₦airaland Forum

Beyhiodie:
In the first place you aren't married and you are living together, who tell turn her to your wife? Youths missing it this end time....

if they are married traditionally, then they are a couple lready.

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

Are you a man at all?
Chief your manhood is in doubt

Man, you need to be wise o. She has shown you who she really is. A word is enough for the wise.

Jahblessme:
Am i supposed to take the sabi sabi as insult?
Why should he undermine his wife in such a manner?His wife yelled,yes but where did she 'command' him?
I believe that when people get obsessed with control issues they are usually insecure.
If you are confident in yourself ,make logical decisions and act mature,you will earn and command respect without uttering a sound.

Don't you ever shout at or insult a man who is not your son n expect him to say sorry. Is he mad?. If u want a man 2 understand you, act like a lady, n he would be a man, act like a girl n u would see a boy. Ordinary water was 2 small 4 him 2 shout but ordinary instructions was too small for her 2 flare up 2.

coolcatty:
U need to stamp your feet down.... Personally I will advise you to halt the wedding plans for now... The woman in question is domineering... Insulting, I can bet she is ungrateful too and doesn't respect you... Trust me you will eventually be forced to beat her and the society will brand you a woman beater...
.

The signs are all there... There is no respect for you from your woman and her family.... People have been in this kind of situation and are regretting it.

Pls halt the wedding for now.

You be correct man with enough experience. This is the woman that has not said "I do" and she is misbehaving, if the man finally said "I do" the man name become sorry.
Op,they said a broken relationship is better than broken marriage.

Nma27:
I pray things don't deteriorate like that in mine o... Can't imagine

lol. is there a man you currently dealing with while under same roof? why not simply start treating him Berra so such thought or eventualities of falling out of love with you never happens. you know women rarely do much to gain the attentions of a man, but it's always through the things that they do that they lose his attention and care. food for thought

She isn't a good house wife material. Don't you have a plan B? If yes, you may switch to the alternate plan.

ststyreal:
If I were to be your wife, marriage don end be that. You are too womanish, habaaaa kilode! Person no fit come your house in peace. @Op you are too stingy and a nagger at the same time, complaining of gas because of common water, na waoooooo.

It's clear Ur wife is a house wife n u don't like it. She contributes nothing financially and you are not happy. There is an annoyance you are carrying from the introduction. Her people probably showed you shegeh n u want to revenge. My dear, I understand your anger but tamper justice with mercy, aburo!!!

It's clear Ur wife is a house wife n u don't like it. She contributes nothing financially and you are not happy. There is an annoyance you are carrying from the introduction. Her people probably showed you shegeh n u want to revenge. My dear, I understand your anger but tamper justice with mercy, aburo!!!

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

These are not pleasant signs from a woman whose meant to be submissive and keep a home.....Think again!

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

From personal experience, exactly what you are going through, i am afraid to tell you that she is not your wife.

Pls don't regret your action like mine.

Pls run....

coolcatty:
U need to stamp your feet down.... Personally I will advise you to halt the wedding plans for now... The woman in question is domineering... Insulting, I can bet she is ungrateful too and doesn't respect you... Trust me you will eventually be forced to beat her and the society will brand you a woman beater...
.

The signs are all there... There is no respect for you from your woman and her family.... People have been in this kind of situation and are regretting it.

Pls halt the wedding for now.

I am one of those who are still regretting it.


Best advice

coolcatty:
U need to stamp your feet down.... Personally I will advise you to halt the wedding plans for now... The woman in question is domineering... Insulting, I can bet she is ungrateful too and doesn't respect you... Trust me you will eventually be forced to beat her and the society will brand you a woman beater...
.

The signs are all there... There is no respect for you from your woman and her family.... People have been in this kind of situation and are regretting it.

Pls halt the wedding for now.

You must be an old man... You too get sense

Lloydfolarin:
I am one of those who are still regretting it.


Best advice

Welcome to the club man....

Gourdoinc:
lol. is there a man you currently dealing with while under same roof? why not simply start treating him Berra so such thought or eventualities of falling out of love with you never happens. you know women rarely do much to gain the attentions of a man, but it's always through the things that they do that they lose his attention and care. food for thought

No off course not. Don't have the strength for such negative attitude. I enjoy peace and laughter. So what vsn one do to get a man's attention?

