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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please (31013 Views)
My Married Sister Wants to be a liability to us / My Sister Wants To Quit Her Young Marriage. / She Married An Old Fashioned Man, Kindly Advise Her (2) (3) (4)
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Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by grandstar(m): 9:44am On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk: I am a Jehovah's Witness. What should guide us in this instance and always is what the bible says So what does the bible say Titus 3:1 and Romans 13:1-7 shows us the way. Caesar, or the federal government in Nigeria dictates that your marriage be officially registered. Does a court registry not see to that? If your marriage in not registered in the registry, you are on your own. If another woman comes and marries him and gets the certificate, the 2nd woman is the wife recognised under law and not you. As Witnesses, if its only the court registry you havre, you are considered married before God and the congregation. A traditional wedding or one within the congregation are optional. A wedding without the court certificate can not be held at the Kingdom Hall. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by pedrilo: 9:54am On Apr 10, 2018 |
Any woman that seeks to impose her will on a man is a no no. Go and marry urself. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by AreaFada2: 10:22am On Apr 10, 2018 |
Elfmannisback: Many marriage certificates from some churches are not worth the paper they are written on. They are not permitted to even conduct marriage. I have long argued here on NL that traditional marriages such be eligible for customary court issued marriage certificate. When it will be automatically transferred to national registry making it officially registered. That way at least some people won't need to do traditional, church & registry marriages. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by solares1960: 10:45am On Apr 10, 2018 |
Little kids of today. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by ikevictor: 10:54am On Apr 10, 2018 |
Is court wedding same as happy marriage? Both your sister, you and the husband are either confused or mischievous. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Countersam(m): 11:18am On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk:Is your sister marrying the man or the man is marrying your sister? You know what i mean. Thy will be done oh sponsor, please! |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Nobody: 11:25am On Apr 10, 2018 |
Stupid comments from idiots all around. The man should do a registry marriage. If he does not want to, either ask your sister to retain her maiden name as advised and ensure that they do not own any joint properties/account together or simply leave. What she is asking for is the default. What would it cost the guy to do it? Nada. He has ulterior motives simple. And by the way I am a guy and also married. 2 Likes |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by MissRaine69(f): 11:56am On Apr 10, 2018 |
For a religious marriage to be legal it must be licensed and recognized by the state. Usually churches that conduct weddings need to get approval from the state. This way, a person having a religious wedding doesn’t have to go to the court to register and collect a marriage certificate; this is made available to them through the church. So this is what you need to ask your sister, is the church where the wedding took place licensed? If not the marriage is not recognised. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by MrBrownJay1(m): 12:18pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
georgeiyke009: ... and the lady ALREADY confirm that she does have ulterior motives TOO. so lets not be hypocrites here and instead lets ask the important question : why should a man be forced into something he is not willing to partake OR why should the lady be forced into something she not willing to partake? the simple answer is... they SHOULDNT, and instead should go on their merry ways so that no-one is taking advantage of the other (aka divorce). if they dont want to divorce then let the most desperate one out of the two, bow to the demands of the other (aka start this union on the wrong foot) and with such negative foundation, this union is bound for misery , and possibly failure. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Nobody: 12:22pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
ebig21: MissRaine69: Wonderful,fresh,nourishing and soul filling revelation.Na everyday we dey learn. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Nelsmannnnnnnnn(m): 12:46pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Oga, please can you enlighten us on what to do as a man in a situation where a woman clamouring for a registry marriage and eventually got what she wants....only to find out that the woman only did that to insure her future and not necessarily because of any other thing. The same woman was caught cheating with a Lebanese man who happens to be her boss in the office. In fact, she have been in a sexual relationship with this lebanese boss of hers before she even married her husband, and even after her marriage, she could not stop because of the money and promotion she benefits from the sexual relationship with her boss. An informant from the office who felt pity for her poor husband reported to the man and the man decided to spy on her and eventually caught her red-handed in the act with this lebanese man right here in Lagos. This incident happened life which i was a witness to on the 17th of January 2018. The man filed for a divorce, and the clause was for the wife to keep the only child they have together with permission for the husband to pay visit to his child any time he wishes, and also the man is to give away one of his cars to the wife (this woman have her own car, probably was bought for her by her lebanese lover) and some monetary benefits. It was then it dawned on the man that he should have inserted some pre-nuptial agreement in the court contract especially in the case of adultery. The man refuses to the decision made by the court. As i write to you, this issue is still pending since january. Though not together with the wife any more, the unrepentant wife is still having her affair with her boss. As i write this, i am pained eventhough i am not the one in the man's shoes. I'm not against registry marriage, but if a man must do it, then they should be pre-nuptial agreement inserted especially in the case of adultery...which spells out that if a woman is found being adulterous, her rights will be forfeited. This also should be applicable to men too who intend being adulterous. But as for me, a big no to registry. georgeiyke009: 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Blonchilli(m): 12:58pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk your sister shouldn't stress herself really. I don't see what the fuss is about. My sister is a lawyer married to a doctor they didn't do any court wedding but they're happily married. I think couple should know what they want before wedding. Maybe she's seeing signs or what we can't see but this discussion should have happened before wedding and not after. