yasmina85:
My BF and I have been together fo years (6+). We both have good jobs, we're both well in our 30s, I think we love each other (I sure do) and we get along fine.

3 years ago, he wanted me to move in but I said no, not before marriage.
Since then, it's been the status quo. We spend time together either at his place or mine.
When I bring up going to my father he deflects with something like "don't worry, it's coming"; "I'll go when I'm ready, be patient"...

Last year, I got mad and sort of gave him an ultimatum.He said he would but was still draging his feet.
I became bitter, he felt over pressured and we started fighting and arguing for everything.
We eventually broke up and spent almost a year appart. He came back 6 months ago and things are like when we first met

The problem is, I feel like for him, it's a whole new relationship and we have to let it mature like any new RS.
For me, we just took up where we left so we've been dating long enough. He either commit or leave me alone.

I don't want to lose him but I can't do this anymore. I really don't know why he can't bring himself to at least do the door knocking.

Please what can I do ??

soberdrunk:
My dear i am going to be blunt and honest with you, dont listen to all these 'aunty feminists' screaming 'give him deadline', that is what put you in this situation in the first place because no man likes to be pressured to do anything, especially 'marriage'. '6 years' is a long time to throw away and it is obvious you truly love him so read the following tips very carefully and follow them if you want to marry this year. Normally i will have charged you one crate of gulder for advice but am feeling generous----


1) kill the topic--- Dont mention anything about marriage again, dont even think of giving him deadline beacause even if it works it might still come up later in the marriage how you pressured him into marriage and whenever you guys have issues you will always hear it.

2)Operation become unavailable!!-- It is no secret that absence makes the heart grow fonder so you have to reduce the time you spend with him, let him crave you more. Let him realize how much he needs you, it is not everytime he dials ur number you will deliver like dominos pizza

3)Competition---- It is time you create competition whether 'imaginary' or 'real', show him that your 'market is selling' and that he has to fight to keep you. We men tend to take women for granted when we realize that there is no competition. Let him no there are options and he is expendable.

4) Go spiritual--- whatever way you worship, you need to talk to the higher force about it


If you do all these any he doesnt marry you in the next 6months-1 year then there is more to the situation than the ordinary eyes can see....

soberdrunk:
My dear i am going to be blunt and honest with you, dont listen to all these 'aunty feminists' screaming 'give him deadline', that is what put you in this situation in the first place because no man likes to be pressured to do anything, especially 'marriage'. '6 years' is a long time to throw away and it is obvious you truly love him so read the following tips very carefully and follow them if you want to marry this year. Normally i will have charged you one crate of gulder for advice but am feeling generous----


1) kill the topic--- Dont mention anything about marriage again, dont even think of giving him deadline beacause even if it works it might still come up later in the marriage how you pressured him into marriage and whenever you guys have issues you will always hear it.

2)Operation become unavailable!!-- It is no secret that absence makes the heart grow fonder so you have to reduce the time you spend with him, let him crave you more. Let him realize how much he needs you, it is not everytime he dials ur number you will deliver like dominos pizza

3)Competition---- It is time you create competition whether 'imaginary' or 'real', show him that your 'market is selling' and that he has to fight to keep you. We men tend to take women for granted when we realize that there is no competition. Let him no there are options and he is expendable.

4) Go spiritual--- whatever way you worship, you need to talk to the higher force about it


If you do all these any he doesnt marry you in the next 6months-1 year then there is more to the situation than the ordinary eyes can see....

ariyebaba:
Its like you are only dateable and not marriageble.

by the way, why buying the cow when u can av free milk

yasmina85:
My BF and I have been together fo years (6+). We both have good jobs, we're both well in our 30s, I think we love each other (I sure do) and we get along fine.

3 years ago, he wanted me to move in but I said no, not before marriage.
Since then, it's been the status quo. We spend time together either at his place or mine.
When I bring up going to my father he deflects with something like "don't worry, it's coming"; "I'll go when I'm ready, be patient"...

