funmisticqueen:
What courts, those places that cant give justice to the oppressed and are only good for settling divorce cases, by the time the Op is finished with court, he wont be able to pay childsupport. I laugh in swahili

You need to look at this in the child's best interest. That child should have access to his daddy. That's if the op is ready to be a father.

That is blackmail. I am looking in the child's best interest. Most babydaddies are good for nothing more than child support. It is harsh reality. Anyman that runs away from fatherhood once will definitely do it again when things are rough. I will say it, again the child can do very well without his father, just ask any product of rape. If the child wants to see his father after the age of 18 then the babymama will do nothing to stop him

daylyt:


You need to look at this in the child's best interest. That child should have access to his daddy. That's if the op is ready to be a father.

You see why it is good to read, the babymama wants nothing to do with his money, the only weapon he thinks he can use to buy his way in is useless.who said his name is on the child's certificate anyways. If i were the babymama, child carries my surname which i am sure she has done.

MrBrownJay1:
If baby daddy pays child support AND his name is on he birth certificate then he has ALL THE RIGHTS to see his kids. If he refuses, take her to court.

Some women are too emotional in such issue and their only goal is to punish baby daddy, not knowing that they are punishing their child. They use the child for payback because baby daddy didn't marry her, but only time will heal her evil selfish heart.... And whatever a baby mama foolishly believes, a biological father will always be the baby daddy, whether she runs away to the North pole or remarries 20times.

Here is a clue: next time you gotta pay child support, tell her to come and pick it up herself, and bring your son.... So you can have some little time bonding with your son.
Let her be around, and in due time she will give you solo time

What i am saying is nothing new you can count the number of women who have raised children alone with no man, there are many, now count the number of men who have raised kids alone without either a wife or girlfriends in the picture, i am yet to see one.nothing superwoman about it, we know how to take responsibilty for our actions better than most men

luckyz4rea:


You should be a superhuman beyond offense i guess!

funmisticqueen:
You see why it is good to read, the babymama wants nothing to do with his money, the only weapon he thinks he can use to buy his way in is useless.who said his name is on the child's certificate anyways. If i were the babymama, child carries my surname which i am sure she has done.

You are too emotional about this case to reason properly.... You think that paternity test are only for mothers to demand payments on deadbeat dads?! If baby daddy's name is not on birth certificate then a dna test will sort that AND give him the proper visitation rights he deserves (weekends at daddy without mummy present etc)

You women think that because you carry a child 9months, and daddy leaves because he has enough of your emotional blackmail (and certainly won't marry mummy), suddenly he has less rights over that child.... ARRANT NONSENSE. They both have the exact same rights over that child.

You were not matured at 26 to father a child, what happened when you became matured? You settled for another woman. Now you are here sounding like a broken record.

The truth is, you have no right over that child. Friendship does not own a child especially if you denied the child upon conception. She battled the pregnancy alone and suddenly you reappeared from no where seeking rights. Like someone rightly said, you are just a sperm donor, live with it.

You have your wife and daughter, why then do you want to take away her only source of joy? Like you wrote, she may never get married again. Why are you reminding her of a past she choose to bury as if the child is not enough reminder, you want to add insult to injury by being selfish and wicked..

My advice to you op, sire sons with your wife and leave the baby mama and her child alone. No body can help you in this case, not even the courts. Unless she decides to let you close or the boy grows up and ask for his father. Until then, live with your loss.

