₦airaland Forum

U sound foolish. Because traits of disobedience and traits showing she has problems in apologising are easily detected. Get used to her cus this lady will always find a way to do or eat or cook what she wants to do whether u like it or not.

mrk74:
Please don't just view. I need your suggestions/inputs.

Let me add that I believe in leading by example. I take her suggestions seriously. Where I don't agree we discuss it and I get her to understand and willingly agree with me. The only complain she has ever had pertaining to me was about me calling her by her name (actually short form of her name) instead of her pet name when friends or visitors are around. I just wasn't used to it but I had apologised and adjusted.

I'm a very simple person and I don't shout even when I'm angry. It's only my countenance & tone that would let you know I'm angry. But I don't just get angry instantly. In the last instance I just brought out the item to where I was working in the room. She came back and laughed when she saw it before me. I asked her what the item is doing in the house when I had asked her to stop buying it and she agreed. She responded that she will be using it moderately. She had made this same assertion before but can't keep to it before I told her to stop out rightly. I asked her if she realized that her action is disrespect to me? She said it's not like that that she has promised to reduce the quantity. In all this I was cool and she had all the time to apologise. I only got angry when I told her that I can stop eating her food because of this and she told me that the food I will eat outside will still have the item.

To me the last statement shows defiance. That is what really upset me. If she had apologised, I would have easily consented to her continuing believing that she will take it more serious to be mindful of the quantity.

Well let me first apologise to u on behalf of your wife. From d write up it shows u r a good man who wants to support n make your wife grow every way.
But its not every woman that is apologetic. Though m still single but I have had many experiences with girlfriends. U need to know her for who she is on d issue of apology. Some shows u that they r sorry but will never ever say it with their mouth n I love it cos from my view ladies who never wanna say that they r sorry feel sorry more than those who actually say they r. Now I want u to know today that that woman really love u but she is stubborn in nature ( every woman r stubborn in nature) those who will accept everything u say r not common. If she cud come to u to tell that she observed that u have change then she love u n have a consent cos I still no of some who will never care if u change or not.
Since she love u. U need to use your love to change her.
On d issue of food, whenever she cook don't eat it tell her that u r ok n that u have been having some challenge with your health recently because of d salt or Maggie she is putting inside d food. Do that constantly for like 3 days. She would surely apologise n when she does tell her u don't believe her since she never change for a long time.
Breaking d rules might help sometimes to get answers to your problem.
U need to find someone she listens to n respect to tell about d issue of masters n bleaching cream. She will not like it for real but let her no that u did that because u see that she find it difficult to correct her since she wouldn't listen to u but after that. Tell her u r sorry for doing that that u only want d best of her n also promise her never to share your matter with third party. Don't forget abt d issue of food. When she finish cooking or before she cooks take d pot n cook your own food women don't like this. If she ask y tell her u r doing that for your health don't show interest in her food though this will not last but it for correction purpose. When she serve u food n u taste d stuff u told her not to add. Go n split d food n carry your own pot put for fire. My brother u have a good wife. Every woman must have their limitation. Your wife limitation is stubbornness which I prefer than adultery n fornication. So pls learn to use sense with her she will change. Enjoy your day.

Wot I deduced from the OP story is dat ur wife av an arrogant personality which will not help her in d marriqg the, there are several girls of her Wilhite had same character with her. Definitely she hid her Tru colour during d courtship.
Meanwhile 2day is my birthday nid someone likes from u guys to show me love

mrk74:
I do feel that I’m a very lucky man to have a very compatible lady as my wife. We love each other so well and I strongly believe we were meant for each other. However, I have one issue. When she has issue with a suggestion, request or complain she may agree without stating or discussing her objections but will simply not take the suggestion. Sometimes she will out rightly disobey me. The result will be me complaining severally and eventually getting upset. We hardly have issues, but when we do it’s usually because of something like this. We had dated for about 3 years before marriage. We had no issue in our 1st two years. Not that there was no complain at all but we easily made adjustments to accommodate each other. But there were several instances of this kind of issues in our 3rd year and I was seriously bothered. We had a very serious misunderstanding still from this kind of issue few months before we got married. At a point I asked her if I’m difficult and she told me that I nag. It was very embarrassing but when I the dictionary definition of nagging again which states that “(of a person) constantly harassing someone to do something”, then I agreed that I did nag. Then I realized how easy a partner’s action/inaction could make the other to nag.

