₦airaland Forum

cococandy:
You don't even have common sense. Is she supposed to be responsible for the girl? Having the girl in her home is supposed to be a favor and not something in-laws sit together, decide and foist on her. Your type will always have marital problems because you take your spouses for granted.

If you can't raise a child, don't have one. Simple. Nobody came to this world to raise your kids for you. Such disgusting entitlement mentality.

Wait a minute here.
You mean she never supposed to be responsible for any other human being in a society like Nigeria where government social security is non existent?

So you are telling me you don't do anything for any other person except you and your children?
God forbid, but what if your own parents had died when you were 2 years, would it be fine if nobody looked your way to help? No matter how stubborn you might have been?


How difficult is it to develop love?
If her own child does all that she accused this girl of doing, where would she chase her to?

All you this new generation evil silly girls should understand that anybody could be in any position anytime. That's how dynamic this is life.

Like I said, you half-brain non-functional dead woods should always remember that life is very short.

I didn't read where this OP said she is bringing one Kobo to the table, but she is angry her husband bought Gloceries for his uncle who must have had a hand in his upbringing. Or did she think the husband fell from the sky?

Phi001:
Do you know how stoopid you sound?

That guy is not stewp!d

SamMilla1:
Wait a minute here.
You mean she never supposed to be responsible for any other human being in a society like Nigeria where government social security is non existent?

So you are telling me you don't do anything for any other person except you and your children?

How difficult is it to develop love?
If her own child does all that she accused this girl of doing, where would she chase her to?

All you this new generation evil silly girls should understand that anybody could be in any position anytime. That's how dynamic this is life.

Like I said, you half-brain non-functional dead woods should always remember that life is very short.

I didn't read where this OP said she is bringing one Kobo to the table, but she is angry her husband bought Gloceries for his uncle who must have had a hand in his upbringing. Or did she think the husband fell from the sky?

When God will bless you for puting up this ehn!!!
People will think its blood money.

Thanks for making my day

To do good is good but should not take away your joy in the process.

Send the child to a boarding school, that way you would achieve two things at once: minimize her destructiveness in your house and still take care of her education.
And during holidays, let her spend some time with her parents also.

Some relations are like blood in the mouth, whether to swallow or spit it out, you cannot know which is best.

SamMilla1:
You are probably an evil woman.
Take that from me.
All those bunch of lies you told against this girl just to paint her black, would you say the same things if she was your sister?

I can easily tell that you are angry because she came from the husbands side. It's common with all evil women.

Change your ways when you still can, otherwise you will pour hot water or acid on her someday and end up in Prison.

She broke plasma, broke Toilet WC, really? That hard thing? How did she do that? With a sledgehammer or what?
What else did she do?
She broke her shoes, tore her school uniform.
Bed-wets, fights, never do anything such as assignment?

Why don't you just tell us you want her gone so you can bring your own sister?
I am way too intelligent to believe all the rubbish you said about this innocent girl.
Even Lucipher will find it very difficult to win a destruction contest with this 11 year old girl.

On top of that, her father comes for monthly salary in your place, of course with other incentives such as groceries etc.
Where is the mother in all this?
Do you really expect me to believe you?
No mention of one good thing from the girl, not even to fetch water or cook anything?


Your heart is black because I don't see why you were hesistant when your husband wanted to bring her. Do you know their family history?
Who trained your husband? What exactly are you bringing to the table?


You first of all painted the father of the girl with black paints as if you know anything about him.
Evil thing.

And all you people shouting send her home, do you really think this evil thing is telling you all the story?
Do you not believe that if this is a law court, the girl will have her chance to say her own version.
She never wanted her in the first place and she admitted it up there. She just wanted her own relatives to fill the house. It's common with evil women.

Guy you just made common sense. OP forgive me I have seen your type, they live around me and I know how extreme they can go to paint someone like the crude commodity.

oglalasioux:
It's our duty to help the less privileged but in your case the beneficiaries are taking it to the extreme.

