, you wrote this??

Mstchewwww.

You better go and get someone to come and carry that baby for a few hours. Then take your wife to a guesthouse and let her sleep for a bit, get your lust satisfied and THEN speak up about how you understand it's exhausting being a new mum and you're here for her but you didn't like being ignored whilst she lost herself in her role because you need her too and will always be willing to support and carry your weight around the house.

Or you can do whatever you want...

You made a lot of sense.

DeadWrong:

I really do not have the energy to type, I'd have analyzed her post and expose her foolishness. She's such the arrogant type. These are kinds of biatch that will offend their husband and would still expect them to beg. These are kind of girls I like. Let them show me the stuff they're made of, and I'll make their life miserable as they wish.

Bwhahahaha lmao

mummydirect:

To be honest with you here, I don't know how the woman is doing it, but sincerely speaking, no sane woman will be comfortable not making love to her man for a whole good one month!!!! no no no, something is wrong somewhere.

Yes it is possible that there is something wrong. But what if the guy is not physically attractive just as some other females here were asking the OP.
is the lack of physical attraction enough to make a woman lose sexual appetite or not want to DO IT with her husband for one month or more ?