Just before we began the process towards marriage I had to extract commitments from her for us to avoid this kind of issues in the future. I had explained how we could have handled situations like this better and the fact that she shouldn’t make it a big deal to apologise and she agreed with me. We got married on 30th December 2015 and we have not had issues since then till few days ago. I told her to stop using an item for cooking due to the health challenge I have with the item when it much in the food. I had previously asked for her to avoid putting too much of it which she agreed but she will fail on about 2 out of 9 meals. It was when I realized she can’t moderate it appropriately I asked her to stop and add it when she eats. She agreed but still won’t stop. I then told her not to have the item in the house at all. She agreed but will still buy it and hide. Even though I had noticed the presence of the item on meals for a while but I got to find some that she had recently bought and hidden in a locker. When I confronted her on it she only argued and asked if I had noticed it being overused recently. Even when I pointed out how bad I felt about her disobeying me she will not see it as a big deal.

I’ve been cold with her for about 2 days now (We talk, but not with the typical high spirit when we are both happy). Yesterday she told me that I have been behaving abnormally and I have not told her what is wrong. Then I used the opportunity to remind her of how she has been disobeying me including that of another incident that I had just refused to be upset about. All she said was that she had agreed to stop which I’m not sure I remembered her saying so. But even if she did, how is it different from the previous instance she accepted but began to hide the item. I believe she should apologize for disobeying me but this is something that she won’t do. As far as she is concerned, she had told me she will stop and expects us to move on and there is nothing to be addressed any further.

Fellow nairalanders, what do you think about this? Is an apology for disobeying me out of place?

We had agreed before marriage not to take our issues to friends or family which I strongly uphold. But at this point, I think we should get opinion of a 3rd party hopefully we can get an objective view on this and either of us can have make necessary adjustment for us to avoid this in the future. She reads selected items that lalasticlala pushes to the front page and I hope she gets to read this too. She will definitely know it’s about us. If I don’t hear her mention seeing it on nairaland, I will deliberately lead her to the thread.

----Modified----
I notice some comments are being directed on the food incidence as if that really is the issue. Please the issue has not always been about food. It's just these last issues that have been about food. There had been an issue with her using bleaching creams, one about her refusing to apply for a sponsorship of her project by an International organization which I pushed for mainly because of the exposure she could get. There had been one about applying for her MSc in a nearby University. Except for the bleaching that she just didn't seem to believe the level of risk involved with the bleaching creams the others she simply won't express her reservation or make objections but just won't act till it becomes annoying then you will know she was not comfortable with it. Meanwhile she had given the impression that she is act or was acting on it. Till date she still regrets where she is having her about to be concluded MSc which could have been avoided if she had opened up on time about her reservation on where I had initially suggested.

The issue is actually more about her not expressing her reservation on a matter and not apologizing when she realizes that she didn't do well. Instead of showing remorse she will simply say we should move on sometimes without even wanting to address the issue.

For those who think I'm controlling. I do let her make her decisions. But I do wish she can share her objections where I make suggestions that she is not comfortable with. When I asked her to get registered for her MSc I had asked her to do so in the Federal University that is about 3mins drive from our house. But that is where she had a BSc and she was not comfortable going there for her MSc. But instead of opening up on her reservation she was just lazy about getting the form and was making enquiry about it from wrong sources till I lost my patience and insisted she go by herself. The school is very close but she didn't even need to trek down. When she got there it was already late entry but I didn't mind. It was when she should have gone to pay that she now raised her reservation but initially hanged it on someone else opinion. I didn't insist. I even tried to assisted her in finding an alternative. But by this time it was only one school that still sold forms for MSc and that is where she is schooling now.