Let everyone stay at his or her home. Send your help and contributions to them if you have as it's not an obligation to be responsible for their upkeep.

Once the world throw away religion and it's books and realize that giving birth to many children is not a right then the world will be a better place

Animalistic men will be making babies all over and handing them over to other people to take care for them. Pathetic!

you nailed it Bro with that statement, enough said, I needn't add much....

Op,send the child home.somepeople thinks it's enshrined in the Nigerian constitution to always carry their problems.

Madam Please read that scripture again, and beside what scripture did you read/obey before you took her in. From the scripture you quoted I believe that little girl is not from your house (immediate children) neither is she from your faith (fellowship) at her age she is still under her fathers' believe. many things to say but let me leave you with this few words for now, sending her back to her father, I have not seen anything wrong in it, after all if her father according to the scripture you quoted could not provide for her he is worse than an infidel.

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesitant at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroying them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools closes and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

dis ur story sweet,


well if it's really true it will be best u send her home b4 d gal turns u to a zombie n and corrupt ur kids if u have any.

for her schooling, see are good schools in the village she can b enrolled der.

and for the family members who are thinking otherwise, u can ask them to take the gal in and maybe hlp dem financially.

Use ur brain

olawonder:
stupid advice, why they hv to concentrate on making d girl's life and leave theirs in peril? I'd say kick her d Bleep out! Ppl don't change that easily... d headache will get worse!

as stupid as the advice is, did OP mention anything about their own children?
Concentrate on the girl and stop giving the dad money. not concentrate on the girl and leave their own children. reading and comprehending is the key.

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesitant at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroying them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools closes and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

she destroys things in your home and she's still in your house?





You better send her back b4 she destroys your family



I pity you sha, but you need to handle the situation without looking face

I just have special hatred for men or women who have kids with different women




Most of them don't do well in life

Send her home asap before she makes you commit a sin or offend those you would rather not offend.

@SamMilla1 and Valprof, you may have a point but you have also being very extreme.

1. You assume that @marrymeee was wicked even from the beginning because she said initially she did not want the child. Well, when a couple are young and newly wedded, particularly when there are no kids yet, bringing in a child from a relative is something that should be seriously considered first because it will inhibit relations between the couple. A young couple in the home alone will make love any and everywhere. They can prance around their house naked and cook when and if they feel like so when thinking of bringing in a child it merits serious consideration because their lifestyle will definitely change

2. We live in a society where we believe strongly in monitoring spirits so when a couple are newly wed, it is advisable not to bring in third party as then there will be no freedom to argue, quarrel or hash out issues without interference or someone listenning in. They will just not be free.

3. You are right about the broken toilet sit though. It is difficult to believe that an 11 year old can do that. However if she makes something heavy crash on it well...

I speak from experience when I say some kids can be like a messenger on a mission. My hubby's cousins visited us severally after marriage. One in particular was something else, he broke and cracked almost all my teacups. I just reserved the cracked ones for him. Till date I have had to use glue on all my ceramic ornaments. He broke them all and would not say. You will only get there and find that it was arranged there like it was not broken. One day, after breaking a glass, he took the shards and placed them inside my hubby's shoes.

I thank God his elder sister was around. She was the one that raised the alarm 'Sister sister!! Gift wants to kill brother!' I was too shocked to reply? Except of course to ask him later why he thought that was the best place to put the shards. We laughed about it though but can you beat that? Will you not think he was on a mission? He was destructive. But he loved to sing. I still remember him holding tight to the CD player and singing 'ma babe ma babe, ma babe you're the one I want for me...' Yet, he had zero interest in learning two letter words or even three. I tried and tried but gave up. Biko, I cannot come and go and die. Maybe the lack of intelligence is heriditary. Even the elder sister was no different book wise.

