professorfal:
You saw it coming but were blinded by that crap you call love.

May you not marry a demon possessed woman. That's when you will appreciate being single with little is better than being married with much. You will have heart attack and live a shadow of your real self. God knows why he says no divorce for Christians except in a case of adultery. If not so, more than 50% will have divorced including pastors. Many cover a lot of things under suit and put on costimetic smiles outside. Op, when you see her true pix while dating her why did you marry her?Women,women,women.Dont listen to men whose destiny has been shattered by women, you will run when you see one. Ask Adam, Samson, David, Solomon. Nevertheless there are good ones among them Prov. 31.Men surrender to Jesus because you will attract your own kind. Pray for her and endure.

Dexema:

Exactly what I was about to say, if you guys don't have kids yet kindly and please kick her the hell out of your house. Fvckin olosho wey dey form orente.

this is not a case of olosho bro. If na olosho, she for dey fork different dicks. It's just a case of a woman not loving a man.

He is just there for the "Mrs" title. I don't forgive people who play on my intelligence. I don't! You can commit any other crime against me BUT when it seems you played on my intelligence, you are a gunnnnneeeeerrr. QED.

@Olubee22, how was your night? Hope you slept well? Omo da da, Omo to bi re (hope I go I spoke it well?) lol.

o'boy,u are the bigest mumu/utobo i have ever seen,that akwuna told U in practical terms that u mean nothing to her but u mumu,u went ahead and married her.I am sure that guys go de screw am for ur bedroom when u no de for house.Onuku!! one day she go born aboki picken for U mpama!

eejo:
my friend get a second wife that loves you shikenna

Best advice ever. Marry a second wife and she'll start crying wolf on joros blog.

So much to say..

If no kids, I'll just leave her for a while..

Don't know how trust can be rebuilt.. .years of lies.. .

I can forgive but can't forget. And if I forgive, may not want to continue. But if there are kids... .i just don't know.

Benita27:
No!, I'm not a love doctor. There's something called "common sense" you seem to be lacking that judging from your comments on here. If you have nothing to say as regards to the topic, try the next person.

Let it go!

Don't mind this kids on NL

quit the union because she will still keep sleeping with him at ur back

Ademola2017,

Going by the comments, I hope you have learnt your lesson for bringing your relationship issues to Nairaland. You have been hurt and in pain but coming here will lead you to depression with such brutal comments from imbec.iles and minors who hover round this thread like bees.

You have done nothing wrong by falling in love and following your heart. Even those that use their heads rather than hearts miscalculate a lot hence the marital social media drama we witness from our role models daily.

You are bold for following your heart. You are a man. The man. A strong man and you will handle this like.....a real man.

We all had past relationships and some are friendly with their exes even overly friendly. Some people tolerate it some don't. It does not mean something is going on but it can hurt a man's pride which is the case here. First thing is to take advantage of the present situation and put a total end to that.

Now the issue of past cheating before marriage and discovered after signing the dotted lines have been a controversial issue with divergent views from even relationship experts. I will break it down to the Nigerian context. Even the holier than thou in Nigeria does so especially among the ladies who are competitive with peers when it comes to getting the 'perfect' suitor. I will try not to be politically correct. The average Nigerian lady has one or two backup relationships in case things go pear shaped. It's now our way of life and somehow become acceptable. Marriage is the start of a new type of relationship and not a continuation of the other. That is why you are asked to forsake others when making your vows.

Do you forgive such?. Yes absolutely. As young adults we all follow the trend, want what is acceptable to others who sniff us and wish us to fail and want to show off. We make mistakes in the process but there is always time for redemption. This is it. Forgive this and move on.

Now the most tricky part which is her attitude towards you. You both share the blame. The greatest love is the one that is learnt. Her attitude does not mean she does not love you. It's just a bad habit you guys allowed to fester. Having 2 relationships means one treats you good and the other is a bad boy. All women are drawn to the one with a little bit of danger. So she gives all the bu.llsh.it she gets to the good guy to ease up her strain or to keep the relationship at a level it does not get too serious and spoil both. It's a hard job and some play it well while others mess it up. When you got married you should have helped her correct her habits She acquired to manage both relationships but you ignored it. Now She chose to marry you. Forget all what your mind tells you about being second choice. If she did not love you she will keep hoping for another Mr perfect. Respect that and move on.

