₦airaland Forum

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

2dugged:
this right here is the problem, I think the fact that you have been living together is why they are not "excited" about the whole thing, I suggest you calm down

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

Henrypraise:
from ur statements d reasons u gave dat is leading to ur divorce is:

1. ur in-laws misappropriated ur marriage funds or swindled u

2. ur wife didn't show up after marriage as tradition demanded...

from reason 1... how was ur reaction wen u found out dat funds av not bin utilised? where u harsh in words?

from reason 2... did u ask her why she didn't show up as demanded by tradition? n wat was her response...

Bros even if u are right to des questions, remember u ar d man n d rudder to stir ur ship is in ur hands... I will advice u calm down n administer d silent treatment... its d dreaded weapon n it buys u time to calm down, strategies n conceal ur game plan....

besides dis is a woman hu bore u a son n probably u av co-habited for about 2 years peacefully n d events of abt a week is abt to tumble ur union? bro look beyond ur nose n stir d rudders of ur ship tru d storm n unto favourable waters.......

wish u luck

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

omooba969:
@bolded,

The question is 'where do we go from here'? Not 'excited' because they've been living together is equal to crying over a spilled milk.

If the feeling is mutual, the efforts will be equal.

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.

achieverme:
And how long will he have to continue playing the fool? For the rest of his life?

Fifthcolumnist:
If your story is complete and true then your wife is entirely to blame. Although, I think fuming at her to save face was unnecessary and poorly managed. You know women are proud beings and hate being attacked even when they are wrong.

But, you can't risk loosing your marriage for the sake of pride and "saving face". Infact, if your marriage breaks down after just one week together, you'll have no face at all how much more one to save. You have to loosen up, swallow your high standards, and play the fool for the sake of your marriage before things get out of hand. Apologise to her and her family telling them, the stress of the whole event got to you and you're sorry you managed the situation poorly. Do this in the interest of peace and forget about rightness or wrong. After all, it's your marriage to keep, not theirs' or anyone else's.

baibrown:
Horrible woman to leave from Tuesday to Friday with no explanation. I'm sure you hurt her feelings very well but to leave for 3 nights you must not accept or you lose all power forever. Keep the child until she begs you to forgive her but don't forget to apologize first for hurting her on her wedding day.

2dugged:
Same thing happened to my uncle, infact my mum and her sisters (thank God I didn't go) came back with empty stomachs, that's where I got perception from, but considering the fact that her(my uncle's wife) both parents are dead,it didn't cause any friction, infact everyone went on like nothing happened, that's why I suggest the op calms down

Diplomaticbeing:
Associating with a small-minded people is one of the hardest things to do. . . When you disingenuously allowed them to carry out their shenanigans around you, you see them revel and conclude in their erroneous belief that they're truly smarter than you. Resist them from carrying out their shenanigans around you, you see them cry victims. Then, reciprocate their vices in equal measures and see them either plan to kill you or kill themselves.

But na wa for you, your said immediate negative reaction at the traditional wedding ceremony wasn't palatable at all. In fact, the issue between the two of you is a fundamental one.

Well, assuming that she (your wife) had not uttered the separation word, I'd say, initiate a peace move (not begging) with her mother. But as it stands now, you really need to allow your wife to self-willedly come on her senses. Maybe she just achieved self-realization just immediately after tying the knot with you, and then realized that indeed you aren't what she need in a man. . . Never say never. If this happened to be the case in the end, kindly let her leave for good. Never deny anyone freewill, so long as cruz of the matter - her decision - is not intended to enslave you.

One of the worst things that will ever happen to a sane and sound person is, putting up with a disgruntled party. Believe you me, living with a frenemy is dangerous. Loyalty isn't negotiable, because it breeds understanding which itself breeds love.

And for the sake of your child, allow either your separation or reconciliation with your wife not to cause enmity between you too. Yes, two people previously in any form of relationship can separate without necessarily becoming enemies.

The issue between you too isn't really a problem rather it has to do with disparities in your individuals ethical leanings, it's fundamental. You and her/her family aren't of the same ethical leanings.

You have spoken well.