Last year, I got mad and sort of gave him an ultimatum.He said he would but was still draging his feet.
I became bitter, he felt over pressured and we started fighting and arguing for everything.
We eventually broke up and spent almost a year appart. He came back 6 months ago and things are like when we first met

The problem is, I feel like for him, it's a whole new relationship and we have to let it mature like any new RS.
For me, we just took up where we left so we've been dating long enough. He either commit or leave me alone.

I don't want to lose him but I can't do this anymore. I really don't know why he can't bring himself to at least do the door knocking.

Please what can I do ??

yasmina85:
@KingRex1: he actually already met my parents on "casual" occasions.The problem is that he never came "officialy" with his own family.

@eezeribe: he never proposed "movie like" for sure but when he talks about us starting a family all the time, makes plans about our future life together...He actually wan'ts a child and I told him to marry me before.

@ariyebaba: maybe i'm not marriage material. if that's the case, I would really want to know why because I think I've done everything a young lady is supposed to do to fit the "good catch" category
About that "buying the cow..." if you're talking about intimacy, I don't think that's the problem. 99% of my married GF had sex with their husbands before and still got married.

maybe he's just not that into me after a ll

soberdrunk:
My dear i am going to be blunt and honest with you, dont listen to all these 'aunty feminists' screaming 'give him deadline', that is what put you in this situation in the first place because no man likes to be pressured to do anything, especially 'marriage'. '6 years' is a long time to throw away and it is obvious you truly love him so read the following tips very carefully and follow them if you want to marry this year. Normally i will have charged you one crate of gulder for advice but am feeling generous----


1) kill the topic--- Dont mention anything about marriage again, dont even think of giving him deadline beacause even if it works it might still come up later in the marriage how you pressured him into marriage and whenever you guys have issues you will always hear it.

2)Operation become unavailable!!-- It is no secret that absence makes the heart grow fonder so you have to reduce the time you spend with him, let him crave you more. Let him realize how much he needs you, it is not everytime he dials ur number you will deliver like dominos pizza

3)Competition---- It is time you create competition whether 'imaginary' or 'real', show him that your 'market is selling' and that he has to fight to keep you. We men tend to take women for granted when we realize that there is no competition. Let him no there are options and he is expendable.

4) Go spiritual--- whatever way you worship, you need to talk to the higher force about it


If you do all these any he doesnt marry you in the next 6months-1 year then there is more to the situation than the ordinary eyes can see....

Billyonaire:


Very simple. Get pregnant and keep the pregnancy.

Chukazu:
if he is not seeing your parent then you go see his own parent naa

yasmina85:
Thanks to all of you for taking time to answer.
Reading all the comments helped me a lot.

Of course they are 2 sides to a story and he obviously has his reasons but he never complained about anything so I don't know.

Now to sum up what you guys brought up, it could be:

1- religion/tribe issues: we are from different backgrounds but my family is mixed (Muslim Nigerian father, Christian Ivorian mother)
We are 4 siblings and my brother and 2 sisters are all married to people from very different cultures, religions even skin colors and it’s 100% fine.
So I told him that I would be fine practicing Christian faith and raising children in that faith.
I met his sisters and they're all rooting for me so I don't think that's the problem

2- Not wife material: this one is really difficult since I can't tell exactly what it means. It's probably different from one man to another anyway
But I'm educated, independent, hardworking and God fearing. I'm respectful and pretty much submissive. We really get along, make each other laugh and are best friends.
That's what we were in college for a long time before dating.

3- No incentive: that's probably one of the biggest problems. I didn't pressure him when I needed to, when the relationship was still "fresh" and when he was still excited about me.
I was too shy and wanted it to come from him.
Now we've been together too long so he probably doesn't feel the passion anymore. And yay, you're right, he will probably marry the next one within a year
It happened to one of my GF. BTW, she had a baby for this guy she dated for years. He had an excuse (no job) for the most part but he eventually got the job and kept dragging his feet. She got pregnant and he went on to marry a younger girl after few months of knowing her.
Now my GF is married and had another baby but things could have turned really ugly for her so no, I won't get pregnant to trap him

4- Commitment issues: Now that I think about it, he probably has an issue. For the past 5 years, he has been talking about buying a place. He has the means, the time and opportunity but can't bring himself to do it. I think he wants to live like a teenager, free and burden less.

