₦airaland Forum

kaziblake:
I totally disagree with no 3...A woman who goes out to work in order to feed you and the kids while you stay home doing nothing have every right to insult and even deny you sex.

Mecheww

Real men don't beat their wives

True. You just divorce the unruly and agbero woman.

I have said that a lot more divorces are coming. Baby Mama will soon be the norm. 9ja celebs have already started it, Davido, Flavour & more.

Toks2008:
[size=13pt]*A man who beats a woman is a beast and do not deserve to live with humans but with fellow beasts in the jungle...No matter how provoked you may be as a man,please never raise your hand to beat your wife.*
[/size]

It is no longer news that many women have lost their lives through domestic violence and the more we try to put the blames on the menfolk the more we will continue to blind our eyes to the fact that indeed,many women are the cause of the domestic violence we see today because they fail to understand some important aspects of how most men are naturally wired and below are 6 facts that point to this...


1.Negligence: Yes this is one fact many ladies will not deny because there is no accidental character and the signs of a violent man would have been there . It is quite amazing that many ladies get beaten up by a guy they are dating and this guy will still go ahead and become their hubby and i keep wondering what these ladies were thinking saying i do to a guy who beats you up. Many ladies usually believe such guys will change but the honest truth is that a guy who beats you up while dating you may kill you when he becomes your hubby.RUN.


2.Sophistication:Many people will wonder what this has to do with domestic violence but it has a whole lot to do with it. Sophistication is the bane of today's woman and the number one reason why many ladies find it hard to get a man to settle down with. Many ladies are too sophisticated to come to terms with the fact that they are married,they still want to live a life of a spinster while married and these set of ladies will not hesitate to tell their hubby the need for him to help out in the kitchen,the need for him to cook his food and even take care of the baby and subconsciously, these ladies gradually bruise the ego of the man who may continue to stomach these things until he gets pushed to the wall and reacts in a violent way. No matter how highly placed or sophisticated you may be as a lady,please understand that you are a wife and a mother and you must learn how to joggle these roles without turning your hubby into a domestic servant...if he decides to help out please let it be his decision.


3. Misguided utterance: This is a very common fact among the women folk and it is so sad that many ladies do not even realize they are guilty of this because they just might believe they are making sense not knowing that they are bruising the man's ego and killing him bit by bit mentally and emotionally. Misguided speech sometimes come in a very subtle way from the lady who may have no clue. For instance a lady footing the bills telling her hubby that "she can not go out all day and still come home to please him sexually" or "he can not satisfy you sexually", or funny words like "you should be thanking GOD for having me cos there are better guys out there" bla bla bla common.... A man is an egocentric person and any word that bruises his ego could bring out the beast in him.


4.Infidelity:This account for many cases of domestic violence leading to death. Yes men cheat as well as ladies but as a lady please be extremely careful when it comes to sexual infidelity. Scientists have proved that the effect of hard drugs on human is the same effect a heart break gives. If you must cheat on your man or hubby please i advice you just break up with such first rather than staying in that affair and cheating because the resultant effect is always a dangerous one.


5.Use of abusive words:This is no doubt one reason why many gentle men have turned wife beaters.There are some women who can use their tongue to set a house on fire and you need to hear how some ladies speak to their spouses.
Many ladies are very erratic in speech and it is not all men that are gentle or can walk away as men are always advised.Please ladies,learn to bridle your tongues to avoid stories that touch...be submissive,be humble.be calm in your speech and avoid getting confrontational because men hate confrontations...remember...not every man is a gentle man so try to always. maintain a status quo.Understand when to keep quiet to avoid heated arguments which usually leads to violent reactions from the man.



