₦airaland Forum

chineduemmao:
am suggesting allowing kids be kids they will grow up someday.

They surely would. But correcting a child, starts from day you see and observe negative behaviour.........

saintade01:
The problem is the older can hardly fight. He even cries first in the fight.

Look here Madam, you are spoiling those children, the next time he cries because of his younger one, be the one to beat him up for crying when his younger brother beats him
Secondly, never rebuke the older one in then presence of the younger one even thou he is wrong, do it secretly
Thirdly, when you see them fighting hold the younger one's hand for the older one to have an edge
Finally, always take them to children church and report the younger one regularly to the teachers for them to give him good discipline, also get an uncle that they fear, if you don't have one employ a no non-sense home teacher, and by the way what is their father doing about it . He has a major role here. I once bullied my elder brother and till today I still regret it. Don't let that boy hate you in the future.

Intrepid01:
Yeeeeh! this story reminds of my childhood days with my immediate elder brother. He wasn't as strong as I was in those days and the age difference was just 2. I would bully him, even boast that I can beat him up. My Dad's younger sister was always angry and would ask us to fight, immediately she notices I was about over powering him, she'll join and beat me like anything. My elder brother was calm , cool and collected the reason why I could do all that. But one day, hmmm in my usual way, decided to trespass, I threatened to hit him , na so the guy hit me, I fought back . Chaii the guy beat me that day no be small, my mum and eldest brother kept cheering him up to beat me more. Omo because of shame I could not cry even though the beaten madh gan . My mum was so happy and my eldest brother after the fight. Infact I remember my eldest brother getting him drink after the fight while they watch me lick my wounds . Guy, since that day den no born me well to mess up with him again . .

so what I'm telling you is that don't be bothered, at the right time, the elder one will put the younger one in his rightful position without anybody's help . It's a fight of freedom and he'll win cos he's actually stronger than the younger one.

This is some good stuff Bro. Thanks for making me laugh so hard, this early.

chii8:
I have three boys... Initially, I was having this same issue as the op but I encouraged the boy to stand up for himself because he's the senior and I started putting the oldest boy in charge of stuff like he shares snacks for others, etc. The second boy Will always complain but he's starting to get use to having a senior.

No/b

In Yoruba land you allow the youngest to share the stuff and the eldest to be first to pick his or her choice and followed by the younger one. And I think this is the best way to share responsibility

saintade01:
I have a situation right now where the younger bullies his older brother.

He is 2 and the older is 4, but because he's almost the same height with the older one and a bit fatter, he uses every opportunity to ride his brother. Though the older is calm and homely, very gentle and highly intelligent, he even takes care of this younger one as a big brother but this boy will forcefully collect foods, drinks, toys and even his bigger bicycle from him.

I sometimes tell the big brother to beat him and stand up to him whenever he comes with his bullying but that most times results into fights and I don't like seeing them in wrestlemania.

Please parents with similar issues how do you tame them?

train the older one to learn how to defend themselves from bullying not even because of the family but because they are still going to encounter it life, in schools and in their place of work, they should start learning how to defend themselves , pls don't hesitate even if its going to take you to involve with them in some physical activities like sports, gym and boxing, it is very very important!

I don't think it's really about the gender. I have little sisters and they can be a hand full. Our last born is just 2 and the way she deals with her elder sis who is about 6 is same. She even bullies everyone sef, even if an young child comes visiting and mistakenly sits on her chair, she'll first go to my mum or me and point to the child, if he/she doesn't stand up, she'll go and beat him/her.
She probably sees the elder one has mate cos the way she bullies her ehn, that one will start crying cos she doesn't want to beat her, sometimes we have to beat her small hand to correct her... The elder one was probably being paid back cos she did same or even worse to her immediate elder sis too, LOL.


I have noticed with time they get over it, just show it to them, this is your elder bro or sis, you don't beat them anyhow or forcefully take their things. They blend in as they grow older.

saintade01:
I have a situation right now where the younger bullies his older brother.

He is 2 and the older is 4, but because he's almost the same height with the older one and a bit fatter, he uses every opportunity to ride his brother. Though the older is calm and homely, very gentle and highly intelligent, he even takes care of this younger one as a big brother but this boy will forcefully collect foods, drinks, toys and even his bigger bicycle from him.

I sometimes tell the big brother to beat him and stand up to him whenever he comes with his bullying but that most times results into fights and I don't like seeing them in wrestlemania.

Please parents with similar issues how do you tame them?

