MIB1:
My fiancee confided in me two days ago that she had an incest relationship with her cousin yrs back. She said she told me cos she loves me and wouldn't want to hide anything from me. I love her too and still want to marry her but I am devastated by the news

She said she has fasted and asked God for forgiveness.

I have prayed on her behalf too severally,

I am supposed to come to Nigeria for our wedding next month . pls help nairalanders. I feel so pained . I need wise counsel .

Guy respect yourself oh...if she confided in you in private, while seek an open consel? please sponsor me to marry her

MIB1:


I love her , trust her , and still want to marry her . But how do I move past this and forge ahead .

That you're asking this question points to one thing; your marriage is doomed already.

Yes, you love her (so you think anyway) but "this" changes everything. The mind is a formidable thing; mess with it at your own peril. You know already and no amount of wishing away or psychoanalysis can help you now.

Do both of you a favour- let her go. why? from your statement that I quoted, you're trying too hard to forget her deed and I'll tell you this for free, it won't go away.

As for some comments advising him to just let go, such hypocrisy doesn't surprise me in the least. It's the hallmark of NL.

Evaberry:
op marry her jhur

I dated my cousin back then but I'm still living well

what of countries like China that cousins get married to each other.

nothing wrong in dating cousins

MIB1:
My fiancee confided in me two days ago that she had an incest relationship with her cousin yrs back. She said she told me cos she loves me and wouldn't want to hide anything from me. I love her too and still want to marry her but I am devastated by the news

She said she has fasted and asked God for forgiveness.

I have prayed on her behalf too severally,

I am supposed to come to Nigeria for our wedding next month . pls help nairalanders. I feel so pained . I need wise counsel .

If I were you, I'll marry her. But don't if you know you can't forget (it's really not your ish to forgive). Walk away or stall the wedding until you can emotionally deal with her. But I beg you don't marry her and make her suffer for what she told you.

Let your love prevail, time heals everything and please don't revisit the topic with her in the future either, except she brings it up herself.

Don't be vindictive too, you'll hurt yourself and your relationship with her.

Love her for who she is, there's a beautiful future ahead of you.

This thing is very common in d north... And there's nothing there (to them).... They even marry one another... One other tribe like dat are doing it too... But secretely... We all know about the case of how the son of an ex president caught his wife, sleeping with her father ND father inlaw.. I wont call names... Evrn if they said it was a rumor, I bliv theres an element of truth in it....

Op, continue with d wedding... Forget about the whole thing... E better say u know now, pass make u know later...

Acidosis:


Here is the real deal. If you honestly know that you cannot get over that thought, gently back out!


Na marriage o, so don't allow any faceless personality deceive you. In one or two years, they will leave Nairaland, but in 30, 40 years, you will continue to meet her cousin. Be wise...

Hear ye! Hear ye!!

Candid advise. Be sure what you want to get yourself into bro. Well it's sad but the reality is there are a lot of cousins that have done same act but of cause who would come out to say it. Well i admire her bravery but then be very sure you're ready to get into the spiritual battle on her behalf and on yourself.

I don't think she would want such thing to happen again with her cousin but be sure it's what you really want to do. Hence you might put yourself in unnecessary danger. It's Marriage; only if you love her beyond all that kindly go for it. But if your mind tell you otherwise.. please pull out. I don't know your age but you don't have to start your life with problems.

Evaberry:
op marry her jhur

I dated my cousin back then but I'm still living well

what of countries like China that cousins get married to each other.

nothing wrong in dating cousins

Are you for real? all ladies self, nawa for u guys.

Alariwo2:


the best of advice can come from the strangest of places and not the deacons or what have you

omode gbon agba gbon lafi da otu Ife.. Don't underrate Nairaland or the internet at large.

Nobody sabi pass

Am sorry I made mistake responding...

I should have checked your name....

I just did now,

goodnight

God help us

linearity:
Why are people bringing spiritual angles into this? I can't remember any Bible verse condemning sleeping with cousins.

If you believe in the Bible's procreation story, our great grand parents were brothers and sisters as in the same father, the same mother and the Bible is littered with plenty examples of cousins marrying each other.

Because of the genetic closeness of cousins or close relations, science frown at close relations birthing offersprings because of the possibilities of abnormalities, this was not done because of some spiritual discernment.

There is no different between her bleeping a complete stranger from outer space and her cousin, as far as the Bible or spiritual consequences are concern.

Of everything you typed, I disagree 101% at the boldened text. It's the society(collective of culture and to some extent religious beliefs) that frowns at it and not science.

