Adaumunocha:
Hmmmmmm.... One amongst many. Cool state of mind.

Daeylar:


Nice to see

It's really nothing spectacular. I'm just a firm believer in the principle that states that you should treat people the way you want to be treated and whatever you wouldn't take from a partner, don't do it to him/her. I believe we all should hold ourselves to certain standards that we demand from people. You can't be cheating and expecting loyalty. Yes, no one is perfect but if you fail, deal with the consequences. Simple.

had a similar issue but gf thou told me she was done with the guy told the guy she was done with me imagine oo don't know what girls of nowdays think later got to know but I acted it was all fine but trust me i didnt waste my investment cos I got it in all way but mind you am not saying you shld but find someone else cos she's a freaking bitch

I hate seeing these kind of things. So if you invest in a business and it fails you will consider suicide or all those nonsense? Be careful o. Pick yourself and move on.

GudPpleG8Nation:
I'm typing this with heavy burden in heart. I'm getting crazy and weeping.

I met this lady over 6 years ago during my higher institution days, she was a fresher while I'm in my semi final year in school. Things were going well, we had sex after two years of the relationship(I'm the one that disvirgin her).

I have been very caring, stood by her and also,I let go of any ladies that comes my way. I didn't want anything that will stain the relationship. That doesn't mean I'm perfect however I have been trying my best to make her feel comfortable, loved and happy.

I started feeling comfortable and worried about my future with her because I discovered that anytime we had a misunderstanding, before you know it she has find a guy she will be dirty chatting with. She always say she's doing that to hurt my feelings.

I proposed last year, met her mum and one of her uncle and introduced her to my parents officially. Presently, waiting for her extended family to send the list for the traditional marriage.

I traveled to Ibadan on Friday to spend the weekend with her, on Sunday I just took her phone to watch movie when a Whatsapp message, I checked it and I replied the message. The guy called her, she was reluctant to pick the phone, she picked and spoke with the guy. After which the guy messaged her on Whatsapp that he called to confirm she's the one chatting with him and not her bf. I play along and started chatting with the guy. The guy was telling her to come visit him, I started twisting the guy and he was splitting out how he won't touch her when she comes. I confronted my girl, it took her over 8 hours to confessed that they had sex.

Jesus! This is a lady I invested a lot on, build my world around, every other ladies are shit in my presence. Even when I had 1000 of reasons to let go, I still stay with her but right now my world is shattered, I'm going crazy.
I need help because I'm dying, where will I start from (I'm 30 years old). Every negative thought of this world is running through my mind (from committing suicide to killing the guy to making the girl useless to herself for the rest of her life)

She is Yoruba Afonja abi?
That's how they are.... Just take it like a man and move on.

Daeylar:


I promise to stab it *in night watch voice* or eat it *in daenerys targaryen voice, lol,

Was there any nice thing done to heart's in G.O.T?

You made me rewatch that scene of John snow being stabbed, Jon Snow's reaction to olly broke my heart. lol.

Olly screwed up bigtime. Well i dont blame him completely, what those widlings epecially ygritte did to his parents made him despise them but he shouldnt have joined in the mutiny of his lord commander that gave him his trust of allowing him serve as his steward.

Back to the bolded, i can be your ned and you be my catelyn as they both have genuine love for eachother.

have not seen any portion in the holy book that says boyfriend should love his girlfriend, but husband should love his wife.
You dnt love girls you only like them, Op you even dedicate ur feelings, time and resources on a hoe sorry girl in this 21st century, u need slap.

I just hope you don't get more heartbroken here!

My take is this: You alone can take the best decision in this. If you can take it, take it; if not, take a walk. Very few people on earth married women who were never 'touched' by other men!

I'm sorry you have to go through all these poo . I can see that you really love her and you've invested in her believing she's your woman that you will spend the rest of your life with. My candid advise for you is to just let go of the so call bast*Rd. Bit*Che's ain't loyal. I guess she's from Ibadan based on ur writeup. Ibadan girls are nothing to write home about. Let go of her and continue your life. In this situation, forgiveness is a sin. Forget about your age you'll definitely find a better lady. Move on bro.

Some people are not just worth the stress. Can I ask if she is engaged in any activity or working? Some ladies believe a guy can't stick to a lady, so they feel they should do same. It may be one of her reasons. Just let go brother. One guy advised on another thread not to invest in kobo in time, resource and energy before getting married except you are 300 percent sure of the lady. But how sure can one be, as humans are unpredictable. Just move on bro. You will be making a great mistake continuing. Except you are extra nice, this pain may never disappear.