Lol. They are all like that. I have 4 boys and this is what happens in my house. Make the 1st stand up to the younger and discipline the younger never to fight his senior thats not acceptable. Infact, the older should be incharge of some of the toys and the younger should ask him when he wants to use them. Threaten to report him to his teacher too. It will get better with time

Nice comments upstairs. Much have been said about older brother,we should not kill the bravery of a younger boy,pls.manage the emotion of the younger boy because such courage is needed. Remember we are talking about 2 personalities here and different emotional intelligence. Bulling,fighting,cheating and the rest vices shouldn't be encouraged from anyone of them. Never suppress one emotion for another in the name of seniority. God has blessed your household with different emotional intelligence,nurture and carefully guide it for the benefits of humanity.

uboma:
lol.


This isn't the right way to handle this.


The younger one needs to be taught repeatedly not to disrespect his elder brother. When he does get stubborn and hit his elder brother, administer some discipline on him.

what is the difference between you administering the discipline and the elder one administering it?

Lexusgs430:
They surely would. But correcting a child, starts from day you see and observe negative behaviour.........

exactly and thats why they are kids, just manage him like a company till they become independent nothing to feel worked up about. The boy is good no ADHD here

chineduemmao:
exactly and thats why they are kids, just manage him like a company till they become independent nothing to feel worked up about. The boy is good no ADHD here

I never mentioned Attention Deficiency.......

Firgemachar:
But 2 is quite young nah
I can't believe a 2 year old boy is as troublesome as the OP is painting him.

I think the OP is just exaggerating.

I restrain my 4-year old from beating his 2-year old sibling at the slightest provocation.

And sometimes when I am not quick to stop him, I beat him back thoroughly.

Seriously?

Did you read through the comments to see someone talk about her 11months old acting this way.
Don't even dare underate kids of this day

Earthbound:
Ensure the older boy gets double portions of food, veggies, vitamins and all that good stuff. Introduce sport to him as well. His interaction with his mates (and possibly some older Ines too) will make himim bolder and stronger. Thank me later.

Thanks, this sounds new

PurestBoy:
I need help also, I have 2 boys, Kevin and Alvin, 4 and 1yr old respectively, both were on 6-month exclusive breastfeeding, Had Cow&Gate2 baby formula, Kevin is just too active, he doesn't doesn't even walk at home, he runs, he can't stay in a place for 2 minutes except he's watching his favorite cartoon channel GoTv 60, no matter how you beat him he doesn't cry for more than few seconds, he learns too much that he even correct me his father but the problem is he's too active (I don't want to use the word stubborn). His eleven month younger brother is already following in his footsteps, their mother shouts and beat Kevin every minutes for jumping around in the house. He even engage in fight with me whenever I want to watch my favorite channels except I beat him thoroughly, he wouldn't allow anyone touch anything that is his. Their mother is fed up and losing weight and she's afraid his 11-month old Alvin is already acting likewise. I don't know what to do because you can't leave Kevin alone in the house without closed monitoring else something bad and injurious might happen. All my life, I've never see a kid like my boy, I need advise on what to do, it was worse when he was younger. I don't like beating him like his Mom does and won't have peace at home due to excessive shouting and scolding except he's asleep. Anyone with ideas on how to curtail this?

You need to teach him how to listen and be patient to let him think before he acts. That way he will consider his actions before acting

simiolu1:
I can totally relate to this as my immediate elder brother is 2 years older than I am (I am the last born of the family). As children, we fought a lot and this continued well into our late Teens but the frequency reduced over time. He used to be short-tempered while I am stubborn. We are both on those character flaws but Yorubas will say "ki tan boro l'ara were". I call him by name even though I am not supposed to (Yoruba culture). An Aunt came to stay with us when we were Teens and wanted to correct it but it was too late by then.

On one occasion while we were children, our elder brother (the 2nd born) allowed us to fight till we had our fill to know who should have bragging rights. By the end of that fight, I had learnt a lesson: I could never match him in a fight. He is taller, has less fat and has very strong bones. I had a swollen red eye while his balls hurt (I continued pulling them as he rained blows on me). Then our bro disciplined us and hoped the fights would stop; they did not.

Now we never get physical, only shouting matches which happen very rarely. This is not because we have grown older (I am almost 30) but because of mutual respect between us. We now talk through issues and apologise. But if anything, I respect him more because over the last few years, he has shown that 2 years age difference can never be bought in the market. He counsels me, advices me, defends me and looks out for me.

So madam, the only lasting solution to the fighting is teaching them respect. Respect is reciprocal, the younger has to respect the elder and vice versa. But you really need to work on the older one. You have to teach him to lead his younger one, looking out for him, and defending him (boys will go out to play and fight; would he be crying while his brother is getting the beating of his life?). You have to teach him to assert his authority as the elder and also to be fair. You have to teach him to put the well being of his younger one first. And you have to do all these with love so that he won't feel his younger one is loved more than him.

