₦airaland Forum

sassysure:
This kind of advise is what has made Nigerians to see evil as good. They gave birth to them so it's their obligation to train,feed and cloth them. Who will do that for them before?
When some parents are too toxic ,it's expected that their wards will be taken away from them or if they are of adult age to run away from them like the brother did.
It's because Nigeria is a lawless country else they would have been displaying their madness inside prison and custody of those kids removed from them.

I love the kids of today, they don't take shit from their parents. U will end up telling ur child sorry over and over again for calling him a stubborn boy. The teacher might call u too to apologise and give u stern warning never call her student a stubborn child. Gradual process but I hope they will catch up soon. If u can't train properly, don't give birth. Simple

very true...our parents be tink say na by terrorism and not parenting

rita25:
my dad went to NMS and NDA became an officer and we were girl....he would barb us skull and plant our heads on bottle corks i.e coke and Fanta till he sees blood...we would do NDA baptism during hamattan...we were not allowed friends if they are going out they would lock us with the burglary and go with the key....God saved us what if there was a fire outbreak? my MUM was TOUGHER than my dad 10times she would use army belts to flog us and called us criminals...convicts...her slogan was I will break the egg before it hashes....she used egg to check our virginity up till our university days...if we offend 2days to xmas she would use shaving stick or shaving powder to give us molo and tell us that's our xmas gift if pple ask us we should tell them what our crime was....I was always crying and asking that they show me my parents cos the hatred was maximal....I remember my 1st jamb I filled usman dan fodio uni sokoto just to get away from home when the admission came my dad beat me that am a criminal and forcefully put me in yabatech near his office where when I close I would go and wait for the driver to take me home every day..when I went to university I never visited home till my 300level....I can shine boots...dig gutter,wash car,do pressup...do frogjump...infact name it but thanks to God I am better off today ....but whenever I remember the DRILLING I shutter

otu ocha....nnem u hear am

Thank God for my parents. Though they are not perfect but I will choose them over and over again. Love you dad and mum.

IdeyFindWife:
Pathetic! Just Tragic!!

If only Inbound-passengers (i.e. babies) were allowed to peer out of the windows of heaven on their way in here to make choices, I'm sure lots would've simply stayed back. I for one would've avoided everything that had to do with Africa!

A lot's wrong with our cultures but we refuse to change because we wanna maintain the status quo. The old man's quite clearly a fvcked-up remnant of a screwed sociocultural upbringing who's a hard-arss himself, unfortunately he married a chicken-head skank, who could only lay eggs (bear kids) but not nurture and mentor them!

One of the worst start-offs is that of fvcked family foundations. Guy, but you know what? You've gotta forgive them, let all the hurts, insults, pent -up anger drain out of you, let it all go! Only then will you be able to impassively confront the myriad unanswered questions, unmet emotional needs and psychological torture that might constitute some sort of "Ghosts-In-The-Shell" to you and give meaningfully conclusive answers to them.

They controlled part of your past, only you can empower them to dictate your future by allowing those past issues to still control your present life and person you are becoming! I know guys who went through worse. One had even attempted suicide thrice by age 17. Another chick went haywire sexually giving it to just anyone who asked or pretended to care.

Abusive Parenting na old story for these parts. Thank God you're out. Work it all the way till your life and home are dream paradises, ok? If You Don't Like What You're Seeing, Change The Channel! Cheers bro!

You are calling someone's mother a chicken headed skank?

Kk4:
I was brought up to be independent. Though my dad was tough at times but I no go him room. My mom on the other hand can run her mouth for Africa. Thank God we are close now. That's just life. African family life I guess

True. My mum was the tyrant, not dad. She was so tough on us that the neighbourhood kids always watched for her tall, imposing figure whenever she was coming back from work so that they could warn us. Mum was introverted so her whole life centred around us (we only got to understand later in life) and for this reason she poured her whole being into instilling her own brand of terrible discipline on us. We feared her and my sis at one point told her "mummy I hate you". That, of course earned her a thorough beating

Now, as adults, she is our best friend and pillar. When sister, who suffered the most beatings buys gifts for my parents, mum gets the elephant share. The day my mum was terribly Ill and fighting for life, my sister who once told her "I hate you" was the one wailing and weeping at her workplace.

