₦airaland Forum

All the things you mentioned, waking you from sleep to dress the bed, telling you to stand so you can sweep, asking for money etc I don't see how that's an issue. It appears you're a sensitive individual and that's ok but you need to understand yourself. Chances are, your wife doesn't know how to communicate with you. And you keep hurting her all the time. Know thyself young man. Own up to your faults. If you need space, come to an understanding with your wife and try not to give in to low self esteem

This one sef weak me. Wey that lion with belly on a tree branch meme?

@OP, you both actually fit each other. Both of you have a love-hate relationship. Interspersed with intense passionate love I suspect. And also both of you have the issue of being inconsiderate. Your wife not caring about a good rest after a long night shift & you disappearing for months.

But your own confusion is alarming. Unless you're a bit economical with the truth.

In all I worry about the effect on your little girl. Fix this matter before it sours her view of marriage & scar her for life. I have no doubt your little girl misses you even more than you miss her. Let us hope your wife does not sometimes transfer her bitterness over you to her.

Act decisively weighing all things carefully.

Sadly I cannot envisage a happy marriage & a conducive home environment for your daughter if both of you do not change significantly. It takes two to tango.

Good luck.

Avsegzy:
I'll try to make this brief. I met her in 2005 got married in 2010 but everything i knew about her characters Changed after that... From nagging to making life very difficult for me to cope...

I tried to adjust and told myself "this is what it to be called a real man" then i was in the force mostly posted on night guard 6pm to 6am so when i got home i would try to relax when it's 7am my wife will tell me to leave the bed cos she wanted to rearrange the bed neatly so I'd stand but she wouldn't let me use the bed back claiming I'd rough it lol... After few minutes she'd tell me to get up from the chair in the sitting room that she wanted to sweep. Hehe i was like " i don enter one chance ohhh".

Sometimes if i got annoyed before i said one she'd already said four but one mistake i made was that i used to tell her that i can never ever beat my wife even for once. Sometimes she would even tell me that I was only scared of being beaten by a woman not that i didn't want to beat her, if I'm a man enough i should let us give it a trial lol.

I tried to do an inter state transfer just to be far away from cos after our first child things only get worse but then there was an embargo on transfer, i tried to be transferred to another local government but it wasn't successful. I took it as a shame on me to drive her out even with my little kid so i decided to travel out of the country after my visa came out i resigned but i felt guilty with the idea of leaving without informing her so I told her 2days to my departure though she was happy about it but insisted i must give her money to rent another house before i left, i pleaded with her to continue living there that later I'll send her money to rent another place but she said NO... I gave her the money, later to the market and buy foodstuffs that i knew could take them up to 2months at least, i also gave her what i could afford as "pocket money". It's not even up to 2weeks over i left that she started calling me that they were hungry and no money to buy food i was shocked "so i never escape?" I was annoyed "after you almost finished all my money back home?" hmmm "ok no problem use out of the money i gave u to rent another apartment" she said no she'd already given it to her friend to keep it.

She didn't even ask if got a job or not every time she called it'd be argument about money. I told her to go to my mum then to collect money but she refused saying my mum wasn't the one that came to marry her...

Later i stop to pick her calls and later changed my number but the more i tried to ignore her the more i missed her and my kid who i love to hear her voice always. I called her back after 2months, sent money to her(a big mistake) and that made her to demand more and more with hot pressure. I got tired of life didn't know what else to do and I've not been earning much work permit and co. Still under processing i decided to go do some casual works(labour work) the money i got 1st and 2nd day in the 3rd day luck ran against me and and i was arrested for working without permit i had the option to pay fine though but i couldn't afford the amount so i came back to Nigeria.

The most shocking things was that without informing her of what happened or my coming home she handed over a boxers " you're welcome this is what i bought for you" i asked how did she know i was coming she said she just feel like buying it. Later i told her what happened and how she was the cause but she wasn't remorseful rather she said i was lying against her and I've never seen anything this is just the beginning.

Backed in Nigeria no more work, things was hard but I'm not a lazy type but i refused to live with her but not willing to leave her. I decided to stay in another state, found something to do, got enough money years later and travelled out again but this time i didn't tell her anything up to a year now but i do send money. She sent a message through social media that she heard I'm living with a woman somewhere else so if i don't show up in 3months an end will come to our marriage.

