When you say your family has no house in the village, how do you mean?
In which house did your parents raise all of you?

I assume that by "no house", your dad meant a modern building with rooms en-suite, that kinda thing.

There is nothing like "gradual marriage", but you can build a house gradually over time after your marriage.
Unless of course you are well loaded financially enough it will be difficult to build the kind of house your dad wants within a short time and still go ahead and marry.

In issues like this, everybody would be to become Solomon the wise man and give all sorts of advice.
In the region I come from, wise counsel would be to marry first, then build your house at your own pace.
In fact, most wives would like to build with their husbands. It gives them some kind of joy.
Marry first, then build your house.

So far you're responsible to yourself at the age mentioned, I'll advise you talk some senses to your dad and resolve it. He's perspective may be different from yours.

He's not "reasonably" to insist on that request from you or did his dad reacted that way before he did? Sometimes, a slow and impacting response can change than raising an argument to confirm your own opinions

coolestofall:
Thats a wise advice 4rm ur dad, which wld make sense 4 u 2 follow. I c no reason y u cn't do both, except u r planning 2 do a celebrity status wedding ceremony.

Pls ask yourself what is wise about that decision.

He is not advising him to build his own personal life. rather he is mandating the son to build house at their village.

It the father responsibility to build such house and not the son.

the father to me have hidden agenda. want to send the son to early grave.

if at all the father is not capable of building such house. he should be pleading the son to give him money to go and build it. after the son might have settle down with his own family.

or better still admonish all the children to pull resources together for him to do.

Don't Build in the village. Your village people will kill you

disown ur father1st ...i bet u he willrun after u

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

He won't come for your wedding or disown you? Tough shit......

Are you building for you or him?

Those that are orphaned, which parents attends their wedding?
Those that are already disowned, don't they get married?

OfficialAwol:
But for a respect for you, I'd have said your father is a stupid man.

Is he not the one who was supposed to build a house in the village before he married your mother?

Building in the village is not an investment, but an act to impress those who do not matter at all.

My advice to you is this, get yourself a wife, then take your time, one block at a time, to build in the village. After all, it's a house that would be inhabited by cobwebs.

Try to talk sense into the old man. If he refuses, let him be

You have already insulted his father.

Do you have a house in the village? Is it necessary? When you want to travel with your kids to the village is there a place to put up with them? Your father may have made a mistake and that’s probably why you don’t go home during festivities, cos I think you don’t, cos if you do and had to lodge in a guest house or put up with relatives, you will not bring ur father out here or listen to all these indomie generations asking you to disown him, and those bashing an innocent man for wanting his son to take a better path than his. After your marriage huge responsibilities follows, that your earnings will be shared with yourself, a year later comes a kids, from baby food and pampers to nursary school, and there comes a second kid. Delay is not denial, start an empire is what d old man says. B wise

keacy:
Thank you guys.`

your opinions means a lot for me.

#FACT: YOU DON'T NEED HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF NAIRA TO GET MARRIED. WALK INTO THE NEAREST LOC GOVT OR COURT HOUSE AND SIGN THE MARRIAGE REGISTRY.

#CLUE: IF YOU BUILD FIRST YOU MUST AND WILL STILL MARRY AND SOONER FOR THAT MATTER BUT IF YOU MARRY FIRST BILLS AND RESPONSIBILITIES WILL PUSH THE BUILDING TO MUCH LATER TIME OR UNCOMPLETED PROJECT OR NEVER AT ALL!

#ACTION: YOU DONT NEED A MANSION JUST BUILD A BOY'S QUARTER, A STRAIGHT LINE FOUR ROOMS OR A TWO ROOM MINI FLAT THEN GO AND DO YOUR WEDDING. YOUR FATHER AND/OR SIBLINGS SHOULD DO THE FINISHING TOUCHES OR BUILD THE MANSION IF THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

why didn't your father build a house for himself? Bros, go marry o. So you won't regret it. BTW, my a home maker not obiageli.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

What a dad!

