just pray and pray and pray....

Tekevwe:


I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

Tease him, touch him in places when you goto him. Tell him bluntly that you cant manage this his new attitude, that anything he feels, that you should feel thesame.

Its worse for a man to manage a wife with such attitude. Use ur bottom power joor.

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

Mtscheew.

I like this, especially the second part

Cutehector:
Madam gv ur husband space.. forget the being lonely part. U want him healed ryt? Den let him be..

If u are lonely, dis ls the moment u engage in other activities.. wen he has calmed down, he'l just get bak to u.

You seems to love him, so that great.
So next thing, engage in something Productive. Acquire new knowledge, something that doesn't involve him to get authorised.
Let him see you excel, this is important.

This is good for your self esteem.

WAT IF IM HER HUSBAND READING ALL THESE POST

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

I support everyhing on this post, please follow it up strictly

tonymania:
I support everyhing on this post, please follow it up strictly

Meet a counsellor...especially ur pastor

tonymania:
I support everyhing on this post, please follow it up strictly

Meet a counsellor...especially ur pastor

Op maybe he's gay but you guys forced him to be bi and now you're forcing him to be straight..

Tekevwe:


I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

I'm sorry to break this to you buh your husband may not be sexually attracted to you, if you know what I mean. Your story sounds like similar stories of wives married to sexually disinterested men who married females to keep up with family pressure or societal demands. How's his relationship with other women in general? Is he or not sleeping with other women outside? There's a reason your husband isn't happy in the marriage and his reason isn't something that is readily divulged or mentioned given the Nigerian society but something he has learned to keep within himself over the years, a part of him he has struggled with himself for decades. Understand that he may feel pressured by his parents to marry you, and not really because he wanted to. You also confirmed that at almost 40 his parents pressured him into getting married.

It is just my suggestion and something you may not have observed that you can observe more closely.

I may be wrong anyway but it doesn't hurt to consider the flip side of the coin.

So you want your husband walking around smiling like a lunatic? Is that it? I'm lost

Go into prayers for him there's nothing prayer cannot do. Ask the Lord to help both of u love each other. I'm writing from experience just leave it to God and watch God change him and you will enjoy ur marriage.
Don't pressure him anymore just enter your shell, thank God for ur marriage, forgive him sincerely and pray for him. I wish u happiness in ur marriage.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

hmm, if i may ask 4 hw long did u date b4 marriage.
2- wat made u fall 4 him wen he askd u out d 1st tym.
Wit d luk of thins, he does nt luv u. He ws jst bn greedy 2 hv u and nt to loose u 2 anybdy.
3- u dint tak tym to knw more abt him, his attitude. U thot dt smiley face wil b der 4ever. Damn, sombdy done told u wrong!
4- he culd hav family ish, mayb he taks care of his siblings, mum, dad etc. D stress mite b weighing him down badly.

You just have to be very prayer if not, yo will find your self seeking comfort in the arms of another. This is what has broken a lot of homes and is still breaking. Lack of communication, connection and not feeling wanted. God is all you need now

amalektch:


This is quite silly and is a tacit endorsement of spousal abuse.

1. Did the guy not know how much the wedding was going to cost? If it was too expensive, he has the right to explain to his fiancee, try to trim down the budget or delay the wedding till they have more money.

2. Even if the problem is high expenses, how does his current attitude solve the problem?

/
The wife is the one complaining about his attitude not the dude. Everyone reacts to stress differently. A lot of fiancee will not listen when the man is complaining about wedding expenses because they have lived in the fantasy and fairy-tale land for so long--I must beat my girlfriends' weddings syndrome. After wedding comes marriage. Most couples have financial challenges after wedding/marriage rites that if not handled right lead to spousal abuse, neglect or divorce.
Just look at the aso-ebi palaver/wahala. That one alone fit break marriages.
/

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

u are crazy really crazy

So sorry for your current travials..don't worry just be patient he will open up to you soon. Men can be very emotional. Please try not to nag. He will talk to you soon. You may be surprised he put up this attitude because he feels he can't make you as happy as he thought he could. Cheer up yeah

He married you for the wrong reasons other than true love. Keep on showing true love perhaps someday he will come back to his senses and realise that you are his wife, but then never allow yourself to be a fool for love.

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

If by chance you are reading this,please do carefully read my suggestion. Some of the responses I read above were from boys who are not yet there and don't even know what it means to be married. Now back to you. You said you noticed he was always boning with his family which was an indication that you guys courted, that was an indication to you but I guess you were too carried away with the affection you saw. My dear, your husband has succeeded in playing out his script and he has openly confessed to you that he did that just to win you.Now he is back to his real self and you are surprised. I keep telling young ladies around me to open their senses while courting and if possible take time to analyse your partner instead of analysing his pocket. Well my advice is that you should sit him down. Express your inner self to him.Tell him to sustain the charm he used to win your heart and as a matter of fact,do that when you guys are intimate because that appears to be his weakest moment.Strike him hard with tears in your hear probably while he was busy thrusting you.Don't respond to his touches, let him make love to a log of wood and I bet he will ask you why you are cold then Strike.I pray for you my dear and I hope your prayers are answered as well.Wish you luck in your marriage but be ready to see surprises that will sometimes throw you off balance.

