₦airaland Forum

Gcpc:
Believe me, I've been doing that for a while now. I wrote a very long post were I list the 3 major reasons why I ended up in this situation.
I will add one, a more profound one. For a very long time I WAS the one afraid of commitment. I kept postponing starting dating and when I finally did, I picked guys mostly on "who's ticking most of the boxes" rather than "who makes my heart beat faster"; I entered "reasonable" but not so much "loving" relationships; if I have to shrink myself I would say this is probably due to my parent's horrible, miserable, abusive marriage. I grew up witnessing how miserable they were together and not knowing how a loving couple is supposed to work

I don't blame them tho, they did the best they could and sticked together for us, the kids

I like the fact that you are very expressive and open minded. Your situation isnt beyond remedy and don't be too quick to jump into anything.

Gcpc:
I'm not in Nigeria...I'm Ivorian (but I got my honorary Nigerian citizenship because I have lot of Nigerian friends and I love your cultures )
I was born and raised in Ivory Coast and now I live in France. All my ex are Ivorian too. From what I see, Ivorian are just French speaking Nigerians. Every thing else is the same

I thought my baby daddy was my only option too so even after all he did to me, I was still considering taking him back. My red line tho is I can't accept to be his booty call. if he wants me as his wife or even as the woman he lives with, why not but apparently he wants us to live our separate lives, get together when he wants/needs it and move on. he surely thinks he's my only option two BTW

Be careful calling any number dropped here because they are out to get at you.



Be strong and love yourself more but love your baby more. Trust me if you do all these Love will come knocking at your door.



True love sees its kind and the magnetism is out of this world

victorian:
Op, sorry to butt in your thread. But with the bolded, you've just opened yourself for fuckbois and gold diggers to take advantage of..
Guys are not smiling, there is great hunger in the land.

Mehn, you shouldn't have said u are comfortable, except all u want is just sex..

But if you want a stable relationship with a sincere man, don't talk about how comfortable u are, cos bad guys are ready to use and dump and collect your hard earned savings and dissapear. They don't give a hoot about your feelings.

Don't fall victim again second time, I know what am saying.

If you are the friendly type with a friendly face, u look sweet and homely then u talk with smiles to people around you?
Trust me getting a companion will not be hard and difficult.

Not here biko. . And that's the plain truth.

op please listen to this lady, she had a similar experience like yours. Hers is a testimony that God can still do it for you.

Gcpc:
Hi all,

I'm a single mum to a 2.5 yo girl and I'm about to turn 39.
My baby's father is out of the picture. He bailed on me while pregnant and only came back after 2 years and me taking him to court.
Now he wants to "take things where we left them" but my understanding and gut feeling is he just wants free passes with me.

I made so many mistakes with my dating life that I find myself in this horrible position of being a single mother about to hit the big 4.

I have a great job, a career, enough money to be comfortable, a wonderful child, family and friends but I still feel lonely and depressed at times.
I neve envisioned this life for myself and never imagined never marrying.

I've been working on myself, working out, finding new hobbies, building up my self confidence but I don't know how in the world I would or could find a man.

Is there any chance someone like me could find a decent man to share my life with ?

Dont fall victim of ritualist and kidnappers oooo

There are evil people everywhere even on nairaland

Wow!!! Mine is similar but trying to be a successful business guy. If not that you are a lady I would said mine is a bit worse. I only believe in the one who can turn a bad situation to a good one, God. Don't ever give up on yourself. Just keep hope alive.
I am also looking for companion but my desires are different from yours. I am only looking for companion for now. Check my post. Cheers!

Gcpc:
Yes, if my experience can help any young lady out there, here is my take on it. This will be a long a$$ post (sorry). Forgive my syntax, English is not my first langage. So only for those interested:

IMO I made 3 major mistakes:

1- I waited too long to enter the dating scene. I thought I had to compartmentalize : finish school, get a job, than find a man. I kept pushing away suitors, probably good ones in my 20s because I didn't want any distraction from getting that big flashy degree I wanted. The truth is finding a good match is like anything else. it takes practice. you need to date, to get out there, fall in love, get your heart broken, learn how to act in a relationship, kiss a few frogs in order to find that special person. I'm not talking about sleeping around but dating.
I did not, so when I started a relationship I was clueless and awkward at an age I was not supposed to be. Plus, those college years are your best shot at finding Mr. right. You have a very good social network and the dating pool is endless. Most of my GF met their husbands in college