We should understand that they are from a generation where the only kind of bonding and discipline was with the rod and though their actions may hurt us, they had our best interest at heart.

rita25:
my dad went to NMS and NDA became an officer and we were girl....he would barb us skull and plant our heads on bottle corks i.e coke and Fanta till he sees blood...we would do NDA baptism during hamattan...we were not allowed friends if they are going out they would lock us with the burglary and go with the key....God saved us what if there was a fire outbreak? my MUM was TOUGHER than my dad 10times she would use army belts to flog us and called us criminals...convicts...her slogan was I will break the egg before it hashes....she used egg to check our virginity up till our university days...if we offend 2days to xmas she would use shaving stick or shaving powder to give us molo and tell us that's our xmas gift if pple ask us we should tell them what our crime was....I was always crying and asking that they show me my parents cos the hatred was maximal....I remember my 1st jamb I filled usman dan fodio uni sokoto just to get away from home when the admission came my dad beat me that am a criminal and forcefully put me in yabatech near his office where when I close I would go and wait for the driver to take me home every day..when I went to university I never visited home till my 300level....I can shine boots...dig gutter,wash car,do pressup...do frogjump...infact name it but thanks to God I am better off today ....but whenever I remember the DRILLING I shutter

Now this is very funny

sassysure:
This kind of advise is what has made Nigerians to see evil as good. They gave birth to them so it's their obligation to train,feed and cloth them. Who will do that for them before?
When some parents are too toxic ,it's expected that their wards will be taken away from them or if they are of adult age to run away from them like the brother did.
It's because Nigeria is a lawless country else they would have been displaying their madness inside prison and custody of those kids removed from them.

I love the kids of today, they don't take shit from their parents. U will end up telling ur child sorry over and over again for calling him a stubborn boy. The teacher might call u too to apologise and give u stern warning never call her student a stubborn child. Gradual process but I hope they will catch up soon. If u can't train properly, don't give birth. Simple

Exactly.

Perfect post.

This is clearly a foolish child's write up. We all grew up under similiar circumstances and guess what?!! Most of us now understand, why pops as a dictator. So u were expecting ur mum to tke side with u pp against her husband inftont of u guys. Wht will ppl like uz wen popsy chased us with double barrel after we bashed brand new car he parked?!! We run comot from house.if Im given a chance to decide how my dad n mum raised us, I'd still ask them to continue, cos we were truly stubborn kids. They saved us.

Truth is we kids ddnt know how terrible we were and the pains we caused our parents. When u become a parent, come bck n spit this trash. Go n cherish ur parents for training ur rebellious arzz

sharpwriter:
Hey! You must never live with him. why would he want that? If you can fend for yourself, plan to have where you and your wife will reside after marriage. Don't let him know. play with wisdom and deceive him.

PS : I really believe evil spirits do manipulate some parents against children. Many of these things are more than crazy. Pseudo parenting. Foolish parents thinking they know it all.

the idea of parenting is to raise children to attain independence... I know mother's r the ones tht detest ur independence.. Dads on the other hand can't wait for the kids to get out ...lol. Your dad failed in this aspect. R u an only child?

revolt:
the idea of parenting is to raise children to attain independence... I know mother's r the ones tht detest ur independence.. Dads on the other hand can't wait for the kids to get out ...lol. Your dad failed in this aspect. R u an only child?

We are two and I'm the first.