If he does something wrong and you asks him why, he just looks at you, doesn't say a word. I was certain he had been beaten a lot in the past so he is scared of being beaten so when he does something wrong I just chastise him but I swear I was tested to the limit. I bought a cane eventually as that was the only thing that prompted a response but I never used it. (Thank God)

For my sanity, I cut his visits but I visit them. Maternal feelings do no develop over night, they grow over the 9 months and as you watch a baby grow. Also if a woman grew up with kids she could be more inclined to mothering another person's child however take note that when you handle bed wetting, it needs someone to wake up several times at night, breaking your sleep to wake up the child and force them to pee. And often times even after, they still do it. The man is hardly available to do that. When the bed is wet and the house smells, it is the woman's responsibility to correct the smell else, the man's friends will complain and make the woman out to be dirty again.

Finally, no one has asked if the girl wants to be there. Despite the better living conditions have you bothered to find out if she wanted to leave home? That might be the reason why she is acting out. In my teenage years, one of my most loved aunts got married and my mum sent my younger sister to live with her in Lagos not because my parents could not take care of her but because my aunt was loving and she was moving to Lagos which was like the London of Nigeria. While those of us back home envied my sister for being the 'lucky' one we never knew that my sister felt abandoned. According to her she felt like our parents hated her the most and sent her into servitude. Thankfully she came back after three years but I am still baffled when she explains how she felt.

The best persons to take care of a child are the parents. And 'uncle' should stop birthing like he humps and take care of his children. They are his responsibility.

SamMilla1:
You are probably an evil woman.
Take that from me.
All those bunch of lies you told against this girl just to paint her black, would you say the same things if she was your sister?

I can easily tell that you are angry because she came from the husbands side. It's common with all evil women.

Change your ways when you still can, otherwise you will pour hot water or acid on her someday and end up in Prison.

She broke Plasma TV,
She broke Toilet WC, really? That hard thing? How did she do that? With a sledgehammer or what?

What else did she do?
The evil girl broke her shoes,
She Tore her school uniform,
She Bed-wets, fights, never do anything such as assignment?

She goes into her room, picks out her best clothes, which of course you paid billions to buy, she wears the best cloths and runs out to play with it in the mud. An 11 year old girl, whose tiny breasts must have started sprouting out, playing in the mud, with her best cloth?
Please in which country is that? Somalia or south Sudan? Gawd.
How old were those chibok girls writing WAEC when they were allegedly kidnapped? But your evil girl here still plays in the mud at 11.

Why don't you just tell us you want her gone so you can bring your own sister? Apparently you have a ready replacement, even before your husband beat you to it and brought her to his house.

I am way too intelligent to believe all the rubbish you said about this innocent girl.
Even Lucipher will find it very difficult to win a destruction contest with this 11 year old girl.

On top of that, her father comes for monthly salary in your World Bank home.
Of course with other incentives such as groceries etc.
Where is the mother in all this?
How many times have you reported her to the mother or even to the Reverend Father or Pastor? I believe that's what you people do down there when you really want to help.

Do you really expect me to believe you?
No mention of one good thing from the girl, not even to fetch water or cook anything?
Apparently according to you, her life assignment is to destroy everything in your home, nothing else.


Your heart is black because I don't see why you were hesistant when your husband wanted to bring her. Do you know their family history?
Who trained your husband? What exactly are you bringing to the table?


You first of all painted the father of the girl with black paints as if you know anything about him.
Evil thing.

And all you people shouting send her home, do you really think this evil thing is telling you all the story?
Do you not believe that if this is a law court, the girl will have her chance to say her own version.
She never wanted her in the first place and she admitted it up there. She just wanted her own relatives to fill the house. It's common with evil women.

I just had to login and quote you. You made the best post. From the very outset I started reading, I knew this lady was just lying against a little innocent girl. She was never happy when the girl came in at first. So there's nothing this girl will do that would please her. Give a dog a bad name. She made the girl look like a monster in other to gain sympathy here and have a justification for sending the girl away.
She even insulted the girl's mother. Op can you swear the girl did all you mentioned? Can you swear you never hated her from onset?

