₦airaland Forum

@SaudiBoy, I noticed nothing was said of the wife's father too. So a lack of father figure for husband and wife seems to be complicating issues.
Also, this is a one sided story and a report from your wife will paint a clearer picture of what's really happening.

I'll suggest you go pick your baby, wife and their properties (you are doing it for your child, not her); but make sure you go with the balance of your debt and more- even if it's 5k (the extra will serve as the extra expense they incurred while your child was there) you can raise such a sum of money by selling off things like TV, home theater, sitting room furniture (big statement that you don't want third parties), washing machine, and other things that are not basic necessities which you can live without.
Do not tell your wife about this before she gets home, let her discover the items are all gone on her arrival and she'll figure her stunt has cost your family so much, also the element of surprise in such act will make her have rethink if she ever wants to pull such stunt in future because of fear of your unpredictable reaction.
Memories of the struggles, pains, inconvenience you both will face in the absence of luxury/ entertainment items or whatever you sell should also help you both never allow matter degenerate in future.
But if she leaves again on seeing the things you've had to sell off, then it will serve as eye opener that she's only with you for the good times and then letting her go might be the only option. Then it will be easy to move to a smaller apartment to restart your life.

Please do not sell your car as its your only source of income right now, and don't sell off the truck for far less than it's worth as is out of desperation.

Op
You have to play the fool If you want your marriage to work
Take her to where you both hold at value, probably where you met each other. Talk to her, play her favourite song, then have an heart to heart talk with her. Then both of you should come to conclusion
Help her bring back her things of possible..
Then sell your things or discard them like Rent them or lease them and relocate Very far away from your Sister in law and your in laws and never allow them to intervene in your family ever again.
While talking make her see reasons to Stay away from her family then did I forget that place you both hold it esteem make mad love to her if possible. See she will change her mind and don't forget to make sure your in laws stay away from you

Hmmm, an adage in yoruba says "eni ija o ba lo n pe ara e lokunrin" meaning, you can easily run your mouth in giving advise to someone over issues you have never experienced!

I read thru all the comments and only a few made sense.

Pls, this is a serious marital issue. So, if u re not married, don't comment at all because your comments will be inappropriate.

Op, I've experienced something similar and my advise is this:
1.
Invite your wife to a private place and have an extensive discussion with her.
2.
The presence and inputs of a third-party especially inlaws, most of the time, causes instability in ones marriage. Therefore, your sister inlaw and mother inlaw have to be cut off for a long time.
3.
Try as much as possible to pay off your debt but never dispose your car or truck paying d debt. This is because u need something to keep u going pending when things will normalize.
4.
Accept your wife back to the house but insist on using a cab to bring back her stuffs.
5.
Involve her church pastor to counsel her because women generally only listen to their church pastor even against d wish of d husband most times.
6.
It is obvious u still love your wife and your wife also misses u, so, salvage d situation and stop listening to all those advocates of divorce.

When mine happened, my wife even went away with my son, all my own gadgets and home appliances after she packed her own load to an unknown place and went to stay with her sister in her husbands house while I travelled and not even my father inlaw could talk to her but we thank God today everything is back to normal.

In no distant time, the comfortability she enjoys in her sisters house Will wean out because she stays in her husband house and no right thinking husband will retain a wife's sister that's already married.

I wish u good luck

SaudiBoy:
Greeting to everyone. I am in serious dilemma and need matured advice.

I dated my wife for 8 years before we got married last year and God blessed us recently with a child.

My problem began when my business nose dived and we began facing a little difficulty, my wife's sister who happens to be my good friend also stepped in and helped us with a loan totalling 340k which i have paid 190k and still making out ways to pay back the rest.
During those trying times my wife and i would go there and spend days to alleviate pressure of feeding, please i went there with her because I felt welcomed and they never made me feel i was Inlaw, a stranger will think am part of the mums children.

Now the main gbese is this, my wife's mum has been staying with us since this year, taking care of wifey as she put to bed and we have been living peacefully.

Now my mum wanted to come and spend time with us, and the problem started when my mum told me to come with my car and carry her as things she bought for us were too much for her to carry and enter public bus, and i agreed. I went to inform my wife and she kicked against it, citing high fuel cost and lack of money. I talked to her to forget about the money side of her story and see it as a sacrifice. It is a 6 hour journey to and fro.
When she saw she could not convince me, she reported to her sister who tried to talk me out of going to pick my mum, but i refused and told her my mind was made up. Then my wife resorted to i will see those things your mother will bring and come.

