₦airaland Forum

chiraqDemon:
Lol it's not me o.




Did he do the same thing to u?

supersystemsnig:
The challenge with falling in love is remaining in it. The human heart easily gets swayed. Takes maturity to have a mind fixated on a person and keep it there, there are too many alternatives and an undisciplined fellow, male, or female will keep jumping form one party to the next if one doesn't master his/herself.....Relationships is more about mastering one's self than any other thing

supersystemsnig:
GBAM @ But I try to convince myself that I will go ALL OUT again when I meet the right person. But on the other hand I ask myself still, "how do you meet the right person to go ALL OUT again when you hold back?"

Now the right person is the ordinary relationships we put our best into to make out the end product,which is the right person. See, my dear, the right person is not the finished product, because we need to cultivate relationships. By so saying, both parties should invest emotionally into it. The moment a person is not investing emotions, it's due to fears, insecurities, alternatives, lack of resolve.Which is what dating is for...That's the purpose of dating.

Dating helps to fine-tune both parties, creates a background for involvement, as both parties can add value to one another, bring out the best in one another until the ultimate is achieved, the right person.So the right person is a product of toiling and investing in our fellowships. Suffice to say, many times we discard opportunities life throws at us due to our own insecurities and non-commitment to optimize our relationships.


My dear, what we don't start, we don't improve, what we don't improve we can't perfect, only what is initialized can be finished. The right person isn't a finished product, less we degenerate into the mindset of just crude oil without seeking ways to add value to other sectors, just like in Nigeria. The right person is what we want from the person in front of us. Some people may have the right person come in all at once, but not every time, at times we need to bring out the best in ourselves to actualize our objectives...Read my earlier comment where i spoke about Jesus seeing himself as the only one, it'll help add more color to this piece.


Blessings..

Chai, this has drawn virtue from me oh...Pay ya tithe...

deepwater:
This list is for the boys

When a MAN is done with you, he packages you well for the next Man, he does not leave you heart broken, he let you go in peace without revenge, he explains nicely why you two can not be together anymore, he restores your confidence, he makes sure all pending issues are resolved, he wishes you well.

MissJoy29:
Exactly! I agree with all you said especially the part where you said the RIGHT PERSON ISN'T THE FINISHED PRODUCT. Relationships have to be built, tended to, watered, grown, nurtured. But sadly, a lot of people want to skip the SOWING part & go straight to the REAPING. A lot of people are holding back, they are being suspicious,they are being selfish. Even though they might have reasonable reasons but then again, things weren't this bad from the beginning or were they?

Rokia2:
He don't look at you the same. Try looking deep into h is eyes you will see how he truly feels about you.

He looks at you cry without consoling you. (He's now heartless with no sympathy towards you.

Everything is your fault. Every argument is turned against you. You are the cause of everything.



You feel lonely when you are with him. He's there but you are more lonely then when you was even single


Your nak--end-e-ss don't even move him anymore. He's no longer attracted to you.

Sex becomes blah and boring.

His kissing feels different.

He's now too busy for you. He don't call much he barely text he don't even take you on dates anymore.

He don't remember your anniversary neither your birthday. You are no longer important to him.


He's easily irritable around you. Every little thing piss him off about you.


You now have a billion bad ways he start looking for every fault. Faults you never even knew existed is now invented by him.


He don't share his deepest feelings with you anymore. He becomes a total Stranger.

He no longer shows concern. If you like you can stay out till 2am (none of his business)

Your heart and instinct is now telling you that this man is no longer in love with you but like the love sick fool that you are you are still in denial.

Divay22:
Lol
And that's love..
Something is indeed wrong with you , you've being charmed by love..
Alright then.... But for me, I know when i see this sign, I trust i can walk away...
Love and happiness for myself comes first.

victor8269:
Dis post is for you dear. Ur mates don dey marry finish, u still dey do BF tins, Well-done ma!!!

Rokia2:
He don't look at you the same. Try looking deep into h is eyes you will see how he truly feels about you.