I forgot to hard she works, has a shop. What should i do cos i can go home now and i love her and don't want to have 2nd wife in my record I've not even cheated just for once.

You married a witch sent to destroy your faith and destiny. Don't commit any adultery like her. Just divorce her. Shove that fake love where the sun don't shine cause you are under her spell. Divorce her today, don't wait for tomorrow! She isn't your sent wife. Don't let her run away with your side tibtrap you further, cause she will do that. Work out an arrangement to travel out with your side after leaving with your child to another state, than serve her divorce papers at her doorstep. But be prayerful while you break away from that evil woman! Refuse to be blinded nor bonded to bondage!!

Avsegzy:
I'll try to make this brief. I met her in 2005 got married in 2010 but everything i knew about her characters Changed after that... From nagging to making life very difficult for me to cope...

I tried to adjust and told myself "this is what it to be called a real man" then i was in the force mostly posted on night guard 6pm to 6am so when i got home i would try to relax when it's 7am my wife will tell me to leave the bed cos she wanted to rearrange the bed neatly so I'd stand but she wouldn't let me use the bed back claiming I'd rough it lol... After few minutes she'd tell me to get up from the chair in the sitting room that she wanted to sweep. Hehe i was like " i don enter one chance ohhh".

Sometimes if i got annoyed before i said one she'd already said four but one mistake i made was that i used to tell her that i can never ever beat my wife even for once. Sometimes she would even tell me that I was only scared of being beaten by a woman not that i didn't want to beat her, if I'm a man enough i should let us give it a trial lol.

I tried to do an inter state transfer just to be far away from cos after our first child things only get worse but then there was an embargo on transfer, i tried to be transferred to another local government but it wasn't successful. I took it as a shame on me to drive her out even with my little kid so i decided to travel out of the country after my visa came out i resigned but i felt guilty with the idea of leaving without informing her so I told her 2days to my departure though she was happy about it but insisted i must give her money to rent another house before i left, i pleaded with her to continue living there that later I'll send her money to rent another place but she said NO... I gave her the money, later to the market and buy foodstuffs that i knew could take them up to 2months at least, i also gave her what i could afford as "pocket money". It's not even up to 2weeks over i left that she started calling me that they were hungry and no money to buy food i was shocked "so i never escape?" I was annoyed "after you almost finished all my money back home?" hmmm "ok no problem use out of the money i gave u to rent another apartment" she said no she'd already given it to her friend to keep it.

She didn't even ask if got a job or not every time she called it'd be argument about money. I told her to go to my mum then to collect money but she refused saying my mum wasn't the one that came to marry her...

Later i stop to pick her calls and later changed my number but the more i tried to ignore her the more i missed her and my kid who i love to hear her voice always. I called her back after 2months, sent money to her(a big mistake) and that made her to demand more and more with hot pressure. I got tired of life didn't know what else to do and I've not been earning much work permit and co. Still under processing i decided to go do some casual works(labour work) the money i got 1st and 2nd day in the 3rd day luck ran against me and and i was arrested for working without permit i had the option to pay fine though but i couldn't afford the amount so i came back to Nigeria.

The most shocking things was that without informing her of what happened or my coming home she handed over a boxers " you're welcome this is what i bought for you" i asked how did she know i was coming she said she just feel like buying it. Later i told her what happened and how she was the cause but she wasn't remorseful rather she said i was lying against her and I've never seen anything this is just the beginning.

Backed in Nigeria no more work, things was hard but I'm not a lazy type but i refused to live with her but not willing to leave her. I decided to stay in another state, found something to do, got enough money years later and travelled out again but this time i didn't tell her anything up to a year now but i do send money. She sent a message through social media that she heard I'm living with a woman somewhere else so if i don't show up in 3months an end will come to our marriage.

I forgot to hard she works, has a shop. What should i do cos i can go home now and i love her and don't want to have 2nd wife in my record I've not even cheated just for once.

You are complaining on nairaland to children? Abi

Man never bring your marital issues to this place if at all it is genuine

teresafaith:
You are a wicked, selfish, and a self centered person.

Sit there and be looking for pity party

Wicked man

Maybe na op wife be this

[b][/b][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]Your cock and bull story is not convincing, you are a man of unstable mind, your needs to be examined to ascertain your mental state. See a prophet for deliverance. Your cock and bull story is not convincing, you are a man of unstable mind, your needs to be examined to ascertain your mental state. See a prophet for deliverance. Your cock and bull story is not convincing, you are a man of unstable mind, your needs to be examined to ascertain your mental state. See a prophet for deliverance.

cococandy:
How's she evil?