Then it got to the day i was going to pick my mum, I called my wife and told her i want your mum to stay and be bathing baby and taking care of you, as I know my mum is now lazy and can't do these work continually, they both agreed. I went and brought my mum home. And the journey to hell started.

There is this girl married with two kids i have warned my wife about to quit been friends with her as despite been married she is a big cheat who sleeps with men for money. So this girl came to my house to visit my wife, and there was this white man at my wife's former place of work that my wife has been chatting with, I read all their chats and had nothing to fault with their conversation, until i discovered my wife sent scantly dressed pictures of her friend to the white man and gave the man the girls contact. I was very furious and felt disappointed, y she did this, that was where my anger started.

So I told her point blank to quit every conversation with the said white man, but she told me plainly she has her life to live and i cannot tell her what to do. This word hurt me and i harboured it in my heart for her.

I and her mum tried to talk to her she didn't still see what she did as bad, then i reported her to her sister whom I felt was close to us and will advice her but no she continued her chat and instead changed her phone pattern.

So we started having issues, every small thing irritated me, then my wife started complaining about my mum, once i go to work and come back, no welcome hug, it will be ur mum said this. Therefore i should Go and fight her if that was her expectation.

The wrong thing I did was not hearing her out, because I already had this grudge in my mind for her bcoz of the statement she made about the white man. And I was already under pressure, how to pay off my debts feed and provide for my family and the 2 additional mouths that came, run generator everyday, and doing everything not to allow my family feel any form of hardship.

Then one day her sister called me and there was nothing she did not say on phone that day, my wife called her and was crying my mum was maltreating her and i kept quiet.
In her sisters exact words, u should be happy my sister married you bcoz she would have seen a better man. These are now the words my wife tells me.

Now the main problem my mum fell sick and she wanted to go back, fuel has now become 145, she met my wife and asked her how will she go if i will drop her or she will take public transport, my wife came to ask me and i ignored it because I didn't want to stir up quarrel. So I met my mother in-laws and told her i would like to go and drop my mum and she said OK if i have spare money for fuel i should do it that moreover my mum is sick.

I wanted to go look for a way to tell my wife but my mum was already dressed thinking she was going that day and was in the room with my wife, and i was to take my mum to somewhere before she goes, and she was in a hurry, I couldn't tell her anymore of my decision, and promised to call her on phone. Only for me to come to the parlor, in front of my mother in-law,i told my mum I would drop her but she had to wait till the next day early morning as I had jobs I needed to attend to.

I then left with my mum to the place she was going to and when we came back, I was with my wife in the room and she was shouting on top her voice, that I shud choose between her and my mum, and that if I go and drop my mum off at her place, she will pack her load and go. I laughe thinking it was a joke.
So mum heard what she said and left my house in anger, in retaliation, that's how i feel, she went to make her hair, as my wife has been begging to come let them go and make her, she cited sickness as example. When I saw my mum with the hair i was bitter and told her to better look for an excuse to give my wife.

She came home and my wife saw the hair and was deeply hurt, mum tried talking to her but it couldn't pacify here, i begged her she refused, so I decided to leave the house and go back to my work, at the door my wife told me to make sure i come back early as she won't givevny mum food, I begged her still, called her when i left and sent an SMS from work, but alas when I got home around past 11pm she didn't give my mum food.

I called my wife, mum and mum Inlaw and tried talking to them so that what ever venom in them will soften, I spoke at length and my mum spoke, when it got to my wife's turn, she flared up and insulted everyone and left, I was disappointed.

The next day morning my mum was finally going to leave, my wife woke up, met her at the door and passed her without greeting and when we were about to leave my wife never came back to say good bye

I travelled and came back and true to her words she packed out of our house and went to Her sisters house.
I called her sister to enquire she wouldn't answer, I went to her house and for 2 hours nobody opened the gate for me, despite hearing my horns and my many calls to her phone which she finally picked and told Me no one was around to open gate for me, quite shortly I saw my mum Inlaw, I asked her how can she encourage her dorta to pack out of the house, she said she was not around when she packed. So my wife's sister knowing her mum was at the gate sent someone to open it and since I was still outside called me she was sending someone to open gate for me, in anger I left and told her not to worry as she was opening it for her mum.
I called my sister in-laws husband and informed him my wife packed to his house without my consent and he was away from town and said when he come back.

