I think at 33 you should have a mind of your own and not have your father dictate(he can guild you) what you should do, who you should marry or not marry. Well, it's a good advise, but I certainly won't want to marry into that kind of family. Seems like one who would give the wife alot of headaches(should incase you don't meet up to his obligations or dictates)

But what kind of a father threatens to disown has own son because of a house in the village? With what I can understand from your post( I may be wrong ) you are building a house for him and not even yourself.
If he wanted a house so badly, why didn't he build one before he married your mother? If not having a house didn't stop him from getting married, then I say it's unfair for him to mandate you to.
Parents should be loving and not selfish.

Listen to your father. Once you start having children,and start paying school fees, building becomes a problem.
There are adversities in marriage. You could lose your job. In your own house no landlord will come and chase you under the bed when you can't find money to pay the rent. Don't listen to all these women giving you funny advices; when push comes to shove they will take to their heels leaving you stranded. Listen to your father's advice on this one or at least consider it very seriously by starting the house first. Good luck with your marriage.

lolz

JONNYSPUTE:
. So after doing it at the brides place you sleep at ur in-laws place? Shame on you for saying this. If this is the way you reason,then your father is very right because you ve no sense.

o boi stop trying so hard to claim right cuz, u f'ed in ur initial post. u said where would he do his traditional marriage and u are turning around to ask ur mumu self where he will sleep after d traditional marriage. Abeg shift. when dey catch u for ur bleep,u begin looking for anoda excuse

No wonder the instagram lady says No first born should apply to be her husband

Any father that tells you how to live your life or tries to make decision for you after 25 is not a father... Real fathers teach you about life before you are 25!

Stegomiah:
I'm sorry to say.... But i can't date you or your type.... Cos you ain't a man yet

You need to man up
You are 34 years old and you still allow your father to treat you like a kid

Maybe your wifey will do worse..... Since you can't take your stand yet

He's your father... That status won't change regardless what you do or don't do..... But you also gonna be a father someday.... You gotta start thinking what's best for you and start acting.... If not you will just serve him like Jacob did laban.... Maybe when you are 40 and when the love of your life is done being a nursing mother to someone else.. You will wake up or man up.

If you don't have something sensible to say,wouldn't it be nice if you keep your mouth closed? You can't date his type...bla bla bla... Do you have an idea what decision he had taken in secret before coming here? Do you know if he has made up his mind to go ahead with the marriage,but just wants to hear what people think,so as to have a better view of the whole thing? Do you think it is very easy to damn the decisions of your loved ones when there are issues,without seeking advice from people? It's people like you who end up making costly mistakes in life because of oversabi and I too know. One thing I know for sure is that,most times,people already have their minds made up on certain things,before they ask others for advice. Even if he doesn't have he mind made up,there is nothing wrong in him asking for advice. No man knows it all,and nobody should be too big to ask for advice on issues that disturbs their peace of mind. Learn to reason and weight issues properly before jumping in to talk(especially when it doesn't concern you).

chronique:



If you don't have something sensible to say,wouldn't it be nice if you keep your mouths closed? You can't date his type...bla bla bla... Do you have an idea what decision he had taken in secret before coming here? Do you know if he has made up his mind to go ahead with the marriage,but just wants to hear what people think,so as to have a better view of the whole thing? Do you think it is very easy to damn the decisions of your loved ones when there are issues,without seeking advice from people? It's people like you who end up making costly mistakes in life because of oversabi and I too know. One thing I know for sure is that,most times,people already have their minds made up on certain things,before they ask others for advice. Even if he doesn't have he mind made up,there is nothing wrong in him asking for advice. No man knows it all,and nobody should be too big to ask for advice on issues that disturbs their peace of mind. Learn to reason and weight issues properly before jumping in to talk(especially when it doesn't concern you).

Honestly, she has a point.

JONNYSPUTE:
. See its not by shouting. The old man knows exactly what he is saying. Have you asked yourself why the man was not able to build a house in the village? Do you know that guy can get married and by the time you know it his financial statue can depreciate? His father telling him to build a house before marriage might be as a result of his own experience,something might ve happened to him when he got married and been a loving father he doesn't want his son to experience such. Honour your mother and your father for ur days to be long is what the 5th commandment said. You are not wiser than the old man.