Gangster1ms:
Similar parents but urs is worse..my dad is a dictator.. u dare not challenge him.. whatever he says is right even if it's very wrong.. he always wants the best for himself and doesn't care if you don't get anything especially when it comes to food.. my sisters dare not go near the gate. Always locked inside and i hated that cos they need to be exposed... but despite all these the man dey try for us sha especially when it comes to me .. i get more favours compared to my siblings.. and in recent years my brothers and i have grown so big that we now challenge him everytime.. he fight backs reminding us on how he is the God we can visibly see but now he's tired cos we stubborn die and we never relented on challenging him no matter what he did to punish us then.

My mum on the other hand is not stingy.. always give no matter how little she has (especially to outsiders) but sometimes can go a whole year without giving me her son a thing just to punish me.. the similar thing btw ur mum and mine is that she always support my dad when he is terrorising us instead of making peace.. infact she makes sure she adds more petrol to the fire and she never keeps a secret.. tell her secret something this minute and the next minute she will tell the whole world including my dad that may later query us for that secret.. for this reason we especially the boys never talk anyhow especially while at home.. while the girls till this moment are still learning on how to keep their mouth shut, it's harder for them cos girls like running their mouth

its simple...wen u start paying for ur house n feeding, then u can challenge him...ohhh u were expecting him to gve u the best part of his food loooiol... This is the very impetus needed to mke boys desire to work nn mke their money independent. The world out there isn't easy..no entitlements, if u ask me. I think he did a fairly great job. I wonder why kids always think their mums will tke sides wth them...when THEY WERE CLEARLY WRONG
In time you'd understand sha. Time

tolam4skywd:
I think one thing our parent lack is that they don't know affection goes a long way in the life of their wards... My dad will rather show affection to people outside d family than his own children..
Will you believe if I tell you that at 22 I still fidget when I want to talk to him... I always see him as a total stranger.. He has two cars and I don't even know how to ignite a car not until a friend taught me... The worst of it all, which I really need advice from u nairalanders is that I just gained admission for my HND program in an institution which is not far from our house and he refuse to let me get an hostel, he said I will be going to school everyday from house which I really don't like because it will curb me from engaging in any social activities in school.. I even accepted because If I refuse there will be no one to sponsor me.. And My mum isn't financially buoyant to sort that out.. Recently, I asked him for just 8,000 to do my registration and all he said is "I don't have money now ooo" Imagine, who does dat, the way he even said it was so annoying, even if he doesn't have the money at that moment there are so many ways he can say it... Pls nairalanders what should I do about it, because I'm getting fed up each and everyday.... And I don't want to engage myself in internet scam which has bn the trend among we youth to get money... My dad is the worst dad ever... He never show us love although deep down I know he do even if not much....

all these kids tlkn.. I used to speak like this before till u hve to sacrifice for kids.

Moboj:
I'll give a little tip
House of Gidigbo,whoever knows the meaning
Op it's the country's culture
If killing wasn't a sin,some of us won't have thought twice to end our parents then
One thing for sure,the next generations cant suffer this.The greatest forgiveness is for us to let go of the past and put up a smile when we see them
Stories are better left unsaid

wait till u get in their shoes. My pops said he NVR thought he'd best us wen we were born ......he pulled a gun on us. ....he's late now tho.... I need him more than ever now. A lot to learn from him as a man now. No uncle has been able to filled that space. Cherish urs

Iseoluwani:
Well u just wrote about my family, everything including the football, nothing missing.

EXCEPT THAT MY DAD IS DIVORCED NOW WITH MY MUM AND HAS RE MARRIED. EVEN THE WIFE HAS GIVEN BIRTH

UR Bro took the right step in moving out, this was my greatest mistake. I didn't move I remained. I spent a year to beg my dad to allow me do introduction now my wedding is next month n he wants me to live with him. My life is so frustrated now
..
My dad even told me he doesn't have time to attend my wedding

Smh.... I so much dislike my father

he what Don't tell me you're seriously contemplating staying with your dad as a married man... Man the fork up bro

Jyde89:
Reading all this horrible stories about parents from you guys,i just can't help but love my parent the more; we didn't have that much while growing up but they made us feel like royalties, telling us they didn't want us to experience the same thing they experienced while growing up. Op I'm sure your father was more richer than mine, my father was a Danfo driver then and my mom was a simstress ; but you'd think we had middle class parent the way we carried ourselves outside the home. Mom is late now though(still miss her like crazy) but i pray God quickly pick my call so i can repay dad for being such a good father.