bro the first thing I want you to stop is the nagging. It's a woman thing,how on earth is your wife suppose to be complaining about you nagging that shows how weak she sees you I don't mean it's right for her to offend you without you complaining but your complain shouldn't be talking all the time. Just like the say that word is strong but action is what count.
You talked of noting liking a certain ingredient in the food she cooks because of your health but she still keeps using it, if I where you I will abstain from eating her food till we come to term that she will never use it again. She can't claim she loves you and not give a damn about your health.
Bro you don't expect your wife to do every thing you want her to do in this era when women wan to be treated equally,you have to let some of her opinion to the held especially when it's not about a very sensitive issue let her have her own say she is not a maid to you she is your wife.
Don't expect much from people when it comes to apology. One of the things that makes it hard for people to say am sorry is ego and it's also a tool for people playing emotional game and believe when when you keep asking for an apology it shows how emotional weak you have become and when the woman is emotionally superior to the man he might just end up being the madam of the house. But that does not mean you shouldn't tell her you are sorry when ever you offend her just like playing her game the opposite way. You did be surprised how she start apologising at every little offence . My little advice I hope it will help.

Op your wife might never change cos mine didnt until I changed. How did I change, I allowed God to change me. While plotting my divorce strategy, I refused to attend our church and decided to attend another church. It was there God began to open my eyes as they dealt on the issues of relationships for about a month. A guest minister from the us was candid enough about his own marital travails for 18 years, and then it hit me. I could be happy if I wanted to. I was like a loaded gun, my wife simply pulled the trigger. I was like a soldier in peacetimes, trained for war but nowhere to fight. I was experiencing conflict cos I was prone to conflict, but God changed me and when I changed, my wife started to change.

OP. Pls ask advice from A love-vendor Named Slickback. Thank me later.

mrk74:
Thank you very much for your suggestions. I'm very honest in this and I've also tried my best to be objective. She is a wonderful wife and I've boosted to family and friends even before marriage that she is 99% of what I want in a woman and truly she is. Concerning the talk, I had pointed out that we had such a serious talk just before we began our marriage process and I think she had genuinely accepted to adjust and for over a year we didn't get to this point, though I think there must have been some instances I had simply overlooked. As per this very item, it's a very common cooking item that most people can't do without but it gives me running stomach when the quantity is much. My late mother always used it in her cooking but she was very moderate that mistakes were like 1 in 50 times or probably less. I only told her to stop after she can't adjust. And she knows very well the trouble it gives me. But the request is like a sacrifice on her part but the alternative is for her to add this when she wants to eat and the objective will still be achieved. After we've had this slight row and I threatened not to eat her food again, she has again promised not to use it. But from experience, I won't be surprised if she gets back to it after a while. I'm also of the opinion that if she actually apologizes, she will take it more serious and will be more likely to uphold her promise.



God forbid us breaking apart.

i understand you perfectly, your wife is the type that wouldn't tell or show you she is down or hurting over any issue, they always wanna look strong and bold to face any challenges,this simple attitude that ought to be an advantage for em wrecks more havoc than good, cuz they will never raise their displeasure on any challenges or decisions you both discussed, but will go with their own personal conviction, and trust me they won't apologize or feel remorseful even if you explain to them how much their actions hurt, why? cuz they feel they never wronged you, its an inbuilt pride and ego and its bad for relationships, you ought to have spotted this before marriage and reach a compromise before marrying her,ask yourself if you can tolerate it and live with it, now the only thing you can do now is,don't make decisions for her,let her decide what she wants, getting her to state her opinion will be hard, but its a good start making her decide her wants by herself,with time she will be free enough to have a debate with you on some issues, about the meal thingy, she loves the item in her meals while you detest it due to health issues,why don't you give her a suggestion to cook two different meals,one with the item for her and the other without the item for you, since you guys can't reach a compromise as to who to let go of the item, lastly too much expectations from ones partner ruins a relationship,expect the worst but hope for the best, that way you don't go berserk when things goes south, you guys will make a happy home, all you need is more understanding of each other.

You should treat your wife as your equal. She has a right to manage her body as she wishes and so have you, one can only advise the other but not impose a judgement.

Expect imperfections and work on what you can change and ignore what you cant.

You shouldnt expect apologies from a wife...its natural ego. Thats the last thing one can get rid of. Only very educated people have conquered it and many psychedelics.