Let me give you a classic story, man and woman fall in love while abroad, they dont marry but have two kids over there, things fall apart, mother returns to nigeria with no ring and two kids, she becomes a laughingstock meanwhile, man is with a new white wife abroad for green card purposes. Mother's family luckily for her takes her in and look after the children while she gets a job somewhere, two years later the eldest a boy is diagnosed with sickle cell disease, the youngest a girl has genotype AS. The boy has nothing more than 3 crises a year requiring herbs then admission to the hospital, this becomes frequent and woman loses her job, woman's attempt at finding love is a dead end too since no man want's someone else's cargo. Few years later the boy dies, the woman and her family are heartbroken. The woman falls into a deep depression and becomes ill, later a diagnosis of chronic myelocytic lukaemia is made,all her family members try to raise funds but lose her too leaving only the little girl to stay with her family members. this little girl clocks sixteen, is tall and very beautiful and decides to stay in her aunt's house. This aunt asks her if she want's to know her father and she say yes. Aunt makes enquires and gives her neice the contacts of her father who is in greece but her uncles are in disagreement, they call her father names for the things he did to their late sister, one even vows to shoot her father if he comes near him. They are her father, they said, they gave her love in the way they could and paid her school fees she shouldn't call him if not he will resume his fatherly duties and they wash their hands off her matter. she calls him anyway, she finds out he is remarried and they continue father daugher bonding through whatsapp. One day she gets admission into igbinedion university to study accounting and she tells her father who is happy for her, until she tells him the amount her school fees is, he tells her that he will get back to her then ignores her pm before he finally blocks her from whatsapp. End of relationship, she has no choice but to go back to her uncles who pays the fees. She attends igbinedion for two years after which her oldest uncle takes her to canada to stay with him where she can study nursing like they planned. She is now a citizen working as a nurse and she will say it anywhere; anyman who runs from fatherhood will never ever be ready to be a real father. Thank you.

AmazingElla:
You were not matured at 26 to father a child, what happened when you became matured? You settled for another woman. Now you are here sounding like a broken record..

So men who marry someone else than baby mama automatically loses Their paternal rights.... Bwaaaah another emotionally confused woman.

The truth is, you have no right over that child. Friendship does not own a child especially if you denied the child upon conception. She battled the pregnancy alone and suddenly you reappeared from no where seeking rights. Like someone rightly said, you are just a sperm donor, live with it.

Some of you women have lost your damn mind..... Hear yourself?! A man doesn't marry you therefore he loses his paternal right?! Arrant nonsense that even the most clueless lawyer will sort out.

You have your wife and daughter, why then do you want to take away her only source of joy?

And here ladies and gentleman is where we understand how emotionally deranged some women can be. Read how this lady believes that because a man has a new wife and kid, and she has only "their" child, therefore having visitation right would "take away her only source of Joy. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Here is a clue: because its his PATERNAL RIGHT
to see his kid.

Like you wrote, she may never get married again. Why are you reminding her of a past she choose to bury as if the child is not enough reminder, you want to add insult to injury by being selfish and wicked..

Should he lie to accommodate an emotionally deranged woman, instead of letting her accept her situation?

My advice to you op, sire sons with your wife and leave the baby mama and her child alone. No body can help you in this case, not even the courts. Unless she decides to let you close or the boy grows up and ask for his father. Until then, live with your loss

Nonsense from hypocrite women who now say its OK for dads to abandon their children, for baby mama's selfish agenda. NO man should abandon their kids, whether he has 20more children or not.

MrBrownJay1:


So men who marry someone else than baby mama automatically loses Their paternal rights.... Bwaaaah another emotionally confused woman.



Some of you women have lost your damn mind..... Hear yourself?! A man doesn't marry you therefore he loses his paternal right?! Arrant nonsense that even the most clueless lawyer will sort out.



And here ladies and gentleman is where we understand how emotionally deranged some women can be. Read how this lady believes that because a man has a new wife and kid, and she has only "their" child, therefore having visitation right would "take away her only source of Joy. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Here is a clue: because its his PATERNAL RIGHT
to see his kid.



Should he lie to accommodate an emotionally deranged woman, instead of letting her accept her situation



Nonsense from hypocrite women who now say its OK for dads to abandon their children, for their selfish agenda. NO man should abandon their kids, whether he has 20more children or not.

You think just donating sperm automatically qualifies you as the child's father? If he was never there from the beginning of the pregnancy especially if there was a denial, then he has no right whatsoever upon the child except the mother decides otherwise.

AmazingElla:


You think just donating sperm automatically qualifies you as the child's father? If he was never there from the beginning of the pregnancy especially if there was a denial, then he has no right whatsoever upon the child except the mother decides otherwise.

This will only happen IN YOUR HEAD, but any court in this world would grant the biological father his paternal rights for visitation. If you think women can decide who has right or not, then I suggest you think again.

