₦airaland Forum

Yeye dey smell.

Can see yo going skitzo on Oshogbo weed op, go an abolish it, mumu.

Op, has this become your bother
Aha

I'm indifferent about the bride price thing.
Some Nigerian cultures return the bride price to the groom, and it's even the bride's side that is responsible for the ceremony so most of the expenses is from the bride's side.
This doesn't still mean some of the men don't see their wives as an acquisition.

What I would however encourage is for women to be financially independent, and shouldn't rely on their husbands for everything.
The children of rich people in cultures that don't return bride price and collect exorbitant money still marry, and most are treated like the jewels they are. This is because they have financial freedom. In fact, you will see their husbands don't see them as property.

This still doesn't mean the children of rich men don't have marital woes, they do..
But it's definitely not because of the bride price that was paid on them.

ItsQuinn:
so women are meant to be valued by money?

Comprehend my point b4 mentioning me.
Thanks.

efficiencie:
on 1; A great man of marriage age is not deterred by the dowry rather he is deterred by the absence of great women...and ignoble men are not deterred by the dowry as long as the selfish gain extracted from marriage exceeds the price of the dowry...So either way, ladies that become nuns become so because they have nothing to offer a great man or an ignoble man!

on 2; The so called whites today have delinquency levels that rivals those of some developing countries. This may appear paradoxical but it is not because delinquency and immorality is what results when who believe that anything that causes uneasiness must be removed...in the words of Friedrich Nietsche 'whatever does not kill you, makes you stronger' shows that some uneasiness is needed for strength, balance and harmony! Men and women who love unfettered freedom cannot keep marriages irrespective of their racial affiliations. Divorces happen in Africa, but they are frowned at but divorces happen in the West and it is not seen as a big deal...

on 3; Great women all over the world do not strive at equality...because equality makes you a copy of what you strive to be equal to. Great western women are where they are today because they availed the institutional advances of their time towards empowering themselves. So it is not about laws alone, it is about institutions and i assure you that women alone did not fight for the institutional advancement of the West, as you allude to, rather progressive people - men and women - fought for it. If educational institutions in Africa are revamped, both women and men will be better for it and today in Nigeria it is clear that there are women who do not strive for equality but are movers and shakers in their respective fields of endeavor simply because they had some education.

on 4; That is one case, in millions of marriage cases. You seriously will not judge marriages as a whole on the basis of a single case. That that woman in your example married a beast does not mean that all women got married to a beast! There are men that went through a lot worse but were ready to endure it all to have their wife because they saw value in their wife that vastly outweighed the "peanuts" they were paying as a bride price and to cover the wedding ceremony. I do not mean to insult your religious disposition but i advice you to get a bible and read Proverbs 31;10-31 and tell me which sane man will not give up anything of monetary worth to get such a wife?

on 5; Its unfortunate but the truth is that while some women suffer, some other women are having crazy fun! You gave an example, I will give you one too. The wife of the general overseer of the Mountain of Fire and Miracles Ministries, Shade Olukoya, taught an audience of young people and made them realize that often she stands in the mirror and look at herself wondering what made her so special to be worthy of her husband. According to her, her husband was the cream of men. Despite having the wait long for their first child, she recounts all the great things her husband did for her, with her and through her! The woman must be in her early 60s now but she looks young and radiant thanks to the peace and harmony that reigns in her home - and not the exotic make ups that mask the true emotions of most women!

My dear, there are men and there are men...some men are noble and some others are beasts. If you find a noble man you as a woman will gladly, willingly and happily surrender your all to him knowing that he will be your lover, your father, your guardian, your defender, your counselor, your teacher and your baby! But when you get stuck in the hands of a beast then you will seek to be equal to men, seek total independence and nurse wounds for a very long time...

So i say once again, the bride price is not the problem but the character of men and women in conjugal relationships is the problem!

Great explanation.

What you are saying in essence is that everything depends on the individuals involved irrespective of whatever laws of the land. Hmm. You are not wrong with your summary on this issue, likewise i won't say you are 100% right.
The laws of a land or society to a large extent is what shapes peoples minds, actions and thoughts, but that doesn't mean that there will be no exceptions.
For instance in a place like Saudi Arabia where most of their laws are against women's right, it would be normal for most men in that society to see women as inferior beigns or second class citizens but that does not mean that there will be no men in that place who place true value on women and don't see them as inferior or mere commodities, just that they will be in a minority because the laws of the land have programmed the minds of most of the the men from the beginning to see women as inferior and only a fewer percentage of men would be able to defer such accepted/customary way of reasoning. I don't know if you are getting me?

SpicyJosBabe:
Great explanation.

What you are saying in essence is that everything depends on the individuals involved irrespective of whatever laws of the land. Hmm. You are not wrong with your summary on this issue, likewise i won't say you are 100% right.
The laws of a land or society to a large extent is what shapes peoples minds, actions and thoughts, but that doesn't mean that there will be no exceptions.
For instance in a place like Saudi Arabia where most of their laws are against women's right, it would be normal for most men in that society to see women as inferior beigns or second class citizens but that does not mean that there will be no men in that place who place true value on women and don't see them as inferior or mere commodities, just that they will be in a minority because the laws of the land have programmed the minds of most of the the men from the beginning to see women as inferior and only a fewer percentage of men would be able to defer such accepted/customary way of reasoning. I don't know if you are getting me?