Acidosis:


What's the meaning of dating?


Be sugar-coating s e x with vague words.

You're not ashamed you and your cousin slept together?

Hehehehe...you crack me up...hehehehe

Nelgenius4me:
OP, in other climes cousins do marry each other. why you might be feeling bad for the confession, I urge you to embrace the positive side of your relationship. Your girl has confessed the truth to you and you are feeling bad. if you keep feeling sad or confuse when past deed are spilled to you I bet you, you might marry a crook for a wife.

Will YOU do it?

Simple question.

0p are u stupid?

Ooh you must be stewpid

how on earth wud come to nairaland to seek for advise wether to go on or not, don't you know that nairaland is filled with low reasoning human being? Den go just poison ur mind and destroy ur life, mtshw

chuksjuve:


Am sorry I made mistake responding...

I should have checked your name....

I just did now,

goodnight

God help us

"christians" and oversabi..

it's better you run along if you don't have any meaningful contribution to make instead of telling someone in need to discard others with meaningful ideas. Just go to bed it's late already

Majikals:
You are a lucky man finding such an honest spouse... She has confessed her errors before her maker and even you. Go ahead with your marriage with her cos she's a good woman. We have all made terrible errors at some point in life. Only a scarce few are bold enough to confess his /her deepest errors the way ur fiancee just did.
About the spiritual implications u are kinda worried about, if truly you are a Christian as u rightly said, I believe the Bible says he /she that confesses and believe is redeemed..You have nothing to fear

I'd love such an honest woman. People like that are rare.

FRANKLAD1:
bro, dnt worry abt d past, the important thing is the love u av for eachother

Liar!

She is the type of woman I want. A woman who would tell me everything and not give me reasons to be suspicious. Such a woman, I'd defend with everything I have got. Nothing beats a person being honest and truthful with you. I think you should worry less, but join her in prayers. Everything would be fine.

MIB1:
My fiancee confided in me two days ago that she had an incest relationship with her cousin yrs back. She said she told me cos she loves me and wouldn't want to hide anything from me. I love her too and still want to marry her but I am devastated by the news

She said she has fasted and asked God for forgiveness.

I have prayed on her behalf too severally,

I am supposed to come to Nigeria for our wedding next month . pls help nairalanders. I feel so pained . I need wise counsel .

Evaberry:



why will I be ashamed when he gave me the best Bleep in my life

lolll I hail o

no lady will ordinarily tell you this except it's an open secret, marriage is not sometin u just do only because you love someone, it's a forever stuff.. if I may ask for how long did you guys dated ?? y didn't she tell you this long b4 the marriage clock abi she never love you well that time.. she only told you now because it an open secret not just because she love u.. it's your happiness bro, I will advice u get someone better

Acidosis:


Bro, you deserve to be worried, pained and confused. Don't allow any hypocrite make you feel like you're imhumane.

Whether it happened 1000 years ago, it doesn't matter. If these folks found out that their ex slept with a dog some 50 years ago, they would still find a way to show their dissatisfaction to the said ex.

If I were in your shoes, I would be devastated as well.. It doesn't matter whether she confessed or I discovered myself.. the knowledge of what happened is all it takes to get one pained, so don't feel stu p!d or heartless.

Now to the real issue, I think you're worried that the said relationship with her cousin might continue even after a proper wedding with you. Whether you like it or not, you would henceforth feel insecure to have that cousin close and alone with your woman. Nobody welcomes such, except of course, the online "e-doesn't matter" e-pocrites.

The big question is: do you love your woman? Yes, right? Love is one aspect, do you trust your woman? Note, anybody can love, but trust is expensive. You have to be sure you trust her 100%.

Having said that, it's time to get your mind off the relationship with her cousin. It would be difficult but you have to try.

If you discover however at any point that moving on would be difficult, gently back out! This is marriage, not a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. You will continue to meet her cousin, he will attend your wedding and probably offer you a handshake... Can you bear it?

Other days, he will stop by at your house when you're not around to say hi. Yes, it is true you now trust your wife, but do you trust the guy enough to share the same remorse with your wife? Has he repented and moved on?

My respect goes to your woman though. That's one hell of a secret 99.9% of her fellow will take to the grave. She has done her part... Now can you do yours? If your answer is yes, go ahead and marry her.

Matured advice! You deserve one crate of origin.

Keenysbojan:
0p are u stupid?