Exactly what you get when you are dating ladies especially from IBADAN, damn they are some thing else,
Take a look at every marriage in ibadan virtually 70% of them are complete failure due to the infidelity that is dominant in the gene, I was a victim too but I survived, only a few of them can be trusted.

olagbemi118:
This is wot happens wen u love a gal so much

GBAM!!! 100%

[color=#006600][/color]

GudPpleG8Nation:
I'm typing this with heavy burden in heart. I'm getting crazy and weeping.

I met this lady over 6 years ago during my higher institution days, she was a fresher while I'm in my semi final year in school. Things were going well, we had sex after two years of the relationship(I'm the one that disvirgin her).

I have been very caring, stood by her and also,I let go of any ladies that comes my way. I didn't want anything that will stain the relationship. That doesn't mean I'm perfect however I have been trying my best to make her feel comfortable, loved and happy.

I started feeling comfortable and worried about my future with her because I discovered that anytime we had a misunderstanding, before you know it she has find a guy she will be dirty chatting with. She always say she's doing that to hurt my feelings.

I proposed last year, met her mum and one of her uncle and introduced her to my parents officially. Presently, waiting for her extended family to send the list for the traditional marriage.

I traveled to Ibadan on Friday to spend the weekend with her, on Sunday I just took her phone to watch movie when a Whatsapp message, I checked it and I replied the message. The guy called her, she was reluctant to pick the phone, she picked and spoke with the guy. After which the guy messaged her on Whatsapp that he called to confirm she's the one chatting with him and not her bf. I play along and started chatting with the guy. The guy was telling her to come visit him, I started twisting the guy and he was splitting out how he won't touch her when she comes. I confronted my girl, it took her over 8 hours to confessed that they had sex.

Jesus! This is a lady I invested a lot on, build my world around, every other ladies are shit in my presence. Even when I had 1000 of reasons to let go, I still stay with her but right now my world is shattered, I'm going crazy.
I need help because I'm dying, where will I start from (I'm 30 years old). Every negative thought of this world is running through my mind (from committing suicide to killing the guy to making the girl useless to herself for the rest of her life)

No Please dont commit suicide or kill any of them..I understand your pains and the fear of where to start from especially now that you are 30.. learn to totally depend on God and take everything good or bad that comes your way as the will of God..Give her the opportunity of clarifying herself to know why she did it and follow your heart in making decision of either staying or breaking the relationship..Dont allow people to make decision for you because it will effect you later in the future.Follow your heart i repeat..I had a friend that was 32 years and was about to marry a lady he fell in love with whom he was doing alot for. she was count having sex with another guy in her school while her wedding preparation was in top gear with my friend..He gave her an opportunity to explain herself but she failed to convinced him..He told me that he cant love again but today he is married and has 3 kids already with another lady. Another guy i knew was about marrying a lady he dated for long but unfortunately his best friend was sleeping with her and she even did abortion for him..As God will have it, the friend conscience didn't allow him and he confessed.That was the end of the relationship and the guy married another lady within some few years.

I can understand your pain and agony . But, let's be honest. You initiated her into sex, and you are living in another state or city. It's possible that she became Hot and couldn't hold off the urge any longer. However, I blame her for not confessing before you found out.
Now the solution is, if you still love her, and she still loves you, then pick yourselves up and move on together.
Committing suicide because of the misdeeds of a spouse is not thoughtful at all. Your life didn't begin with her neither will it end with her

majekdom2:
Na so HIV dey spread oo

They don't know. At the end of the day, they'd be putting the rest of us that are faithful,in danger.

See as u dey talk like robot. Na so e easy? Ever been in his shoes? If yes, was it so easy moving on if truly u invested time, emotion and all in the relationship? Courtship is a mini-marriage if u don't know, no now. A committed relationship is what it is, where both parties remain true and clean!