I dey tell you bro..... After going through people's experiences here.....I just appreciate my parents the more

Momcherry:
My dear, I've forgiven her. I do visit her but I find it difficult staying under the same roof with her up to a week because she's still very difficult to be with, always rubbing salt to my old wound. I prefer sending her whatever I can.
She keeps complaining I don't like visiting her.

many humans are too soft..... If I ever went through half of what you went through my sister.....i WOULD NEVER.......NEVER forgive such parent.....but here I am....I love my mother to the moon and back.... She has given her all and continues to give her all for us

Please be a wonderful mother to your kids

AyamConfidence:
many humans are too soft..... If I ever went through half of what you went through my sister.....i WOULD NEVER.......NEVER forgive such parent.....but here I am....I love my mother to the moon and back.... She has given her all and continues to give her all for us

Please be a wonderful mother to your kids

I just had to forgive her to unburden my heart. Though I don't think I can ever forget what I passed through because, even at my age, each time I remember some of them, tears just keep flowing.

Though I'm not perfect but I'm trying to be the best I can for my children. I can never be like her. NEVER

Momcherry:
I just had to forgive her to unburden my heart. Though I don't think I can ever forget what I passed through because, even at my age, each time I remember some of them, tears just keep flowing.

Though I'm not perfect but I'm trying to be the best I can for my children. I can never be like her. NEVER

bless you sister... bless your good heart.... your statement made me remember a saying "you do not forgive for offender.... you forgive for yourself"

Pray God gives us all the wisdom so as to avoid repeating our parent's mistakes

orbitalgis:
My dear your parents are not faultless.They are human beings.That said,you and your siblings need to.deal with your parents with wisdom.When you engage with them at that level,that is when you too will have a good home and be a good mom when you are settled.The moment you begin to antagonise them ,that is when you start digging the grave for your future.

Remember that they raised you,clothed you and sent you all to school despite their obvious shortcomings.If they wanted you dead or.out of their lives both of them would have either killed you all,sent you out of the house or just walk away from you both.
It is critical.you respect and honour.your folks regardless of whom they are.
I wish you and your siblings all the best.

Alaye fvk that sh1t ...you cant expect me to have a good relationship with someone who treated me badly... I dont know about other.. But when i dont like you at all i find it very difficult to even say hello

Please leave the girl alone. It's like you don't know words have effects on people. It's keeps ringing in your head after several years, even when the person has apologised, you can never forget. Try using such words on your kids and watch them drift far away from you. You will feel they have forgotten but watch them call you once a month while they call others almost everyday.

Shroud:
Yes, a super, super dad. Don't get me wrong I think you're spoilt.

So your dad used harsh words after you messed up the meal and had the love and good graces to apologise an you still complain? Give yourself a knock on the head and wake up to the read world not some cartoon fiction.

And he frown at you greeting males? You obviously don't know men anymore than to know life.

When you greet men you meet on the way, you have easily broken the first resistance and barrier for chiking and toasting.

Except in rare occasions, girls who greet men they meet are attention-craving and that's how must guys see it.

My dad was a sad man. From the age of five i remember him calling my younger brother monkey. He's physically abusive.
When i missed my first admission to the universty, he said, "i carry badluck" and i finally got the admission, he gave me 3k to take to school. Thank God for my mum.

yeyerolling:
reminds me of my uncle i once stayed with. stays all alone now. his wife left him. the kids all left him they rarely visit. relatives he trained too have deserted him. his last born in unilag doesn't come home for holidays. some pple are just too dictatorial . he must not catch his kids with friends he doesn't know or has seen(kids had just one friend). does not compromise in this 9ja. had made so much enemies due to over righteous and over dictatorship. never bot Video games for his kids. life no too hard. at 65 baba is all alone in his house

Pity! There is one like that in my area. Na to beat everyone under his control. People like us that he couldn't beat, na quarrel all the time. The man is troublesome.