Your wife made mistakes like we all do. This is an opportunity to correct all the faults in your marriage and enjoy it. Punish her a little, read out loud that riot act but still pamper her with moderation and forgive her. I think you just got presented with all the opportunity in world to have a blissful marriage.

Caveat: Take relationship advice on the internet at your own risk

Cusan:


When issues are hot, fools smile

@ademola2017 i feel your pain

In a relationship, there is nothing as worst as loving and not being given the love in return

My advice:

As you narrated in this thread, it seems you don't have any kid with her, am i right?

Simply vacate the house, maybe to your friend's house for some weeks

But, before you leave, drop a note for her

Tell her that since she is not giving you the comfort you deserves she should enjoy the entire house

If after like two weeks or a month you got no attention or an apology from her for you to return

Simply send her back to her parent

Don't tell her parent about this, go ahead and let your parent know about it


Goodluck!

Splinz:


Since she's remorseful and willing to change, please, e jo, mbok, forgive and forget.

We're all humans after all. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Nonsense! Until the day she arranges with her ex to come and stab him and cart away his belongings ba?

Pieromania:
Bro u forced urself into an unwanted union,the signs were there bt u blindedly ignored it.She never loved u bt only using u to while away time,unfortunately for her the guy she loved jilted her and she used u as an option.Mature and experience ppl should knw whn they are wanted and loved bt in ur own case u sheepishly allowed urself to be fooled.
I dnt waste time dumping women at every slightest suspicion and provocation,if she doesn't treat me the way i do for her i dump them and move on.
Sori bro,u married the wrong person

Well said agreed

BrainnewsNg:
@ademola2017 i feel your pain

In a relationship, there is nothing as worst as loving and not being given the love in return

My advice:

As you narrated in this thread, it seems you don't have any kid with her, am i right?

Simply vacate the house, maybe to your friend's house for some weeks

But, before you leave, drop a note for her

Tell her that since she is not giving you the comfort you deserves she should enjoy the entire house

If after like two weeks or a month you got no attention or an apology from her for you to return

Simply send her back to her parent

Don't tell her parent about this, go ahead and let your parent know about it


Goodluck!

Get rid of her she will.meber change trust me she doesn't love you bro using you to cure time. But as s Christian you need tò try work things out with her

DIKEnaWAR:




Nonsense! Until the day she arranges with her ex to come and stab him and cart away his belongings ba?

The guy should go in opposite direction she doesn't love you at all

I still fear women till date.

SmellingAnus:
You are already married to her so you better forgive her and move on

But many girls are guilty of this stuff...

Guys too should learn how to treat their girls with much love and respect, who knows it may reduce some of these tendencies in them...

U don't even knw what to say here. This one that they showered with love and respect how did she behave? A bad and ill mannered girl can never change even if u respect n love her.

@ op I really felt for u but I can was disappointed in you.love doesn't exist, it is a creation by man in order to make sure the world those not turn to chaos.u allowed the society to determine ur form of happiness this is the result you get.Mark my word a bitche will never change becos she is just a bitch.well I I will humbly ask you to dump ur cloak of the so called marriage status and embrace the divorce division of Nigeria.
As a counselor.
1. Life as no universal measuring tool to check how people could change as such you need to create ur own measuring tool for allowing people come close to u.
2.she lacks respect for who u are to her,since this was an initial symptoms .she would always disrespect u.
3.she is blackmailing you not to divorce her reason been that ur side of the story may be a stigma and a label to her.the society will see her like a cheat which she is.
Lastly you could be the problem oh.may be she lacking something you can't provide for her.women are design to receive be it care,emotions, feeling, money,sex,attention,cuddling or been sympathetic to her fantasy or dreams check your urself thoroughly and give it an answer.
I repeat do not visit a pastor if not u will be given an artificial advice

pussyAvenger:
ass licker

leave the women alone

Dude is it your ass? Well it's all jokes sha.

This is what happens when a man is weak. Women love strong men. Bros, u never marry o.

SmellingAnus:
You are already married to her so you better forgive her and move on

But many girls are guilty of this stuff...

Guys too should learn how to treat their girls with much love and respect, who knows it may reduce some of these tendencies in them...