2- I thought being a successful career women with money, being smart, modest and reserved would land me tones of good suitors.Turns out I was wrong. Most of my GF who made "good" marriages are unemployed, dropped out of college or have low profile jobs. They are very good looking and are very feminine in their demeanor. Most of them are happily married with lot of kids. Me on the other hand, once I left college, I realized most men my age were in relationships. I was working so I didn't have much time to socialize and meet new people. The guys I met were afraid of me because of my job and the kind of money I was making. I guess they thought I had to be bossy or not submissive enough or too much to deal with...

3- I lingered in bad relationships even when I knew deep down it wasn't working.I would tell myself that "everyone has flows" and accept behaviors that I should not have accepted. I thought I would eventually change the guy (how silly right ?). Finally I allowed men to string me along.
I've been in 3 relationships.

The first one was a guy I was so much in love with. He was out of college and unemployed when we started dating. I knew from the get go that he had at least one other woman in is life. I let people convinced me that I could not find any really single guy and that the rule of the game was to get with a guy, be the best girlfriend and get chosen. So for 3 years I waited for him to choose me. I helped him financially until he got a government job and he made me believe he was about to propose. Then one day I got confronted in his house while he was out; the girl tracked us to make sure I was there alone, came and told me she was pregnant for him. I was devastated. I left and he tried to win me back, to apologized etc. He told me she was not pregnant . I was about to cave when HE ghosted me, out of the blue... I later found out that this girl and I were both side chicks. He married his long time girlfriend and had a baby with her. Mind you I was a 100% blindsided. He introduced me to his entire family. His sisters would call me "wifey"; I thought I was the "main girl" and I was OK with that. No woman should never be OK with being 1 among many.

I was still recovering from this mess when a friend set me up for a blind date. I told him I wanted to meet a christian guy with strong religious values. We hit it off at the first date. He was a bit older and mature. he seemed too good to be true. I had this little voice inside me telling me to get out. I didn't listen to my own instinct. He was so pushy and moving so fast that within 6 months we were engaged, getting married in the next month and moving in together. I moved in after our parents met and his family gave mine the traditional dowry. One day my computer just crashed; I had to borrow his. That's when I found out he had multiple accounts set in gay dating sites. I confronted him, he denied but I called of the engagement off and moved out

All this time I was friend with my baby's father. We met at an alumni reunion. We attended the same business school but not the same years.
At the time he hit on me, I told him I had someone so we became "friends". after my breakup. I was a mess and he was there for me. I was not interested in him, not attracted at all but he kept pursuing me for so long that eventually, I convinced myself that he had to be genuinely into me to be that persistent. My GF told me that sometimes you fall in love while dating so I decided to give it a shot. It was terrible. We kept fighting and arguing for everything; I knew I had to break up but I was scared to be alone and I was 33 by the time I realized it was never going to work. I wanted children so I thought it was too late for me to start over with someone new. I thought I would have to settle for this half baked relationship so I decided to cave to all his demands and be the woman he wanted so we could take it to the next level. he kept promising to do just that. He was stringing me along. eventually he told me we should start trying for a baby and that we would get married afterward. Now I know he said that just as another way of stringing me because I found out that I had fertility issues. So he probably thought I would never get pregnant anyway. So when I did he was mad, pressured me to get an abortion and finally left me when I refused.
He went Mia during my pregnancy and until the baby was 6 month. I had to take him to court before he came to see the baby and put his name on her birth certificate. It took 6 more months for him to start paying child support.
He sees her once a month and every time he comes, he tries to sleep with me. I finally told him that if he wanted us back together he had to make it right this time. He had to go to my parents and make it official.
He said he's not ready for that and told me 2 days ago he would not be arround much in the coming weeks...


So now here I am, in the sunken place, trying to get out of my pity party.

Hi,a lady in need of a relationship with a matured person.

need someone that can take care of her

she is 23yrs, tall, dark and slim.