It is his acts of leadership that will win him the respect of his younger one. Fighting may win it for him for a while, leadership will win it for him for life. And to that younger one, you have to teach him his place.

Godspeed!!!

Wow. Great experience shared. I will definitely look into that

chineduemmao:
have a chat with a 3 yr old? u shitting me?

He's even 2.

He only understands the cane chat language
.

Ishilove:
2 years old, actually.

He can have a man to man talk with his two year old toddler. The words will probably will fly over the baby's head like fighter jets, but on the flip side, your meaningless droning will keep the boy reasonably baffled and occupied for the duration.

Your first two sentences cracked me up

But seriously, he has learned how to say sorry to his brother whenever he does that - as in he will rub his palm on his head and hug him.

galadima77:
I'm a little concerned, reading up all these cos i have young triplets who'll soon realize they're about mates... I've seen the troubles twins put my younger sister through in the battle for seniority and i keep wondering what will become of me.

Triplet? Wow, just prepare for Triple Wahala

Relax, I believe one or two advices from this thread will be of help too

victorian:
Sighs unfortunately as the only girl in the midst of two boys. I realised early when I was very little how my last brother will always bully and fight my elder brother. And when our mum will come in to check what's happening, my last brother will start crying, saying my elder brother is just beating him and it's all lies. My mum will beat my elder brother, who is calmly protesting that it's a lie.
Because my youngest brother has very innocent look, my mum will pounce on my elder brother and beat him. I will scream it's a lie o.
My elder brother was on his own and the other is always pushing him. Or hitting or kicking him. But the deed is done already. My elder brother will be crying. When my mum turns her back and head to the kitchen. My younger brother will be laughing silently at my elder one.

He bullied my elder brother for years who is sicker. As my elder bro grew up and him as well. My younger one hated my elder one with great passion. And the elder one just ignored him and cut him off around him. Until Later my elder brother died of sickle cell anemia.
Immediately after his death, my younger brother started bullying me. Lol

I was so mad and I warned him one day and said the way u bullied and fought our elder bro and eventually made him die. You want to kill me join Abi? Your plan won't work! I stood up to him, face to face, while we snarled at each other

One-day he was angry with me and he blurted out! Why didn't God made him come first to this world! And look For your information Sis, am your elder bro, whether u like it or not! Cos am a man!
I will reply angrily, then go and beat God and warn him why he created me first! U can do nothing!

Ha! God!

It was so terrible. He's like a thorn in our flesh.

But last last, where is he now? He's evil and jealous mind had eventually placed him where he belongs. Karma is always there waiting patiently for wicked people.

Anyways op, I just pray u can handle those boys. Cause trust me, if u don't handle them well, especially the younger one and beat him well for bullying his older one. He may become uncontrollably later on in life. Use iron hand and force him to be respectful whether he likes it or not!

And that's where your husband comes into play. He must enforce respect from the younger one to the older one. He must! For sanity to rein later on.

Wow. You have a touching story Sis.

Thanks so much for the advice. God bless

Davindal:
Mehn... This topic is exactly the case in my most older sister's home. She has 6 boys: triplets, and the other 3 boys single, with 2yrs between them.

The triplets are 8 yrs old now. The others are 6, 4, 2, respectively. These boys have turned my sister house to war-zone. Anytime of the day they are all around, they often fight.

Guys, my sister often tells me whenever we have a discussion on phone that she will put the 4th son(the 6 yrs old) under the care of my mum, because the triplets and the other lasts two boys don't allow him rest. These triplets are always bullying him. To add salt to his injuries, the other last two: the immediate younger brother - who is very violent, and the youngest of them who is 2, don't give a damn about him either.

My sister said he is very calm and gentle. He always stays glued to her whenever she is at home. She do say that she fears the psychological impact such thorny environment would have on the 6 year old, that she is not relenting in her decision to take him his grandmother - my mum for hitch free environment.

The 5th son challenges everyone including the triplets, but the most hit is the 4th son - his immediate older brother.

The last son is already showing very violent and abusive character. Despite being small, this boy would challenge everyone. He would grab something very tight to collect it from his brothers.

Boys are good, but could be brutal to one another when growing up as siblings.

Ha 6 boys
I just rest my case

THIS IS AFRICA, YOU DON'T KISS YOUR MUM!

tokrizy:
my mum gave birth to 4 boys and she coped..she trained us well infact d parent's in our compound that ve got girls became jealous because we know how to cook and we are very very very very respectful to d core..mama u trained us well..if u are seeing this jst knw u are d best mother ever i love u like how i wan take describe am self..so much luv 4 u ma..*kisses* ..respect we ve got 4 each other still flows till date..we put BROTHER b4 we call names..till date.lemi stp here ooo..