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Nobody: 1:14pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk: What of if the reverse is the case: your sister leaving him? They have trust issues. It seems that the husband had other women in his life and your sister outwitted all of them (she made him break up with his former fiancee). May be, just may be, she knows that the husband is into women and she does not trust him with women. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Nobody: 1:21pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk: Something is fundamentally seriously wrong with their union, if she is entertaining this fear at this early stage. It seems that she snatched him from somebody he loved dearly or he was in more than one relationship when he wedded her. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Nobody: 1:24pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk: Pardon me to ask. Did your dad have a mistress while married to your mum? This may also inform her fears. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by CAROLYN19: 1:40pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
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Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Tellemall: 2:02pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
delishpot: Recent reports of the bro code, in which a father could not caution his son in law (a man who is his age or thereabouts, very bizarre) simply express the sentiment of 99% of the male populace. A father sent his daughter back to an abuser when he should protect her, probably because he himself is an abuser and was using this bro code to make concessions for the son in law (again, this old man being called a son in law is goosebump inducing). The OP simply has a stubborn brother in law. If the court wedding means nothing, why can't he just do it to put the woman at ease? With the full support of the male populace here, more than a half of who are adulterous if at all married, they have tagged the OPs sister as ridiculous for simply wanting small court wedding. It's not putting ideas in the man's head. If he's clean, what's the harm in it? He didn't put his foot down for marrying her without dropping a dime, but he wants to put this foot down on what can out him. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by majorbravo: 2:06pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk: Take this example of 2 men who vowed never to get married in the court/registry. The first had been married for some years, one day he abandoned his family without obtaining legal closure. He now wants to marry another girl who isn't aware of his previous marriage and he knows he can't remarry her at the registry as he already is in the eyes of the law, he has made too many official endorsements that indicate his marital status, infact he even travelled with documents that indicates his lawful spouse on them, therefore he doesn't want any complications, so he is deeply against the mention of court marriage from his new fiancee who has no clue about any of this of course. The 2nd guy married an unattractive older woman for her money and took his time to set himself up with it before making a clean get away when the coast was clear. Now he didn't marry the older woman in the registry and strongly discouraged her from it so he can eventually be able to marry the girl of his dreams with ease when the time is right. Your sister's husband may stand 'already married' in the court to someone else before he met your sister or plans to move on later on and thats why he can't marry her in the eyes of the law. I pray this isn't the case but you can't be too sure. He should be able to give his honest reasons, but since he hasn't, my assertion above is probably true. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by delishpot: 2:06pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Tellemall: some men feel that a court wedding leaves them helpless fro sending the woman away or marrying more wives. That is why some support him. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Tellemall: 2:11pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
delishpot: Yes, that is why they support him. Which is sad. They are supporting him not because the wife is asking for something out of the ordinary, but because it would stop the man from polygamy. Sentiment. He should've stated his preference for polygamy before marriage. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by tunjilana: 3:11pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Persuasion and discussion is key. The man should be made to see the importance of registering his marriage, it is part of good planning. However when it comes to marriage and finance, please dont bring in a woman's father's worth. It is often times a liability and burden on the man self. Some women feel entitled and refuse to work or make effort to build with the man, yet they expect the man to maintain a certain standard. In the long run the man looses. It is best to have a woman who has a motivation to build with you, a swim with him or drown with him kinda woman Chaclaitmilk: |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by MrBrownJay1(m): 4:51pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
majorbravo: bravo sir, now can you also post 2 examples of how this woman could be deceitful in her pursuit of court marriage.... OR do you nelieve that she could never have an ulterior ill motive in this saga?!?! here is just a clue: she is stating from the get go that she doesnt want to lose her children... so do you think that she should keep these children if hubby discovers that she is a danger to them, insane or looking to use them as money ritual?!?!? oh yeah, the husband too can come up with any negative example about women to make a point (like you did). 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Emes101(m): 4:55pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
There's nothing like court marriage... She should make inquiry about statutory marriage(marriage under the Act), I think that's what she's thinking of doing...... |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by majorbravo: 5:23pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