Did you read the story with full sight or you subscribed to selective blindness while reading it so as to provide a cover for your unreasonable feministic inclination?

........When God has revealed to man his enemy....and he wan die put. Uncle, your other name be Mario?

Your wife is what Yorubas call "Paminku"
I hate divorces but I also have this philosophy: Throw in the litter bin anything that's not giving you Joy.

Your wife is a kill joy.

To ba ko iwaju si e, ko ta. To ba ko eyin si e, ko ta. To ba Ku iwo nikan, ko tun ero ara e pa.





Don't mind me I'm in AfricaMagic Yooba mood. If you need translations let me know Avsegzy.

darlenese:
Sir, I don't understand u, u dnt seem happy living under the same roof with this woman, she has never been a loving and understanding wife, and u prefer staying away from her to always avoid her trouble, she is an unreasonable woman who cannot even plan life with her spouse.

u love her, yes, but Love alone cannot sustain this marriage, she does not even care about u.
as a woman I am wondering what kind of human she is,from what u have described in your write up.
Pls let her go. except u have not been totally truthful in this write up

the so called woman with her mind boggling attitude has potentials of being diabolical. Meanwhile the way this uncle is screaming he loves her like ant wey love sugar.....like say she don cork am inside bottle. No matter where he goes he can't forget her or stray

use another woman to scare her probably ur sister she did not know or she has not seen before

And you were once "licensed to kill". #Shame

Be a man once in your life.

When I read such stories I be come scared of getting married.....I'm already making preparation for my marriage and I have noticed lots of changes with my fiancée.....I'm so discouraged right now

Avsegzy:
I'll try to make this brief. I met her in 2005 got married in 2010 but everything i knew about her characters Changed after that... From nagging to making life very difficult for me to cope...

I tried to adjust and told myself "this is what it to be called a real man" then i was in the force mostly posted on night guard 6pm to 6am so when i got home i would try to relax when it's 7am my wife will tell me to leave the bed cos she wanted to rearrange the bed neatly so I'd stand but she wouldn't let me use the bed back claiming I'd rough it lol... After few minutes she'd tell me to get up from the chair in the sitting room that she wanted to sweep. Hehe i was like " i don enter one chance ohhh".

Sometimes if i got annoyed before i said one she'd already said four but one mistake i made was that i used to tell her that i can never ever beat my wife even for once. Sometimes she would even tell me that I was only scared of being beaten by a woman not that i didn't want to beat her, if I'm a man enough i should let us give it a trial lol.

I tried to do an inter state transfer just to be far away from cos after our first child things only get worse but then there was an embargo on transfer, i tried to be transferred to another local government but it wasn't successful. I took it as a shame on me to drive her out even with my little kid so i decided to travel out of the country after my visa came out i resigned but i felt guilty with the idea of leaving without informing her so I told her 2days to my departure though she was happy about it but insisted i must give her money to rent another house before i left, i pleaded with her to continue living there that later I'll send her money to rent another place but she said NO... I gave her the money, later to the market and buy foodstuffs that i knew could take them up to 2months at least, i also gave her what i could afford as "pocket money". It's not even up to 2weeks over i left that she started calling me that they were hungry and no money to buy food i was shocked "so i never escape?" I was annoyed "after you almost finished all my money back home?" hmmm "ok no problem use out of the money i gave u to rent another apartment" she said no she'd already given it to her friend to keep it.

She didn't even ask if got a job or not every time she called it'd be argument about money. I told her to go to my mum then to collect money but she refused saying my mum wasn't the one that came to marry her...

Later i stop to pick her calls and later changed my number but the more i tried to ignore her the more i missed her and my kid who i love to hear her voice always. I called her back after 2months, sent money to her(a big mistake) and that made her to demand more and more with hot pressure. I got tired of life didn't know what else to do and I've not been earning much work permit and co. Still under processing i decided to go do some casual works(labour work) the money i got 1st and 2nd day in the 3rd day luck ran against me and and i was arrested for working without permit i had the option to pay fine though but i couldn't afford the amount so i came back to Nigeria.