Jahblessme:
Am i supposed to take the sabi sabi as insult?
Why should he undermine his wife in such a manner?His wife yelled,yes but where did she 'command' him?
I believe that when people get obsessed with control issues they are usually insecure.
If you are confident in yourself ,make logical decisions and act mature,you will earn and command respect without uttering a sound.

Word!!!

Zilifish:
Sabi sabi. Op is somehw wrong but why should his wife start yelling and commanding him. He said he told his cousin to always consult him, he never shouted but the wife eavsdropped.

in a normal home the kitchen belongs to d woman, she should be the one measuring not the man, its abnormal for a man to do dat.

Nma27:
No off course not. Don't have the strength for such negative attitude. I enjoy peace and laughter. So what vsn one do to get a man's attention?

God has already given you what you need to get his attention, which is your beauty, it's keeping and maintaining the attention is what you need effort to do. every man is peculiar and no single rule applies to both but we all seek specific things in women we love and are attracted to. try and find out what it is with whichever man you are currently with. and when you have done that, try and be everything he deeply seeks for. try to spice that thing he innately loves with your womanly charms and project such image always which you know he innately loves. you have used a major strength to conquer him such that you will always have his attention. because what you represent goes beyond sex, love and his earlier lustful attraction. you currently represent his dreams and wishes. who runs away or survives when a real woman properly applies her bottom power (not sex). every man falls at the feet of a real woman.

Hello sir...please forgive Madam first in your mind then tell her you are sorry you made her angry...tell her to talk to her sister on your behalf...All will be well.

Advice u by telling u not go on wit ur white wedding or wat?

Richy4:
You did what u feel was right @ that moment...

Your sister inlaw was a classy young woman too I must say, she left when she was supposed to..Maybe She never knew her coming will be a problem,maybe she felt her sister will sort u out...But she got it wrong.. Some ladies would have stayed even when they knew they were not welcomed..

If u have a younger bro, or Sis, just expect a cold welcome from your wife anytime they step into your house..it will never be forgotten...

U mistakenly broke an unwritten code that most women held with high esteem especially from the Eastern part of Nigeria....They always want to show that they are comfortable in their husband's house and their relatives are welcome to stay for sometime..I guess that was why she was mad @ u

Just say u were sorry bro.. with a peace offering like earring, or perfume etc.

Your understanding is outstanding, OP NOTE THIS

Richy4:
You did what u feel was right @ that moment...

Your sister inlaw was a classy young woman too I must say, she left when she was supposed to..Maybe She never knew her coming will be a problem,maybe she felt her sister will sort u out...But she got it wrong.. Some ladies would have stayed even when they knew they were not welcomed..

If u have a younger bro, or Sis, just expect a cold welcome from your wife anytime they step into your house..it will never be forgotten...

U mistakenly broke an unwritten code that most women held with high esteem especially from the Eastern part of Nigeria....They always want to show that they are comfortable in their husband's house and their relatives are welcome to stay for sometime..I guess that was why she was mad @ u

Just say u were sorry bro.. with a peace offering like earring, or perfume etc.

And what of her domineering nature no abusive ways? Don't forget that her childish conducts started long before her sister's episode, according to the op.

ikp120:
Oga leave that woman o. Delete her completely from your life. Don't say you weren't warned.

But lets say the truth, it is wrong for op to be living together with a lady, that is cohabitation. Both if you should repent and make things straight.

Use your tongue to count your teeth guy.....it doesn't matter how u travel on a wrong route, it is still wrong. The lady sounds like a Yoruba lady, quit now so your future won't be miserable....dats d biggest problem with yoloba gals-DOMINNERING ATTITUDE-I dated one for 4 years and swore I'll rather be a Tibetian monk and die as one than marry a yoloba gal.....cheers

Zilifish:
Sabi sabi. Op is somehw wrong but why should his wife start yelling and commanding him. He said he told his cousin to always consult him, he never shouted but the wife eavsdropped.

Why would she even be boiling two pots of water to bath? Didn't they teach her moderation in her family? And the op must be financially handicapped, but here is a SIL acting as if she had never worked for money in her life

Templa:
I see darkness in your future..but if you can endure and mature then there is hope.. For there is always light at the end of the tunnel

that light at the end of the tunnel might be an incoming train.

coolcatty:
U need to stamp your feet down.... Personally I will advise you to halt the wedding plans for now... The woman in question is domineering... Insulting, I can bet she is ungrateful too and doesn't respect you... Trust me you will eventually be forced to beat her and the society will brand you a woman beater...
.