They BOTH have the same rights over the kid (whether sperm donor or not), being pregnant grants you nothing more. Wake up!

funmisticqueen:
That is blackmail. I am looking in the child's best interest. Most babydaddies are good for nothing more than child support. It is harsh reality. Anyman that runs away from fatherhood once will definitely do it again when things are rough. I will say it, again the child can do very well without his father, just ask any product of rape. If the child wants to see his father after the age of 18 then the babymama will do nothing to stop him

Haba..

Are you a mother?

MrBrownJay1:


This will only happen IN YOUR HEAD, but any court in this world would grant the biological father his paternal rights for visitation. If you think women can decide who has right or not, then I suggest you think again.

They BOTH have the same rights over the kid (whether sperm donor or not), being pregnant grants you nothing more. Wake up!

Keep omitting the denial part. You can think/believe whatever you want. You will never know until you are in it..

Op can go to court and try his luck.

AmazingElla:


Keep omitting the denial part. You can think/believe whatever you want. You will never know until you are in it..

Op can go to court and try his luck.

I think you are the one who should get acquainted with the law, instead of living in LA LA Land.. Even if the father was a convicted pedo, he would still get "supervised" visitation. Some of you ladies talk in the air, about what you obviously have NO CLUES, driven by your rollercoaster emotional state of mind... but the reality is much different than what you want for that kid.

Carrying a child for 9months does NOT give any woman (not even the queen) more right than the child's father FACT!

daylyt:
Go to court. You have the right to be a part of your son's life.

yes thanks bro

Headlesschicken:
@ 26 u did not know bout condom,why won't she hate you,here u are sounding lk d good guy,whereas maybe u are d wolf in sheep's clothing, n!gga Carry yuh cross n stop complaining....

I only need ur advise thanks anyway

Rukkydelta:
The child belongs to the mother
Or op are the one that carried the baby in the womb, breast feeds him?
Op say the truth what did u do to your child's mother that made her to hate you this much?

absolutely nothing dats d whole truth

lafean20:
Must every relationship end in marriage?...f**k!! Ds is so myopic..i hate dat most women still think like ds... Wat if he had married her out of pity, and months later the marriage bcms unbearable for both of them. A broken engagement is far better than a pathetic broken marriage.. Bt in ds case they were nt engaged, which is even better. We should learn to let go sometime, it's nt easy bt it's doable.

God bless u bro

funmisticqueen:
What courts, those places that cant give justice to the oppressed and are only good for settling divorce cases, by the time the Op is finished with court, he wont be able to pay childsupport. I laugh in swahili

oh dat sound scary

funmisticqueen:
What i am saying is nothing new you can count the number of women who have raised children alone with no man, there are many, now count the number of men who have raised kids alone without either a wife or girlfriends in the picture, i am yet to see one.nothing superwoman about it, we know how to take responsibilty for our actions better than most men

That you haven't seen any does not mean they don't exist! I know of one and am sure there are people here on nairaland that can say they know of one too!

Is that how you were raised, to sleep with a woman without condom and leave her with morning sickness for the next 9 months,imagine if that happened to your sister or daughter, will you give the man responsible a handshake and a pat on the back. You will never understand cos you cant nuture life like a woman can. He is not the one whose dreams are on hold or out of the picture because she has to raise a child. You still arent understanding that mother and child are a package, not one without the other. The man should grow a pair and man up and it is no by child support or weekend visits, that child deserves to be raised in a home where mum and dad live together not to be tossed to and fro like some toy. You are letting your ego speak irrationally.

MrBrownJay1:


You are too emotional about this case to reason properly.... You think that paternity test are only for mothers to demand payments on deadbeat dads?! If baby daddy's name is not on birth certificate then a dna test will sort that AND give him the proper visitation rights he deserves (weekends at daddy without mummy present etc)

You women think that because you carry a child 9months, and daddy leaves because he has enough of your emotional blackmail (and certainly won't marry mummy), suddenly he has less rights over that child.... ARRANT NONSENSE. They both have the exact same rights over that child.

luckyz4rea:


That you haven't seen any does not mean they don't exist! I know of one and am sure there are people here on nairaland that can say they know of one too!

for every single dad i can quote ten single moms out there

A relationship is not for playing around, how could u date someone you had no intention of marrying that is fvcked up. I wash my hands off your case. If you like go to court like those airheads are advising you to

tspouse:
God bless u bro

We greet you sir, general overseer of chop and clean mouth ministries, irresponsible baby daddy spotted

MrBrownJay1:


This will only happen IN YOUR HEAD, but any court in this world would grant the biological father his paternal rights for visitation. If you think women can decide who has right or not, then I suggest you think again.