5- Not into me: it boils down to that. He loves me, I know he does but not enough or not in the way he dreams of loving his wife.
Maybe I'm his best friend with benefit and he wants the thrill and passion and just doesn't picture me as his wife.

So thanks to all of you for validating my feelings, I needed that to be more confident in my decision.
As someone said, it's very difficult to throw 6 years in the bin but it's for the best.
It’s time for me to move on. I still have decent suitors. I don't want to play games (try to make him jealous) or cheat so I'll break up and move on.

yasmina85:
My BF and I have been together fo years (6+). We both have good jobs, we're both well in our 30s, I think we love each other (I sure do) and we get along fine.

3 years ago, he wanted me to move in but I said no, not before marriage.
Since then, it's been the status quo. We spend time together either at his place or mine.
When I bring up going to my father he deflects with something like "don't worry, it's coming"; "I'll go when I'm ready, be patient"...

Last year, I got mad and sort of gave him an ultimatum.He said he would but was still draging his feet.
I became bitter, he felt over pressured and we started fighting and arguing for everything.
We eventually broke up and spent almost a year appart. He came back 6 months ago and things are like when we first met

The problem is, I feel like for him, it's a whole new relationship and we have to let it mature like any new RS.
For me, we just took up where we left so we've been dating long enough. He either commit or leave me alone.

I don't want to lose him but I can't do this anymore. I really don't know why he can't bring himself to at least do the door knocking.

Please what can I do ??

yasmina85:
Thanks to all of you for taking time to answer.
Reading all the comments helped me a lot.

Of course they are 2 sides to a story and he obviously has his reasons but he never complained about anything so I don't know.

Now to sum up what you guys brought up, it could be:

1- religion/tribe issues: we are from different backgrounds but my family is mixed (Muslim Nigerian father, Christian Ivorian mother)
We are 4 siblings and my brother and 2 sisters are all married to people from very different cultures, religions even skin colors and it’s 100% fine.
So I told him that I would be fine practicing Christian faith and raising children in that faith.
I met his sisters and they're all rooting for me so I don't think that's the problem

2- Not wife material: this one is really difficult since I can't tell exactly what it means. It's probably different from one man to another anyway
But I'm educated, independent, hardworking and God fearing. I'm respectful and pretty much submissive. We really get along, make each other laugh and are best friends.
That's what we were in college for a long time before dating.

3- No incentive: that's probably one of the biggest problems. I didn't pressure him when I needed to, when the relationship was still "fresh" and when he was still excited about me.
I was too shy and wanted it to come from him.
Now we've been together too long so he probably doesn't feel the passion anymore. And yay, you're right, he will probably marry the next one within a year
It happened to one of my GF. BTW, she had a baby for this guy she dated for years. He had an excuse (no job) for the most part but he eventually got the job and kept dragging his feet. She got pregnant and he went on to marry a younger girl after few months of knowing her.
Now my GF is married and had another baby but things could have turned really ugly for her so no, I won't get pregnant to trap him

4- Commitment issues: Now that I think about it, he probably has an issue. For the past 5 years, he has been talking about buying a place. He has the means, the time and opportunity but can't bring himself to do it. I think he wants to live like a teenager, free and burden less.

5- Not into me: it boils down to that. He loves me, I know he does but not enough or not in the way he dreams of loving his wife.
Maybe I'm his best friend with benefit and he wants the thrill and passion and just doesn't picture me as his wife.

So thanks to all of you for validating my feelings, I needed that to be more confident in my decision.
As someone said, it's very difficult to throw 6 years in the bin but it's for the best.
It’s time for me to move on. I still have decent suitors. I don't want to play games (try to make him jealous) or cheat so I'll break up and move on.