How difficult is it to develop love?

Shows you have no idea what you're talking about.

Typical mor0n. Telling others to do what they can't do. How many suffering children have you taken in and developed love for like your own kids? Do that first before telling others to do it.

And yes you're right. If it was her child she'd probably have more patience. But it's not her child is it? Give me one reason why someone else's child should become her responsibility without her deciding on her own to take on such responsibility? Except for the simple reason that most of you are entitled mor0ns who think others owe you sh*t for fvcking your own wives and putting babies in them.

Silly.

SamMilla1:
Wait a minute here.
You mean she never supposed to be responsible for any other human being in a society like Nigeria where government social security is non existent?

So you are telling me you don't do anything for any other person except you and your children?
God forbid, but what if your own parents had died when you were 2 years, would it be fine if nobody looked your way to help? No matter how stubborn you might have been?


How difficult is it to develop love?
If her own child does all that she accused this girl of doing, where would she chase her to?

All you this new generation evil silly girls should understand that anybody could be in any position anytime. That's how dynamic this is life.

Like I said, you half-brain non-functional dead woods should always remember that life is very short.

I didn't read where this OP said she is bringing one Kobo to the table, but she is angry her husband bought Gloceries for his uncle who must have had a hand in his upbringing. Or did she think the husband fell from the sky?

Simply send back home to her parents.... No need to think twice, no need to be sentimental or considerate.
Take your stand that no relation or relative will come tp the house uninvited, if heaven wants to fall let it fall

SamMilla1:
You are probably an evil woman.
Take that from me.
All those bunch of lies you told against this girl just to paint her black, would you say the same things if she was your sister?

I can easily tell that you are angry because she came from the husbands side. It's common with all evil women.

Change your ways when you still can, otherwise you will pour hot water or acid on her someday and end up in Prison.

She broke Plasma TV,
She broke Toilet WC, really? That hard thing? How did she do that? With a sledgehammer or what?

What else did she do?
The evil girl broke her shoes,
She Tore her school uniform,
She Bed-wets, fights, never do anything such as assignment?

She goes into her room, picks out her best clothes, which of course you paid billions to buy, she wears the best cloths and runs out to play with it in the mud. An 11 year old girl, whose tiny breasts must have started sprouting out, playing in the mud, with her best cloth?
Please in which country is that? Somalia or south Sudan? Gawd.
How old were those chibok girls writing WAEC when they were allegedly kidnapped? But your evil girl here still plays in the mud at 11.

Why don't you just tell us you want her gone so you can bring your own sister? Apparently you have a ready replacement, even before your husband beat you to it and brought her to his house.

I am way too intelligent to believe all the rubbish you said about this innocent girl.
Even Lucipher will find it very difficult to win a destruction contest with this 11 year old girl.

On top of that, her father comes for monthly salary in your World Bank home.
Of course with other incentives such as groceries etc.
Where is the mother in all this?
How many times have you reported her to the mother or even to the Reverend Father or Pastor? I believe that's what you people do down there when you really want to help.

Do you really expect me to believe you?
No mention of one good thing from the girl, not even to fetch water or cook anything?
Apparently according to you, her life assignment is to destroy everything in your home, nothing else.


Your heart is black because I don't see why you were hesistant when your husband wanted to bring her. Do you know their family history?
Who trained your husband? What exactly are you bringing to the table?


You first of all painted the father of the girl with black paints as if you know anything about him.
Evil thing.

And all you people shouting send her home, do you really think this evil thing is telling you all the story?
Do you not believe that if this is a law court, the girl will have her chance to say her own version.
She never wanted her in the first place and she admitted it up there. She just wanted her own relatives to fill the house. It's common with evil women.

I'm not saying the OP might not be exaggerating but you are totally unfair. If you know how hard it is to train a difficult child you won't be saying this. It's hard enough when it's your child but even harder when it's someone elses because people will term every action you take.