6.Gullibility:Yes many ladies are very gullible when it comes to handling domestic violence.There are some guys who just make it a crazy habit beating up a lady at any slight opportunity even if the lady exhibits an angelic nature. If a man beats you once,assume its a mistake but if he tries it again,please don't go back to your parents or waste your time reporting him to family members..go to the police immediately to report him and let him be invited to write an undertaken never to touch you again while you also maintain a proper decorum but if his madness persists,please leave that marriage or relationship immediately whether you have a child for him or not...it is better to remain single and happy than to lose your life.Gullible ladies who have listened to funny advices from family members to remain in a violent marriage for whatever reason are not 6 feet below....Be reasonable.


Hope this makes sense.

You were cursed the day you were born by a woman.

ogbevireo:
even a thousand points raised here will not be justifiable enough for violence against any woman, whether wife, girlfriend or sister. #notoviolenceagainstwomen.

Even threat to life. Dogmatic!

huntax:
Don't go about in marriage with this mentality. Be educated so as to live in a happy home. Just because you may be the bread winner in a home doesn't give you rights to insult your husband or deny him sex. I assume you wouldn't marry a jobless man, so because he's facing a temporary challenge doesn't mean you should compound his problems by being disrespectful to him. I know u will probably insult me, I don't care. Just helping you because I have witnessed such.

You sound matured do I won't insult you
Everything I wrote there is out of experience so you won't blame me

bezimo:
Assault against a woman is never right and must never be tolerated, but it seems some women invite such animalistic behaviour on themselves.

I heard someone say, A man that beats his wife is a fool, but the wife is the bigger fool because according to him, you know your husband is angry yet you continue to insult or talk back at him.Then he becomes provokes and losses control and comportement.Then Assualt beginning with slap follows untill the wife is battered then she keeps quiet.
Later the cycle is repeated.

funny but very very true! U will a woman verbally engaging a man like she can physically withstand him! But after she receives some resounding bashing she automatically come to her senses and keeps quite!

Philpham:
You were cursed the day you were born.

Are you a lady?

So you chose your brothers and your father? .

If you grow up in an abusive home where you have been made to understand that abuse is the only way to solve issues. You can't fully blame them unless you have tried to get them help

nkemdi89:
No one is to be blamed fully for that, they make themselves the victim by choosing that type of life, behavioural pattern and disorder of an individual are mostly voluntary. These type of people derives pleasure in pain, a situation when a woman confesses she can't enjoy sex unless she is subjected to pain, in order to achieve that she will have to infuriate her partner so that it will lead to physical infliction of pain on her as long as she achieves the end result.

Junior66:
dnt u girls get it? OP is saying do not provoke people (weda it is ur husband, wife, ordinary people on the street) cos de natural reaction is violence. Before u insult me, my female frend slapped me once at skul and i didnt tell her anytin, i just laughed but most people male/female will fyt bak.

In case you haven't noticed its not only girls that didn't GET the op, guys didn't too.

BTW I didn't see anyplace where he stated directly that its about the conduct of women in every area of their life, he meant in a marital relationship. It seems you're the one who didn't GET it

It's amazing how this much horse dung can come from one person, I untie my scarf.

Mamatee07:
I've witnessed a case before where the woman didn't say a word yet the husband kept beating her . It's like the more she didn't talk the angrier he got. So never assume that all women battered must have responded.

That must be an exception, more often than not careless words were what triggered such violent behaviours from the men who did such acts against their women.

I agree with 1 &.6,some women stupidly stay with abusive husbands,some after their families come to take them still return, some where aware of his nature during courtship but choose to ignore, if a man slaps you during courtship, forgive him,and provoke him some more,if he repeats it,run and don't look back, all men are not the same,some have short temper and can go into rage like loosed dog,such people have a demon in them waiting to be unleashed, and such are.those that can kill in the moment of anger,they destroy things when they are angry,men are physically stronger than women,under no circumstances should a man hit a woman, even if she provokes you,leave until you are calm

I

huntax:
This is complete BS. Let me give an instance.