RealityShot:
what is the difference between you administering the discipline and the elder one administering it?

You will be encouraging them to fight, which is not a good for both of them. The op pointed out the elder one is not as stubborn as his younger one.


But if the parent administers the appropriate discipline on the younger one, he will learn to live in peace with his sibling.

olowobaba10:
THIS IS AFRICA, YOU DON'T KISS YOUR MUM!

i do kiss mine even if u don't do it..

victorian:
When he was done with his youth service, he started bullying my mum in her old age. Anytime I come back from work, I find my mum in her room crying that what has she done to deserve this kind of son.
I will be so pissed and very angry. Cos this woman is frail and old already. What's wrong with this guy! I will calm my mum down and ask her what happened, she will tell me, that he brings ladies to the house and the ladies will come to where she's watching TV jejely o and he will come to the parlour and change the station she's watching saying his gf will prefer another station and she will look at him with shock, are u OK? He talk rudely back to her, and that she should go back to her room infront of his gfs. They end up exchanging bitter words and the girls will. Leave with embarrassment.
After calming her down, I will go to his room and quarrel with him. Do u want to kill this woman! Our own mum again! And u know how frail and old she is!
After shouting at him, he will say get out of my room! I will leave then go back and console mum.
One day she had an heart attack cos of his bullying and wahala. And she died 10mins as I and neighbors were rushing her to hospital. Infact she died in my arms. I was so distraughted. On the day we buried her, at night. She came to my dreams and lunged at my brother that he killed her. Trying to strangle him in the dream.. I tried removing her hands from his neck. I did eventually and dragged her outside the house, she then slumped in my hands, saying he killed me.. He killed me.
I was crying as I held onto her tightly, then she slept in my arms and I woke up!
I confronted him, he said its a lie! Enemies are confusing my thoughts abiut him. I just shook my head as I kept crying..

So After her burial, after selling her houses and sharing everything she owned immediately , cos he wouldnt let me rest about relinquishing her property papers to him. He even trhreathened my life sef.
So we sold everything. I told him the day he was itching for her property papers, that so it's because of mama houses, u were so troublesome and wanted her dead! No wonder! uv succeeded in killing her. He said am saying rubbish. He just need the houses sold!

Last last sha, we sold everything. He squandered his share, with drugs and women then ended up in the village.. He's not himself anymore. Sometimes he talks to him, while he walks.

He's like in a trance. I brought pastors, even alfas to pray for him, they all said he has been cursed by our mum on her dying day and he will suffer for many years before he gets himself back again and nobody can deliver him until the curse has run its course and duration.

So he's just there sha. A shadow of himself but alive and kicking.

One day the spirit of mama will set him free.

Rest in Peace mum.


It's a curse to give birth to a bad child. And don't ever over pamper your children. It has terrible repercussions in the future.

Hmmmm. It is well sister, the Lord will surely intervene. I pray he gets his healing fast and learnt his lesson.

I believe parents should learn from this as well. Because all these just started like the story up here and so many parents commenting here are having similar issues. Before it all degenerated into this.

Your case is 80% same where you have boys. I have same. 4 & 2 years old boys. I buy everything in twos before I bring it out. I allow the first to beat his brother when he messes up. I watch them fight and cry. Sometimes, they both cry. Other times the younger cry. They usually settle after the fight.
I won't kill myself. Just watch and guild them. Younger onces always flex muscles.
As they grow, they'll come to agree more.

saintade01:
I have a situation right now where the younger bullies his older brother.

He is 2 and the older is 4, but because he's almost the same height with the older one and a bit fatter, he uses every opportunity to ride his brother. Though the older is calm and homely, very gentle and highly intelligent, he even takes care of this younger one as a big brother but this boy will forcefully collect foods, drinks, toys and even his bigger bicycle from him.

I sometimes tell the big brother to beat him and stand up to him whenever he comes with his bullying but that most times results into fights and I don't like seeing them in wrestlemania.

Please parents with similar issues how do you tame them?

They will sort things out themselves.

Seniority is no entitlement, and a parent should not hamper their development by intervening.

Let the boys bond their own way.

Believe me, as much as they fight each other, they will unify against any outsider.

My boys are 4 and 6 now, and I can see the senior gradually taking his place.

Its a mind thing

saintade01:
Your first two sentences cracked me up

But seriously, he has learned how to say sorry to his brother whenever he does that - as in he will rub his palm on his head and hug him.