Oyindidi:
Still let go! She owe you nothing as you two are not married yet. Move on

HarunaWest:

N*gga your a blaady fool....she isn't married to yah she doesn't owe you any loyalty..she has a right to sleep about,if you decided not to,ain't her fault.....I hate when some guys come here to say a girlfriend cheated on them, like they were married to her,...mtscheeeeeew

You are just an ode, he said his fiancee cheated not his girlfriend...Can't you read.

both of you are sinners. you disflowered her without paying bride price and you expect her to maintain her chastity. you have not married her yet. as a single person, she is accounted to God and herself, not you. if you want to leave her, that is fine. people like you eventually marry a 'repented' prostitute.you have reaped what you sowed. you showed seed of fornication and reaped distrust. gal 6:7. it has been found out that sex before marriage breeds mistrust in relationship.

redcross:


You are just an ode, he said his fiancee cheated not his girlfriend...Can't you read.

Is a fiancee a Wife....slowpoke.

mehn, dat can b very painful, i feel ur pain bro but my advice, move on bro. if she cheated on u once, she would cheat again. a leopard never changes its spots

My brother you justbhave to calm down and apply wisdom. What is the guarantee that the next woman you will date won't cheat on you. But that is just by the way. You must consider somethings. First your girl was reluctant to pick the guy's call. Secondly the guy was promising not to touch her. That means your girl didn't really consent to whatever happened between them. She could have been forced , blackmailed or something might have led to that incident. You must talk to ur girl and make her trust you enough to tell you the whole truth. Its possible she's in a battle and really need ur help. No matter how much she loves you, she is s human and can find herself in situation bigger than her. Also find out if she has cheated on you before this incident. I believe these will guide your decision. You just need her to tell you the whole truth. I know what it means to be hurt but I promise that you'll begin to get over it the moment you confront that guy. Not violently, but letbhim understand that you know already and warn him to back off, whether you want to keep ur fiance or not, you must confront the guy! That is where your healing begins. Take care.

Dear Nairalanders
Mine is a question arising from the op
Specifically to the ladies (Any body can answer) pls answer me genuinely from ur heart
1. Love the say is unconditional, why then when unleash the boundlessness of love on a lady especially our Nigerian ladies it becomes a problem. what is going on. what do we want for heaven sake. the thing is even making people scared of loving others or their partner. Every body is now acting nothing seems to b real again.
2. But, do we know that once you have succeeded in hurting a partner in relationship or love affair u have taken away that persons innocent. he or she sets out to hurt others without remores.
3. Why are we doing this? is love no longer worth it?

Gentle man,
Firstly' calm down just by yourself, don't have any thought that could lead you to where you did not bargain for. your fiancée knew she has done something wrong and with the pure love you have for her, she would be looking up to you to pardon her. I have being there and won the war. it happen twenty one years ago friend, the happen will really shake your life' but what of if you are the one caught in the situation. just try and have a second thought about life and what surrounded it. people are right about you can forgive her but may not be able to carry the burden to forget. only people with similar experience could advice you rightly o man. to be a man, you have to pass through some ruff areas of life bro.
you only read some text form the other guy which I know will run you mad, but my spare boy friend took my fiancee away at night and return her back to me in the morning like someone borrowed a spare of shoe from you at night and the following morning return it and say oh I thought it was a brown shoe I din't know it was an off brown black shoe. I forgive her after some times of pleadings from left and right and let go. we have boys and a girl and the family doing good as she would never want a repeat of that to come my way again in her life time. so bro calm down, give her a little space for now, talk to her about it later, forge a good way forward and come over it together.

chronique:


It's really nothing spectacular. I'm just a firm believer in the principle that states that you should treat people the way you want to be treated and whatever you wouldn't take from a partner, don't do it to him/her. I believe we all should hold ourselves to certain standards that we demand from people. You can't be cheating and expecting loyalty. Yes, no one is perfect but if you fail, deal with the consequences. Simple.

I agree with this whole post completely.

let me rephrase my comment though, this is nice to see especially in the Nigerian context where it seems men are free to cheat, can give silly reasons for cheating and the wife is expected to forgive or manage it, while at the same time the wives are never expected to cheat, so to see someone not follow the crowd is always nice.

grafixdon:
You're over 30 and you're thinking of committing suicide over a girl, what's wrong with some guys.

You've seen the red flag, the best thing for you to do is to quit the relationship. But I can bet with anything, you're going to marry that lady and your life will be miserable, both of you'll never be happy in the marriage because you'll always suspecting her and monitor every of her moves. Let her go, I repeat, quit.

You are right! Bro, don't start doing that when its late. I am also a victim of that.

introvertedsoul:



She is Yoruba Afonja abi?
That's how they are.... Just take it like a man and move on.