Assuming you live with your father(maybe ur mum lives abroad). You work, ur father also works... Would u come back from work and tell ur dad he also needs to join u in the kitchen to help out with washing plates?
Let me also remind you, once u get married, u will have to respect your husband like you respect your father.
I'm not saying u should kneel to greet him or anything like that, but really respect him.
The husband is always the head of the house, that is a gift from God. He will only help out in the kitchen if he wants to, but he doesn't HAVE to.
All that respect would only go out the window the day he raises his hand against u (as he has clearly disrespected you too).

He doesn't have to help he around the house but sh must help him pay bill abi and even in som cases be the breadwinner? What then does he bring to the marriage!

Imagine you are a woman, you wake up earlier to cook and get kids ready for school and then head to work where you spend the same hours as your husband or even more. You get home home have to cook and tak care of kids while he sits his ass around doing nothing. Abeg which of those 2 is no the weaker sex?! Can anyone b happy with such? ? Yet that woman will pay half of the bi or even more

JUST AS REAL LADY DON'T PUSH THEIR MEN TO A LIMIT OF BEING BEATEN UP....... I NEVER PRAY TO LAY MA HANDS ON ANY WOMAN VIOLENTLY.....

I THINK ALL MEN'S PRAYER SHOULD BE.... ' GOD SHOULD PROTECT US FROM A WOMAN THAT WILL MAKES US BEAT THEM UP".....


MEN ARE HUMAN NOT ROBOT

Vinshu:
Your misogyny is pathetic . Real men don't lay hands on women.

This is very simple,who wants to beat his wife? Who wants to be a killer? Who wants to be called an animal or a wife's beater? The answer is no one, bt u see something brings abt somethings. Dear ladies I advice to mind ur words wen u are trying to make a point, be cool when the tension is high, dnt challenge him,dnt call him names or use abusive words on him then I doubt if he will ever touch u. #vegatalks

Lolzz! Archaic mentality. Bro, I earn 4times more than my wife. Her monthly income can pay the rent of a three bedroom flat in abuja effortlessly. If money defines how you relate with ur wife and vice versa. Its a pity.

aubventure:
Maybe she the footing the bills

Wealthgang:
People who usually rant "never lay hands on a woman no matter what" are those who end up doing it. Its not just by ranting it, u have to understand d real principle behind that statement. I know this from experience.

So why should u generally not lay hands on a woman? Simple! Cos women are generally perceived as weaker (physically) than men, hence are defenseless.
In order words, d real quip should be "never lay hands on a defenseless person (male or female)" instead of "never lay hands on a woman". The latter is by no means a moral absolute.

Saying that it is never justifiable under any circumstance whatsoever, to "lay hands on a woman" is d stupidest thing anyone can say.
As a martial arts student, I wouldn't fight with a lady (non-martial arts) any more than I wouldn't fight a 12yr-old boy or a disabled person. They're defenseless.

In d case where a lady is not defenseless n tries anything physical with u, by all means defend urself.
If d lady is defenseless but provokes u, by all means control urself no matter what.
If she's defenseless but still attacks u, by all means give her a dirty slap. It shud end dere, punches n kicks n headbutts not allowed.

I remember an incident that happnd in UBA bank uniport (which is usually crowded). A girl was shouting n cursing in d bank over her 5k which was wrongly deducted n d staff were trying 2 calm her down. Then a boy sitting elsewhere told her 2 calm down, that d money was just 5k na and would be refunded. This didn't go well with d gal cos b4 we knew it, she walked up to 2 boy & slapped him hard. As if that wasn't enough, she took off her slippers n slapped d boy again with it, to d dismay of evry1. She wanted 2 hit him again b4 a guy drew her away. D customers inside d bank were so angry n some were prompting d boy 2 give d gal a dirty slap n were swearing d gal would have died if it was them. The boy didn't react but just walkd outside.

What happnd afta, I dnt know.

If u were in his shoes, what wud u do?
If it was me, I won't hesitate 2 slap her back n front. Y have d guts 2 slap me in public? "Never lay hands on a woman" my ass. Wud also do same if it was a guy.
Some women don't hesitate 2 slap n attack men because they have that mentality an absolute law is guiding dem n they kw how 2 cry a river when a finger touches them. Bullshit!