I say this out of experience, one of my cousins once lived with us, and even though I was younger then, I pitied my mom, she was always behaving like she is possessed. She would use blade to cut her sandal and my sister's, we had a rail in front of our rented house then, she will knowingly go there and hang her head between the rails, throw the key of the house away, and all sorts of weird behaviour, all our neighbours knew her then.

This girl has living, healthy parents, why should she be a burden to others?

Take this as one of those challenges life throws at you. Try all that is within you to cope with the situation and I know this is not going to be easy at all. Just promise yourself that no matter what happens, God has led this little one into your hand to take care of. Take away the idea that she's someone else's child, pretend that she's your biological child, be determined, be prayerful and work on her as you would naturally work on your child. With God and with your determination and prayers, she would be transformed so much that you'll wonder how it happened.

Be of good courage, Sister and don't lose hope yet. May God reward your labour of love in Jesus Name, Amen!

SamMilla1:
You are probably an evil woman.
Take that from me.
All those bunch of lies you told against this girl just to paint her black, would you say the same things if she was your sister?

I can easily tell that you are angry because she came from the husbands side. It's common with all evil women.

Change your ways when you still can, otherwise you will pour hot water or acid on her someday and end up in Prison.

She broke Plasma TV,
She broke Toilet WC, really? That hard thing? How did she do that? With a sledgehammer or what?

What else did she do?
The evil girl broke her shoes,
She Tore her school uniform,
She Bed-wets, fights, never do anything such as assignment?

She goes into her room, picks out her best clothes, which of course you paid billions to buy, she wears the best cloths and runs out to play with it in the mud. An 11 year old girl, whose tiny breasts must have started sprouting out, playing in the mud, with her best cloth?
Please in which country is that? Somalia or south Sudan? Gawd.
How old were those chibok girls writing WAEC when they were allegedly kidnapped? But your evil girl here still plays in the mud at 11.

Why don't you just tell us you want her gone so you can bring your own sister? Apparently you have a ready replacement, even before your husband beat you to it and brought her to his house.

I am way too intelligent to believe all the rubbish you said about this innocent girl.
Even Lucipher will find it very difficult to win a destruction contest with this 11 year old girl.

On top of that, her father comes for monthly salary in your World Bank home.
Of course with other incentives such as groceries etc.
Where is the mother in all this?
How many times have you reported her to the mother or even to the Reverend Father or Pastor? I believe that's what you people do down there when you really want to help.

Do you really expect me to believe you?
No mention of one good thing from the girl, not even to fetch water or cook anything?
Apparently according to you, her life assignment is to destroy everything in your home, nothing else.


Your heart is black because I don't see why you were hesistant when your husband wanted to bring her. Do you know their family history?
Who trained your husband? What exactly are you bringing to the table?


You first of all painted the father of the girl with black paints as if you know anything about him.
Evil thing.

And all you people shouting send her home, do you really think this evil thing is telling you all the story?
Do you not believe that if this is a law court, the girl will have her chance to say her own version.
She never wanted her in the first place and she admitted it up there. She just wanted her own relatives to fill the house. It's common with evil women.

If only I could like this post a million times over... so on point. No one knows tomorrow maam... TAKE NOTE

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesitant at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroying them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools closes and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

The verse you quoted is more pertinent to the immediate household and not the extended family. Be ready to take the fall if she is kicked out though.

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesitant at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroying them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools closes and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

The verse you quoted is more pertinent to the immediate household and not the extended family. Be ready to take the fall if she is kicked out though.

Wish I had your patience to calmly explain things like this to 'adults' who should know such without being told.

enygmababe:
@SamMilla1 and Valprof, you may have a point but you have also being very extreme.

1. You assume that marrymeee was wicked even from the beginning because she said initially she did not want the child. Well, when a couple are young and newly wedded, particularly when there are no kids yet, bringing in a child from a relative is something that should be seriously considered first because it will inhibit relations between the couple. A young couple in the home alone will make love any and everywhere. The can prance around their house naked and cook when and if they feel like so when thinking of bringing in a child it merits serious consideration.
2. We live in a society where we believe strongly in monitoring spirits so when a couple are newly wed, it is advisable not to bring in third party as then there will be no freedom to argue, quarrel or hash out issues without interference or someone listenning in.