UrennaNkoli:
W

revolt:
wait till u get in their shoes. My pops said he NVR thought he'd best us wen we were born ......he pulled a gun on us. ....he's late now tho.... I need him more than ever now. A lot to learn from him as a man now. No uncle has been able to filled that space. Cherish urs

Hmmm! There is wisdom in your comment. I think it has to do with the way many parents were raised too. They didn't know any other way to raise their own children. They didn't have this kind of opportunity (social media) that we have now. Visiting nairaland family section is enough for anyone to retrace his or her step as a parent.
So, let's take it easy on these old folks. Almost everyone has a story to tell about his or her parents, that says a lot about our cultures be it Hausa, Yoruba, Igbo, Tiv or whatever.

Mine were not strict, thank God. Somehow, I think they were mellow with us.

udonminit

Zoomx

Na wa oo. Growing up myself and siblings had our differences with our parents especially our mum. We were scared of her, my dad was the calm one and we preferred him to my mum. But now, she has calm down, the children are earning some money for themselves and we contribute to the welfare of the house, respect has come. So if they disturb too much everybody will move out of the house and leave them alone and my parents don't want us to do that. They don't want us to leave them especially when we are still single so everybody is respecting themselves.

Though is not a new topic, but it is quite interesting.
Nigerian parents are not wicked or hate their children or wards.
Many of these did all these, because they were afraid of the future of the children, not to fail and bringing shame upon the family name.
But these disciples don't mean, they don't love their children

rita25:
my dad went to NMS and NDA became an officer and we were girl....he would barb us skull and plant our heads on bottle corks i.e coke and Fanta till he sees blood...we would do NDA baptism during hamattan...we were not allowed friends if they are going out they would lock us with the burglary and go with the key....God saved us what if there was a fire outbreak? my MUM was TOUGHER than my dad 10times she would use army belts to flog us and called us criminals...convicts...her slogan was I will break the egg before it hashes....she used egg to check our virginity up till our university days...if we offend 2days to xmas she would use shaving stick or shaving powder to give us molo and tell us that's our xmas gift if pple ask us we should tell them what our crime was....I was always crying and asking that they show me my parents cos the hatred was maximal....I remember my 1st jamb I filled usman dan fodio uni sokoto just to get away from home when the admission came my dad beat me that am a criminal and forcefully put me in yabatech near his office where when I close I would go and wait for the driver to take me home every day..when I went to university I never visited home till my 300level....I can shine boots...dig gutter,wash car,do pressup...do frogjump...infact name it but thanks to God I am better off today ....but whenever I remember the DRILLING I shutter

I strongly doubt they're your parent.
All these to a girl?
NDA. He is a learned big man.o
Hope you're ok now.

yembet:
Though is not a new topic, but it is quite interesting.
Nigerian parents are not wicked or hate their children or wards.
Many of these did all these, because they were afraid of the future of the children, not to fail and bringing shame upon the family name.
But these disciples don't mean, they don't their children

Reading the stories here is like watching nollywood movies. Never knew parents like these exist.


Thank God for my mom. That's all I can say.

Ah!

UrennaNkoli:
Well I'm over into my 30's, independent and not doing bad. So lets get straight to the story and mind you, its a true life story and all I say here is God's honest truth. Growing up was really tough for me and my brother but to be honest, my brother suffered more than I did so I'll emphasize more on him.