The signs are all there... There is no respect for you from your woman and her family.... People have been in this kind of situation and are regretting it.

Pls halt the wedding for now.

I faced a similar situation and in her moments of anger she even hit me severally and the day I retaliated she spun it around and made a gentle me to look like a dictator after informing her family. I tried to explain but her mum even called me a liar and that spoilt our relationship to this moment.
It's so bad that her family knows how much she has in her bank account than me, and my family members are not wanted in our house but her own relations come at will even when she seldom help out in the family financial projects including the kids school fees and house rent putting a lot of strain on me and my income.

I won't advice anyone to go ahead and marry a woman who has no respect for him if you know that you can't stand emotional abuse from a wife. It will surely take a toll on you as time goes on.

Jahblessme:


Gosh!! where do i start from What kind of local story is this?

1. Your wife should have discussed with you first before her sister visited you both-she was very wrong but everything after that made you look so petty.You were counting water used to bathe and asking your cousin helper to report to you first? If she wants to eat eggs will that also be reported to you?Do you also measure yam with ruler in your house?
Your actions have sown a very bad seed - belittling your SIL & your wife.I do not blame your wife for being very angry but she should have cooled off first and expressed her annoyance to you without flaring up.

Just a quick question OP,if your sister visits and your wife tells your little cousin to report to her first before doing anything she asks for nko?How would that sit with you?Just know your wife will never forget,be ready for your siblings to recieve the same hot soup

Yes,you should have been told before her sis landed ,but the deed had already been done.You should have controlled yourself instead of acting like a miserable being.What did your SIL do wrong?she probably thought she was coming to visit human beings who would treat her well not knowing her husband is a hot water measurer
Best approach would have been to discuss the issue with your spouse quietly.See disgrace!



Your wife raised her voice,you raised your own too,asked her to leave your room.'Yoour Room'??!!! i thought you both are married? I cant even believe what i'm reading here.
In the same sentence you talked about not wanting to be a woman beater.I do not see any reason why beating should come into this abi you normally beat or you were raised by a beater?Violence should not be an option.ah ahhh!!!


Both of you displayed shameful behavior and i don't blame your SIL for leaving,you disgraced her infront of your cousin helper,you disgraced your wife,your wife as disgraced you & you have made her feel unwelcome. Tueh
She will go and tell the story to family members who already don't like you and you will officially enter hate list with tattered reputation.

Please do the world a favour and delay this wedding till you both learn to behave like adults.


If you want to be the leader of your home you must learn to conduct yourself with dignity and self respect.You have to lead by example.
Discussions can be had without raising of voices.If your wife starts to shout,tell her you won't listen till she calms down and addresses you like an adult.I also expect her to do the same to you.That way you both will learn to trust each other and start building your little unit,she will also stop seeing the need to tell every little deed to her family as you will become her best friend and confidante.

Normally you should be in honeymoon phase but you people are already acting like cat and dog.
Good luck o.






By the way the way you worded little cousin and 2 big pots are you trying to imply that the girl is too little to do chores in general or specifically chores for SIL? If she is little,ideally she shouldn't be in your home doing housework.

op, if am u, I will take this advice. On point

Back out of that proposed marriage. God has given you enough signs already. Dont marry her.

coolcatty:
U need to stamp your feet down.... Personally I will advise you to halt the wedding plans for now... The woman in question is domineering... Insulting, I can bet she is ungrateful too and doesn't respect you... Trust me you will eventually be forced to beat her and the society will brand you a woman beater...
.

The signs are all there... There is no respect for you from your woman and her family.... People have been in this kind of situation and are regretting it.

Pls halt the wedding for now.

Very true. I know it is almost impossible for you to suspend or postpone the wedding. It would have really sent a strong message to change her.

too much grammar dey this thread

ststyreal:
If I were to be your wife, marriage don end be that. You are too womanish, habaaaa kilode! Person no fit come your house in peace. @Op you are too stingy and a nagger at the same time, complaining of gas because of common water, na waoooooo.

From this ur post, its either u are earning enough money and living comfortably or ur feeding and house rent is taken care of by someone else. I'm 100% sure u are not a guy man cus no dude would reason this way. Though I'm not saying d man is right but he may be hustling big time to feel that gas, buy food stuff and settle other bills.