3. You are right about the broken toilet sit though. It is difficult to believe that an 11 year old can do that however is she makes something heavy crash on it well... I speak from experience when I say some kids can be like messenger on a mission. My hubby's cousins visited us severally after marriage. One in particular was something else, he broke and cracked almost all my teacups. I just reserved the cracked ones for him. Till date I have had to use glue on all my ceramic ornaments. He broke them all and would not say. You will only get there and find that it was arranged there like it was not broken. One days after breaking a glass, he took the shards and placed them inside my hubby's shoes. I thank God his elder sister was around. She was the one that raised the alarm 'Sister sister!! Gift wants to kill brother!' I was too shocked to reply? Except of course to ask him later why he thought that was the best place to put the shards. He was destructive. But he loved to sing. I still remember him holding tight to the CD player and singing 'ma babe ma babe, ma babe you're the one I want for me...'

If he does something wrong and you asks him why he just looks at you, doesn't say a word.

For my sanity, I cut his visits but I visit them. Amternal feelings do no develop over night, they grow over the 9 months and as you watch a baby grow. Also if a woman grew up with kids she could be more inclined to mothering another person's child however take not that when you handle bed wetting, it needs do someone to wake up several times at night, breaking your sleep to wake up the child and force them to pee. And often times even after,they still do it. The man is hardly available to do that. When the bed is wet and the house smells, it is the woman's responsibility to correct the smell else, the man's friends will complain and make the woman out to be dirty again.

Finally, no one has asked if the girl wants to be there. Despite the better living conditions have you bothered to find out if she wanted to leave home? That might be the reason why she is acting out. In my teenage years, one of my most loved aunts got married and my mum sent my younger sister to live with her in Lagos not because my parents could not take care of her but because my aunt was loving and she was moving to Lagos which was like the London of Nigeria. While those of us back ho.e envied my sister for being the 'lucky' one we never knew that my sister felt abandoned. According to her she felt like our parents hated her the most and sent her into servitude. Thankfully she came back after three years but I am still baffled when she explains how she felt.

The best persons to take care of a child are the parents. And 'uncle' should stop birthing like....and take care of his children.

This is where your husband will be the man of the house. Let him show them all the wrath she has wreaked and give her back to them. You can pay her school fees from there.
And if it doesn't work out either, then let her be.

Else they will wreck ur home.

enygmababe:
@SamMilla1 and Valprof, you may have a point but you have also being very extreme.

1. You assume that marrymeee was wicked even from the beginning because she said initially she did not want the child. Well, when a couple are young and newly wedded, particularly when there are no kids yet, bringing in a child from a relative is something that should be seriously considered first because it will inhibit relations between the couple. A young couple in the home alone will make love any and everywhere. The can prance around their house naked and cook when and if they feel like so when thinking of bringing in a child it merits serious consideration.
2. We live in a society where we believe strongly in monitoring spirits so when a couple are newly wed, it is advisable not to bring in third party as then there will be no freedom to argue, quarrel or hash out issues without interference or someone listenning in.

3. You are right about the broken toilet sit though. It is difficult to believe that an 11 year old can do that however is she makes something heavy crash on it well... I speak from experience when I say some kids can be like messenger on a mission. My hubby's cousins visited us severally after marriage. One in particular was something else, he broke and cracked almost all my teacups. I just reserved the cracked ones for him. Till date I have had to use glue on all my ceramic ornaments. He broke them all and would not say. You will only get there and find that it was arranged there like it was not broken. One days after breaking a glass, he took the shards and placed them inside my hubby's shoes. I thank God his elder sister was around. She was the one that raised the alarm 'Sister sister!! Gift wants to kill brother!' I was too shocked to reply? Except of course to ask him later why he thought that was the best place to put the shards. He was destructive. But he loved to sing. I still remember him holding tight to the CD player and singing 'ma babe ma babe, ma babe you're the one I want for me...'