The most shocking things was that without informing her of what happened or my coming home she handed over a boxers " you're welcome this is what i bought for you" i asked how did she know i was coming she said she just feel like buying it. Later i told her what happened and how she was the cause but she wasn't remorseful rather she said i was lying against her and I've never seen anything this is just the beginning.

Backed in Nigeria no more work, things was hard but I'm not a lazy type but i refused to live with her but not willing to leave her. I decided to stay in another state, found something to do, got enough money years later and travelled out again but this time i didn't tell her anything up to a year now but i do send money. She sent a message through social media that she heard I'm living with a woman somewhere else so if i don't show up in 3months an end will come to our marriage.

I forgot to hard she works, has a shop. What should i do cos i can go home now and i love her and don't want to have 2nd wife in my record I've not even cheated just for once.

Sometimes I wonder why people divorce because of petty things, but now I know that its because either one of them is a fool(low IQ), or both of them are fools, but in your own case, you are not just a fool but a naturally wicked man. And also, you are very very heartless, in fact the adjective for your wickedness and heartlessness is not in the dictionary, the first thing you did was to bring this discussion here and allow people who already have bad marriages use their mouth to say rubbish. And you have the gut to say you love her? please what kind of love is that, let me tell you what you have for her----
The reason you don't want her to leave is because you want to always and continuously own her not because you love her.
About her Nags, to all those stupid men always accusing a woman for nagging, you need to kindly study psychology. because no human being nags without a reason, People that nag mostly are the type that cannot really communicate their feelings to others and such they nag because they are angry, not comfortable or something is disturbing them that they can't even interpret themselves. Stress is another major cause of Nagging, and the best solution is let the person understand what Nagging is and why she nags. Nagging is not a nice feeling at all, so please you must have either be the cause of her nag or something else us causing it that you are not paying attention to, that's why she transferred the aggression to you.
Please what sort of human being will abandon his wife and child for weeks not to talk of months? How can you dare travel without her knowledge? Even if your friend travel without your knowledge, you will feel bad about it not to talk of your wife.
Another thing people don't understand about money is that people who are emotionally disturbed spend money anyhow, maybe just to derive pleasure, it takes a very strong human being to be wise when emotionally disturbed especially when it has to do with someone they love, and the reason she's highly demanding from you is because she want to punish you in some ways, and that's the only way she could, she want to punish you for everything, for marrying her,making her go through pains etc. I don't think she will be able to forgive you because if I were the one, I can't ever forgive you. To the point that you changed your simcard, do you know the number of times she would have dialed that number of yours during those periods?
And you have the gut to blame her for your deportation? How is that her fault please? You were foolish enough to make the mistake of illegal work, but you couldn't blame yourself, you then shift all your blames to her. And please how much are you giving her that you are saying you are giving her money? With the situation of Nigeria today, take money to market and you will see how fast it will go and discover you haven't bought anything, The truth is that she is intentionally punishing you by demanding from you and not giving you rest of mind.

So solution to your problem
1. Pray to God to forgive you
2. Beg her and beg her friends, beg her family members, tell her everything how you do not know she's in pain, how you thought she was the one punishing you, send those that can help you talk to her for her to forgive you because I am sure the hatred she has for you cannot be measured because it weight is just too much. And the only reason she is still staying with you is because of the money you are sending her and I am sure that as she is, she has already made up her mind that men are useless and no need to have husband
3. Ask her to tell you all her problems, the one you caused and the one you did not cause, and help her provide solution to them
4. Be her friend for now, always ask about her progress in life, discuss with her your future plans, carry her along in all other plans you have
5.. Give her time to forgive you, she can't just switch like that, it may take months, you will have to continuously do her good for month to convince her you have changed for the better
6. Beg her to pity you and tell her about the works you do, how hard it is, promise you will always be there for her and Beg her to be there for you too.
7. Even if you guys later divorce, at least the hatred she has for you that is eating her up would be eased, or you don't know that when one is in such condition, it would affect her interpersonal relationship with others too, that's is why in Nigeria, there's no sector one goes that one will meet 75% nice people, most of them are harsh, especially hospital workers, lecturers, Non teaching academic staffs etc. So please do us the favor of that.

Now she's the one @fault, what if u are a terrible husband imagine telling your wife two days to your departure date, hmmm...let me ask didn't u guys date, why all this stories plz if u love your wife call her tell her where u are.