Forget this love and respect u are talking about,a lady will always take them for granted and turn men to houseboy.

ademola2017:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.

Before we got married, my wife treated me like a piece of shit and never gave me any regards or attention. Any little quarrel would be blown out of proportion and wouldn't talk to me for days. I did the calling always and each time I ask her why she doesn't call, she would say I should get used to it. There was a day when a baseless quarrel occurred, she accused me falsely and we didn't talk for more than two months. I stayed single and was already moving on until her friend came begging on her behalf. I wondered why she didn't come herself but all the same I accepted her back. She changed like she was doing me favor but I still persisted because I loved her genuinely.

Fast forward, we got married and I was hoping for a good future with her. As usual I was very open to her and discussed every issues with her. At a point, I found out the marriage was one sided. I gave more but got little or nothing from her. I never burden her with house chores or cooking at all. We sat always to talk about her attitude but she would say things are fine while I will be grieving and having sleepless nights. She will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone to know if i was cheating. I swear I have never cheated on my wife... She knows my password and never hid anything from her.
As we went on in the marriage, her behavior became worse and couldn't condone it again. She never saw anything wrong with her attitude and would say her apologizes are expensive.

I decided to do a background check on her and found out she double dated all through when we started dating and gave the guy more attention for 2years of our relationship. When things went bad between them, she fell back to me and unknown to me, I accepted her back. She and her ex were still in good communication till the night I confronted her. She would rather confide in her ex than confide in me (Now husband) Now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used and can’t trust her again.

She has been very apologetic and says she is ready to change. So if had not found out about her double ways, I will still be condoning her insolent ways. I am seriously finding it hard in my heart to forgive her. Even if I do, I can never ever forget because I do not trust her again.

What will you guys advice?

Marry a second wife.

ademola2017:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.

Before we got married, my wife treated me like a piece of shit and never gave me any regards or attention. Any little quarrel would be blown out of proportion and wouldn't talk to me for days. I did the calling always and each time I ask her why she doesn't call, she would say I should get used to it. There was a day when a baseless quarrel occurred, she accused me falsely and we didn't talk for more than two months. I stayed single and was already moving on until her friend came begging on her behalf. I wondered why she didn't come herself but all the same I accepted her back. She changed like she was doing me favor but I still persisted because I loved her genuinely.

Fast forward, we got married and I was hoping for a good future with her. As usual I was very open to her and discussed every issues with her. At a point, I found out the marriage was one sided. I gave more but got little or nothing from her. I never burden her with house chores or cooking at all. We sat always to talk about her attitude but she would say things are fine while I will be grieving and having sleepless nights. She will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone to know if i was cheating. I swear I have never cheated on my wife... She knows my password and never hid anything from her.
As we went on in the marriage, her behavior became worse and couldn't condone it again. She never saw anything wrong with her attitude and would say her apologizes are expensive.

I decided to do a background check on her and found out she double dated all through when we started dating and gave the guy more attention for 2years of our relationship. When things went bad between them, she fell back to me and unknown to me, I accepted her back. She and her ex were still in good communication till the night I confronted her. She would rather confide in her ex than confide in me (Now husband) Now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used and can’t trust her again.

She has been very apologetic and says she is ready to change. So if had not found out about her double ways, I will still be condoning her insolent ways. I am seriously finding it hard in my heart to forgive her. Even if I do, I can never ever forget because I do not trust her again.

What will you guys advice?

You are part of the evil of this world. Not worthy of my getting a ban if I actually tell you my opinion of yourself.

Kindly delete that first post of yours and go kill yourself please. Tua!

ThatIgboBoy:



Sorry dearie. Didnt u notice the signs before marriage abi love blind u like OP too?

No signs o wish I saw...

raphemmanuel:
Mr poster this your story is an eye opener to me.
I have a girlfriend whose character is almost like that of your woman, if she apologize for being wrong today, tomorrow she will do the same thing and even apologize again.

Girls ehh, na only God go save we men.

But thank God she is just a girlfriend, if she refuse to change, I will just let her go for my own good.

my gf is like that too but we are not married yet. I am hoping she will change and if she don't I will just let her go when is time for marriage. I can't be in the same house with such person.