As for wife-beating, men who do dat are goats n I wonder how women still go ahead 2 marry such men. One big cause of it is poverty n blockheadedness. U hardly c wealthy/enlightnd pple pummeling their wives.
Where I blame women 4 it is y they allow themselvs 2 be beaten continuously all in d name of luv or i-want-to-save-my-marriage

thumb up guy
never support domestic violence though
don't even lay hands on your" wife"

omooba969:
@bolded,

Must you even hit your child?

What a warped post !

Yes ! If my child crosses the rubicon several times with light warnings and all mouth warning he will get the message after all when he grows up the same society won't bart an eye in throwing him into jail if he comes short of the law. The ruin of every nation starts from the homes of its own people.
My elder sister's first child tapped a woman's ass in a private school where they don't beat them and the woman refused to report to the school authority and the mom went bananas on him and he got the message.
Yes I'll beat my child with all love and anger then the corrections will come.

bezimo:
That must be an exception, more often than not careless words were what triggered such violent behaviours from the men who did such acts against their women.

There is no such thing in law and will never be . It's up to you to control yourself when some says something offensive

If a solider insults you, won't you control yourself? You would only hit a woman that you are physically stronger than showing you are a coward .

Many husband also verbal abuse the wives doe that mean the woman can poison him if she can't beat him or get thugs to beat him?

j am yet to beat the first woman but minus a heavily pregnant woman ,I know if a woman really provokes me I will not beat her but I will give her one strategic heavy slap on the cheek that will make her shut up permanently and forever snap her out of her default abusive mode.believe me I'm too educated with a PhD.I remember one mad female hod that will break into cold sweat whenever she sees me.being feminine is knowing how to use your tongue to speak life .many wives will still die cos they won't learn. learnt one jus got killed for being overheard by her hubby telling her boss/lover her pussy is paining her after their four days Bleep in abuja.u guys u beta pray not to marry miss ehin mun jabe lo oloriburuku somebody cum bank marketer.

I rather be called a man who showcases hiss physical strength on his woman than to be known as a man who is ridicled by a woman.Nonsense,well am always praying to God to give me a wife that is jst good.because most women,90percent re no different from goats,some even goats re better.some woman can use thier mouth nd make u commit suicide.even actions.so I should die for her to be dat perfect gentle man,or jst to give her a manual reset nd take her to the hospital if d symptom of deafness persist after 3 days.rubbish

Misogynist2014:
Verbal abuse doesn't exist.

says who

kingivie:
From d comment of some ladies here I alrdy see Dia husbands are going 2 be wife beaters.

Walahi you no lie...chai...

Shakur86:
Above all, a responsible man don't raise his hand and hit a woman.

From a guy's perspective i am impressed.

Have read lot of comments and some guys are so disappointing as usual.

J

josite:
j am yet to beat the first woman but minus a heavily pregnant woman ,I know if a woman really provokes me I will not neat her but I will give her one strategic heavy slap on the cheek that will make her shut up permanently and forever snap her out of her default abusive mode.believe me I'm too educated with a PhD.I remember one mad female hod that will break into cold sweat whenever she sees me.being feminine is knowing how to use your tongue to speak life .many wives will still die cos they won't learn. learnt one jus got killed for being overheard by her hubby telling her boss/lover her pussy is paining her after their four days Bleep in abuja.u guys u beta pray not to marry miss ehin my jabe lo oloriburuku somebody cum bank marketer.

And many husbands will be killed by hanging or firing squad because they don't learn. Kill your wife an then you get killed.

PHD does not mean you are educated . So because the man say that against a woman that isn't alive to defend herself makes it true? Sh said all that to him then he went t buy both of them food and wanted to make love to her according to him. Does that make any sense to you?

Mamatee07:
I

Verbal abuse is Not Punishable by law but physical abuse is. That man man or woman insult you can never give you the right to hit the person.