Lastly sit her down whenever u come back & talk things over with her,let's see if she'll change.

sheeda995:
Sometimes I wonder why people divorce because of petty things, but now I know that its because either one of them is a fool(low IQ), or both of them are fools, but in your own case, you are not just a fool but a naturally wicked man. And also, you are very very heartless, in fact the adjective for your wickedness and heartlessness is not in the dictionary, the first thing you did was to bring this discussion here and allow people who already have bad marriages use their mouth to say rubbish. And you have the gut to say you love her? please what kind of love is that, let me tell you what you have for her----
The reason you don't want her to leave is because you want to always and continuously own her not because you love her.
About her Nags, to all those stupid men always accusing a woman for nagging, you need to kindly study psychology. because no human being nags without a reason, People that nag mostly are the type that cannot really communicate their feelings to others and such they nag because they are angry, not comfortable or something is disturbing them that they can't even interpret themselves. Stress is another major cause of Nagging, and the best solution is let the person understand what Nagging is and why she nags. Nagging is not a nice feeling at all, so please you must have either be the cause of her nag or something else us causing it that you are not paying attention to, that's why she transferred the aggression to you.
Please what sort of human being will abandon his wife and child for weeks not to talk of months? How can you dare travel without her knowledge? Even if your friend travel without your knowledge, you will feel bad about it not to talk of your wife.
Another thing people don't understand about money is that people who are emotionally disturbed spend money anyhow, maybe just to derive pleasure, it takes a very strong human being to be wise when emotionally disturbed especially when it has to do with someone they love, and the reason she's highly demanding from you is because she want to punish you in some ways, and that's the only way she could, she want to punish you for everything, for marrying her,making her go through pains etc. I don't think she will be able to forgive you because if I were the one, I can't ever forgive you. To the point that you changed your simcard, do you know the number of times she would have dialed that number of yours during those periods?
And you have the gut to blame her for your deportation? How is that her fault please? You were foolish enough to make the mistake of illegal work, but you couldn't blame yourself, you then shift all your blames to her. And please how much are you giving her that you are saying you are giving her money? With the situation of Nigeria today, take money to market and you will see how fast it will go and discover you haven't bought anything, The truth is that she is intentionally punishing you by demanding from you and not giving you rest of mind.

So solution to your problem
1. Pray to God to forgive you
2. Beg her and beg her friends, beg her family members, tell her everything how you do not know she's in pain, how you thought she was the one punishing you, send those that can help you talk to her for her to forgive you because I am sure the hatred she has for you cannot be measured because it weight is just too much. And the only reason she is still staying with you is because of the money you are sending her and I am sure that as she is, she has already made up her mind that men are useless and no need to have husband
3. Ask her to tell you all her problems, the one you caused and the one you did not cause, and help her provide solution to them
4. Be her friend for now, always ask about her progress in life, discuss with her your future plans, carry her along in all other plans you have
5.. Give her time to forgive you, she can't just switch like that, it may take months, you will have to continuously do her good for month to convince her you have changed for the better
6. Beg her to pity you and tell her about the works you do, how hard it is, promise you will always be there for her and Beg her to be there for you too.
7. Even if you guys later divorce, at least the hatred she has for you that is eating her up would be eased, or you don't know that when one is in such condition, it would affect her interpersonal relationship with others too, that's is why in Nigeria, there's no sector one goes that one will meet 75% nice people, most of them are harsh, especially hospital workers, lecturers, Non teaching academic staffs etc. So please do us the favor of that.

NONSENSE.
Another nag, nagger, naggest.

I cannot respond to a one sided story, let us hear her own side before I respond.

Avsegzy:
hmmm thanks

How long have you been away from her ?

My only advice is, GO BACK TO HER, and WORK OUT your marriage.

Marriage is worked out. Ask your wife what is disturbing her. Stop assuming that she is not okay. You can also correct her wisely. There is no woman who won't listen to a wise and gentle husband.

But you ran away because you are too gentle.

Avsegzy:
I'll try to make this brief. I met her in 2005 got married in 2010 but everything i knew about her characters Changed after that... From nagging to making life very difficult for me to cope...

I tried to adjust and told myself "this is what it to be called a real man" then i was in the force mostly posted on night guard 6pm to 6am so when i got home i would try to relax when it's 7am my wife will tell me to leave the bed cos she wanted to rearrange the bed neatly so I'd stand but she wouldn't let me use the bed back claiming I'd rough it lol... After few minutes she'd tell me to get up from the chair in the sitting room that she wanted to sweep. Hehe i was like " i don enter one chance ohhh".