He came back and called me after talking to us, I told him I have already changed the padlock of our protector that my wife must apologise before i will let her in again. my wife's response was that she needed a break of 6 months then changed to she was done.

I posted a picture of me holding our baby and wrote some love touching words to him, my wife saw it and became very upset and jelos, and the new accusation became I value our child more than her and don't appreciate her. Then I went to work only to come back home, I saw the locks to the house has been broken, I met my wife packing her remaining things that she needs space, I tried talking to her, next thing her sister called that what is holding her, my wife said I was stopping her, her sister came to my house packed my wife's things including my mum in-laws things, before they left I called my mum Inlaw to ask if she was aware and she said yes, that she heard because of how my wife treated my mum that I said she will not come to my house again, a word I said out of anger. That was how they left.

It's been 3 weeks now I have forgiven my wife and we have settled and she even passed a night in the house and we made mad love

Now she wants to come back, I told her plainly I will not carry those load her sister carried, either she forgets them or I send a cab for her. She agreed to leave the load and come pick her later, immediately she told her sister, the music changed, my wife became abusive and told me if I won't come myself and carry the load then I should forget about her and my child, that she will never use a cab since I have a car and her sister cannot bring the load.

At this juncture I became irritated. Seriously I don't want a broken home since am a product of one, and I know the effects it has on a child.

For 3 weeks I have been jumping from canteen to canteen, I don't know what to do, if to go and bring the load or just allow them to remain there.

Please i need candid advice and criticism, not insult as am already broken.

Am 31 and my wife is 26



****** modified***********

Reading through let me make something clear about the money i borrowed from my in-law

You see am not broke, I live in an comfortable house, drive a good car, and have a land in the state i reside, with a back up bank balance that gave me confidence, but overnight i watched all i have go away due to circumstance better imagined.

I own a truck used for sand and stone transportation, and people into this business will know drivers remit 150k weekly.

My problem started when my truck was involved in an accident which cost a life and also condemned the car, my driver disappeared from the scene and my conductor was in custody for 13weeks

After police case and everything, I paid the family 2.5m for burial and compensation, I paid 400k to the driver of the car my truck hit, bailed my conductor, my truck and closed the police case with 150k.

So this expense cost me 3m that was y i had to seek that loan.

Now i decided not to engage in the trucking business anymore and sell off the truck, but the best price I have gotten from a buyer is 1.5m for a truck i bought 4.5m 2 years ago, so i refused to sell. Still waiting for the right price. To pay off my debt and run my home, I am secretly using my car for uber without my wife's knowledge.although she said i should just sell the truck and start again

I don't want to believe my wife is about the money because she met be broke and we built our wealth together before finally getting married, my problem is during this crisis, she started confiding in her sisters more, and this is where it has landed me




****** modified*********
You see there is more to this story that meets the eye.
That is why I decided to be calm about this whole issue, because it has really opened my eyes, I don't believe this has to do with the money i loaned because the sisters husband also loans money from me atimes,
And pays back, I was very very close to them.

I only soft pedalled on this issue because it is very clear to me there is a grand script been planned by my sister in-laws out of jelousy, because she has been childless for 7 years of marriage.

My wife made a statemet that startled me, that she will send me divorce papers, and that the baby been just 2months, court will award her custody and she will just give the baby to her sister and travel out.

Then i started working on my wife's senses, talking to her until she became soft and we settled my wife she needed time to heal, I offered her to come back home and heal she said know that her sister just had another miscarriage and she needs to be with her.

Now the day my wife came to visit me and decided to sleep over, the sister called her, I pretended to be asleep and I could hear the sister say, now now now, u Don run go sleep there bcoz of sex. The next day it was clear my wife didn't want to go back, I dropped her off around 2pm and before the sister agreed to to open gate for her, it was war after much exchange of whatsapp message

I stopped reading half-way through. Too much drama. Here's what I think
- either one or both of you is incredibly immature. that's the 1st problem
- too many people are involved in your marriage. I lost track once you added sister in law
- unfortunately your parents primed you for dysfunction when they abused you as a child.

Sir, would you believe there are marriages where this kind of thing will never happen?? Does your wife work? Whose money is it being spent on fuel, yours or hers? Sorry, but I think this marriage is doomed. You need to take a step back and seek counseling from someone that is not your family.

Lord help us... Why is the problem always beginning from a job loss, business nose dive, financial hardship...