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

Your father is very unfair to you. If you can make your woman understand your situation to wait for one more year, do it because if you choose her over your father's advice the old man will always dispose her but if she does not agree then you can go ahead and marry, be ready for hostility. Your father is scared you may not be able to build the house once you are married.

I believe it is a good thing if you build your "personal" house before getting married but not necessarily in the village where you go there once in a while.

Pls if you can afford to build the house and you can still get married by December 2018 go ahead and build. You don't even know what can happen after marriage. What of if after you marry everything turns somehow and you can't build again, even though no one prays for that, but remember every step you take in life is a risk, because you don't even know what will happen after.

Do you have a house in the city you work?, if no then I will be blunt with you, your father doesn't want your progress,a good father will advice you to build a house in the city first before heading to the village. You can't be living in a rented apartment and be building a house in the village. And by the way, it is not your responsibility to build a family house in the village ,your dad should have done that long ago, even if it's two rooms.
Most first sons have been pressured to put their own lives on hold and sacrifice their own happiness just to please their younger ones and family. It's up to you if you will allow this emotional blackmail to stop you.
Let me ask you, have orphans not been married?,if he doesn't attend your wedding, let him stay in his house, if you were a lady, that would have been a bit complicated ,since no one will stand to collect bride price.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

chronique:



If you don't have something sensible to say,wouldn't it be nice if you keep your mouth closed? You can't date his type...bla bla bla... Do you have an idea what decision he had taken in secret before coming here? Do you know if he has made up his mind to go ahead with the marriage,but just wants to hear what people think,so as to have a better view of the whole thing? Do you think it is very easy to damn the decisions of your loved ones when there are issues,without seeking advice from people? It's people like you who end up making costly mistakes in life because of oversabi and I too know. One thing I know for sure is that,most times,people already have their minds made up on certain things,before they ask others for advice. Even if he doesn't have he mind made up,there is nothing wrong in him asking for advice. No man knows it all,and nobody should be too big to ask for advice on issues that disturbs their peace of mind. Learn to reason and weight issues properly before jumping in to talk(especially when it doesn't concern you).

All you typed is beautiful nonsense, gibberish
He's 34
And still waiting on God to soften the heart of his father just to go ahead with marriage
Maybe God will answer his prayers when he's 40
I won't reply you with insults.... It's a new dawn.... Gotta show a lil bit of kindness and love

My candid advice
1. Your Dad was suppose to build the house and not you, except he wants to sacrifice you to the village God,
Watch out and be careful that may be your end.
2. Guy tell him the truth that you are sorry you can't keep his advice, tell your uncles as well so that if you disobey him there is no course for alarm.
3. Be man enough so that you will not be a pension father.

My advice, let your father disown u. Na im lose.

at your age you still get mind to day make this kinda comment?

na wah oh. people no get shame oh

He didn't tel u to buy a car but to built a house I don't tink dat was bad advice cos he no d consequence of family challenge once u get married

ImaIma1:
Your father didn't build the house himself and he is pushing that responsibility on you and even using a strong arm to make you do it.

I think you should ask him why he didn't build the house before he got married and why you have to do it now. You are a man...an adult. Dad cannot dictate your life. Who ia dictating his life? [quote author=nelsonose post=63811892]

This is rude. Your dad knows better than you in matters like this.

African parents need help.

Op, don't misunderstand your Dad. The moment you get married alot of things changes, please take the advice which is "build a house" first. Delete the other words like disown n not attending your marriage. U won't regret it!!

JONNYSPUTE:
. So after doing it at the brides place you sleep at ur in-laws place? Shame on you for saying this. If this is the way you reason,then your father is very right because you ve no sense.

What if the wife is from a different tribe? How many people live in village homes?

