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Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? - Family - Nairaland

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Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by UrennaNkoli(f): 7:35am On Feb 27, 2018
Well I'm over into my 30's, independent and not doing bad. So lets get straight to the story and mind you, its a true life story and all I say here is God's honest truth. Growing up was really tough for me and my brother but to be honest, my brother suffered more than I did so I'll emphasize more on him.

The kind of dad we had was more like a dictator. Life in that house was highly regimented. We were hardly allowed to go out or mingle with friends. This really affected us later in life as we ended up becoming introverts. My brother dared not be caught playing football or playing playstation 1 in the game house, he'll be severely dealt with. Our dad expected us to be with our books 24/7 which was near impossible. He dictated the kind of cloths my brother wear. My brother even flared up for our dad one day because he asked him to cut off his afro hair and his goatee beards. Sometime around 2008, he refused to give him pocket money to the university after they had a fight that morning because dad told him to surrender all his phones and laptop and take one visaphone to school instead. This resulted in an heated arguement which escalated to physical fight. I was there, dad who is naturally very aggresive and behaves like a lunatic hit lil bro first. The guy just stood still looking at dad and suprisingly, he never returned any punch. He was even asked to raise his hands and kneel as punishment. As if all these weren't shocking enough, lil bro was about 21 yrs of age at that time and all this was caused by the woman we call mother whose story I'll talk about later too.

Constantly, we were always embarassed in front of visitors. We dared not go out whenever a visitor was around else we'll be sent to get or do something after which dad must find a fault in it when what you did was obviously faultless. This will be folllowed by a rain of insults and verbal abuses to the extent that the visitor will even be pleading on our behalf. Dad did several things that made us question his psychological condition part of which I will list below.

1. He has his own masters bedroom which contained a washing machine. He can leave cloths in the washing machine and go to work without telling us anything. When he comes back, he start raining insults on me asking why I didn't finish up his cloths for him as if he was expecting us to use magic to know that there was cloths in there. So basically, he can leave a task and go out while expecting you to complete that task without telling you he left a task behind.
Even when you travel, they will never call you. Rather they'll expect you thats on transit to call them that you've arrived. If you don't call for months, they will never call to ask about your welfare whether you were sick or dead. They'll rather start raining insults on you for refusing to give them a call then I'm always left to ponder, since you dindn't hear from me why didnt you make any effort to reach me? what if there was something wrong from my own side. Their excuse was that anytime I called, I called only to ask for money.

2. I remember when we packed into our new house around 2009, the fence of that house collapsed one day due to heavy rainfall. The next day, he asked some bricklayers to come check the house and he told us to count the blocks they'll be bringing. That was all he said, count the blocks which we did. Lo and behold, he still came back from office to find a fault in what we did, raining insults on us and telling us how dumb we were because we failed to separate 9inches block from 6 inches block lol . For crying out loud, how was he expecting us to know? funny enough he didn't even give any instruction before he left.

3. So many encounters and bullshìts space and time will not permit to list them all but all these mess got my brother fed up as he left the house late 2009 and never returned till the following year. Funny enough, dad /mom weren't even concerned. They didn't even bother to look for him. He came back briefly after some 3 months to say hi to me and packed his load for good. TILL TODAY, HE NEVER RETURNED TO THAT HOUSE.

The Woman We Called Mom
This woman always supported dad whether he was right or wrong. To be honest, I never liked her one bit and I always felt bitter about it when I saw my peer groups and their everlasting bond with their own mom. They loved their mom like Gold but mine was a different story. She was stingy, she didn't know how to keep her mouth shut thats why I dreaded telling her any secret. She was someone that found it difficult sending me ordinary 2000 naira while in the university but if she hears there is a party tomorrow and she is to contribute 60k, she will look for that money. Honeslty, dad payed most of bills but this woman contributed nothing. She was earning close to 100k at that time and I've always wondered what she uses her salary for. She found it difficult keeping secrets, she must alow the whole world know. When I gained admission into the university, the whole world knew. When I graduated, the whole world knew. her friend even wrote a letter to her one day cautioning her about how she runs her mouth like tap. And mind you, she was very lazy. She'll rather sit in the living room watching africa magic than cooking for the family. She left everything to me. When I travelled, the whole house was in a mess. She didn't even bother to waah the bathroom and toilets or weeks as it was already turning brown. My brother before he left them wasn't close to her at all. They can be in the sitting room from morning till night together without exchanging a word. I don't blame him though, I blame the kind of parent we had. I pray my kids never go through all this. Dude is interested in bringing a wife home soon. I can't wait for the drama to unfold lol. He categorically called me and said If they accept fine and if they don't, he go on with his wedding. Even if na only 5 people attend, mariage na marriage.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Femsyn(m): 8:12am On Feb 27, 2018
First, you must know that the scenarios you painted are not peculiar to your family alone. Nigerian families have their peculiarities, save for one or two differences.