Location : Ilorin, Kwara State

U can call on 08128392958 for the meantime

biacan:
Don't ever in your miserable life quote me again

I'll quote you whenever I like it you don't buy me data to be on nairaland

briandaman:
I'll quote you whenever I like it you don't buy me data to be on nairaland

It's too early for you to cause a scene on this thread please don't spoil my reputation

biacan:
It's too early for you to cause a scene on this thread please don't spoil my reputation

as if you have one

Gbenga11111:
Hi, I am a lady that is in need of a relationship with a matured person.

I need someone that can take care of me, even financially .

Preferably, someone older than me.

I am 23yrs, tall, dark and slim.

Location : Ilorin, Kwara State

U can call me on 08128392958 for the meantime

you must be one hell of a gold digger

briandaman:
as if you have one

See i know you're that ubaju guy better don't start it with me this morning before you have yourself to blame

briandaman:
you must be one hell of a gold digger

Smh

biacan:
See i know you're that ubaju guy better don't start it with me this morning before you have yourself to blame

hahahaha what on earth does ubaju mean, it sounds funny anyway

briandaman:
hahahaha what on earth does ubaju mean, it sounds funny anyway

No more hiding place for you Ubuntu

lefulefu:
haha

why u dey laugh na

u no see I nor fit enter line again .woman and their hmmmmmn

LivingFree:
Go on a dating website... put yourself out there. Use Fb insta, market yourself well and drop whatever hang ups you have about your situation, like needing to explain your situation. It comes across as if you have a problem with it which is off putting. Knowing yourself and your wants and where you are in life is attractive so don't feel you need to apologise for it or make any excuses for it. Be unapologetically fabulous and you will find your equal.

Underrated comment.

@OP,

Quite an enthralling experience you have had. Read every bit of your experience with your Ex-es.

Do you really need to seek for a husband, in my opinion, I doubt. Marriages barely work these days. Quite a significant number of unions are cosmetic and absolutely superficial. Perhaps, you strongly desire a ring on the finger with a change of last name; it is the fallacy the society has sold to all.

I may not be eligible to proffer advice because I am married, however I may suggest a few:

1. Do not search for a husband, perhaps seek for a partner who meets your specifications. You may not get his attention all the time, but the few times may cushion the gale of emotional and physical loneliness. Some are married and are extremely empty or lonely. Marriage doesn't bring all the assurance.

2. Stay strong and very happy. A happy person is very charming. You may be shocked at whonmay be watching from afar.

3. When it is the set time, true love will come begging on his knees. There is really no age limit to experience this (Ask Simi's mother )

4. Keep living life for your daughter, yourself, family, God and to the fullest. Everyone of us got issues.

5. Generally, you are quite fortunate with how far you have come. Many married people will prefer your life to thiers. Some are married, no kids. Some are simply enduring. Some with loads of kids, no money. Some with everything, no love. Many got in and are out. Keep your head up lady. I wish you the best. I am certain that very soon, you will be found by truelove without searching.


When I clocked 30, I understood the exigencies of life better. Several years after, I concluded that "Life happens, we must live it through"!

Nb:

You are quite beautiful ....

Are you sure you want to find love on Nairaland of all places?

Lalas247:
A man will never ever make you feel complete!

my dear start with loving yourself .. selflove is a powerful thing.. once you don't need a man it will come .. don't get desperate that way you wont allow stray dogs into your home..

you have a beautiful daughter. that is who you should be living for trust me.

there is always someone out there if its meant to be ... go traveling , holidays infact you can relocate your child is still very young. fresh start being a single mum isn't the end of the world

remember life begins at 40

Simple bcoz you had it though doesn't mean every girl will. There's are millions of girls worthy of sacrificing all by millions of men. The fact that you are not one does not it is not possible.

biacan:
No more hiding place for you Ubuntu

hahahaha Ubuntu is a Zulu word meaning humanity

Gcpc:
Yes, if my experience can help any young lady out there, here is my take on it. This will be a long a$$ post (sorry). Forgive my syntax, English is not my first langage. So only for those interested:

IMO I made 3 major mistakes:

1- I waited too long to enter the dating scene. I thought I had to compartmentalize : finish school, get a job, than find a man. I kept pushing away suitors, probably good ones in my 20s because I didn't want any distraction from getting that big flashy degree I wanted. The truth is finding a good match is like anything else. it takes practice. you need to date, to get out there, fall in love, get your heart broken, learn how to act in a relationship, kiss a few frogs in order to find that special person. I'm not talking about sleeping around but dating.
I did not, so when I started a relationship I was clueless and awkward at an age I was not supposed to be. Plus, those college years are your best shot at finding Mr. right. You have a very good social network and the dating pool is endless. Most of my GF met their husbands in college