Fifthcolumnist:
He can set his rules once the issue is resolved and she's back in his house. For now he has to go soft and gentle to remedy the situation. Going out guns blazing now will make him loose all!

BuariCopyPaste:
Dear members...i am of the type that says NO to bringing marital shortcomings to the social media but I just realized why others do so.
I formerly got married on Tuesday 18th April but we are already headed for a bitter divorce.

To cut the story short, the whole issue started at the ground of our traditional marriage(Igba Nkwu).
On arriving her dad's compound, I was stunned to realize her mother didn't make the provisions of which I paid her for.
The DJ wasn't on ground, the canopies were just 3 and looking dirty, the chairs were not up to half of what i paid for. There was no light, no microphone, no decorations, the few food cooked were not served to guest and I was devastated.
Out of anger and dissappointment, I started lashing out at my wife and she broke down in tears begging me for forgiveness.
We managed to forge ahead till the the ceremony ended and we headed for my house.
As our tradition demands, the newly married bride sees off her Aso ebis and return in the evening same day to welcome visitors. But alas, my wife went and never came back till Friday evening.

I queried her on her whereabout only for her reply in a harsh manner saying "where do you expect me to be", don't make me angry"
God!! I couldn't believe it as it made me more mad in anger so I asked her to return to wherever she's coming from and leave our son behind(yes we already a year and 10 months old son). I actually made this decision to save face else how do I clarify the absence of my wife and son to visitors and well-wishers trooping in to see them?
She hurriedly dashed into the room and picked her phone and stormed out of the house. Now her mother is accussing me of taking her daughter's son from her and stripping her of her belongings.

Now my wife is saying she's no longer interested in the marriage likewise her people(her father is late). I am still fuming with anger that I am at loss of what to do. I am not prepared to raise my son alone neither do I want him to be raised by her mother alone.

Should I initiate a peace move and apologize to her or should I move on with life.....I am seriously confused and fuming with anger that I was shortchanged and offended and still expected to offer apologies.

BuariCopyPaste:
I never intended to go deep down in details of the whole issue but had to rescind for the purpose of clarity.
I bought and delivered a 100kg bag of rice, a bag of cowpea, 5 bags of semovita, 20 pieces of sizable yams , 56 gallons of palm wine, 40 cartons of beer and 4 cartons of malt.
The cash I gave her was for the condiments, 6 pieces of fancy canopies, 300 pieces of chairs and for a DJ.

I am yet to approach her about the shoddy arrangement but only expressed my displeasure to my wife.

Lloydfather:
I don't want to ready anybody comment before I say something. My brother marriage is a prison where u enter and find it difficult to come out. If what u wrote here is truth pls leave that woman and move on. If u start begging now u will forever be a begger, their is nothing wrong in a man begging his wife but not on this type of issue. U have to be a man and act now less u regret ur life. That lady don't regard as somebody that is why she's behaving like that.

imam07:
Calm down to do what please? Do u boyfriend and girlfriend issues is the same with husband and wife issues? If what the OP said is true there is no any amount of calm down that can make a right thinking man to proceed with that marriage. The man's parents sef will not permit it.Even if i gave them money with bad mood, does that warrant them to put me in such messy situation. A wife that doesn't listen to what i say.what do u expect will come out of it. Mother in-law that did not train her daughter well. The lady only trapped u with d wedding be showing u her character. Trouble sleep,yonga go wake am nah your case.

Pritypussi:
your stories are all over sister, stop pretending
wrap your advice and shove it up where the sun don't shine

daveP:
I wish to measure your stu..... but I won't. Nairaland will find an answer. But how early did you meet her peeps? Why didn't you oversee some of these stuff? Besides seems this is pov ment! Cos

SirVintageCock:
How much was she given as cash for the condiments and canopies?
You excluded meat, and the assorted fishes that cost an arm and a leg nowadays. Two parts of sizeable cow meat cost close to 35k for the kind of ceremony you are having, not even an elaborate trad just a small affair. Talk about a half carton of dryfish costing 20k, stockfish nko. I should know because we had our pocket whipped this easter during my sisters wedding.

Obviously, you registered your displeasure wrongly and harshly. No wonder your wife stayed back for three days and didn't even bother to explain her when confronted.