By the way, I am married and married people face all that, but we dont make it our focal point. If the food is a health hazard, try not to eat much of it and keep no grudge. Let her know you cant handle much of the condiment cos of the known health issue. Hunger no fit kill you for quitting a meal. I eat once in 2 days cos of weight issues and I never die.

mrk74:
She has initiated discussion on this. Her approach is to tell me to stop being angry. Then later ask if I'm still angry. She notes that I'm making a big issue out of a little thing. I do agree it is a little thing but her response to it has not been helping which is what I explained to her. She now claims that she is being vulnerable in the relationship. And asks why she will always have to be the one to apologise whenever we have issues. This is really shocking to me. I asked her if she has ever apologized before which she didn't offer an answer. To the best of my knowledge what she will typically do is say stop being angry and sometimes without even addressing the issue that resulted in the annoyance.

She has not made much complain about me. In fact I can only remember one. But if she does I won't give her the opportunity to complain twice. If it's not acceptable to me, then I will want us to discuss it and come to a common ground. I asked her how she will react if I didn't adjust if she made a complain about me and she said she will just keep making the complain at the very instance that I repeat the issue and move on. This is what I've been doing but I'm not comfortable complaining on the same issue more than 3 times.

For some weeks now I've asked her to prepare unripe plantain with vegetable for me but she has not done so. When she was away in school where she is running her Msc, a friend who is also a neighbour had given that to me and I liked it. Initially she said she didn't understand how it's prepared and I explained what it looked like and we even agreed that we can discuss it with my friend and the wife (who happens to be from her village and their families know each other). But ever since she has refused to by vegetables whenever she goes to the market. I've asked severally and she'll give one flimsy reason or the other. Today she says that I shouldn't expect her to alter plans she had for other things to cook that. This is one of the things she has been saying.

---Modified ----
Some day last week I went and bought the vegetable myself. I wanted to buy N500 worth but she said it would be too much and a female cousin of mine who was around insisted that it will be too much. They said it should be N100 or N200 but they were still concerned about the N200 quantity. I can't remember which I had bought but when I brought it my wife prepared it as if it were soup for eba and we ended up eating it as soup. I didn't mind that she didn't use plantain as this was just an option. The most important thing was the vegetable. We laughed about the outcome but I pointed out that it wasn't what I expected. That I actually wanted an inexpensive thing that can be made often just for the health benefit. She said she had noted it but she has been to the market since then and even bought vegetable to make soup but not enough for what I asked for. Yesterday she was at the market again but still won't buy vegetables. When I asked today she said she made the vegetable soup because of my request. I don't understand what exactly is the problem, but it seems she just didn't take the request serious.

Well yesterday I took permission from my friend and asked the wife to help me prepare the vegetable with plantain and she did it for me today. I was careful not to indicate that there is a problem, instead told her it was to make it easy for her to have an idea what it looks like. When my wife asked me I told her someone else prepared what she had refused to prepare for me. She didn't say anything. Hours later she told me she is embarrassed about it. I just hope that will make her take my request serious in the future.

Looks like the person who posted the following that is now on front page had read through this thread.
https://www.nairaland.com/3388415/10-health-benefits-unripe-plantain

Reading through your post, I was like is this guy dating Rachael? My Fiancee is every bit of what you've described, down to the last detail.

You respect her opinions, you take her advice, you guys do things that are favourable to her, but she won't give u same coutesy.

I get running stomach if more than 2 cubes of seasoning cubes are used to cook a meal, it took forever before she adjusted, I simply bought Imodium instant and was taking it. I love unripe plantain, she prefers using alum to make it soft, which is not healthy. When I complained she said she won't be able to eat plantain without it. Nothing has made her change her mind.

Brother! Your wife loves you, trust me I know, she just have a problem with authority, she likes doing things her way and if you complain she will see it as you pushing her around. I know as a man you will see it as disrespect, just try to manage the ones you can. Beside this attributes, she's every inch a good person.

And if you are a soft and gentle guy like me, you will start thinking maybe its because you are gentle that's why she's taking you for granted. Don't make the mistake of trying to be hard on her, or start shouting at her, she will run into her shell and you won't like it. Cheers man

Hmm.... I was in your shoes just that I didn't let it get to marriage. When a partner cannot see, accept and apologise for his/her wrong.there's danger ahead for both.