2- I thought being a successful career women with money, being smart, modest and reserved would land me tones of good suitors.Turns out I was wrong. Most of my GF who made "good" marriages are unemployed, dropped out of college or have low profile jobs. They are very good looking and are very feminine in their demeanor. Most of them are happily married with lot of kids. Me on the other hand, once I left college, I realized most men my age were in relationships. I was working so I didn't have much time to socialize and meet new people. The guys I met were afraid of me because of my job and the kind of money I was making. I guess they thought I had to be bossy or not submissive enough or too much to deal with...

3- I lingered in bad relationships even when I knew deep down it wasn't working.I would tell myself that "everyone has flows" and accept behaviors that I should not have accepted. I thought I would eventually change the guy (how silly right ?). Finally I allowed men to string me along.
I've been in 3 relationships.

The first one was a guy I was so much in love with. He was out of college and unemployed when we started dating. I knew from the get go that he had at least one other woman in is life. I let people convinced me that I could not find any really single guy and that the rule of the game was to get with a guy, be the best girlfriend and get chosen. So for 3 years I waited for him to choose me. I helped him financially until he got a government job and he made me believe he was about to propose. Then one day I got confronted in his house while he was out; the girl tracked us to make sure I was there alone, came and told me she was pregnant for him. I was devastated. I left and he tried to win me back, to apologized etc. He told me she was not pregnant . I was about to cave when HE ghosted me, out of the blue... I later found out that this girl and I were both side chicks. He married his long time girlfriend and had a baby with her. Mind you I was a 100% blindsided. He introduced me to his entire family. His sisters would call me "wifey"; I thought I was the "main girl" and I was OK with that. No woman should never be OK with being 1 among many.

I was still recovering from this mess when a friend set me up for a blind date. I told him I wanted to meet a christian guy with strong religious values. We hit it off at the first date. He was a bit older and mature. he seemed too good to be true. I had this little voice inside me telling me to get out. I didn't listen to my own instinct. He was so pushy and moving so fast that within 6 months we were engaged, getting married in the next month and moving in together. I moved in after our parents met and his family gave mine the traditional dowry. One day my computer just crashed; I had to borrow his. That's when I found out he had multiple accounts set in gay dating sites. I confronted him, he denied but I called of the engagement off and moved out

All this time I was friend with my baby's father. We met at an alumni reunion. We attended the same business school but not the same years.
At the time he hit on me, I told him I had someone so we became "friends". after my breakup. I was a mess and he was there for me. I was not interested in him, not attracted at all but he kept pursuing me for so long that eventually, I convinced myself that he had to be genuinely into me to be that persistent. My GF told me that sometimes you fall in love while dating so I decided to give it a shot. It was terrible. We kept fighting and arguing for everything; I knew I had to break up but I was scared to be alone and I was 33 by the time I realized it was never going to work. I wanted children so I thought it was too late for me to start over with someone new. I thought I would have to settle for this half baked relationship so I decided to cave to all his demands and be the woman he wanted so we could take it to the next level. he kept promising to do just that. He was stringing me along. eventually he told me we should start trying for a baby and that we would get married afterward. Now I know he said that just as another way of stringing me because I found out that I had fertility issues. So he probably thought I would never get pregnant anyway. So when I did he was mad, pressured me to get an abortion and finally left me when I refused.
He went Mia during my pregnancy and until the baby was 6 month. I had to take him to court before he came to see the baby and put his name on her birth certificate. It took 6 more months for him to start paying child support.
He sees her once a month and every time he comes, he tries to sleep with me. I finally told him that if he wanted us back together he had to make it right this time. He had to go to my parents and make it official.
He said he's not ready for that and told me 2 days ago he would not be arround much in the coming weeks...


So now here I am, in the sunken place, trying to get out of my pity party.

When I see women go through such , I do feel pity for them .

briandaman:
Life doesn't begin at 40 it ends at 30. By the time you hit 30 life is done. Let's not lie to this poor woman please

lolz! So your life has ended since u were 30?