That said, I would advise your brother not to go ahead with his wedding without their presence. The reason is not for today, but for tomorrow, plus the kind of impression he will give his would be in-laws about his family and indeed himself. This can be used against him in the future. Note that this doesn't necessarily erase his opinion about your parents. Its for his own good.

Finally, like I said before, what you guys went through isn't new. Just persevere until you can be independent and if this will count for anything, I'm particularly glad your parents are in good terms.

Shalom.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by PapaNnamdi: 8:14am On Feb 27, 2018
My neighbor, i hate that man
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by johnwizey: 8:17am On Feb 27, 2018
Your family tough o. Tell your brother to go ahead with the wedding weather they attend or not, they can't enforce their decision on him. Your mom should have been the peacemaker but.....

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by askibee(m): 8:26am On Feb 27, 2018
wow the way this guy narrate this story mehn e dey shock me say na person dad nd mummy be this o,God have Mercy

53 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by UrennaNkoli(f): 8:30am On Feb 27, 2018
Femsyn:
First, you must know that the scenarios you painted are not peculiar to your family alone. Nigerian families have their peculiarities, save for one or two differences.

That said, I would advise your brother not to go ahead with his wedding without their presence. The reason is not for today, but for tomorrow, plus the kind of impression he will give his would be in-laws about his family and indeed himself. This can be used against him in the future. Note that this doesn't necessarily erase his opinion about your parents. Its for his own good.

Finally, like I said before, what you guys went through isn't new. Just persevere until you can be independent and if this will count for anything, I'm particularly glad your parents are in good terms.

Shalom.
thanks dear. We are however independent now. I sincerely hope future generations don't go what I went through. And as for the good terms part, they used to have disagreements alot during the 90's straight into the mid 2000's. And as for my lil bro, he himself is strong headed. He's even planning a court marriage if things dont go as planned.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by anoda(m): 8:41am On Feb 27, 2018
Oga it seems we gave the same kind of parents oooo, same description guy.......

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nobody: 8:47am On Feb 27, 2018
lolzz when i was 12, i burnt the meat my dad asked me to cook and he told me that all the money being spent on me is going to be a waste. i couldnt get that out from my mind even though he apologised years later.
i was not even permitted to greet males unless visitors,my elder brothers and our pastor, if not my dad would be ranting on how i've become a wayward girl. mind you,i was 12.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by UrennaNkoli(f): 8:52am On Feb 27, 2018
kamsibabylove:
lolzz when i was 12, i burnt the meat my dad asked me to cook and he told me that all the money being spent on me is going to be a waste. i couldnt get that out from my mind even though he apologised years later.
i was not even permitted to greet males unless visitors,my elder brothers and our pastor, if not my dad would be ranting on how i've become a wayward girl. mind you,i was 12.
We can only look back and thank God for the kind of woman we have become. Mine was hell on earth.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by gloria34(f): 9:43am On Feb 27, 2018
mine was bad but alot better than urs. never grew up with dad cause he was abusive( both emotional and physical), a womanizer (got married to six women), drinks a lot etc. grew up with my step dad, d guy is good but mum was really strict. beating on every little crime, disgrace u in presence of visitors, never allow u go out( even to a friend's bday party), only church activities are allowed. but in other aspects, she loved us. was caring to d best of her abilities and supported me at a time when I least expected it. I just love her. let ur brother talk to them about d Marriage, if dey refuse, he should go ahead. I can't expect much from such parents anyway

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by IdeyFindWife: 9:53am On Feb 27, 2018
Pathetic! Just Tragic!!

If only Inbound-passengers (i.e. babies) were allowed to peer out of the windows of heaven on their way in here to make choices, I'm sure lots would've simply stayed back. I for one would've avoided everything that had to do with Africa!

A lot's wrong with our cultures but we refuse to change because we wanna maintain the status quo. The old man's quite clearly a fvcked-up remnant of a screwed sociocultural upbringing who's a hard-arss himself, unfortunately he married a chicken-head skank, who could only lay eggs (bear kids) but not nurture and mentor them!

One of the worst start-offs is that of fvcked family foundations. Guy, but you know what? You've gotta forgive them, let all the hurts, insults, pent -up anger drain out of you, let it all go! Only then will you be able to impassively confront the myriad unanswered questions, unmet emotional needs and psychological torture that might constitute some sort of "Ghosts-In-The-Shell" to you and give meaningfully conclusive answers to them.

They controlled part of your past, only you can empower them to dictate your future by allowing those past issues to still control your present life and person you are becoming! I know guys who went through worse. One had even attempted suicide thrice by age 17. Another chick went haywire sexually giving it to just anyone who asked or pretended to care.

Abusive Parenting na old story for these parts. Thank God you're out. Work it all the way till your life and home are dream paradises, ok? If You Don't Like What You're Seeing, Change The Channel! Cheers bro!

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by NwaChibuzor13: 10:03am On Feb 27, 2018
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by nana228(f): 12:44pm On Feb 27, 2018
You were probably raise by narcissists. I'm happy your brother and you turned out well.

