₦airaland Forum

Nuezha:
Serious!

Please consider the following before you think of confessing, because he will ask you.

Who did you cheat on him with? Better not be his family member, friend, business partner, a lowlife (his driver, gateman etc), your old timer, because these will make it hard (not impossible) for him to pardon you.

Where did you cheat? Better not be in his home.

When did you cheat? Better not be moments when he was sick or had any problem.

Why did you cheat? No reason is cogent enough if you're legally married to him.

Confession is good, but seeking counsel before confession is the best move.

istoctober:
l lost my three months preggy cos of my depreesion in Jan, 2016. Ever since, l have not been myself. l keep seeing myself as not worth living.
Each time l look at him, l have this guilty conscience that l have disappointed God and my parents. I cry in my lonely hours and it has made me to stay calm even in my right at home, l felt that l deserve everything that is happening to me.

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

realmindz:
I won't be surprised if you are one of those holy brothers smashing girls in church...just pray you dont near those I know cus you will be skinned alive

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

Nuezha:
I think you're giving him enough room to suspect you already. It seems to me that your confession won't shock him but will rather confirm his suspicion. Woman, sorry to ask, how old are you? (Give a range: above 25, above 35, etc)

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

Onegai:
Istoctober,

Please listen to me. You did it once right? Good.

CONFESS IN 4 MORE YEARS!

If you were a serial cheat or this affair had lasted 1 month long, I would make you confess tonight. Instead, you made a mistake. A stupid, selfish, thoughtless mistake. And you are paying for it. Good!

And let me be honest: ALL CHEATS DIE FROM GUILT. WHEN YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT SOMETHING, EVEN RAIN WILL LOOK LIKE PUNISHMENT. THAT GUILT IS PUNISHMENT FROM GOD.

Hallelujah. God never said you would commit a sin and He would forgive you and all would be groovy (which is what churches teach yoi), God said He would restore you, after you paid the price of your sin. You must pay the price but God has bought some of the debt. Like you owe the bank N250, 000 but your parents pay off N100, 000. If you don't pay the price, then there is no Justice in Heaven. Even men pay the price and the longer they sin, the more their debt is (it then spills into their kids).

You have taken Responsibility for your sin so in my book, you owe just like N80, 000. That's great news!

So, go to a women's group. That is whom you need, no more members of the male sexx to give you the emotional comfort you crave and you then cheat emotionally and physically, you did that the first time and have the scarlet letter branded on your head to show as a badge. Unburden yourself to your women's group (preferably this group is not related to your church, human beings can't keep their mouths shut). They will help you. They will help you and give you support while you pay off your debt. They will be there when you need the intimacy your husband is not giving. For now.

Next, identify every problem in your marriage. Starting with you. You must have felt no emotional satisfaction in your marriage (men are not taught how to marry, they are taught that paying schoolfees and rent and holiday and buying car = Great Husband). So, you need to work on identifying what you need. Then go get it from your husband. Say "I need you to spend time with me and not with UCL Juventus vs Barca" (boys, you can watch that football match later, don't neglect your wife for it). Tell him
"I feel secure when you come home early".
"I feel loved when you use soft words to correct me"
"I feel intelligent when you give me a chance to advise you"
"I feel sexy when you come into the kitchen and slap my arse when I'm cooking and leave again",
"I feel safe when you send me 5 messages during the day when you are at work because it feels like you think of me a lot",
"I feel Happy when you come home and unwind then join me on the couch because I feel like that means you love how you feel at home",
"I feel passionate when you see me looking unkempt and you push me into the bathroom, shower with me and insist on rubbing lotion on my body".

Don't even think of blaming him for this. You had a choice, you chose wrong. Same as he, had he cheated, he will have chosen wrongly.

From there, work on your relationship (notice I didn't say marriage, I said work on your relationship with your man). Fix you because you are the offending party (screw a wise woman buildeth whatever blah blah, a CEO builds his company, stop giving guys a free pass to fvckup their marriage till they turn 60 and old age and sickness suddenly gives them brain).

The offending party/cheating party starting to fix the marriage first means the marriage gets rebuilt in 5 years. The Betrayed party starting to fix the marriage first means the marriage gets rebuilt in 10 years. That's why most Nigerian wives tend to enjoy their marriage 10 years plus, not earlier.

Once you rebuild your marriage, THEN you can then confess and apologize. Because to apologize right now, you're only doing it to Unburden your guilt to him. Because it's too heavy, you're not confessing because you are wrong and want to make amends. You will feel a weight lifted off you but finalize the destruction you brought in his life. You will confess eventually, to clear yourself and be ready to keep apologizing for even 2 years.

So this sound like a plan? You got work to do girlie

AntiWailer:
Forget the native doctor threat. That is a kid threat.

You are not cheating on him. You cheated on him.