You are making a mistake here.

The father is entitled to give advice to the young man, but not manipulate him. Threatening to disown for such a ridiculous thing is gross folly. It is not a house in the village, where he does not live nor will not in the near future, that will help him financially in times of troubles. If anything, it is likely to create the trouble. It is a very bad investment. If it was in a city, I could understand.

And that is not even the main issue. Even if the advice was sound, it is still no reason to threaten the child of being disowned. The father is simply manipulating him. Simple.

SirBunky85:

o boi stop trying so hard to claim right cuz, u f'ed in ur initial post. u said where would he do his traditional marriage and u are turning around to ask ur mumu self where he will sleep after d traditional marriage. Abeg shift. when dey catch u for ur bleep,u begin looking for anoda excuse

. Read my first post,I asked where will he sleep with the wife after the traditional wedding and not where he will do it. Can't you read and comprehend?. Nawa o

Sometimes you dont have to blame our parents, that is how they understamd life.

To break away from this entitlement mentality, you have to do it wisely and aggressively too.

My idea:

Stopping discussing the marriage with them. Put it on hold for now. Form annoyance with them. Withdraw all financial support to them for the meantime. Insist you are not happy since no one respects your decision and therefore even the little support you do offer, you cant afford it and you don't see reasons to continue. Try to pretend cutting off comminication for sometime. Initially , hell will let loose. Just pretend as if u dont care. They will start the blackmail on your wife. Don't even bend, insist they have to support you. Insist you are not happy that they should learn respecting ur decision. After some rough months they will get to listen to you.This is also good for you in future. Do everything possible to take off that entitlement mentality from them. Then go back to ur former responsibilities.

Then after that, start planning your wedding. Cut down a lot your wedding cost. If possible insist to ur fiancee on a very low key wedding and just a small celebration. You have to man up wisely to her.

With this, take the remaning money from your initial budget and start a foundation of a small house in the village . On a serious note dont hand over the money for the house to ur Dad because you will be suprised he wont do anything near building with the money.

You have to man up. Do everything possible to take away that entitilement mentality from your family. Help them to your capability because it is your responsibility but it shouldnt cost you necessary things you should do to stay happy.

pocohantas:


Honestly, she has a point.

I perfectly understand that but the way in which she put it isn't right. Look, there are families with different styles of living and we don't know much about his family. A reasonable person shouldn't just make a subjective decision because someone said xyz. Before you conclude on something, ask questions so you can have a better understanding. Marriage is a union where two people come in to help each other and one partner's weakness, covers for the other. There are families where the man is good at making money but the wife is a better planner,and they both work hand in hand to make things happen. I don't like when people suddenly write a person off even without knowing the person well.

Nb: I am not supporting the guy's father's decision. I'm just telling the person I quoted,to learn how to approach issues. You don't run a man down and say he's not yet a man,because he finds himself in a situation where he needs advice.

LoJ:

You are making a mistake here.

The father is entitled to give advice to the young man, but not manipulate him. Threatening to disown for such a ridiculous thing is gross folly. It is not a house in the village, where he does not live nor will not in the near future, that will help him financially in times of troubles. If anything, it is likely to create the trouble. It is a very bad investment. If it was in a city, I could understand.

And that is not even the main issue. Even if the advice was sound, it is still no reason to threaten the child of being disowned. The father is simply manipulating him. Simple.

. Bro its not as if am in support of the man for threatening him that he will disown him bla bla bla. What you are failing to understand is that we that are commenting don't even know how the op in person behaves with money. The man might be threatening him,I presumed, to make him yield to his advice. Our parents know us very well so they are still in position to advice us once in a while. For his dad to do this,don't you think he has discussed it with him for so long trying to make him see reasons which might still help him in future. Well,he is an adult,he can do which ever one he chooses.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

My father threaten me with disown for a stupid reason.
E should go ahead who give a damn abt that.
Wat nonsense.
As old as u are, ur father is still making decisions for u.
After you build the house e will still tell u wat u should do for him b4 u give birth otherwise e will not acknowledge d child as his grandchild.
Better go ahead with ur life

JONNYSPUTE:
Your father is right. After your traditional wedding,where will u sleep with ur wife? In a hotel I guess? Look Mr man,your father knows you re capable of putting up even if its a 3 bedroom bungalow in your village. What that old man is seeing sitting,you can't see it even if you re on top of an iroko tree. Do as he said Nd you will thank him later.