As in your case, you are married, you'd have to keep working at it.


P.s. extracting a character change commitment from a partner before marriage is a gamble, they might comply until the wedding hour, dater that, you're on your own.

OP you have a wonderful wife. pls stop complaining this is a minor issue. if you see what other guys are seeing u wont even have mouth to talk. pls settle the issue with ur love. I wish both of u the very best.

einsteino:
What I see here is that alot of folks have shitty traits and think it is normal. There is no excuse for not apologising when you are wrong, I once was like you guys, ego wouldn't let me mutter am sorry. but later I realised the scarcity of sorry makes even friendship degenerate and sure as hell it is worse off for a marriage. I am not married but if you are, observe the few reasonably happily married couples around you, they apologise effortlessly.

Though on Op's issue his wife have already apologized.. he noted she asked him to stop being angry and asked if he is still angry, that is one way of apologising if she said it in a right tone.. for someone like me, that is good enough.. the remaining issue is the actual apology which is repentance or desisting from the condiment she puts in his food cos sorry is a useless phrase if there is no change.

I think that the person that finds his or herself begging for apology almost all the time has a bigger problem. You don't expect people to apologise when they don't feel sorry. Nagging an adult to apologise to you on the grounds of disobedience has a silly ring to it.

Chubhie:
Op, you mean salt? or pepper? Pepper can be understood but a saltless food is more or less punishment.

You must seek her understanding if it be salt issues and not punish her for a crime she didn't commit.

It must be garlic or ginger

Hmmmmmmm Women....My Wife Shouldn't Try To Disobey Me To This Extent.......................I'll Make Sure She Get Hurt,However

I hope most of the people writing these comments are married. It is easy to defend a character flaw in defiance especially our women but I pray none of you have to endure seeing your spouse end up with someone else who is everything you are not or refused to be. God help us all, marriage is not moi moi.

I know the problem

---

Ur wife is of afonja origin..u are not
She likes pepper by default...u dont like it
N.a. pepper dey cause the issue...

mrk74:
Thank you very much for your suggestions. I'm very honest in this and I've also tried my best to be objective. She is a wonderful wife and I've boosted to family and friends even before marriage that she is 99% of what I want in a woman and truly she is. Concerning the talk, I had pointed out that we had such a serious talk just before we began our marriage process and I think she had genuinely accepted to adjust and for over a year we didn't get to this point, though I think there must have been some instances I had simply overlooked. As per this very item, it's a very common cooking item that most people can't do without but it gives me running stomach when the quantity is much. My late mother always used it in her cooking but she was very moderate that mistakes were like 1 in 50 times or probably less. I only told her to stop after she can't adjust. And she knows very well the trouble it gives me. But the request is like a sacrifice on her part but the alternative is for her to add this when she wants to eat and the objective will still be achieved. After we've had this slight row and I threatened not to eat her food again, she has again promised not to use it. But from experience, I won't be surprised if she gets back to it after a while. I'm also of the opinion that if she actually apologizes, she will take it more serious and will be more likely to uphold her promise.



God forbid us breaking apart.

nocosomia:
It must be garlic or ginger

Na pepper

marriage is all about maturity..sometimes if u want ur marriage to b strong u really need to confront some issues..since u v talked to her about it on several occasions...now u v to take some actions Dat lol make her come back to her senses..

There are two ways to learn in life,either by instruction or by destruction. Your woman is stubborn from the look of things & she has chosen to learn in a hard way. Painful as it sounds,this is the only way God can help her to overcome her stubbornness. An adage in my place says the food that a husband does not eat;a wife must not cook it. Now that your wife delights in cooking what is medically injurious to your health,let her know that a man that fails to listen to his Doctor is prepared to die without remedy . Any time she prepares what you don't like eating please salute her for the pain she took for cooking & go to the kitchen for yourself to prepare what will make you live longer. After all you didn't marry her to come and destroy your life but to compliment you. Within a space of time she would adjust to your standard in that regards . Number 2, since you know she is self opinionated & stubborn,ignore her on her personal matters as long as you know it won't bring trouble to your home. Let her burn her fingers very well for her senses to be correct. Such a woman does not deserve much attention if not she won't learn & yet she won't appreciate your role in her life. She was not ready for marriage but now she is married so give her some space to satisfy her selfish desires but I tell you she may land herself into a mess. Any man or woman that can not be under control is like a speedy car that has no brake & so accident is inevitable. Just be praying for her that God won't allow her to fall into big trouble before her head is correct. Do this and you will earn her respect.

marcopollo:
Chai! You this Nnamdi, you too wise! Were you a tortoise in your former life? Lol. *jokes please* But I love your advice.