He looks at you cry without consoling you. (He's now heartless with no sympathy towards you.

Everything is your fault. Every argument is turned against you. You are the cause of everything.



You feel lonely when you are with him. He's there but you are more lonely then when you was even single


Your nak--end-e-ss don't even move him anymore. He's no longer attracted to you.

Sex becomes blah and boring.

His kissing feels different.

He's now too busy for you. He don't call much he barely text he don't even take you on dates anymore.

He don't remember your anniversary neither your birthday. You are no longer important to him.


He's easily irritable around you. Every little thing piss him off about you.


You now have a billion bad ways he start looking for every fault. Faults you never even knew existed is now invented by him.


He don't share his deepest feelings with you anymore. He becomes a total Stranger.

He no longer shows concern. If you like you can stay out till 2am (none of his business)

Your heart and instinct is now telling you that this man is no longer in love with you but like the love sick fool that you are you are still in denial.

FinallyFamous:
don't be an ass licker either ..two wrongs don't make a right .

Sorry If I sound insulting I just didn't know the right word to describe such.

Accept my apologies in advance.

Peachess:
I just needed to tell him my mind, his comment really made me angry. Thanks for your concern sha. I hate it when I say my opinion and some starts talking to me rudely.

ChyOmaa:
[color=#000000]How you doing?

Nice thread... [/color]

wristbangle:
Lol oga emusmithy, Nice write up

emusmithy:
I'm well dear. How you been?

[color=#000000]I've been doing great!
Thanks [/color]

OLUWAcypris1:
God bless you for this wonderful post ,infact money fall on you

polygamist:
He will wear helmet, armored shirt, boot and condom whenever he wants to sleep with you...

emusmithy:
My pleasure. We all have days when some random individual just wants to ruin your day. It's not funny but I try my best to act mature as possible. Nice to meet you

supersystemsnig:
The challenge with falling in love is remaining in it. The human heart easily gets swayed. Takes maturity to have a mind fixated on a person and keep it there, there are too many alternatives and an undisciplined fellow, male, or female will keep jumping form one party to the next if one doesn't master his/herself.....Relationships is more about mastering one's self than any other thing

SilentBang:
Been on guest mode for a while now...Had to retrieve my password jst so i could like This comment!.

Pure undiluted fact #truth... A thousand likes.

When maturity speaks!.

supersystemsnig:
My dear, every human being on the planet has fears and insecurities, and we must manage them so we don't contaminate and destroy our relationships. Decisions are fab in relationships like other things, but when our decisions are the aftermath of fears and insecurities and indecisiveness, then we shouldn't condemn the other party alone whenever issues arises.

Truth be told, every relationship problem involves a measure of fault from both parties. But the thing is the maturity of both individuals play a part, if both individuals see themselves as imperfect beings and strive to improve the relationship, then success is not going to be far in such relationships.

Now, the problem is when one party sees him/herself as " i can never be at fault ", they see other people's flaws but don't see theirs. Self awareness and improvement goes hand in hand. How do we improve if our eyes are blinded to our own flaws? Even God before he created a cure for sin in Adam, first of all revealed his condition to him, by saying Adam where are thee ?

The worst person to date or be in a relationship with is the one that's fast to point out errors and slow to take corrections...They can drag even the most sane person into a tiny black hole...


Back to the basic relationship killers, the chief amongst them is " SELF ", which is we... I.e

LACK OF SATIETY

ALTERNATIVES

SELF CENTEREDNESS

SELF PRESERVATION THAT PRE-EMPTS EMOTIONAL STONE WALLING

SELF PERSPECTIVE

SELF LOVE

SELF OBSESSION

SELF ADULATION

SELF PRESERVANCE


All the chaos in relationships most times is when individuals exhibit these tendencies, not because they don't want to be hurt, but because they love themselves too much to sacrifice to accomodate the other party..