9 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by mcdreeezy: 1:05pm On Feb 27, 2018
Many people don't know how to be parents. They don't know that verbal abuse is just as bad as physical abuse, if not worse.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by AntiBrutus(f): 1:36pm On Feb 27, 2018
This is scary.
I'm out of here...

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Mznaett(f): 1:40pm On Feb 27, 2018
Although your experience isn't a funny one but hey! you won't kill yourself jor.

Laugh it off grin



In my own case eh, my dad is a tyrant.

Whatever he says stands.

We don't keep friends, we don't go out etc.

In fact, he has extended this his behaviour to almost everybody that comes around even in church too.

During his tenure as the president of an organization in the church, those people that where under him heard wiiiiiiiii grin... If he's talking here eh, and you try to interrupt him shocked sorry is your name that day. You'll start to hear "Will you keep quiet there?" the president is talking and you're making noise... grin

The next word you'll hear from him is "mannerless generation" lol grin.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by crackhaus: 2:39pm On Feb 27, 2018
Your situation isn't unusual, Nigeria is a breeding ground for dysfunctional people raised in dysfunctional family settings by dysfunctional parents. I think it's because the sun is too hot in the country, too many angry people. grin

The fact you are able to look back at all this in retrospect means you have survived, just make sure you don't go about repeating the same mistakes with your own kids.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nihilist: 3:00pm On Feb 27, 2018
cheesy
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by id4sho(m): 3:00pm On Feb 27, 2018
We called him boss, RIP. we had alot of differences but i miss him everyday of my life .Life is too short, just love them more now that they are aging.

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by wellmax(m): 3:05pm On Feb 27, 2018
So sorry to hear, may God heal your wounds.

I am happy I had the most wonderful parents

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nobody: 3:09pm On Feb 27, 2018
reminds me of my uncle i once stayed with. stays all alone now. his wife left him. the kids all left him they rarely visit. relatives he trained too have deserted him. his last born in unilag doesn't come home for holidays. some pple are just too dictatorial . he must not catch his kids with friends he doesn't know or has seen(kids had just one friend). does not compromise in this 9ja. had made so much enemies due to over righteous and over dictatorship. never bot Video games for his kids. life no too hard. at 65 baba is all alone in his house angry

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by chillychill(f): 3:10pm On Feb 27, 2018
angry babe ure really lucky if u hear mine ull run cheesy

its kinda normal sha if u grow up with most african parents. dey act like votron cheesy but what doesn't kill u makes u stronger jare. Just kip praying for your brother cos it wont b funny mehn... If d wife isn't accepted let ur broda beg dem cos its not good to give ones inlaw a bad impression about ones family.

A yoruba adage says "ti eyan ba ta ara ile e ni opo eyan lo le ri ra ......(someone should epoxy me finish it) grin

2 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by dayleke(m): 3:12pm On Feb 27, 2018
Sorry to ask this, but
"Are they really your parents ?"
Especially "the one we call mother".

No woman dare do like dat to her blood na...

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by chuks34(m): 3:12pm On Feb 27, 2018
This one weak me

I thank God for my parents

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by bukola283: 3:13pm On Feb 27, 2018
hmmmmm tank God for ur life...........
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Kk4(m): 3:14pm On Feb 27, 2018
I was brought up to be independent. Though my dad was tough at times but I no go him room. My mom on the other hand can run her mouth for Africa. Thank God we are close now. That's just life. African family life I guess
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by jbrodaly(m): 3:14pm On Feb 27, 2018
This is a peculiar situation to developing countries like Nigeria. It is why they are backward because they destroy their children. No one who grows up in such environment will be close to his parents. I know many who suffered the same and they walked away. This is because the parents usually don't stop this harassment. They keep doing it even when their kids are grownup and have their kids. My own opinion is that for protection sake I may have to stay away from them for a while. It is complicated but one has to act safe.
Not trying to blame anyone....

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Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nobody: 3:14pm On Feb 27, 2018
There was period when my mom didn't bother to call me for many years. I didn't die. I just stopped expecting care and affection from her side and manned up.

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nobody: 3:17pm On Feb 27, 2018
I think most people just turn out the way their parents treated them even though they could have been better. undecided

4 Likes

Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nobody: 3:20pm On Feb 27, 2018
angry
Re: Did You Have This Kind Of Parent As A Kid? How Did You Survive? by Nobody: 3:20pm On Feb 27, 2018
Mznaett:
Although your experience isn't a funny one but hey! you won't kill yourself jor.

Laugh it off grin



In my own case eh, my dad is a tyrant.

Whatever he says stands.

We don't keep friends, we don't go out etc.

In fact, he has extended this his behaviour to almost everybody that comes around even in church too.

During his tenure as the president of an organization in the church, those people that where under him heard wiiiiiiiii grin... If he's talking here eh, and you try to interrupt him shocked sorry is your name that day. You'll start to hear "Will you keep quiet there?" the president is talking and you're making noise... grin

The next word you'll hear from him is "mannerless generation" lol grin.

You need to see the way I was laughing....grin grin

10 Likes

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