And wat makes u tinks he wants to live in the village?
And don't give me that shit of wat a old man sees sitting down u cant see climbing on top of an iroko tree. That's total nonsense.
Old age does not mean u are wise.

chronique:


I perfectly understand that but the way in which she put it isn't right. Look, there are families with different styles of living and we don't know much about his family. A reasonable person shouldn't just make a subjective decision because someone said xyz. Before you conclude on something, ask questions so you can have a better understanding. Marriage is a union where two people come in to help each other and one partner's weakness, covers for the other. There are families where the man is good at making money but the wife is a better planner,and they both work hand in hand to make things happen. I don't like when people suddenly write a person off even without knowing the person well.

She didn't entirely write him off. Read the opening post, his father rejected his first choice of wife. Now he brought another, the man is saying he should build a house first. He didn't stop there, he added emotional blackmail, threatening to disown a 34yrs old man.

What next?
He'll ask him to pursue the wife tomorrow?

I noticed, most times...lots of men have no problem when this manipulation is perpetrated by their family. But very few of you would marry a woman whose parents dish out ultimatums. It makes a couple confused on who to please, that's how marital problems start.

JONNYSPUTE:
Well,he is an adult,he can do which ever one he chooses.

thank you, this is what we have been saying. He is an adult, the father should not threaten him needlessly for such issues. Again, if the son mismanages money, I dont see how building a house in the village will save the situation. If it was even in the city sef

He's an adult. Let him face his life.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

I wud say ur father is right here. Build a house 1st no matter how small it can severe as an extension to the main one when ure ready for that. Ur father knows when u marry its kids and then other bills. Also it depends on the type of wife u want to marry some come in like daughters and will even insist and help u build the very necessary house while sm will come and use divide and conquer so as to have their own way. Ur father is Right here in away.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

First and foremost confirm that your dad does not 'belong' Ooo. If he does, seek an anointed man of God Ooo. No be here answer to that one dey.

If he does not 'belong', persuasion is key.

Did he build for his father before he married your mother?

How old was he when he got married?

Ask him if he wants you dead? Tell him sleeping around is no longer fun like it used to be during his time, it is now high risk behavior that cuts people's destinies.

Must the house be built in the village?

Stop sponsoring your younger brother in Med School and tell him you're gathering money to build the house he asked for and see his reaction.

sirxbit:

And wat makes u tinks he wants to live in the village?
And don't give me that shit of wat a old man sees sitting down u cant see climbing on top of an iroko tree. That's total nonsense.
Old age does not mean u are wise.

. Try to understand that after the traditional marriage,you must take ur wife home to ur village at least just for a night or two. Nobody is telling him to live in the village. Its the tradition.The old mans advice is not out of place,he knows the son can do it,he wants to remove shame from the guys place. How will ur in-laws look at you that after marrying their daughter, you don't even ve a hut to sleep in,in ur father's house? Well,people differs,like I said,he can do what ever he wants. But the man has advice him as a father.

Your father don't have good plan for u, let him not come. Go ahead and marry

pocohantas:


She didn't entirely write him off. Read the opening post, his father rejected his first choice of wife. Now he brought another, the man is saying he should build a house first. He didn't stop there, he added emotional blackmail, threatening to disown a 34yrs old man.

What next?
He'll ask him to pursue the wife tomorrow?

I noticed, most times...lots of men have no problem when this manipulation is perpetrated by their family. But very few of you would marry a woman whose parents dish out ultimatums. It makes a couple try so hard to please one party, that's how marital problems start.

Humans are different. There are very brilliant men who are good at making money and have fantastic attributes, but aren't too good in other areas. It doesn't make them less than they are. I don't know what kind of ultimatums families give to spouses and as such,I might not be able to address what you have just said now,properly. But my take is that we should get to know people well a bit,before judging them or writing them off.