The kind of dad we had was more like a dictator. Life in that house was highly regimented. We were hardly allowed to go out or mingle with friends. This really affected us later in life as we ended up becoming introverts. My brother dared not be caught playing football or playing playstation 1 in the game house, he'll be severely dealt with. Our dad expected us to be with our books 24/7 which was near impossible. He dictated the kind of cloths my brother wear. My brother even flared up for our dad one day because he asked him to cut off his afro hair and his goatee beards. Sometime around 2008, he refused to give him pocket money to the university after they had a fight that morning because dad told him to surrender all his phones and laptop and take one visaphone to school instead. This resulted in an heated arguement which escalated to physical fight. I was there, dad who is naturally very aggresive and behaves like a lunatic hit lil bro first. The guy just stood still looking at dad and suprisingly, he never returned any punch. He was even asked to raise his hands and kneel as punishment. As if all these weren't shocking enough, lil bro was about 21 yrs of age at that time and all this was caused by the woman we call mother whose story I'll talk about later too.

Constantly, we were always embarassed in front of visitors. We dared not go out whenever a visitor was around else we'll be sent to get or do something after which dad must find a fault in it when what you did was obviously faultless. This will be folllowed by a rain of insults and verbal abuses to the extent that the visitor will even be pleading on our behalf. Dad did several things that made us question his psychological condition part of which I will list below.

1. He has his own masters bedroom which contained a washing machine. He can leave cloths in the washing machine and go to work without telling us anything. When he comes back, he start raining insults on me asking why I didn't finish up his cloths for him as if he was expecting us to use magic to know that there was cloths in there. So basically, he can leave a task and go out while expecting you to complete that task without telling you he left a task behind.
Even when you travel, they will never call you. Rather they'll expect you thats on transit to call them that you've arrived. If you don't call for months, they will never call to ask about your welfare whether you were sick or dead. They'll rather start raining insults on you for refusing to give them a call then I'm always left to ponder, since you dindn't hear from me why didnt you make any effort to reach me? what if there was something wrong from my own side. Their excuse was that anytime I called, I called only to ask for money.

2. I remember when we packed into our new house around 2009, the fence of that house collapsed one day due to heavy rainfall. The next day, he asked some bricklayers to come check the house and he told us to count the blocks they'll be bringing. That was all he said, count the blocks which we did. Lo and behold, he still came back from office to find a fault in what we did, raining insults on us and telling us how dumb we were because we failed to separate 9inches block from 6 inches block lol . For crying out loud, how was he expecting us to know? funny enough he didn't even give any instruction before he left.

3. So many encounters and bullshìts space and time will not permit to list them all but all these mess got my brother fed up as he left the house late 2009 and never returned till the following year. Funny enough, dad /mom weren't even concerned. They didn't even bother to look for him. He came back briefly after some 3 months to say hi to me and packed his load for good. TILL TODAY, HE NEVER RETURNED TO THAT HOUSE.

The Woman We Called Mom
This woman always supported dad whether he was right or wrong. To be honest, I never liked her one bit and I always felt bitter about it when I saw my peer groups and their everlasting bond with their own mom. They loved their mom like Gold but mine was a different story. She was stingy, she didn't know how to keep her mouth shut thats why I dreaded telling her any secret. She was someone that found it difficult sending me ordinary 2000 naira while in the university but if she hears there is a party tomorrow and she is to contribute 60k, she will look for that money. Honeslty, dad payed most of bills but this woman contributed nothing. She was earning close to 100k at that time and I've always wondered what she uses her salary for. She found it difficult keeping secrets, she must alow the whole world know. When I gained admission into the university, the whole world knew. When I graduated, the whole world knew. her friend even wrote a letter to her one day cautioning her about how she runs her mouth like tap. And mind you, she was very lazy. She'll rather sit in the living room watching africa magic than cooking for the family. She left everything to me. When I travelled, the whole house was in a mess. She didn't even bother to waah the bathroom and toilets or weeks as it was already turning brown. My brother before he left them wasn't close to her at all. They can be in the sitting room from morning till night together without exchanging a word. I don't blame him though, I blame the kind of parent we had. I pray my kids never go through all this. Dude is interested in bringing a wife home soon. I can't wait for the drama to unfold lol. He categorically called me and said If they accept fine and if they don't, he go on with his wedding. Even if na only 5 people attend, mariage na marriage.

Deep rage!