If he does something wrong and you asks him why he just looks at you, doesn't say a word.

For my sanity, I cut his visits but I visit them. Amternal feelings do no develop over night, they grow over the 9 months and as you watch a baby grow. Also if a woman grew up with kids she could be more inclined to mothering another person's child however take not that when you handle bed wetting, it needs do someone to wake up several times at night, breaking your sleep to wake up the child and force them to pee. And often times even after,they still do it. The man is hardly available to do that. When the bed is wet and the house smells, it is the woman's responsibility to correct the smell else, the man's friends will complain and make the woman out to be dirty again.

Finally, no one has asked if the girl wants to be there. Despite the better living conditions have you bothered to find out if she wanted to leave home? That might be the reason why she is acting out. In my teenage years, one of my most loved aunts got married and my mum sent my younger sister to live with her in Lagos not because my parents could not take care of her but because my aunt was loving and she was moving to Lagos which was like the London of Nigeria. While those of us back ho.e envied my sister for being the 'lucky' one we never knew that my sister felt abandoned. According to her she felt like our parents hated her the most and sent her into servitude. Thankfully she came back after three years but I am still baffled when she explains how she felt.

The best persons to take care of a child are the parents. And 'uncle' should stop birthing like....and take care of his children.

Thanks for your post and points.
I can't fault you.
I was just angry reading how this woman condemned this girl without shame.
She is probably looking for Sympathy from us so she could have justification to do one evil plan she already harboured.

Dyt:
For all the years the little has learnt to live She has been that way OK I am not in support of all you wrote that she does But what if she happens to be your daughter? Will you sit and watch her bedwet? Watch her doing all the things she does? Have you showed her with love and care?
Ok sorry I am not giving you what you wanna read Bye

My easy going nature will tolerate the girl.
What is amazing is time changes things and people.

cococandy:
Wish I had your patience to calmly explain things like this to 'adults' who should know such without being told.

You probably believe I am interested in whatever this perceived evil child does or don't. I don't care, trust me.
The problem with your likes is that you already have this bad memory of the girl, even when you don't know if what she was accused of were true. If you ever happen to meet this young girl on the road, all you need to condemn her more is for someone to just point at her and tell you she was the girl in question. That's how powerful evil words can be.
That said...



My outburst was centered on how this woman condemned an entire family she married into.

She condemned the father as a no good man who only goes out to enjoy himself.
She condemned the mother, and butchered the girl herself.
All on the ever open Internet.

The woman deserves what she got from me.
Since she wants to play condemnation game, I am just giving her a helping hand.

Valprof:
who is turnin u to atm now...go and sit..u never liked that gal from day one..........stingy wicked women everywhere that spoil families....she dont do assignment, she bed wet ...bullscrap...ur children no dy bedwet.......

.

...god help us from karashika

An 11 year old child bedwetting is not normal. Most 7 year olds have stopped bed wetting by that age.
Most 5 year olds know to do their home work as soon as they get home from school.
The child is difficult. At age 11, some children are already writing junior waec, and definitely not in primary school.
Even if you're a late bloomer, you should be at least in JSS 1 by 11 years.
That child needs special care and attention, which I'm not sure the OP will be the right person to provide it. If you decide to use force on such kids, it usually worsens their behaviour.
Corrections should have been made by the girl's parents when she was younger but now its more difficult. If care is not taken, by the time she's 13 with all the teenage hormones kicking in, she will be a law into herself.

The complaints you made about this little girl isn't just fair. They are things children do and parents deal with. I guess you are bortressing all this cos she isn't your daughter which isn't fair. She is young and didn't beg to be brought into this world. Yes u are not responsible for her coming into the world but you are responsible for making her a better person that is if you choose to.
God will continue to bless everyone that takes care of his little children which includes you.
I'm just wondering, is it only your husband's family that ask or gets help/ assistance from your husband? Just wondering.

richidinho:
That guy is not stewp!d

I didn't say he's stoopid.......I said he sounds stoopid!