Sometimes if i got annoyed before i said one she'd already said four but one mistake i made was that i used to tell her that i can never ever beat my wife even for once. Sometimes she would even tell me that I was only scared of being beaten by a woman not that i didn't want to beat her, if I'm a man enough i should let us give it a trial lol.

I tried to do an inter state transfer just to be far away from cos after our first child things only get worse but then there was an embargo on transfer, i tried to be transferred to another local government but it wasn't successful. I took it as a shame on me to drive her out even with my little kid so i decided to travel out of the country after my visa came out i resigned but i felt guilty with the idea of leaving without informing her so I told her 2days to my departure though she was happy about it but insisted i must give her money to rent another house before i left, i pleaded with her to continue living there that later I'll send her money to rent another place but she said NO... I gave her the money, later to the market and buy foodstuffs that i knew could take them up to 2months at least, i also gave her what i could afford as "pocket money". It's not even up to 2weeks over i left that she started calling me that they were hungry and no money to buy food i was shocked "so i never escape?" I was annoyed "after you almost finished all my money back home?" hmmm "ok no problem use out of the money i gave u to rent another apartment" she said no she'd already given it to her friend to keep it.

She didn't even ask if got a job or not every time she called it'd be argument about money. I told her to go to my mum then to collect money but she refused saying my mum wasn't the one that came to marry her...

Later i stop to pick her calls and later changed my number but the more i tried to ignore her the more i missed her and my kid who i love to hear her voice always. I called her back after 2months, sent money to her(a big mistake) and that made her to demand more and more with hot pressure. I got tired of life didn't know what else to do and I've not been earning much work permit and co. Still under processing i decided to go do some casual works(labour work) the money i got 1st and 2nd day in the 3rd day luck ran against me and and i was arrested for working without permit i had the option to pay fine though but i couldn't afford the amount so i came back to Nigeria.

The most shocking things was that without informing her of what happened or my coming home she handed over a boxers " you're welcome this is what i bought for you" i asked how did she know i was coming she said she just feel like buying it. Later i told her what happened and how she was the cause but she wasn't remorseful rather she said i was lying against her and I've never seen anything this is just the beginning.

Backed in Nigeria no more work, things was hard but I'm not a lazy type but i refused to live with her but not willing to leave her. I decided to stay in another state, found something to do, got enough money years later and travelled out again but this time i didn't tell her anything up to a year now but i do send money. She sent a message through social media that she heard I'm living with a woman somewhere else so if i don't show up in 3months an end will come to our marriage.

I forgot to hard she works, has a shop. What should i do cos i can go home now and i love her and don't want to have 2nd wife in my record I've not even cheated just for once.

Pls take your matter to God, not nairaland. Say no to divorce. Go for deliverance.

teresafaith:
You are a wicked, selfish, and a self centered person.

Sit there and be looking for pity party

Wicked man

u dnt think well b4 u comments if d man is ur brother is dis how u re going advice him ? Dis show dat u re worse den d woman

Imagine a man blaming a woman living in another country for his not having a work permit and subsequent deportation. Olodo man. You think peole living abroad are not reading this thread? You travelled abroad without papers! And you were caught and you blame your wife
You resigned from the military, an organization I know that doesn't easily allow staff to throw in resignation letters anyhow, and you blame your wife for it
You left the country again without informing your wife for so long
When you voluntarily left the military you don't know that the first thing to do is to rent private residence for your family? You were leaving the country so that they can pursue your wife from military quarters abi?

Your daughter does not even know where you are. Are you are good father? Are you? You claim you send money? How much do you send wey we no go hear word? You admitted that your wife works and has a business, it means she is not lazy, ode
Just because ur wife bought red boxers for you you want to leave, Ole so she cannot buy boxers and keep it at home pending when you return? See eh, I pray that your wife takes the step to divorce you. Imagine me as a wife trying my husband's line for a year and its not going through, not knowing my husband's whereabouts and people are supporting him.
I pray for this woman to be free from you so she can meet a better man, that takes responsibility for his actions and knows how to communicate with her. You claimed your wife's friend Theresa is on this thread and she has told you that you're wicked. Your wife's friend oh
You're a very wicked man

She might be troublesome and selfish but how would you travel out of the country without telling your wife? That's bad!