Aplaudez:
is that all all you have to say
Heartless soul!

What do u want me to say?
The whole issue boils down to one thing (and nobody has said it so far): MONEY
Unless the guy goes back to having the kind of money he had before, HAPPY DIVORCE SOON.

Innov8ve1:
Oh well




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Nobody will read this.
Try to be on the first page of a thread or don't bother.

sonnie10:
And he is able to feed his mother in-law. Remember, this is a man that was raised single handily by this single mother

You do have a very strong point and honestly I did not read that bit.

Obviously, the mum has unselfish love for her and and admirably love and respect for her son's wife and his.marriage. She is not the nuisance type.

Nevertheless, we have to put our feelings in check and face reality.

My brother in law was raised mostly by his mother because his dad did not pay much attention.

Nevertheless, when it comes to his home, he draws the line. At times he discourages his mum from coming and my half sister does the same in her home. My step-mom has grown to respect their decision.

Why do I think I know who SaudiBoy is?

That your wife's sister is an agent of darkness
She wants to wreck the marriage cos hers is not going on smoothly ..................

Beastly jealousy

xcolanto:
@Op am happy you never told her to leave and even after your pleas she was adamant and left.
This means you have a clear conscience on that part of her leaving your house.
To make matters more difficult she broke your locks all in a bid to get away from house, this means her mind was made up.

Am happy you stood your ground as a man and asked her to come back home the same way she left. Her families shame is helping her bring her things just the way they took it. Its good you offered to pay for a cab that would bring all her stuff back and with that you have provided a means for her to come back home. Its now left for her to take that offer and stop being silly.
All she is doing now is stalling due to her and her families shame. They want you to beg extra while conditioning you in such a way that if it happens again you will be the one to come and get her.
Trust me she is not comfortable there and there is pressure for her to go back to her house especially from her sister's husband.

I feel for you based on you eating out but if you want any respect from the family you must stand your ground and continue to offer the cab service to her. If you go and pick her up she might do this again and again and you will have to keeping going to get her.
Your the man! Stand your ground!
Peace..

2 wrongs cannot make a right..pls swallow ur ego and go get her things..if its possible stop her from going to see her sis.(after paying off the debt).she is a bad influence on her,.pls sir as the head of the family pray for your marriage,.your marriage is young and bound to have issues,only prayers can keep ur home..

chiomzy86:
2 wrongs cannot make a right..pls swallow ur ego and go get her things..if its possible stop her from going to see her sis.(after paying off the debt).she is a bad influence on her,.pls sir as the head of the family pray for your marriage,.your marriage is young and bound to have issues,only prayers can keep ur home..

Madam if I may ask, what wrong has the man committed here in the context of what I typed?
He never asked his wife to move out! Besides he even begged her to stay put but she was adamant and broke the locks all in a bid to escaped from her home.

Now am not saying the man shouldn't forgive his wife or take her back in. All am saying is that she comes back the way she left in the first place.
Why should the man burden himself to go and get her when he has made arrangement for her to get a cab, pack her stuff and come back?
Is that not pride on the side of the woman? Not wanting to use a cab because her husband has a car like he forced her out in the first place!

Sorry madam but I don't see any sense in taking that action. If she is wise or when she finally gets sense she would locate her house of her own accord. Not waiting on a man that never chased you out to come get you. If he take such action, in no distance time to come she would be quick to run off again and again with the hopes that the husband would keep coming to get her. This would now be a bargaining chip to be used to mentally torment the man.

It is well

Talk with a marriage therapist online.

https://www.lifetips247.com/forums/forum/lifetips-forum/

SaudiBoy:
Mr strong man

There is a very wide difference bw a girlfriend and a wife that is why it is very easy for you to ditch your girlfriend. When you cough out 2m to marry a woman and she bears u a child then u will understand, thatthe decisions u make hence forth shud take into consideration Now, the future and ur child.

I just saw this story. Bro hope all is well with you and your family now?

Look well now,this one dumped one good girl for the dick tiger he married las las o. That is how mother nature pays back.

Fukking marriage! ThankGod I am not married.

divorce her

The whole problem started with the woman having a male friend, the white... And allowing in-laws to have strong control.


I wouldn't support singles having "close" opposite gender friends, let know the married. For every connection, there's an attraction. If it's wrong, it's wrong...

God bless

Your wife is very petty and immature, and her family isn't helping either. I really don't see your marriage lasting. Brace yourself for what is coming.