Forgive urself move on please.

I repeat dnt yield to the temptation of telling him.

Just guide your unstable heart against future reoccurrence.

Let me tell you how most guys' mind work.

They want to know everything but can not handle it. You will be doing more harm to him than urself by telling him.

Anytime he wants to have sex with u, he will remember and might lose erection. Losing the erectin, he will start assuming he is nt man enough. That is one of the major reason he will send you out.

Also when you say you did it once, he will never believe it was just once just the way I honestly dnt right now. He will assume some one has been fking his wife for 3 years and now she is tired of the d1ck and sant to come back home.

Like I said earlier. You are emotionally unstable and the useless Pastor took advantage of it.

I dnt support ur act but I would have talked sense into ur head if u were just contemplating it. Since the deed is done. Just move on.

Luvdk:
You wanna kill yourself because of one s2upid man

realmindz:
lol, I swear I'm sure of what ayam saying....

She's feeling fear and guilt and once she overcomes, she will do it again...shes not the first neither will she be the last.

Gullible people like her are cheap preys for these men of God

yoho66:
It is God against whom all sins are committed. If God forgives you, then you are absolved. Read this and pray with it regularly:

Psalm 51King James Version (KJV)

51 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.

5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar

Chigorkizz:
You are making it look as if You ve done the worst ever.
Dont let your mistakes hunt you.

Consider these-

You will lose your home.

You will lose your dignity before him,his family and your family.

.Lastly,Dnt ever tell him but dnt do it again.

AgricSalt:
For your own mental health and because it is likely that he is suspicious already. Get your pastor ( or any other authority that he respects) to be present when you confess

Also make your confession a matter of urgency

istoctober:
it will shock him. Am even worried about him hating me including other women entirely..
Definitely, he will send me packing for that.

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

istoctober:
l had to open this account to tell this story and l know that l will be bashed for this but l really need to get it off my chest.
it was in 2014, that l cheated on him and since then, l have not been myself. l have confessed to Pastors but l can't forget it and my mind keep telling me that God has forgotten about me cos whenever l pray, l find it difficult to concentrate and that's why l want to confess to him.
l know he will send me packing because he said something like that to me and the fear is what is keeping me from confessing to him. l don't want to be disgraced out of my home cos my husband will definitely do it.
l can't blame him for my shortcomings but myself for allowing devil into my home.
l really need your advice for help.... You can curse me but l deserve it for being a loose woman but l seriously need help cos depression wants to take over my life that l think of suicide to escape shame and mockery from people in case he finds out.

OLUWAcypris1:
Imagine ds, for ur info, ur type go don turn well finish, till now b4 marriage na two pple sex me d ediet dat deflowered me and my husband. Till now na only my husband DonBobes dd graze me. U r an insult to womanhood

kaffy4tope:
Stop beating about the bush. Answer these questions or carry your fornicating life outta here.

gbosaa:
There is something you are not telling us. I think your story isn't complete.

For almost 3 years, you've been battling with the psychological effects of your action with your pastor. Within this time, you believe the state of your mind affected your pregnancy.

I think you need serious therapy. You need a psychologist or psychiatrist. You need to talk and have sessions with an expert not pastors.

There is something about you that giving your husband clues that all is not well. Why would he be threatening you with a babalawo? What have you done to arouse his suspicions? It's about 3 years since the event occurred!

I'm not going to ask you to simply 'get over it' because you obviously can't. You need an expert.
You are not worried about what happened but the chances of your husband finding out. Why do you think he'd find out? It's 2 years plus!

Why would he threaten you? How did the 'native doctor' stuff came in? You are scared about that...very very scared. I could come in with animal horns, cowries, sea shells and some other funny stuffs and you'll spin the beans...that includes everything thing you might have done before you married him.

I'm not here to judge you cos I'm worse than you. You are a good woman. I think you need to see an expert and if after that you still feel the need to tell him, by all means do so and damn the consequences. .

I was going to ask you to block this out of your mind and move on with your life but it's taking its toil on your mental state.

Has your moniker got any thing to do with the date of the 'rendezvous'??
Yes? I can imagine your pastor cumming and yelling on that Independence Day..."this is for Nigeria! then he'd erupt and draw a coat of arm around your lokoja.

Whatever happens I hope you find the solution to your problems. May God be with you.

Eniolafagbemi:
You said it your self ,u have told your spiritual leaders. And they pray with you. See something's are better left on told. So move on and don't tell him but just be careful and do the right tin next time.God has forgiven you cos he sees your heart.Wish you good luck.

istoctober:
l have asked a pastor and he said l shouldn't confess but am worried cos he told me on Sunday that his uncle who is a native doctor will know if l am cheating on him.

Luvdk:
The man got big cassava abi
Pls stop hurting ya precious life for all ds dumb men