Now, that the problems have been identified, making a relationship work isn;t difficult, and there's need to re-visit the inner being again, and embrace virtues like :

TOLERANCE

COMMITMENT

OVERLOOKING SMALL ISSUES

AVOIDING NEEDLESS ARGUMENTS THAT COMPETE AGAINST THE SOUL OF THE RELATIONSHIP

AVOIDING NEEDLESS CRITICISMS

REDUCTION OF FAULT FINDING

CHERISHING THE FELLOWSHIP WITH ENDEAVORS LIKE GIVING, SHARING PRECIOUS MOMENTS ETC

MANAGING ONE'S FEARS AND IMAGINATIONS BETTER



Loving isn't hard, relationships aint hard...It's like life and man. God made men good, but while seeking schemes people contaminate and destroy things. To enjoy relationships, keep an open and objective mind, and watch the other party just like yourself, so the moment one party isn't investing actively, you can cut the wire...


Relationships like life is simple. It's humans that contaminate and complicate things jare

emusmithy:


[b]
10. If he hasn't ever TRULY and CONFIDENTLY opened up to you about a major challenge (Financial, Spiritual, Material, Health-wise etc). He doesn't see you as one capable of handling his secrets. Thus, you are no wife material to him.

Rokia2:
He don't look at you the same. Try looking deep into h is eyes you will see how he truly feels about you.

He looks at you cry without consoling you. (He's now heartless with no sympathy towards you.

Everything is your fault. Every argument is turned against you. You are the cause of everything.



You feel lonely when you are with him. He's there but you are more lonely then when you was even single


Your nak--end-e-ss don't even move him anymore. He's no longer attracted to you.

Sex becomes blah and boring.

His kissing feels different.

He's now too busy for you. He don't call much he barely text he don't even take you on dates anymore.

He don't remember your anniversary neither your birthday. You are no longer important to him.


He's easily irritable around you. Every little thing piss him off about you.


You now have a billion bad ways he start looking for every fault. Faults you never even knew existed is now invented by him.


He don't share his deepest feelings with you anymore. He becomes a total Stranger.

He no longer shows concern. If you like you can stay out till 2am (none of his business)

Your heart and instinct is now telling you that this man is no longer in love with you but like the love sick fool that you are you are still in denial.

MissJoy29:
Thanks. You should be a relationship counsellor. I found myself nodding in the affirmative all through.

I remember some of the guys I have been with in the past. One of the major problems I had with some of them was their inability to see themselves at fault most times. Everyone around will see the fault except them. And you find out that people who behave like that criticise the most. It always the other person being at fault. It's always them being right. In that case, you can't expect that person to really try to work through some issues (after all, he's always right).

Relationships shouldn't be hard, true. But we make it complicated. We bring our views, values, opinions, idiosyncracies, constraints, experiences & what not into it without putting into consideration the other person's VVOICE(first letters of the nouns I mentioned). How then do we uncomplicate it? You have already answered that.

I also have to add that we should remember that everyone has a right to their VVOICE. All we need do is find that one person with VVOICE that's acceptable to us.

So much to say but let me stop here.

supersystemsnig:
Thank you, thank you...

But relationships counselor ke...Lol..just a philosopher trying to figure things out


The moment i see myself criticing anyone too much, i tell myself, i'm in the hot zone...

Finally, anyone that expresses all the characteristics mentioned earlier, would be termed " too emotional " or " weak ", so we must expect these tags if we work on improving ourselves, we must not let it weigh us down


Peace...Off for some time...

MissJoy29:
Exactly! Over criticism isn't good.

In as much as so many people don't appreciate good people, it doesn't mean we should stop being good.

Off for sometime you said? Hope for good though.

supersystemsnig:
Was gonna be off before, but, there's an interesting philosophical thread i have my eyes glued on, just remembered..I'm gonna stick around...


Wait a minute, too many ladies i meet online lately are from/in S.E. and PH....Na wa o... Una don dey pack comot for S.W. ?

MissJoy29:
What's the philosophical thread please? I might be interested.

S.E mean South East right?

supersystemsnig:
Yeah South East, very annoying...Lol



https://www.nairaland.com/4115579/why-there-something-rather-than