If coming home will lead to your downfall stay there and Keep sending her enough money but if it won't affect you please come home to save your marriage.
God bless you bro!

400billionman:
How long have you been away from her ?

My only advice is, GO BACK TO HER, and WORK OUT your marriage.

Marriage is worked out. Ask your wife what is disturbing her. Stop assuming that she is not okay. You can also correct her wisely. There is no woman who won't listen to a wise and gentle husband.

But you ran away because you are too gentle.

a year

Op abandoned his wife and children for 2 whole months,

changed his number so his wife will not contact him when he was abroad

didnt bother finding out his childrens welfare when he abandoned them

always making travel plans without letting his family know

and somehow the wife is the demon here?
He is a confused and irresponsible person and I am sure his irresponsible behaviour is what frustrates his wife into nagging since she wasn't that way before marriage. He is also a foolish man.
So because your wife bought red boxers for you when you came back it means she did juju to spoil your plans, you could not even appreciate a welcome back gift. Maybe when she does nice things for you this is how you show ingratitude by reading meaning into it then you come on nairaland to tell a one sided story and play victim.
The day shd asked you to move from the bed and when she started nagging you should have tried to resolve it or got her family to talk to her to find out d problem instead of running abroad

Oga you are broke with no swag and she knows other ladies would have no appeal for you

Marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend, Oloshoo business is all the same but you play with different cards

Your wife needs a good dose of jealousy . She's after one, she doesn't give you peace, bro it is only you or an Alhaji with 3wives who would tolerate her, trust me on that one

Finally: Oga hustle harder and make more money


Please Note: A weak man creates rebellion in a woman. You Bleep her good and allow her world spin around you, she's going nowhere

Yoruba adage

This meat is bad ....ok now leave the meat no o..i can see some meat on the bone.

I feel your pain but you both need to go for marriage counselling.

For the rest of us - by now you know you must look before you leap - Look and leap at LostRib.com

omooba969:
@bolded,

Wrong move !

I believe matter of this kind can be handled by the couple if the two are willing. If that doesn't work, just take the product(marriage) back to the manufacturer(God) to fix it.

@OP, what you need now is peace to reign in your heart, I mean the peace of God. Ask Him to give you this peace & you'll see the difference.

Good luck.

the poster said when he tried talking, she said he had not seen anything yet. I think she carries some anger, so if she can't talk to him, she can talk to a counselor who is not related to them. Also, from the posters story, the woman is not willing. but whatever works for them,they should take. a broken home is not the best place in the world.

Avsegzy:
and mind you my work permit didn't fail i went to another place to work cos there they pay per day so that i can send the money to her to stop the pressure

Bro this is ur problem rite here u hv refused to solve this underlying discomforts in ur marriage which u clearly do not enjoy from ur write up. U hv also refused to be a man so ur wife now kinds of rides u. Yes u shid be a gentleman man which u are bt u also hv to address issues u don't like at once rather than leaving them to fester or continue. U keep sending her money to stop d pressure and drama and bad vibes and still u aint happy cos thats not the solution. Faces the issue like a man is. List the things u don't like and let her list hers if she has any and both of u work on urselves if u still love urselves and if u dont then call it quits or call ur folks to intervene. Neglecting ur wife physically is wrong and her nagging and talking to u anyhow is wrong. She shud stop all dat nonesense.... Also LET her know the real reason u stay away from her is her attitude or watever it is cos know she thinks its another woman. Lol. Gudluck

My brother first I will like to say that u made a mistake by not picking her signals. The reason she was always asking you to stand up from the bed and then chair is because you hadn't done your home duty. No woman can bear you going to work all nite and returning in the morning to sleep without planning on how you can pay back the sex you missed. Appeasing her in that department will be a good start bro. Try to make peace peace.

thingsyoudo123:
Why r u exaggerating the situation? is d man in question on d threat of death? if u read tru his story, wen he went away for some years or months, dia was no problem. he could use separationas a means to bring her to her senses if other forms of dialogue fails. but from d story, d man has always been a silent object. accepting every shit without a word or fight. dat will might ve given her d idea she is in control and so she can made stupid demands. but if d man had denied her dos monies and stood his ground as d head of d family, do u tink she would ve done anytin harmful to him Dis kind of lady is just a wasteful spender or an over pampered girl while she was growing. so he need to "clear her doubts"

i agree with you about being silent also i hate to attract the attention of neighbours my matters so since she knew i would neither beat nor shout with her that gave her more power most time i'd just go out.so it kept burning me inside,the brooding was uncontrollable sometimes i forgot my raffle,i once rode a bike to my beat,i forgot the bike when i closed in the morning then trek i was about to reach my street before i remembered

cococandy:
If you're not biased , then call op out on his wicked attitude.