MarryMeee:
I have been with my husband for a while now and I can say we have been doing well for ourselves. But i have a problem with some relatives that are turning us into their atm machine. My husband has an uncle who has always had other people taking care of his children (5children from 3 different women) for him whilst he goes out to enjoy himself without a care in the world.

Last year my in laws asked us to take in one of his daughters so she could go to school in the city. I was hesitant at first since i did not know much about her or the father, but eventually I warmed up to the idea. Fast forward 6months later, I am sick and tired of it. She does not do her homework without being forced and sometimes she skips school. I have already been called 3times by her teacher making complaints about her attitude in class and her perfomance. If you do not dig for her homework from her bag she will not do it. This girl is already 11 and she is only in grade 4 and she bed-wets.

I do not usually resort to beating a child because I have told myself that should be the last resort, but at the same time I am tired of buying things for her because she is always destroying them. She will wear her best clothes to go play with mud outside and she has turned her school shoes in slippers. She is always losing her stationery and she has torn 2 of her school uniforms already. She once broke the toilet and we had to get a new (not toilet seat, i mean the actual damn toilet) and she broke the plasma in the living room barely 5months after we got it.

As if she is not a big enough headache, her father always finds himself in my house almost every month and he will not leave until you compensate him for coming to your house uninvited. Of course he will expect you to give him money and groceries to take home.

Everything has been frustrating my husband as well and he is considering taking the girl back to her father's house as soon as schools closes and to be honest i really do not have a problem with that, but my issue is that his family is against the idea because its not a christian thing to do (1Timothy 5v8)

To those who have been in the same situation, how did you resolve it amicably and where did you draw the line?

Madam, do you have a child of your own?

SamMilla1:
Thanks for your post and points.
I can't fault you.
I was just angry reading how this woman condemned this girl without shame.
She is probably looking for Sympathy from us so she could have justification to do one evil plan she already harboured.

Following all that the OP said, what part of her story shows she has an evil plan? She asked for advise and you are fast to assume she has an evil plan against the child?

It is apparently because you "angry read" all she wrote.

cococandy:
You don't even have common sense. Is she supposed to be responsible for the girl? Having the girl in her home is supposed to be a favor and not something in-laws sit together, decide and foist on her. Your type will always have marital problems because you take your spouses for granted.

If you can't raise a child, don't have one. Simple. Nobody came to this world to raise your kids for you. Such disgusting entitlement mentality.

You said the truth here. A man should be responsible for his action. Having to have a child he failed to instill discipline and how to co-habit with others, goes to show the height of irresponsibility on his person. Nobody is saying you should not marry or have children, you must be ready to have the number you can handle to raise. When you should be manufacturing children as if you are a Manufacturing company, be ready to be responsible for your action.

A guy who was just an artisan who helped me to do some work, I cautioned him to just slow down the way he was producing children since his wife was not doing anything and they already had 4 children of which none of them going to school. Later, I saw his wife pregnant again and when I ran into him when I was going to get fuel, he told me that he took his wife to the hospital and that she just gave birth. I congratulated him and he opened up telling me that he needed money for hospital bill. I told him straight that he should have called me to also help to fuvck his wife from behind,since he did not invite me to be part of the pregnancy, why must I be part of taking care of the bill. I told him to go and take care of his responsibility since I was not part of it, having warned him earlier.

I have tried to help some of them financially on several occasions but I have come to realize that the more you help them financially, you are encouraging them to keep manufacturing children. A man who got nothing doing would not reason but keep using their manhood to reason instead of their brain. I don't wanna be doing it anymore for their likes.

If we keep encouraging these kind of men, they will keep manufacturing children and passing the responsibility on someone else.