₦airaland Forum

My fiancee confided in me two days ago that she had an incest relationship with her cousin yrs back. She said she told me cos she loves me and wouldn't want to hide anything from me. I love her too and still want to marry her but I am devastated by the news

She said she has fasted and asked God for forgiveness.

I have prayed on her behalf too severally,

I am supposed to come to Nigeria for our wedding next month . pls help nairalanders. I feel so pained . I need wise counsel .

One thing I don't understand is why you are so pained. Was it done before or after you met?

Mille:
One thing I don't understand is why you are so pained. Was it done before or after you met?

Long before we met .. About 6 yrs ago

Maybe pained is not.the right word

I'm just scared of the spiritual aspect like curses or something besides I know I will never have any good relationship with that cousin of hers

You are a lucky man finding such an honest spouse... She has confessed her errors before her maker and even you. Go ahead with your marriage with her cos she's a good woman. We have all made terrible errors at some point in life. Only a scarce few are bold enough to confess his /her deepest errors the way ur fiancee just did.
About the spiritual implications u are kinda worried about, if truly you are a Christian as u rightly said, I believe the Bible says he /she that confesses and believe is redeemed..You have nothing to fear

OP, what of the ones you have "chopped" before and refused marry? I don't think their husbands too will have any good relationship with you. What goes around...

Chongaiman:
OP, what of the ones you have "chopped" before and refused marry? I don't think their husbands too will have any good relationship with you. What goes around...

My worry is that , this is incest

MIB1:
My worry is that , this is incest

Bro, you deserve to be worried, pained and confused. Don't allow any hypocrite make you feel like you're inhumane.

Whether it happened 1000 years ago, it doesn't matter. If these folks found out that their ex slept with a dog some 50 years ago, they would still find a way to show their dissatisfaction to the said ex.

If I were in your shoes, I would be devastated as well.. It doesn't matter whether she confessed or I discovered myself.. the knowledge of what happened is all it takes to get one pained, so don't feel stu p!d or heartless.

Now to the real issue, I think you're worried that the said relationship with her cousin might continue even after a proper wedding with you. Whether you like it or not, you would henceforth feel insecure to have that cousin close and alone with your woman. Nobody welcomes such, except of course, the online "e-doesn't matter" e-pocrites.

The big question is: do you love your woman? Yes, right? Love is one aspect, do you trust your woman? Note, anybody can love, but trust is expensive. You have to be sure you trust her 100%.

Having said that, it's time to get your mind off the relationship with her cousin. It would be difficult but you have to try.

If you discover however at any point that moving on would be difficult, gently back out! This is marriage, not a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You will continue to meet her cousin, he will attend your wedding and probably offer you a handshake... Can you bear it?

Other days, he will stop by at your house when you're not around to say hi. Yes, it is true you now trust your wife, but do you trust the guy enough to share the same remorse with your wife? Has he repented and moved on?

My respect goes to your woman though. That's one hell of a secret 99.9% of her fellow will take to the grave. She has done her part... Now can you do yours? If your answer is yes, go ahead and marry her.

Acidosis:
Bro, you deserve to be worried, pained and confused. Don't allow any hypocrite make you feel like you're imhumane.

Whether it happened 1000 years ago, it doesn't matter. If these folks found out that their ex slept with a dog some 50 years ago, they would still find a way to show their dissatisfaction to the said ex.

If I were in your shoes, I would be devastated as well.. It doesn't matter whether she confessed or I discovered myself.. the knowledge of what happened is all it takes to get one pained, so don't feel stu p!d or heartless.

Now to the real issue, I think you're worried that the said relationship with her cousin might continue even after a proper wedding with you. Whether you like it or not, you would henceforth feel insecure to have that cousin close and alone with your woman. Nobody welcomes such, except of course, the online "e-doesn't matter" e-pocrites.

The big question is: do you love your woman? Yes, right? Love is one aspect, do you trust your woman? Note, anybody can love, but trust is expensive. You have to be sure you trust her 100%.

Having said that, it's time to get your mind off the relationship with her cousin. It would be difficult but you have to try.

If you discover however at any point that moving on would be difficult, gently back out! This is marriage, not a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You will continue to meet her cousin, he will attend your wedding and probably offer you a handshake... Can you bear it?