Ooh you must be stewpid

how on earth wud come to nairaland to seek for advise wether to go on or not, don't you know that nairaland is filled with low reasoning human being? Den go just poison ur mind and destroy ur life, mtshw

haba now, that insult too much now

MIB1:


Long before we met .. About 6 yrs ago

Maybe pained is not.the right word

I'm just scared of the spiritual aspect like curses or something besides I know I will never have any good relationship with that cousin of hers

WHY WONT U HV ANY GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HER COUSIN,IF THEY HV ALL MOVED ON. ITS ALWAYS GOOD TO BE TRUTHFUL,SHE HAS DEMONSTRATED THAT. PLS GO AHEAD AND DO D NEEDFUL. FORGIVE HER FORGIVE D COUSIN AND FREE URSELF IN ALL TERMS. REM. ONLY GOD FORGIVES SINS AND DO CLEANSES ALL OUR PAST ERRORS.

MIB1:


Long before we met .. About 6 yrs ago

Maybe pained is not.the right word

I'm just scared of the spiritual aspect like curses or something besides I know I will never have any good relationship with that cousin of hers

I will tell u mind. Althought u will not like it, but I will still say it.
You are not matured enough for such relationship. A relationship where a partner can honestly confide in her spouse and expect him to stand by her NO MATTER WHAT. You have not gone in6o the marriage proper, you have started asking for opinion from strangers. What will happen if both of face challenges in future: like if she delay in taking in or she travel to her hometown and did not come back when she was supposed to. Your mind will bever be at peace.

Omoluabi16:
whizqueen is viewing.

Baba le okan

osayuwamwen:
no lady will ordinarily tell you this except it's an open secret, marriage is not sometin u just do only because you love someone, it's a forever stuff.. if I may ask for how long did you guys dated ?? y didn't she tell you this long b4 the marriage clock abi she never love you well that time.. she only told you now because it an open secret not just because she love u.. it's your happiness bro, I will advice u get someone better

You raised some very salient questions!

If the disclosure was made cos of the marriage, then those lauding her honesty and whatnot have been duped! True honesty would see her coming clean way before now (assuming she didn't).

Joavid:
This thread is a lesson. never do things you will regret or that will jeopardise your future.

I'm wondering though, why someone would sleep with their cousin.

I'm suspecting you....you might have done it before ,with this your holier than thou poo

MIB1:


I love her , trust her , and still want to marry her . But how do I move past this and forge ahead .

U move past by forgetting it noni...bury it deep DAT u can't find it even if u want to!!!!!
U have no idea how many worse shiiit her fellow gehs would conceal!

Acidosis:


What's the meaning of dating?


Be sugar-coating s e x with vague words.

You're not ashamed you and your cousin slept together?

Whats to be ashamed of? That your culture tagged it a taboo... does not make it that bad. What of countries that approve of such relation? What of the bible where people married their cousin, what of in Asian countries... What of our immediate northern brothers here and Fulani who marry their cousins....Abeg..everything is not spiritual, everything called taboo is not necessarily a taboo....sometimes, its just an unnecessary boundage

MIB1:
My fiancee confided in me two days ago that she had an incest relationship with her cousin yrs back. She said she told me cos she loves me and wouldn't want to hide anything from me. I love her too and still want to marry her but I am devastated by the news

She said she has fasted and asked God for forgiveness.

I have prayed on her behalf too severally,

I am supposed to come to Nigeria for our wedding next month . pls help nairalanders. I feel so pained . I need wise counsel .

don't marry her Bro....you will regret it in future trust me........forget this wayward children and kids with no real experience. marriage is not a tea party....besides I am sure she told u so u won't find out yourself.....or for her not to be blackmailed.......quit it...for your own good, for your good health, long life and peace of mind......

how is it an incest? its her cousin for goodness sake. not her blood brother.

Evaberry:



why will I be ashamed when he gave me the best Bleep in my life

LeView1:
I guess this is cultural differences. I don't believe a cousin is incest so I can't advice you on it other than to say, forgiveness is the only solution.

Please respect my understanding and don't argue my truth with me.

Thank you..
I personally don't see it as incest. incest in between two direct siblings. Culturally, it is wrong in this Part of the World...
Spiritually, the Bible never kicked against marriage to Cousins... Isaac got Married to his Cousin Rebecca.... even when God gave Moses the Levitical laws in the Book of Leviticus, A lot of do(s) and don't(s) were given by God but nothing was said abt sexual relations with Cousins...

I believe since our Culture frowns at it, that's why everyone views it as a Sacrosanct.