They BOTH have the same rights over the kid (whether sperm donor or not), being pregnant grants you nothing more. Wake up!

funmisticqueen:
Let me give you a classic story, man and woman fall in love while abroad, they dont marry but have two kids over there, things fall apart, mother returns to nigeria with no ring and two kids, she becomes a laughingstock meanwhile, man is with a new white wife abroad for green card purposes. Mother's family luckily for her takes her in and look after the children while she gets a job somewhere, two years later the eldest a boy is diagnosed with sickle cell disease, the youngest a girl has genotype AS. The boy has nothing more than 3 crises a year requiring herbs then admission to the hospital, this becomes frequent and woman loses her job, woman's attempt at finding love is a dead end too since no man want's someone else's cargo. Few years later the boy dies, the woman and her family are heartbroken. The woman falls into a deep depression and becomes ill, later a diagnosis of chronic myelocytic lukaemia is made,all her family members try to raise funds but lose her too leaving only the little girl to stay with her family members. this little girl clocks sixteen, is tall and very beautiful and decides to stay in her aunt's house. This aunt asks her if she want's to know her father and she say yes. Aunt makes enquires and gives her neice the contacts of her father who is in greece but her uncles are in disagreement, they call her father names for the things he did to their late sister, one even vows to shoot her father if he comes near him. They are her father, they said, they gave her love in the way they could and paid her school fees she shouldn't call him if not he will resume his fatherly duties and they wash their hands off her matter. she calls him anyway, she finds out he is remarried and they continue father daugher bonding through whatsapp. One day she gets admission into igbinedion university to study accounting and she tells her father who is happy for her, until she tells him the amount her school fees is, he tells her that he will get back to her then ignores her pm before he finally blocks her from whatsapp. End of relationship, she has no choice but to go back to her uncles who pays the fees. She attends igbinedion for two years after which her oldest uncle takes her to canada to stay with him where she can study nursing like they planned. She is now a citizen working as a nurse and she will say it anywhere; anyman who runs from fatherhood will never ever be ready to be a real father. Thank you.

Your story is painful and a real fail on the man involved but you should know better that not all men are evil just like not all women are good. The fact that she got pregnant for the dude is not enough reason for them to get married.

When he asked her out, she said yes and when it came to sex without protection she said yes. She knew the consequences of her actions, and still said yes. So she should be able to bear the consequences of it.

You also said that her life us ruined and she can't get a husband. You are totally wrong here, the new wife d man married, is she not a baby mama or haven't you heard of several young dudes getting married to baby mamas. The only way she can put her life back together is by forgiving d dude and moving on.

Hatered and love can't exist in the same heart so she should forgive him not for his sake but for her sake.

Well op call her nd talk 2 her gently,if necessary apologise. If she still refuse go nd seek out a lawyer advise abt joint custody,nd u made mention of her travelling out with d child,well file a case in court nd prevent her 4rm travelling out until d case is settled. my 2cent

funmisticqueen:
A relationship is not for playing around, how could u date someone you had no intention of marrying that is fvcked up. I wash my hands off your case. If you like go to court like those airheads are advising you to

I wonder why u keep blaming me,the fault came from both parties,she wanted to get marry ASAP but I wasn' ready for that,she became pregnnt cus she was so desperate,I didn't deny pregnancy but I wasn't ready to settle down,I got Marry after six years,I don't knw her wereabout for over two years before I got married,so how was dat all my fault?