Other days, he will stop by at your house when you're not around to say hi. Yes, it is true you now trust your wife, but do you trust the guy enough to share the same remorse with your wife? Has he repented and moved on?

My respect goes to your woman though. That's one hell of a secret 99.9% of her fellow will take to the grave. She has done her part... Now can you do yours? If your answer is yes, go ahead and marry her.

I love her , trust her , and still want to marry her . But how do I move past this and forge ahead .

Incest relationship with her cousin? Wow, she was having sex/ sexual intercourse with her cousin because that's what incest means. Better run fast o.

Incline:
Incest relationship with her cousin? Wow. So she was having sex/ sexual intercourse with her cousin because that's what incest means. Better run.

She said it happened once.

MIB1:
I love her , trust her , and still want to marry her . But how do I move past this and forge ahead .

Give it time

Acidosis:
Give it time

Thanks bro

MIB1:
My fiancee confided in me two days ago that she had an incest relationship with her cousin yrs back. She said she told me cos she loves me and wouldn't want to hide anything from me. I love her too and still want to marry her but I am devastated by the news

She said she has fasted and asked God for forgiveness.

I have prayed on her behalf too severally,

I am supposed to come to Nigeria for our wedding next month . pls help nairalanders. I feel so pained . I need wise counsel .

That she told you means she loves you and genuinely regrets that act. IMO,please dont end the relationship.

Majikals:
You are a lucky man finding such an honest spouse... She has confessed her errors before her maker and even you. Go ahead with your marriage with her cos she's a good woman. We have all made terrible errors at some point in life. Only a scarce few are bold enough to confess his /her deepest errors the way ur fiancee just did.
About the spiritual implications u are kinda worried about, if truly you are a Christian as u rightly said, I believe the Bible says he /she that confesses and believe is redeemed..You have nothing to fear

Spot on!

Majikals:
You are a lucky man finding such an honest spouse... She has confessed her errors before her maker and even you. Go ahead with your marriage with her cos she's a good woman. We have all made terrible errors at some point in life. Only a scarce few are bold enough to confess his /her deepest errors the way ur fiancee just did.
About the spiritual implications u are kinda worried about, if truly you are a Christian as u rightly said, I believe the Bible says he /she that confesses and believe is redeemed..You have nothing to fear

Listen to this advice. For the spiritual implications, I doubt if anything will go wrong because it's just that having such relationship is not socially & culturally acceptable in this part of the world. Some cultures accepts such(getting married to your cousin) so just see that her cousin as one of the guys he dated.

Juliearth:
That she told you means she loves you and genuinely regrets that act. IMO,please dont end the relationship.

I believe so too. Many people were attracted to cousins/ family as kids but later outgrow it.
Her being honest about it is a Plus to Me

MIB1:
She said it happened once.

Make no mistake about this brother, your woman made a smart move by telling you upfront. The relationship might be an open secret in her family and the fear it might eventually leak to you made her tell you upfront.

It happened just once........ Never fall for that crap! It must have happened a couple of times before they were caught and might happen again and again.

I had a similar experience; she told me upfront an uncle "raped" her, she got pregnant, it was aborted and all that. I was moved by her sincerity and took her to the altar. I eventually got to know she consented to it and it happened so many times! The fear it might get leaked to me overtime made her tell me upfront. The uncle was late before we met though, but mere thought of the affair is a bitter pill till tomorrow.

You may feel it doesn't matter now but 30 years from now, you might still be feeling bad about it.

Make a better choice!

Laird:
I believe so too. Many people were attracted to cousins/ family as kids but later outgrow it.
Her being honest about it is a Plus to Me

Exactly!

I guess this is cultural differences. I don't believe a cousin is incest so I can't advice you on it other than to say, forgiveness is the only solution.

Please respect my understanding and don't argue my truth with me.

This thread is a lesson. never do things you will regret or that will jeopardise your future.

I'm wondering though, why someone would sleep with their cousin.

AstuteJay:
Make no mistake about this brother, your woman made a smart move by telling you upfront. The relationship might be an open secret in her family and the fear it might eventually leak to you made her tell you upfront.

It happened just once........ Never fall for that crap! It must have happened a couple of times before they were caught and might happen again and again.