Lol...marcopollo. All wisdom comes from God. No one is wise but him . thanks so much for the complement. It meant a lot.

women hate it when their husband's don't eat their food. Give her another benefit of doubt. If you notice the item again, don't talk or quarrel with her, stop eating her food. you can quietly make your own food and always tell her you are not hungry anytime she brings food to you. allow her see you making your own food, or make it obvious if you are going to eat outside. I believe she will change and everything will be fine again. pls never fight with her and don't overdo anything you want to do to get her to stop. may God give you grace.

TheArchangel:
You are obviously trying to live your life through her. You want her to see and do things the way you do.
After dating and managing for three years, just 9 months of married life we don dey hear story.
E be like say na the name change from courtship to marriage dey effect most marriages this days.

@bolded...What is wrong in a husband wanting the best for his wife,in ensuring she reaches her God-given potential. Or is the role of a husband in being a leader as well as a motivator out of line
Cut him some lack,abeg.

oluxy:
When it comes to issues like this on marriages, I think if the man is silent about it then the man is breeding reoccurance and if the man get to speak, he nags.

The marriage is still new, the memory is still fresh. Most times, the joy of marriage and, i am his wife is capable of changing some women and thereby introduces comfortable ego in them (this applies to both man n woman).
Though some women don't like saying sorry when something went wrong but deep in their secrets they are. This could be from their backgrouds, environment or life style. - you need to study your wife if she is the type that don't like saying sorry but inside her she is truly sorry. You can know this through how glue or close she later becomes to you when issues arises.

Above all, you can teach her how to say sorry through sweet words. Remind her how beautiful she is when you met her and how beautiful she will remain in your eyes and heart. Then chip in the topic sorry, how it can heal heart, amend things, and how it can avert dispute. This you can do not in the room alone, you can also take her out for launch or snacks.

Tell her sorry create happiness and produces coexistence not only between couples but in the world.

I want you to know that, most women don't know how to say sorry. It is not their fault but often felt they ain't done wrong.

I saw a post someone wrote that you cannot change your spouse, it is to late for that. Pls that is a FAT, BIG LIE.

Every marriage is like a plant, if you want it green take care of it. Water it, watch it n take care of it. Our home depends on how we want it to be, how we build it. You can build ur wife to ur taste so do ur wife can build u to her taste as long as it will make admirable family.

Ur marriage is still new, you have the control panel, or the Cpanel, my brother design it the way you want it. It not too late and can never be too late for you or your spouse to change.

Teach her in love, correct her with care and pray God should teach her before u start.

Cheers brother.
I once had a tough ego centric lady who never like saying sorry. Sturborn, but with patience, love n care, I taught her how to see things different frm her views and taught her that, everybody deserved to be said sorry to when we wrong them. Today, she would say with proudness, I taught her something no one has taught her because I have patience. Brother, am always proud of this when she says it.

Some persons might not just know that what their doing is wrong but it is ur duty to make ur wife know that through love, patience n prayers.

Love is above all wrong because love designs, teaches n corrects all thing especially when it is in marriage.
Don't mind my errors, am typing from my tiny phone.

SPOT ON BRO

nnamdiosu:
First of all..I havent heard your wife's side of the story. So I won't totally blame her. In all matters I know there are always two sides to a coin.


Now from the little I have read I can see you and your wife are two honest loving people trying their best in this union. And that's the key to a lasting marriage.

1. First ensure you carefully filter the suggestions that people will give here (including mine). Be wise. Nl is full of sadistic and occultic folkes.