House First Bros.... Your Papa Get Him Strong Reason Why Him Say First.... "that thing when de push person go marry that same thing no de push am go build house oh" be wise sir... make your woman calm down first.. abi u nova tire to pay rent for the house wen your papa de stay? Your property na your property bros... No minding the location where it situates

my mom and 7 siblings did not attend my wedding,they were doing something similar to what your father is doing.I went ahead and got married without them,my uncles and few cousins stood by me and today am happily married. Am a lady so you know,it was not easy but my happiness can only be decided by me.Today my mom and siblings are apologising for what dey did.

ireneidiva:

What if the wife is from a different tribe? How many people live in village homes?

. .Sis even if the wife is from a different tribe,the guy must take her to his own people in his village to see their new wife and by doing so,they will not sleep outside,they need a place to lay their heads at least for a night or two. The father is only asking him to provide a shelter,it can even be a room or two.I didn't say they should live in the village. And mind you,if there was a shelter already,the father won't be worried.

Only in Africa parents will be dictating for their child who to marry or not, never knew they will be the one to live with them.

It's better for you to live far from your dad and do what ever pleases u cos your happiness should come FIRST before any other person.

I understand that challenges of being the first but u can't kill yourself, do the little's u can do and leave the rest bcoz when they finish you, they will still be the one to mock u if they aren't getting from u. A breadwinner in a family needs brain to carry his /her family along.

Aragon:


He should bury his head in Shame! First you are training his Child in school and now he wants you to build a house for him. Did you beg him to bring you into this world? Or did he bring you into this world to be used as pon to accomplish his own wishes? Whever I read stories like this, I have so much sadness, I mean why should parents to this to their kids? It is my dream to Leave Money and a good Legacy for my Kids and not take their own Money. That man doesnt fit the definition of a father so if you need to buy his Love and acceptance with money, then he is no Father so you might as well get on with it. Get married and disappear from him, cut all contants...Its your Life and you should decide how to live it. Your so called father have had his life and should allow you enjoy yours please

but he fits into definition of a father when he was struggling to sponsor him his meager income which restraint him probably having his own house. I think this forum is a wrong place to seek advice on a sensitive issue like this. Too many uncouth children cum adult here. To this op, pls avoid anything that could cause friction between u and your father. When jungle mature, its him you will run back to not all the children giving you advice here on naira Land. Find a way of percify him biko. Thank God you still have a Dad alive to advice you. When serious issues occur between you and your oyoyo wife, you will need your father like oxygen.

keacy:
I'm getting frustrated with the condition my father is giving me before I finally settle down. I will be 34 years this 2018 and would have married (with 2 or 3 kids by now) since but my dad gave the excuse that he didn't like the girl.

I am the first son of 5 children, I am paying the school fees of the last child who is in med school. I have found me a wife whom I have planned getting married to by April.

Now my dad is insisting that since we don't have a home in the village that I should build one before getting married else he won't come for my wedding and will disown me.

I have already told him that I will build after my wedding but he refused.

What should I do? Going ahead with this building will make me call-off my wedding till December or Next year. What should I do My People I need Expert Advice on this.

If this was d case, it did have been better... mine is have build but my father say make I get PHD first

JONNYSPUTE:
. .Sis even if the wife is from a different tribe,the guy must take her to his own people in his village to see their new wife and by doing so,they will not sleep outside,they need a place to lay their heads at least for a night or two. The father is only asking him to provide a shelter,it can even be a room or two.I didn't say they should live in the village. And mind you,if there was a shelter already,the father won't be worried.

why can't the father work hard and build one too if it's that easy to build a house? When my dad wanted to roof our village house he was tasking me to send him some money and I told him plain and clear that it's his responsibilities to house us when we go to villa. Lazy and greedy parents will always ruin their children's life.

tealaw:
My advice, let your father disown u. Na im lose.

imagine!!!! Can you read an advice. Get first and realize the thing wey dey inside. I pray you marry a good woman or else, you will regret taken advice of somebody like this person I quote. I'm a married person and I know what it entails.