You are right but you are twisting my words here, this story happened real life, i grew up with these people, i never said she did not forgive him since she obviously tried to move on. The mother here was one of the nicest people i knew and the way she behaved wasn't as if she held any hatred for anyone. May her soul rest in peace. but, for her daughter, the father messed up,big time, i wonder how the woman would have coped if not for her family. I think the daughter has written off the father though and there are more stories like this of people

Fadman4real:


Your story is painful and a real fail on the man involved but you should know better that not all men are evil just like not all women are good. The fact that she got pregnant for the dude is not enough reason for them to get married.

When he asked her out, she said yes and when it came to sex without protection she said yes. She knew the consequences of her actions, and still said yes. So she should be able to bear the consequences of it.

You also said that her life us ruined and she can't get a husband. You are totally wrong here, the new wife d man married, is she not a baby mama or haven't you heard of several young dudes getting married to baby mamas. The only way she can put her life back together is by forgiving d dude and moving on.

Hatered and love can't exist in the same heart so she should forgive him not for his sake but for her sake.

you said that he asked her out and they did not use protection, shouldn't the two of them bear the consequnces of their actions, or was it immaculate conception, really any man that sleeps with a woman he has no intention of marrying has no intergrity and is a digrace. Why i am sure the babymama hates the op is that i am sure he denied the pregnancy, even if they dont marry, he said he wasn't ready to be a father, no one ever is ready for fatherhood. The babymama was obviously not ready for motherhood but she faced the music. If the op and babymama had talked through the process like two responsible adults, walked through the pregnancy, even if he didn't marry her, she wont hate him as such and we wont have this thread here

funmisticqueen:
After ruining someone's life and chances at marriage, you came to write an epistle which i read by the way, infact hate is a mild word for what she feels towards you, imagine if someone did what you did to your daughter. Please leave her with her child since he is the only consolation she has from the life you ruined for her and now you want to take that child away, you are wicked person and nothing more than a sperm donor. Baby mama wherever you are find a way to leave the country with your son and leave him to God. Cut off all contact with him. Nonsense you want to eat your cake and have it abi. Radarada

How did he ruin her life?

Should he have married her if he didn't feel up to it just because she was pregnant?

justiniyke29:
Well op call her nd talk 2 her gently,if necessary apologise. If she still refuse go nd seek out a lawyer advise abt joint custody,nd u made mention of her travelling out with d child,well file a case in court nd prevent her 4rm travelling out until d case is settled. my 2cent

the truth is dta this gal is so Damn crazy, I don't know were she currently stay,she changes location like criminal,moreover I don't want my wife to know dat am eager to av my son back to avoid trouble,those re d reasons am so relunctant to go to court.

tspouse:
I wonder why u keep blaming me,the fault came from both parties,she wanted to get marry ASAP but I wasn' ready for that,she became pregnnt cus she was so desperate,I didn't deny pregnancy but I wasn't ready to settle down,I got Marry after six years,I don't knw her wereabout for over two years before I got married,so how was dat all my fault?

i agree you are both at fault.how are you sure she got pregnant out of desperation. Dont ever insult the mother of your child again. Did your father teach you to date a woman when you are not ready to marry? Did you two have a good talk like responsible adults about the fate of the child when she was pregnant? Ok fine you didnt marry her or deny the pregnancy, where you there for her during the pregnancy, who paid her hospital bills,did you follow her for any antenatal care appointment, trying to make pregnancy easier? were you there when she was in labor? If your answer to any of this is no. She has every reason to hate you. And while i think she should forgive you, it doesnt mean she can still let you see her child. I can only date someone who is ready to marry, not someone who wants to play around especially when i am ready to get married.

Do you see your life outside, do you think your wife will be truly happy to raise your child by another woman, just leave the babymama alone. I knew there was more to it the way you sound so innocent

tspouse:
the truth is dta this gal is so Damn crazy, I don't know were she currently stay,she changes location like criminal,moreover I don't want my wife to know dat am eager to av my son back to avoid trouble,those re d reasons am so relunctant to go to court.

Is dating all fun and games, a reponsible fellow will date when he is ready to marry. This woman has put her dreams on hold because she has a little boy to look after, if the little boy had down's syndrome for instance, the op would want nothing to do with the child

Kobicove:


How did he ruin her life?

Should he have married her if he didn't feel up to it just because she was pregnant?