Yes, we are shaped by customs but do not forget that it was men that shaped customs...as for me i believe that great men are not slaves to customs but are people who can discern between what is appropriate at a point in time and what is not.

Remember that Islam does not necessarily categorize women as inferior. I do not need to be a muslim to know that. Let me ask a question. Is the neck inferior to the head? The head may be higher than the neck, the head may have greater functions than the neck, the head is seen more often than the neck...but does this make the neck inferior to the head? No, the neck has its place and the head has its place. That your place appears of little value in itself does not diminish your value as part of a whole. Without the neck, the head will die off and rotten because the major blood vessels passes through the neck to the head. That the moon is the lesser light and the sun the greater light does not make the moon inferior to the sun. The moon is lesser not because it lacks value as much as the sun but because the intensity of its radiation is quite smaller. If the moon had the same radiation as the sun, there would be no nights and you can imagine our world without nights! So the moon has its place and the sun has its place, both need each other to make the world continue in harmony...the same with a man and a woman.

In my case I love my fiance, and even if her parents ask for 10 billion dollars i wont mind paying because she's worth more than that to me...and if i cannot afford to foot the bill associated with marrying her, desperation will make me get her pregnant just to make sure i snatch her from her parents by fire by force...because she is a crown and i believe whoever has her becomes a crowned king! I know the value of virtuous women...foolish men see them as pleasure tools but great men see them as tested and tried weapons!

Abeg abeg, carry your Wahala and go to Western countries.. Leave us with our culture..
I'll pay bride price because of the deep love I have for a woman I intend to marry..
Just like anything good, I will not want to get her 'easy'.. By paying, I know I just got my self a friend, a companion and a wife

SpicyJosBabe:
Great explanation.

What you are saying in essence is that everything depends on the individuals involved irrespective of whatever laws of the land. Hmm. You are not wrong with your summary on this issue, likewise i won't say you are 100% right.
The laws of a land or society to a large extent is what shapes peoples minds, actions and thoughts, but that doesn't mean that there will be no exceptions.
For instance in a place like Saudi Arabia where most of their laws are against women's right, it would be normal for most men in that society to see women as inferior beigns or second class citizens but that does not mean that there will be no men in that place who place true value on women and don't see them as inferior or mere commodities, just that they will be in a minority because the laws of the land have programmed the minds of most of the the men from the beginning to see women as inferior and only a fewer percentage of men would be able to defer such accepted/customary way of reasoning. I don't know if you are getting me?

What the.... Are you saying? Are you trying to tell me that Islam opress women? And the west liberate women by objectifying them? Porn, magazines, rape, music videos and domestic violence? So all these things are what you considered liberation? You really got to get your act together...

efficiencie:
Yes, we are shaped by customs but do not forget that it was men that shaped customs...as for me i believe that great men are not slaves to customs but are people who can discern between what is appropriate at a point in time and what is not.

Remember that Islam does not necessarily categorize women as inferior. I do not need to be a muslim to know that. Let me ask a question. Is the neck inferior to the head? The head may be higher than the neck, the head may have greater functions than the neck, the head is seen more often than the neck...but does this make the neck inferior to the head? No, the neck has its place and the head has its place. That your place appears of little value in itself does not diminish your value as part of a whole. Without the neck, the head will die off and rotten because the major blood vessels passes through the neck to the head. That the moon is the lesser light and the sun the greater light does not make the moon inferior to the sun. The moon is lesser not because it lacks value as much as the sun but because the intensity of its radiation is quite smaller. If the moon had the same radiation as the sun, there would be no nights and you can imagine our world without nights! So the moon has its place and the sun has its place, both need each other to make the world continue in harmony...the same with a man and a woman.

In my case I love my fiance, and even if her parents ask for 10 billion dollars i wont mind paying because she's worth more than that to me...and if i cannot afford to foot the bill associated with marrying her, desperation will make me get her pregnant just to make sure i snatch her from her parents by fire by force...because she is a crown and i believe whoever has her becomes a crowned king! I know the value of virtuous women...foolish men see them as pleasure tools but great men see them as tested and tried weapons!

For your information, is the advent of Islam that liberate women in Arab world. Women were shared as properties, they were used to be buried along with dead high ranking people, they were raped and all any humiliation you can think of, but Islam condemned all these practices and gave women freedom...

Sorry, I was referring to the OP

SpicyJosBabe:
This culture is the one reason why there can never be gender equality in Africa as long as it looks like the man paid for his wife or bought her with his money.

I have heard some men say things like, ''my wife must do whatever i say without objection because i paid her bride price'', ''my wife cannot be disinterested in sex whenever i am interested because i paid for it''. The woman cannot say anything because that is somehow the truth.
With words like this, i begin to wonder if marriage is another form of slavery in Africa.
This is what feminists should stand up against.

what's ur point