If a solider insults you will you dare hit him? That shows domestic abuser are cowards who only have power when it's a woman

verbal abusers are cowards who only have mouth when it comes to men.. I don't know about other people,but if you should abuse me,I will attack you,if verbal abuse is not an offensive,then the word and abusive words should better be scrapped from the dictionary

nwadiuko1:
I remember in my 3rd year at school.....how a girl that thinks she is in the good books of the anti cult outfit humiliated me in class....gave me a slap, and tore my shirt while I stood watching and was forming gentle man........i couldn't bring myself to hit her.......but after attacking me she also reported me to the anti cult unit.............when the chips were down, I never laid my hands on her......but I think she would have preffered that I did.....

A female frend slapped me too in my third year afta a hot argument and in public. I cudnt believe it soi left her alone but dat slap reset our frendship sha.
But one thing, most guys here wnt take it.

Ishilove:
Actually I did. It is very offensive because no matter what, a man should not raise his hand on a woman because he is physically stronger than her. You started by saying a man who beats his wife is worse than a beast, then go on to enumerate how women bring violence upon themselves. That, Toks, is highly offensive. The six points you enumerated has voided your first paragraph.

And your comment about people who don't agree with you being mentally mediocre says a lot about your blatant misogyny

I don't support domestic violence, but the same way we expect a man to keep his anger in check, shouldn't a woman keep her mouth in check? If she has zero control over her tongue, do we then expect the man to have absolute control over his temper?

Toks2008 no matter how you try to educate people, some will still always be against you. Your post is very true, and truth they say is bitter and hard to swallow.
The bone of contention here why so many people will fault your post is that no matter what a woman does to you, you aren't allowed to hit her. That being said does not still entitle any woman to push or instigate her husband, boyfriend or any man to anger. All men can never be gentlemen, respect yourself. There would always be idiots who still will go ahead and hit women at the slightest provocation.
Your title was just too hot to handle.

kevinberry:
says who

"It is in our power to refrain from any opinion about things and not to be disturbed in our souls; for things in themselves have no natural power to force our judgments." .. "Outward things cannot touch the soul, not in the least degree; nor have they admission to the soul, nor can they turn or move the soul; but the soul turns and moves itself alone." Marcus Aurelius

I am not saying the action of that woman is wise, but you can't tell me that im her own rational way, it is her right. what she wanted is either to stop him or make him sweat before he leaves, she doesn't care if he beats her up but she does have a genuine reason.


Domestic abuse in its ordinary form has little or nothing to do with wisdom. Victims are often fearful to act or speak in a certain way. For some victims, they no longer care. They are still fearful but it won't stop them from defending themselves through words or actions in any situation. An example is the present scenario, I know the woman very well. she is not educated though and she has done her very best including calling several family meetings. He beats her on a normal day. Whether or not he beats her again before squandering their resources no longer matters to her.

GANJAFARMER:
Lol , I'm not making any excuse for any form of abuse that goes on in every home and I do not also agree that for every verbal abuse a man gets from his wife is entirely his fault .
If a man squanders the little resources left for the house upkeep there are better ways to call such men to order by reminding them of their duty but physically trying to stop him from going out from his own house at his own will is the silliest thing any woman would do to restrain a man from squandering their limited resources if he's a spendthrift by nature. In fact it is a disaster trying to stop him when his plan to spend has been already hatched awaiting harvest. What if he's even drunk at the moment ? You've not stopped his drinking habit but you want to cage him with the use of force? Lmao
Finally, if the force is applied and the woman is still hell bent on dragging on as far as you're willing to go , then you'll reacess your position and if there is nothing , then people like me will call it quit. Lest the beating becomes a habit. I'm not blaming victims of domestic abuse here but I'm simply saying that women with wisdom do not even give you that opportunity to go bananas on them , only the dumb ones does that.

Vinshu:
Your misogyny is pathetic . Real men don't lay hands on women.

is the case in Ibadan not bad enough? several women killing their hubby because he doesn't wanna touch her. i am sure the dailies won't put that up for debate