Nyikoro:
My dear what are the things you do not like about her? It could be that you are looking at the wrong qualities instead of understanding who the girl is. Things happen for a reason. You sound like a very quiet type of person. You do not need a woman who would grow wing and mess you up later. There are reasons why your church chose that particular lady for you.

Sorry, Church did not choose her for me. Just saw her two or three times before i travelled in Jan 2015. Church can't choose for me.

goddeyooo:
I understand what you are going through, I have a perfect understanding of your frustration , the same doctrine is in my church and its frustrating, yes very frustrating but my church is a good church, one doctrine that may be amended in the future won't make her a bad one. Pls listen attentively, I know your fear

i. You are scared of loosing the respect of your top pastors that see you as a responsible person, you see this is the problem I have with my church too, u can't date a lady without a letter, in most cases that right it in the letter, when u bring the letter just to start talking to a sister u won't be to withdraw it easily , they will tell u there are procedures. Everyone will start looking at u like your a bad person. I was there before, I will share my story later .

ii. You are scared of hurting the lady for real, since she may remain in that church and seeing u or hearing your marrying another lady while she still single will make u her enemy for life especially if u are the active type in church, that everybody loves, someone have already told her she's lucky to have such a serious brother, our spirituality or activeness in spiritual activities doesn't determine our emotional direction, you truly don't love her. Its not a sin, don't condemn yourself. I know your worried and you have blamed yourself for going to collect that letter that makes it difficult for u to walk out of a relationship that should still be at dating level but if u collect letter of introduction they will tell u , u have made up your mind to marry her before why did u change , how can u make up your mind to marry a sister u barely know, you have not been friends but like my church they don't give room for this . Their is a way out. Don't loose your peace, stop talking to yourself on this matter, I know u do that. Their is a way out.


iii. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder , sir, people telling u here that u should look at substance and not container are right , but they forget that men are moved by what they see, yes even u that u are reading this I don't care if your a pastor. At marriage lecture when preparing for wedding the same people that tell u to pray will tell u your wife have to be attracted to u and u to your spouse but she's not to u. You are at a stand still now Cos the letter is like a gum and a big weight u don't know how to loft away, u are dealing with alot of people in this relationship, when u quit it, u will quit alot of relationships.,,,, your pastors and church members may hate u for a long time . These are relationships u don't want to loose, u felt dating a lady just like the last one you just met is easier, its your opinion and decision, collecting a letter from church makes u feel everybody have to know your nusery opinion , u don't even know if the courtship will work or not but the letter makes it look like it must work, u should make it work, why u see other peoples relationship outside church even unbelievers enjoying their emotional connetion, yours lack this, relax but u will need to opt out, but the lady wont go easily, her hopes are high, she will cry she will beg u, all the ladies in church like a small community know she has done small formality . Its a kind of irritation and rejection she will feel u have towards her. It will affect her self esteem like maybe shes not good enough, but u cant marry out of pity, going out of the relationship will help u and her. Dont talk to old pastors, look for a youth pastor to talk to, not even nairalanders. But I will tel u what to do...., I will continue later, pls let me have your consent if this describe the situation .....

You are on point sir.

Thanks a lot.

Deeper life things.!!! What happened to seeking the face of God? Seeth thou a man that feareth the Lord, Him shall he teach the way that he shall choose. PS 25.
Are you truly a child of God or a church goer and I don't mean this as an insult. Cuz children of God are guided by the spirit not marriage committee or family or pastors. This is truly amazing.

young man you get permissions for almost everything in your adult private life, even when you Zap your wife or make babies you still seek permissions. you better seek permissions for seperation now before you seek permission for divorce. permission to carry on....

It's not worth it>Churches/spiritual leaders have a stylish way of imposing this kind of stuff to folks.In the words of T.D Jakes,if i am not attracted to you in the spirit then i am not attracted to you in the physical.
Marriage is more than the spiritual aspect.

marriage is a serious commitment. so, i advice u pray first and follow ur heart! let it be ur guide.all the best

tobaseye:


Sorry, Church did not choose her for me. Just saw her two or three times before i travelled in Jan 2015. Church can't choose for me.

you ignored the other part of suggestion and focused only on the church choosing part. Good luck.

goddeyooo:
I understand what you are going through, I have a perfect understanding of your frustration , the same doctrine is in my church and its frustrating, yes very frustrating but my church is a good church, one doctrine that may be amended in the future won't make her a bad one. Pls listen attentively, I know your fear
..

God bless you for this.



You really understand the OP's situation