Pat081:
U dnt hv to tell us wot u have n wot u dnt hv n hope u re nt d type that always do am too big to b under any man so far I have my own money no man can order mi arund like little kids ,so work on ur self 1st n my prayer for you is dat God will do d best 4u [color=#006600][/color]

offcourse she is the type. Her words alone gave her out, besides for a girl to get to that age without a husband and even the baby dad ran off, didn't that raise a red flag?? I have girls of 20s around me doing runs up and down. Those are the same type will open a similar thread in future....my broda women no know where dey Pain, leave those confused beings alone

Abudu2000:
offcourse she is the type. Her words alone gave her out, besides for a girl to get to that age without a husband and even the baby dad ran off, didn't that raise a red flag?? I have girls of 20s around me doing runs up and down. Those are the same type will open a similar thread in future....my broda women no know where dey Pain, leave those confused beings alone

Maybe you're right, maybe there is something inherent to my personality that makes it
impossible for me to "keep" a man. This is the reason why i'm still working on myself and doing all
the soul searching.And I pray God help me find the problem and fix myself.

That said, when I was in my late 20s, I was dating a guy who was unemployed. I would help him out
with his bills, in the secret of his bedroom and never told anyone. I would go to his place, cook, clean, wash everything. I used
to wash his underwear... I would shower his relatives with all sorts of gifts.
They would ask me for stuff and i would give it. His married and working sisters would ask me anything and i would do it.
It was not enough

Then I dated a "religious" guy. Our relationship was so smooth, we got along so well, shared so much in common... He turned out
to be a closeted gay or bisexual guy. This one here, I can say with O second guessing had nothing to do with me. It was bad luck

Then I got with my baby daddy. I may not be a "good woman" but here is the kind of man he is:
someone who dates a woman for 5 years, makes plans with her tells her to get pregnant for him.
Someone who supports that woman through fibroids surgery and other medical treatments to facilitate pregancy
someone who decides, once she is pregnant that he is not ready and demands an abortion
someone who bails on her when she refuses to get the abortion, refuses to answer any call, email or contact
from her for 18 months.
someone who doesnt answer when he is told his daughter was born.
Someone who only comes around when his ass is taken to court.

I'm sorry but this is not a good man, this is not a decent man and this is not the kind of man any woman should pray for.

I don't regret not marrying any of them because they all had major caracther flows and i would have been miserable eventually.
I regret having poor jugement and a tendancy to cling to bad relationships unstead of walking away.

Finaly I agree that I deserve what happened to me. I brought all of this on myself but this notion that any woman who is single late in life
as to be a terrible person is just not true. Some people are just less lucky than others...

oh and the only reason why I gave those details about me being comfortable was to give context, not to show off.
I was actually telling yound ladies out there that having a career and being financially comfortable doesn't make you
more attractive in most men's eyes (IMO). At least in the eyes of the serious ones. Au contraire...

I had conversations with guy friends who told me they would never marry a woman like me because they could not stand having a wife that
goes through the same kind of stress they get at work and bring that stress home. Also they wanted THEIR career to be the focus. They didn't want
headaches when they make career moves when you have to think twice because your wife has one of her own and so on.

That said if i could press reset, I would still be career driven because that's just me. I would date earlier and make finding my futur
husband as important as pursuing my master during my college years

Gcpc:
Maybe you're right, maybe there is something inherent to my personality that makes it
impossible for me to "keep" a man. This is the reason why i'm still working on myself and doing all
the soul searching.And I pray God help me find the problem and fix myself.

That said, when I was in my late 20s, I was dating a guy who was unemployed. I would help him out
with his bills, in the secret of his bedroom and never told anyone. I would go to his place, cook, clean, wash everything. I used
to wash his underwear... I would shower his relatives with all sorts of gifts.
They would ask me for stuff and i would give it. His married and working sisters would ask me anything and i would do it.
It was not enough

Then I dated a "religious" guy. Our relationship was so smooth, we got along so well, shared so much in common... He turned out
to be a closeted gay or bisexual guy. This one here, I can say with O second guessing had nothing to do with me. It was bad luck

Then I got with my baby daddy. I may not be a "good woman" but here is the kind of man he is:
someone who dates a woman for 5 years, makes plans with her tells her to get pregnant for him.
Someone who supports that woman through fibroids surgery and other medical treatments to facilitate pregancy
someone who decides, once she is pregnant that he is not ready and demands an abortion
someone who bails on her when she refuses to get the abortion, refuses to answer any call, email or contact
from her for 18 months.
someone who doesnt answer when he is told his daughter was born.
Someone who only comes around when his ass is taken to court.