Realhommie:
Checked you out on FB, but you guys looked happy together...


Na wa oooooo, this truly proves that "There's more to everything than meets the eyes"... It is well

Yea we are happy together but when he chooses to be mean, he can be very mean and wicked dat u will forget you once had happy moments...

Only someone who has similar experience can tell u the truth!
She was always accusing u shit because she was cheating on u! That's the point!
Sometimes, they put themselves in positions they can do anything about, for money, or sth.... most of times they regret! See, cheating is a choice! When it's once a and she tells u then it's a mistake. When it's once and she's scared of telling u, she might do it again or she's lying....

But in your case She dated and cheated over and over!
Well, let's say it was before u married her! Doesn't matter.... now u have to watch her closely...! If shit occurs again u have to leave her!


With what u wrote, I can't conclude she really loves u. A girl can be crazy depending on your lifeStyle or her past! It's okay to suspect if u truly love but when it's too much especially when u have given her your passwords Then sth is definitely wrong!

Not talking for months(two)....wicked!

U guys should sit down and talk! U act like the man and man your house. Give her the option to leave to find her peace and clear her mind, it's better to be single than be with someone that doesn't give u peace of mind!!!


Talk to her! Don't let her innocence deceive u! Girls are secretive! High bp dey start like this o! Goodluck

AreaFada2:
Ol@ boy,
You're between a rock and a hard place.

It appears you had little experience with girls before marriage. You probably never experienced the true love of a lady previously.

Ab initio, she was not in love with you at all.

You probably gave her something she needed (like attention, economic assistance, etc) or she just wanted you as insurance/side dude.
Many girls do this routinely. They keep one or several insurance dudes.

The same friend that came to beg you must have begged the main guy before but he refused. Then it became imperative to get you back. Still she was too proud to come in person.

Fact is that she's a very untrustworthy person. Like an unrepentant thief who only regrets disobeying the 11th commandment (don't be caught).
If the main guy, her preferred hubby that never was, were to give her more attention & desire her, she'd bang him. That is if she hasn't o.

She has made such a big fool of you bro.

If you both have kids already, you really have no options at all. If not, as bad as divorce might be, you can free her to follow the guy she truly wants. If any kids, paternity test ASAP.

Do you want to be in a marriage of perpetual mistrust for the next decades? If you can take that, go ahead bro. But do not expect her to change genuinely. She'll secretly loathe you for being so sneaky and finding out. Her promise of change is just to avoid the societal stigma of a marriage broken within a few years. She liked your mumu status, not this "wise" one..

That concealment of her true feelings can build up her ill will to a dangerous level. Being cornered make people dangerous. Beware.

Well said, AreaFada2. Ademola2017, please read this piece carefully. Lotta sense in it.

AmazingElla:


Well am not sure I understand what you mean by being amazed over my comment. I spoke the bitter truth, though harsh but it's a sad reality that the op have to wake up to.

What sort of a lady won't apologize to her spouse when she's wrong? As if that isn't bad enough, she still dares to tell him that her apology is too expensive in this r/ship, she never had any atom of love for him from day one. She married him cz he was her last and only option.

Aunty, I need your expertise on something its all about relationship, I would be glad if you can be of help in the regard.
Thanks

robotix:
this is not a case of olosho bro. If na olosho, she for dey fork different dicks. It's just a case of a woman not loving a man.

He is just there for the "Mrs" title. I don't forgive people who play on my intelligence. I don't! You can commit any other crime against me BUT when it seems you played on my intelligence, you are a gunnnnneeeeerrr. QED.

@Olubee22, how was your night? Hope you slept well? Omo da da, Omo to bi re (hope I go I spoke it well?) lol.

It was fine ,hope you had a pleasant one yourself ?
This your Yoruba get K- leg o

WOW, love can block people 6th sense ohhh, I really don't take poo from ladies not to talk of this type you just described. She apologized right? Bro it's easier said than done, it's a pity you found out later , after marriage she actually double dated ,it's left to you, if there's no kid on the way, like I said it's easier said than done. If she's apologizing because of the problem with her ex or whatever, you have to tread softly. It's either you forgive and forget and trust her as before or everything ends there.

Benignasweety:
No signs o wish I saw...

Pele.

It is well