I had a similar experience; she told me upfront an uncle "raped" her, she got pregnant, it was aborted and all that. I was moved by her sincerity and took her to the altar. I eventually got to know she consented to it and it happened so many times! The fear it might get leaked to me overtime made her tell me upfront. The uncle was late before we met though, but mere thought of the affair is a bitter pill till tomorrow.


You may feel it doesn't matter now but 30 years from now, you might still be feeling bad about it.

Make a better choice!

seems some secrets are better left untold.

but some people don do some very nasty things though.

Rule 1 in life - never take leave of your senses.

AstuteJay:
Make no mistake about this brother, your woman made a smart move by telling you upfront. The relationship might be an open secret in her family and the fear it might eventually leak to you made her tell you upfront.

It happened just once........ Never fall for that crap! It must have happened a couple of times before they were caught and might happen again and again.

I had a similar experience; she told me upfront an uncle "raped" her, she got pregnant, it was aborted and all that. I was moved by her sincerity and took her to the altar. I eventually got to know she consented to it and it happened so many times! The fear it might get leaked to me overtime made her tell me upfront. The uncle was late before we met though, but mere thought of the affair is a bitter pill till tomorrow.

You may feel it doesn't matter now but 30 years from now, you might still be feeling bad about it.

Make a better choice!

Here is the real deal. If you honestly know that you cannot get over that thought, gently back out!


Na marriage o, so don't allow any faceless personality deceive you. In one or two years, they will leave Nairaland, but in 30, 40 years, you will continue to meet her cousin. Be wise...

op marry her jhur
I dated my cousin back then but I'm still living well
what of countries like China that cousins get married to each other.
nothing wrong in dating cousins

Evaberry:
op marry her jhur
I dated my cousin back then but I'm still living well
what of countries like China that cousins get married to each other.
nothing wrong in dating cousins

What's the meaning of dating?

Be sugar-coating s e x with vague words.
You're not ashamed you and your cousin slept together?

Acidosis:
What's the meaning of dating?

Be sugar-coating s e x with vague words.
You're not ashamed you and your cousin slept together?

why will I be ashamed when he gave me the best Bleep in my life

Evaberry:
why will I be ashamed when he gave me the best Bleep in my life

Oh,

Hope he paid you?

Evaberry:
why will I be ashamed when he gave me the best Bleep in my life

Olosho spotted!. Op if you can't handle it move on. I don't understand why cousins will have sex

OP, in other climes cousins do marry each other. why you might be feeling bad for the confession, I urge you to embrace the positive side of your relationship. Your girl has confessed the truth to you and you are feeling bad. if you keep feeling sad or confuse when past deed are spilled to you I bet you, you might marry a crook for a wife.

Op, my advice for you is to stay close to your lady she is one in a million. Only few women can tell a man that. If u no want again abeg send me her number

Since you are into spiritual stuffs,let's visit the Bible a bit OP shall we?

Choose the correct answer and fill in the blank spaces.

Abraham married ___ [A. Sister, B. Brother, C. Cousin, D. Step sister]

Isaac Married____ [A. Brother, B. cousin, C. half sister, D. Mother]

If the son of God sets you free, you are free ____ [A. indeed, B. a little C. Half way, D. a bit]

Behold old things has passed away, every thing is___ [A. Old, B New, C. None of the above, D. All of the Above]

If you confess your sin, he is faithful and just to cleanse you from All unrighteousness including incest... [ True or False]

NOTE: All question carries equal marks.. you are advised to spend 2mins for each question

Richy4:
Since you are into spiritual stuffs,let's visit the Bible a bit OP shall we?

Choose the correct answer and fill in the black spaces.

Abraham married ___ [A. Sister, B. Brother, C. Cousin, D. Step sister]

Isaac Married____ [A. Brother, B. cousin, C. half sister, D. Mother]

If the son of God sets you free, you are free ____ [A. indeed, B. a little C. Half way, D. a bit]

Behold old things has passed away, every thing is___ [A. Old, B New, C. None of the above, D. All of the Above]

If you confess your sin, he is faithful and just to cleanse you from All unrighteousness including incest... [ True or False]

NOTE: All question carries equal marks.. you are advised to spend 2mins for each question

lol

Go and see a marriage counsellor bro