I'm sorry but this is not a good man, this is not a decent man and this is not the kind of man any woman should pray for.

I don't regret not marrying any of them because they all had major caracther flows and i would have been miserable eventually.
I regret having poor jugement and a tendancy to cling to bad relationships unstead of walking away.

Finaly I agree that I deserve what happened to me. I brought all of this on myself but this notion that any woman who is single late in life
as to be a terrible person is just not true. Some people are just less lucky than others...

eeyaaa, sorry to have prejudged you my dear. .fact is you re not the only one going thru harsh and ungreatful treatment from the opposite sex.so am i too. Infact this has made me even see ladies in a bad lite.But I ve come to accept it like that and move on, maybe that's my fate. Imagine I met a girl and she was needing something at that point in time, I never wanted to help her but my guy there kept persuading me to do it. I was like "it's ladies that I know, they are unappreciative, besides she will even use this to conclude to herself that this guy is for chop a clean mouth. I was right. I wanted to supprise her so I dropped the stuff with the guy and ask him to give her, she already has my number. Can u ever believe this girl no fit call to even say "I saw what u dropped for me"? Lol


I just got back and told my guy, shey I tell you "Nigeria girls don't understand love, they only appreciate hate and cruelty" i have gone Hungry just to make a girl happy. But the end is always the same.Even some Street girls would gladly appreciate that same gesture. But it's okay.. it's all a lesson and every lesson changes a person.

I am very confident you will find the right man for you, best of all someone who has passed thru similar experiences.it will only take such man to appreciate your Godly and warmheartedness , or else these small Boyz around go do you worse. The country is hard, most guys and girls just need a prey, even when they have little to bring to the table.

You can chat me up on Snapchat (visaclick900)

we sure have alot of things to talk about

briandaman:
you must be one hell of a gold digger

Hey guy, treat the lady with some respect. Don’t be dissing people like that

briandaman:
leave old women alone boy

hahahaha I Don hear

Gcpc:
oh and the only reason why I gave those details about me being comfortable was to give context, not to show off.
I was actually telling yound ladies out there that having a career and being financially comfortable doesn't make you
more attractive in most men's eyes (IMO). At least in the eyes of the serious ones. Au contraire...

I had conversations with guy friends who told me they would never marry a woman like me because they could not stand having a wife that
goes through the same kind of stress they get at work and bring that stress home. Also they wanted THEIR career to be the focus. They didn't want
headaches when they make career moves when you have to think twice because your wife has one of her own and so on.

That said if i could press reset, I would still be career driven because that's just me. I would date earlier and make finding my futur
husband as important as pursuing my master during my college years

I will advise you to spend more time here to laugh away everything. This is a great forum which can help you unwind.



Open another thread and talk about how wonderful your baby is or the joy of having a wonderful girl lets help you to forget your worries.



Tag me cos i love babies biko

09058338682 CHAT ME UP...

you can email me on saintgbenga@yahoo.com

Gcpc:
oh and the only reason why I gave those details about me being comfortable was to give context, not to show off.
I was actually telling yound ladies out there that having a career and being financially comfortable doesn't make you
more attractive in most men's eyes (IMO). At least in the eyes of the serious ones. Au contraire...

I had conversations with guy friends who told me they would never marry a woman like me because they could not stand having a wife that
goes through the same kind of stress they get at work and bring that stress home. Also they wanted THEIR career to be the focus. They didn't want
headaches when they make career moves when you have to think twice because your wife has one of her own and so on.

That said if i could press reset, I would still be career driven because that's just me. I would date earlier and make finding my futur
husband as important as pursuing my master during my college years

Hmmm... All your posts are quite expressive and apparently perfumed with the sweet fragrance of sincerity. I also like your level of emotional intelligence.
Well, I think you may have been in a bad karmic current, which may have ended and you about to experience the opposite of all that.. U really do come across as a good woman with a good heart..
I think sometimes only being in a Past life bad karmic current explains why terribly things happen to apparently good people..