LoJ:

thank you, this is what we have been saying. He is an adult, the father should not threaten him needlessly for such issues. Again, if the son mismanages money, I dont see how building a house in the village will save the situation. If it was even in the city sef

He's an adult. Let him face his life.

. You are not even looking at the mans angle,They don't even a hut in the village,maybe the man is squatting and he knows the guy is capable of building the house. Like I said is up to him but mind you that this issue can make or mar his marriage.

See, honestly it's good to have a home first before getting married...cos most of the times it becomes harder to build after marriage cos definitely ur expenditure will increase automatically for running a family. Most of the times you will found it harder to build again after marriage. If you can start now even if it is semi completed house...atleast you can now marry comfortably and finish up when some extra money enters.

Dear OP, tell your father to Bleep off for giving you a condition to get married.
If he threatened to disown you, tell him that you will disown him first.
If he constantly forces down his opinions on you, tell him I hate you!

[color=#000099][/color]First of all,at your age you are,your father don't need to tell you what to do.....This world is changing and moving fast and not what it seems to be before....You don't have to let your father rule your life for you though he is your father but this life is personal....the reason why your father is talking this way is because he doesn't understand something that you understand....its based on his mindset....You should know what's good for you and start acting....everyone came to live his own life on this earth though we were born of human flesh but God is our father......so the early the better and also put it in prayers,God will back you up.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

sorry to say but I don't think yur father wants yur progress in life @34 yu are not married and he is not concerned what's he is concerned about is a house in a village if I were his son I will disown him.

JONNYSPUTE:
. Try to understand that after the traditional marriage,you must take ur wife home to ur village at least just for a night or two. Nobody is telling him to live in the village. Its the tradition.The old mans advice is not out of place,he knows the son can do it,he wants to remove shame from the guys place. How will ur in-laws look at you that after marrying their daughter, you don't even ve a hut to sleep in,in ur father's house? Well,people differs,like I said,he can do what ever he wants. But the man has advice him as a father.

So because of a night or 2 I should build a house in the village?
Do you know if them guy is interested in starting his life with his new wife in the village?
Or he should buy the house spend a night or 2 because of tradition, then go to town and build another house where e would most likely spend more then half of his year on earth?

pocohantas:


She didn't entirely write him off. Read the opening post, his father rejected his first choice of wife. Now he brought another, the man is saying he should build a house first. He didn't stop there, he added emotional blackmail, threatening to disown a 34yrs old man.

What next?
He'll ask him to pursue the wife tomorrow?

I noticed, most times...lots of men have no problem when this manipulation is perpetrated by their family. But very few of you would marry a woman whose parents dish out ultimatums. It makes a couple confused on who to please, that's how marital problems start.

. Sis don't you think that the man might ve a plausible reason for telling him to do that before getting married? We don't even know the op,how he does with money,the suffering the family is passing through,maybe they are still squatting in the village. Am only against him threatning to disown him but as per telling him to build a house in the village for them,ie , the father,mother,him ,the new wife Nd other siblings is not a bad idea and also considering the fact that the op did not say he is not buoyant enough to do it,I don't see anything wrong. Do you even know that its a a shame for a man to get married and he does not ve at least a room in his village where him and the newly married woman can pass a night or two before going to the town?. Well I don't know for some people so let him do what he feels is good.

So all this years, your father haven't built a house in the village ,can't pay his child school fees but he is planing on disowning you if you don't...My guy, disown that your father

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

Sorry, but Your dad is a selfish man.................very dangerous
I hope your siblings are not the same too.

You've been spoiling your dad,
If you marry without building that house, your wife might be hated by your dad, and it wont be comfortable for her

If you build the house after marrying her, you dad would want to control your wife, because he is used to controlling your life

My advice is that you draw the line now. complete the battle as soon as possible
If this goes on, and God forbids, something happens to you in the future, your family will take everything from your wife and kids.
#

My brother your father is absolutely right. You don't have a house, you're the first born of your family. After the wedding where will yu take your wife to. From one hotel room to another/taking your Wife to uncle's house, coursine's house or to your friends house. My brother is that what you want? Time shall come when you will understand your father's advice. Please even if is 3bed room flats it's ok. Then you can proceed with your marriage things ok. Just Simple Advice. Be wise! Think wise!! Act wise!!! Good luck and happy married life in advance........