MrBrownJay1: Do enlighten me with some examples please, let's assume for a moment that I don't know what harm she could bring. Isn't it the man who proposes marriage? If he thinks her a terrible woman why ask her for her hand in marriage in the first place? How does staying away from the registry stop a mad person from being a danger to the kids in the marriage? There is something the OP has implied without spelling out and that is the fact they think the husband may not genuinely be interested in the woman perhaps he got her pregnant before a quick marriage was planned, or probably because of some material gain and as such, the need for them to really cement the marriage in such a way he doesn't get an easy exit. Call me misinformed if you must but I don't see why a woman would be interested in securing a recognised legal union just to end up as a divorcee later on if she just wanted him for kids. Most women like this don't even want kids to begin with (you have to consider the fact that this is happening in Nigeria where single mothers are frowned on) and the man has to be really rich(at least more than she is) to even facilitate such an intention. 2 Likes |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by majorbravo: 5:24pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Tellemall:I think if the man had made it clear that he isn't interested in court/registry marriage before they actually performed the other marital ceremonies and she had accepted it then, something would look very fishy that she demands it now. However if they never had this discussion prior to marriage it is only fair for her to desire full marital privilege. The man should've explained that he doesnt want it before proposing and listened out for her response before going ahead with the ceremony. It's standard practice for married people to get legal proof of their union. Someone isn't telling the whole truth here. This dispute rather has the symptoms of a rushed or arranged marriage. OP can find out who is really acting funny by asking his sister if she knew it before his proposal. That would solve this whole quandary |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by Owiii(m): 5:33pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
Chaclaitmilk:If he is from a polygamous family and he is the first born. The likelihood of.taking a second wife is 80%. That's a foundation issue. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by MrBrownJay1(m): 5:36pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
majorbravo: bro you are the one who was quick to make a biased post against this man, and who therefore should also do the same for women. Isn't it the man who proposes marriage? If he thinks her a terrible woman why ask her for her hand in marriage in the first place? How does staying away from the registry stop a mad person from being a danger to the kids in the marriage? so in your opinion they are NOT yet married, abi? There is something the OP has implied without spelling out and that is the fact they think the husband may not genuinely be interested in the woman perhaps he got her pregnant before a quick marriage was planned, or probably because of some material gain and as such, the need for them to really cement the marriage in such a way he doesn't get an easy exit. sorry i dont have a crystal ball, the only thing i know is that this man and this lady are ALREADY married, and he "vehemently" does not want to do any more marriage (whether court, astral or mental) Call me misinformed if you must but I don't see why a woman would be interested in securing a recognised legal union just to end up as a divorcee later on if she just wanted him for kids. Most women like this don't even want kids to begin with (you have to consider the fact that this is happening in Nigeria where single mothers are frowned on) and the man has to be really rich(at least more than she is) to even facilitate such an intention. yet the reason this woman is NOT satisfied with their marriage, and is hell bent on having another marriage (court) is because of what may happen to the kids WHEN they divorce... and you have the audacity to say that this woman is not thinking of divorce and what not?! |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by somehow: 5:55pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
majorbravo: Here is one: Nelsmannnnnnnnn: |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by majorbravo: 5:55pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
MrBrownJay1:They are not having another marriage ceremony bro. It's simply registration of the marriage(that's why it's called registry) so the state is aware of it's existence. If you have ever seen rushed or arranged marriages, some of them turn out this way. In my opinion this woman is just trying to ensure she is not abandoned like the woman in scenario number 2 I gave in my first post. I'm still waiting for an example why she would marry him to get a divorce. Did you not read the OP said her father paid for the entire ceremony. It's definitely not monetary satisfaction she is after. She just doesn't want a situation where the man married her to enrich himself and then jet. The talk of kids is what she would tell the OP as a sibling, we both know there is more to it. 1 Like |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by majorbravo: 5:59pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
somehow:What stops them from getting a pre-nup. Ain't no way I'm gonna let anyone marry my daughter if they don't register it with the church and the law. He should be looking to answer to God if he decides to jet, and also lose half his property if he thinks he can just go marry someone else after he's done reaping her off. |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by MrBrownJay1(m): 6:07pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
majorbravo: you are the one who said that it was this man who asked her hand in marriage, and i just pointed out to you that they WERE indeed already married.... whether she likes it or not. so technically, YES, if she is pushing for a court/registry marriage then she indeed wants another marriage to recognize their union. If you have ever seen rushed or arranged marriages, some of them turn out this way. In my opinion this woman is just trying to ensure she is not abandoned like the woman in scenario number 2 I gave in my first post. and yet, you dont think that this man could also be taken for a ride, like many are? your message is one sided. I'm still waiting for an example why she would marry him to get a divorce. Did you not read the OP said her father paid for the entire ceremony. It's definitely not monetarily satisfaction she is after. She just doesn't want a situation where the man married her to enrich himself and then jet. The talk of kids is what she would tell the OP as a sibling, we both know there is more to it. well here is a clue: she "supposedly" has money he doesnt, so such marriage could LEGALLY have her take his kids away, when she divorces and portray herself as the only able person to care for them..... if she was indeed richer, then she wouldnt really care about all this because a good lawyer would do the trick (whether court marriage or otherwise). it is very easy to confirm who the unmarried parents of a child are AND a person with money would easily have lawyers show them as the best parent to get custody. now remember, this man DOES NOT want to have such marriage, and he is ADAMANT about it as thats his wish. dwell on that and tell us all why he should not stand for what he desires, and instead conform to what SHE wants? |
Re: My Sister Wants Court Marriage, Her Husband Doesn't. Advise Her Please by mikolo80: 6:12pm On Apr 10, 2018 |
sisisioge:which law thi is nigeria laws only for the poor or women not rich or men |
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