I don't see how his wife is even as bad as he is.

There you go again.
i don't have anything to say.

Your wife's case is very similar to that of a "Baby mama ". Though I have never married before... It's quite unfortunate to say that your wife is cheating on you....

On the part that which you still profess your love towards her, that's shows the situation could be managed. Try bringing in some one she respects very much to discuss with her and also her parents into the discussion

Above all, you are also at fault in some ways... The marriage can be mended... It needs wisdom and prayer

Avsegzy:
I'll try to make this brief. I met her in 2005 got married in 2010 but everything i knew about her characters Changed after that... From nagging to making life very difficult for me to cope...

I tried to adjust and told myself "this is what it to be called a real man" then i was in the force mostly posted on night guard 6pm to 6am so when i got home i would try to relax when it's 7am my wife will tell me to leave the bed cos she wanted to rearrange the bed neatly so I'd stand but she wouldn't let me use the bed back claiming I'd rough it lol... After few minutes she'd tell me to get up from the chair in the sitting room that she wanted to sweep. Hehe i was like " i don enter one chance ohhh".

Sometimes if i got annoyed before i said one she'd already said four but one mistake i made was that i used to tell her that i can never ever beat my wife even for once. Sometimes she would even tell me that I was only scared of being beaten by a woman not that i didn't want to beat her, if I'm a man enough i should let us give it a trial lol.

I tried to do an inter state transfer just to be far away from cos after our first child things only get worse but then there was an embargo on transfer, i tried to be transferred to another local government but it wasn't successful. I took it as a shame on me to drive her out even with my little kid so i decided to travel out of the country after my visa came out i resigned but i felt guilty with the idea of leaving without informing her so I told her 2days to my departure though she was happy about it but insisted i must give her money to rent another house before i left, i pleaded with her to continue living there that later I'll send her money to rent another place but she said NO... I gave her the money, later to the market and buy foodstuffs that i knew could take them up to 2months at least, i also gave her what i could afford as "pocket money". It's not even up to 2weeks over i left that she started calling me that they were hungry and no money to buy food i was shocked "so i never escape?" I was annoyed "after you almost finished all my money back home?" hmmm "ok no problem use out of the money i gave u to rent another apartment" she said no she'd already given it to her friend to keep it.

She didn't even ask if got a job or not every time she called it'd be argument about money. I told her to go to my mum then to collect money but she refused saying my mum wasn't the one that came to marry her...

Later i stop to pick her calls and later changed my number but the more i tried to ignore her the more i missed her and my kid who i love to hear her voice always. I called her back after 2months, sent money to her(a big mistake) and that made her to demand more and more with hot pressure. I got tired of life didn't know what else to do and I've not been earning much work permit and co. Still under processing i decided to go do some casual works(labour work) the money i got 1st and 2nd day in the 3rd day luck ran against me and and i was arrested for working without permit i had the option to pay fine though but i couldn't afford the amount so i came back to Nigeria.

The most shocking things was that without informing her of what happened or my coming home she handed over a boxers " you're welcome this is what i bought for you" i asked how did she know i was coming she said she just feel like buying it. Later i told her what happened and how she was the cause but she wasn't remorseful rather she said i was lying against her and I've never seen anything this is just the beginning.

Backed in Nigeria no more work, things was hard but I'm not a lazy type but i refused to live with her but not willing to leave her. I decided to stay in another state, found something to do, got enough money years later and travelled out again but this time i didn't tell her anything up to a year now but i do send money. She sent a message through social media that she heard I'm living with a woman somewhere else so if i don't show up in 3months an end will come to our marriage.

I forgot to hard she works, has a shop. What should i do cos i can go home now and i love her and don't want to have 2nd wife in my record I've not even cheated just for once.

sorry ur wife may be sleeping with another man.
u don't think deep, how come the boxers she decided to give it was not meant for u.