2. People are different. They also apologise in different ways. Now I don't know ur wife but you will be in the best shoe to know. Some of my friends outrightly apologise. Others come near me and indirectly apologise. Some eben indirectly blame me jokingly and tell me they've forgiven me! Even wen its clear to a blind man that they were annoyed. You have your own way. I have my own way. She has her own way.

Truth is an apology is not out of place. Maturity demands that one should apologise for a wrong act...but wisdom accepts that no two people are the same. Does she show an apology in some other way? If yes...then accept while still trying to show her why a spoken apology is more ideal. If no.....then it is well.

3. To be frank...it is very very wrong for a wife to disobey her husband. In that aspect she was 100 % wrong. Very wrong. But maturity and compromise is needed in marriage in all matters. Since you've talked to her and she doesn't want to listen. Call her and ask her y indeed she really disobeys and uses the product. If the reason isn't holding water....ask her if she will prefer cooking separate pots of food for u too. At least that will help solve the problem. She has her way..u have your way.

3. I admire your patience and love for her. I felt your pain. But now...put aside that pain....and pick understanding and love. Truth is, ideally in all ramifications, she is wrong. But let's forget about that. Try the steps I gave.. Esp the frank talk with her. Find that right time when she is in that emotional state of mind (after sex? Or buying her a gift), and tell/ ask her y she is disobeying u.
Lastly commit it into the hands of God. Only God can help u direct a woman. Because they are the last thing he created, very mysterious, very surprising yet very lovable and emotional.

And madam if and if I say (cos I know there are different sides to a story) what Oga said is true...then remember that only a foolish woman plucks her home down with her own hand. I've seen good marriages break down for issues less than this. Yours will not be so in Jesus name. Amen.

Excellent Response. OP please take that advice no. 1 into consideration and don't let people who have already broken their own home derail you with their advice.

Op. If what your wife cooks is a risk to your health....Why not cook your meal by yourself?

If you want to eat unripe plantain with veg... What stops you from preparing it yourself? If she refuses to prepare it for you.

By the way is anything stopping you from preparing meals by yourself for your self or for you two.

Stop Whinging over minor issues.

mrk74:
I have no regrets marrying her. I know she will adjust. It's just a matter of difference in reasoning and purpose of this was to get other peoples view on this. I've gotten her to change a view in the past by just making her read online articles that explained why the view is not best.
Thanks.

And do you think she'll appreciate it that you took her case to the public? If you don't mind I have a proposal for you both. You will find a lasting solution to your marital issues. If you are interested, please let me know.

queenesthr:
[s]Men always complaining about their wives. Can't men ever grow up?

[/s]
Grow up #changebeginswithyou

I thinks she needs to work a bit more on here attitude...
Reasons
1How does she intend to impact on others in life(the 3 basic rules one should learn to live with; Please, Thank you and Sorry)
2 Her attitude is one her children should be able to emulate... Etc
My 10k

TheArchangel:
She added maggi.


You ate unripe plantain with vegetables from your neighbour and you are proud to say instead of buying the ingredients and showing your wife how it is done? Smh.


Whoever offended who should apologize and guy...should stop listening to neighbours.

Sounds like U are d wife...

TheArchangel:
She added maggi.


You ate unripe plantain with vegetables from your neighbour and you are proud to say instead of buying the ingredients and showing your wife how it is done? Smh.


Whoever offended who should apologize and guy...should stop listening to neighbours.

Sounds like U are d wife...

I would advice u keep u marital issues off social media
I think two of u can handle this without any third parties, what kindled the love u two havr for each other initially?

cococandy:
'Obey' 'disobey'.

your wife is not a child to demand obedience from. I have a hunch her attitude is a last ditch effort to retain some dignity since you are already treating her like a child.

Change. Engage her like an adult. Talk to her like your mate not your subordinate. I believe you will see some compromise from her.

Feminist alert!!! Which part of the post states he sees her as a subordinate? A man wants 2b incharge of his home,if he tells his wife 2 stop smtin he doesn't want/like she should oblige him. And likewise,if a woman doesn't like smtin,d man should quit. Your hunch is quite misleading seeing that u're the kind of woman (or lady) who doesn't see anything in disobeying her man.