Try your best to connect with him... It will come to pass. While you are at that do 'anything' to make you feel happy. Be happy, life is short. There is something called death.

U need to make him understand that the future family pressure is both of you will handle it.he is afraid of own children expenses.since u work tell him that u will help him to shoulder the weight i believe he will calm down.

[quote author=PresVA post=44364090] What a hasty conclusion ... did the op say they're in debt Even if he's in debt, did anyone force him to spend that much? Is he a kid?
People like you always find ways to blame women for everything. .. You're here making it seem like men easily bow to women's pressure or pleas...if they do, then why haven't all cheating men whose wives cry and beg everyday changed?

Mtcheeew, it's a woman's fault when you spend beyond your budget as if you're a kid and don't


Well, your sentiment is noted but plslet the op deny it. I tell you this might be the case. From my own experience, some women will frusrate ur life if you deny them on wedding issues.

The lord is ur strength....wth God all tin ar possible

EggovinMma:
Lol.
Maybe you should give him a little bit of space.Its just a moody phase that will eventually phase off. Men with their wahala. You can't just satisfy them, their head dey knock anyhow like HONDA engine.

Try and go back to your own shell. Be sweet but still give him space, enough that he will notice.

una head dey knock like knock out.

Give him sometime...he'll come around and you will have cause to smile later.

You have nothing to worry.

madam you just have to be patient with him, it is sometimes like that all you need to do his pray for him and show him more love

My dear sister is normal , thank God he is not pretending , just manage him. Its not easy to manage a family now especially when his income is not much. Again he spent a lot of time as a bachelor so now that is married he feel disturbed , he is afraid of getting married b4 because of responsibilities now that d responsibilities is on ground u should expect that. Honestly he loves u n he doesn't want to offend u that is y is keeping to himself , what of if he nags , shout at u , abandon u , get home drunk , beat u e.t.c NO pefect home

Try to assist him financially

Don't keep away from him as some ppl as advised

Let him feel ur presence at all time

keeping him at ur arms length is dangerous

Always around him will constantly reminding him is no more a bachelor he use to be for a long time

Remember He loves u , is just d family pressure

Don't try anything funny because of loneliness ( u knw what i mean)

Remember NO perfect marriage , u manage it , ALL family has there challenges , Manage urs.

Ile oko ile eko ni...

God will grant on to u the wisdom n knowledge to manage ur home

All you need to do is to start praying about the behaviour of your spouse. God can touch and change his attitude for the better towards you. Secondly, look for and Identify what he loves and start giving it to him and avoid whatever you know that he hates. Thirdly, choose to be humble and don not reply back whenever he is talking angrily to you, however your silence should not be done spitefully. Try these three things and see if there will not be a great improvement. I wish you all the best.

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

Easier said than done..guess u r still single if this is your advice for her.
Leaving is an extreme last to none option.

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

I like this, in other words, let him know that he is hurting you. Am sure he doesnt what that.

On the other hand, i think he is a reserved person naturally which the op realised with his siblings but didnt expect him to extend it to her.

My wife thinks i ignore her too, but whenever i want to watch a movie for instance she is chatting. I just give her the hand to stop talking but it annoys her. So i resorted to using headphones but no, she talks when she knows i cant hear her. She gets angry and removes it from my ears. She is the type who is quite outside or with new people but talks too much at home most times repeating what i know or what is obvious.

I have learnt to tolerate my wife for things i love but she hates. Op should find out if she is just being too intrusive or provoking. She should also learn to talk to him about her problems, let him have the chance to express what is in his head before a rash decision that could break this early fragile marriage..

sry madam i cant help........beside marriage is for better for worse till death do u part.

So many beautiful advice and points I have picked up

1. Be prayerful
2. Give him space but don't be cold.
3. Be supportive
4. Show him we are in this together
5. Try to send written communication showing I'm there for him
6. So many more

Thank you so much for these words. I will start on them immediately. May God bless you all with the desires and joys of your hearts.

Tekevwe:


I'm not the clingy type, if anything I used to be the exact opposite and decided to work on it when I got a few complaints. We both go to work and I get back home by 6pm. He gets in by 9 and just wants to eat, bath, and sleep.

His office is just five minutes from the house and he works for himself so I know its not Lagos traffic. I just feel we should share how both our days went sometimes. He also does the same on weekends when he's home and keeps to himself. I let him be for a few hours and when I try to go to him he's cold still, like he wants to be alone.

I'm beginning to feel lonely.

sister. he doesn't love you. I know where hes standing. I don't love my gf for instance. we actually dont have enough mutual interest. if I get married to her by any circumstance beyond my control, I think I'll do exactly what im reading about your man. the feeling wasn't there. if you were observant enough, I think you should have known prior to the marriage. marriage that is founded on such base as age, material comfort, physical looks and all are bound to be maintained only with difficulty. take time to fall in love if its still possible.
Secondly. why did you not find out why he wasn't jovial with his siblings. did you ignore such a major red flag? did you ask questions about his past? have you told his brothers about this development? what did they say? is the sex between you too good? like... where you guys having sex before you got married? has he noticed changes in you too that he cannot communicate in order not to hurt you? does he have another lady outside? what about friends with benefits? how long did you know him? was he rich when you met him? he may not love you if you didn't play a role in his life. one of sacrifice. I drop my pen.