Nope, she's from South-South.

freecocoa:
Dude forgive and forget ,proceed with the marriage ,that she slept with someone else doesn't mean she loves him, it was a simple mistake. At least that's what these men would say were the tables turned.

Yes o! A very "simple one". She was walking on the road one day and it rained and there was a nakked guy with an erect dick on the floor but she did not know, and as she was trying to jump a pool of water, she landed on the slippery part of the ground and her clothes tore immediately, and her bra and pants removed and she fell on the erect dick on the floor that she didn't see, and the ground started bouncing she and the guy until they both came... It was just a very "simple mistake".

The worst part of infidelity, is when people say it was a mistake. Sometimes, I'm tempted to believe most people do not understand English. It would be easier for me to take, when someone says, "I know I messed up and misbehaved", than to hear that it was a mistake. A mistake is something done unintentionally and nobody cheats unintentionally. From the period of chatting and talking till they have sex, it is usually planned.
A mistake is different from when someone misbehaved.

Babe os testing the waters and dude is ranting.
Take sevral seats and never put all ur eggs in one basket..

Adaumunocha:
Hope you will fill the vacuum?

is she the only girl in the world?

Marvel1206:
Dude, just calm down. Investing on a girl is unwise

Just dump her please before you lose your sanity. Forget about marriage if you don't wanna die young

True. The only girl worth investing on is your own daughter. It still bothers me why all this kids bring issues like this to NairaLand. Some of you cant differentiate between a sex material and a wife material.

cococandy:
Sorry dear
Hugs

Heartbreaks are the worst.
Time will make you whole again.

heartbreak itself makes me scared of dating cos of the way people talk about it

GudPpleG8Nation:
I'm typing this with heavy burden in heart. I'm getting crazy and weeping.

I met this lady over 6 years ago during my higher institution days, she was a fresher while I'm in my semi final year in school. Things were going well, we had sex after two years of the relationship(I'm the one that disvirgin her).

I have been very caring, stood by her and also,I let go of any ladies that comes my way. I didn't want anything that will stain the relationship. That doesn't mean I'm perfect however I have been trying my best to make her feel comfortable, loved and happy.

I started feeling comfortable and worried about my future with her because I discovered that anytime we had a misunderstanding, before you know it she has find a guy she will be dirty chatting with. She always say she's doing that to hurt my feelings.

I proposed last year, met her mum and one of her uncle and introduced her to my parents officially. Presently, waiting for her extended family to send the list for the traditional marriage.

I traveled to Ibadan on Friday to spend the weekend with her, on Sunday I just took her phone to watch movie when a Whatsapp message, I checked it and I replied the message. The guy called her, she was reluctant to pick the phone, she picked and spoke with the guy. After which the guy messaged her on Whatsapp that he called to confirm she's the one chatting with him and not her bf. I play along and started chatting with the guy. The guy was telling her to come visit him, I started twisting the guy and he was splitting out how he won't touch her when she comes. I confronted my girl, it took her over 8 hours to confessed that they had sex.

Jesus! This is a lady I invested a lot on, build my world around, every other ladies are shit in my presence. Even when I had 1000 of reasons to let go, I still stay with her but right now my world is shattered, I'm going crazy.
I need help because I'm dying, where will I start from (I'm 30 years old). Every negative thought of this world is running through my mind (from committing suicide to killing the guy to making the girl useless to herself for the rest of her life)

Dump her. Move on, at 30 you are still in your prime my brother. Even men of 50 are still being contested talkless of 30.

Let her go and marry the guy she is sleeping with (Most likely he wont marry her or even date her cos a man that knows a girl is cheating on her boyfriend with him cannot trust the girl she is simply a sex tool).
There are better women out there, trust me, and if e bad e bad, get a foreign girl, you will be surprised that from my experience, Nigerian girls are actually quite unfaithful if you compare the tendencies to even british ladies(or at least British Nigerian girls).

If you accept her back, you are in for trouble, accept that this was God stepping in to save you, she would have been doing it since, you just got to know.

Odilafta1:
Well,people never know the value of what they have until it's gone.

Leave her for now,you are not too old to start anew because from the look of things,she's been playing outside and you won't forget that in a hurry.

Take a chill pill,laugh over it,a broken about-to-be married relationship is better than a flatmate relationship marriage.

You just heat the Nail on it's head. I concur.