Awwww, how sweet.

I wonder how people with four sons cope...

Platony:
It's fun for me wit my 3 boys..... D tin is,.. U will be nagging most tyms n canin too is very necessary. Though, na der mummy dey suffer am pass. But, it's fun anyways

Na their mama o. She don taya sef

Ayokunlemi96:
Op, hi. I pray your children will grow to become kids you'll be proud of, amen.

We are three boys too, I am the one in the middle. Big brother is two years older while kid brother is six years younger. I used to fight my big brother when I was small too, over every little thing and my big brother would hardly fight back. He saw me as someone to be protected or loved or something, we would play all sorts of and when it came to fights, he wouldn't engage.

I could remember when I was 4 or 5, dad bought us toy guns that used batteries, such that when you squeeze the trigger it would make gunshot sounds. Somehow the naughty in me wanted to know what made the sounds, I dismantled my gun and assembled it back, couldnt find what I was looking for and lost what I had. The sound stopped working. I became a mockery amongst our friends, the whole play group migrated to my brother's camp, so much bitterness came over me. Following day, as we were returning from school, I left my brother who would always hold my hand from school home (school wasnt far from home, both within an estate), and ran home, took his gun and smashed it. Brought us both to the same page.

Evening time, time for play, his gun wouldnt work, everyone knew it was me, my mum told him I did the evil job, hoping he would beat the evil out of me, but he didnt, he merely looked at me and moved on. He never fought me back. And when we grew up a liitle more I still refused to know my place, I would engage him in fisticuffs, my mom would see us and never seperate us, he started beating me back to back anytime we fought. Painment that I had was terrible, I would brew another fight and still get whooped. The last fight we had I was in Jss2 and he in Jss3, he beat my ass in the room, I went to the kitchen to pick the pestle to destroy his head, mom saw me as she was in the kitchen but didn't flinch. As soon as I came out of the kitchen and headed for the room, my dad ran to take the pestle from me. I think we had one silly fight after that, he beat my ass, I turned water on his bed to hurt him but my mom made me sleep in the wet bed overnight.

It will continue, the older boy sees the younger one as a companion, friend and naturally exudes love towards him but the younger one sees the older as a threat (strange stuff). To support this, my big brother wasn't scared, he was never a coward, he would fight anyone who tried to beat me, like real fight my mom would beg him to leave the person (as the story was told to me) and he once jumped down from a decking when he was 7 or 8. He told me to jump, I refused and he dared himself to it, broke his right foot though, the evil in me was once again happy. We were never scared (except for ghosts) and he never cowered (except against me, out of love).

Currently, my older brother is like my little daddy, I can't even mention a quarter of the things he has pulled for me. During our teenage years, I would think I was wiser and this nigga is just dumb, but on the contrary, he so depth, understanding and analytical. I respect him more than I will ever respect all A.P.C chieftains put together. I dropped all of my shenanigans after my teenage years.

My advice to you is to always make them know what is right, in due time they will adopt the measures. Policing, enforcing and persistent reprimanding will not do any good. My dad beat both my brother and I four times or so, little brother, twice. We turned out good, I bet you. They always told us what was right to do, they showed us by living it and God gave us the spirit of discernment to distinguish. My dad's immediate younger brother acts same way to my dad too and I know other bros too but in the end, we succumb to the guidance and leadership of our older brothers. So guide your wards and always pray for them. God be with you and yours.

That's one hell of experience man.

Thanks so much for the advice, I really appreciate.

NofiuFade:
train the older one to learn how to defend themselves from bullying not even because of the family but because they are still going to encounter it life, in schools and in their place of work, they should start learning how to defend themselves , pls don't hesitate even if its going to take you to involve with them in some physical activities like sports, gym and boxing, it is very very important!

I'm thinking of the boxing

saintade01:
I'm thinking of the boxing

not bad at all, m not a boxer Cus am kind of meek and too gentle my parent take me to boxing at age 9 , today even those frat guys in my office don't mess with me anyhow!

we are 3 boys in my family and are 5yrs older than each other

but my immediate younger brother and our last born are always quarrelling because the older is slimmer, the youngest would never agree wit his position and mom doesn't want them to fight until one fateful day

they were fighting and mom wasn't around, i simply signalled the elder to beat the living daylight out of him until he put 'Brother' in front of his name, i sat back and made sure they didn't break anything, it was tough and lasted for close to 30mins, when d younger found out there was no other way out than to concede, he started begging me to intervene and i said No unless he did what he was told

Naso my guy started shouting 'brother ilias, e jhor, u're my elder truely'